Middle class parenting more competive & sharp elbowed since the pandemic..

[Blooomingheck]

Might be just my area but many parents (interestingly the dads in our particular are the worst!) are doing whatever they possibly can to get their kids ahead.. It was bad before the pandemic but I think it's created a new breed of sharp elbowed, neurotic parent... Is this just my area (1.5 hours south of London)

Are you contacted at unsociable hours at all?

The head recently had to make a strongly worded announcement about parents contacting late evenings and weekends about their children. The final straw, I think, was a message sent just before midnight!

I'd have loved to have known which of the parents did that, but unfortunately there are too many possibilities.

Your child needing a tutor isn't something to brag about though. Some people are really strange.

I don't know that this sort of thing has grown worse since lockdown, though. It's always been like this for us, but perhaps because of the added competitive element of what my child does.

I don't understand this. Why shouldn't parents send emails at unsociable hours? If I've had a busy day at work, it might well be that I only get a chance to email out of hours.

Expecting an immediate answer however.... that IS out of order. I have clients who email me on weekends or out of hours and I have no issue with it. Except the one who then whatsapp's me 2 minutes later to ask if I've seen the email... on a Sunday.

I've seen schools with official guidance saying that queries will be responded to within 2 working days or whatever. Which I think is fine.

Bragging is not classy. Its one of biggest signifiers of your upbringing I think. I was brought up less well off and showing off or thinking too much of yourself is a major no no. Would be commented upon.
I remember going to a parents night and one of other parents was desperate to know what the teacher had said. I knew my son was in higher groups for English and Maths, so I just said I was happy he was happy. It's so embarrassing, but maybe some people don't notice it.
I don't think it's good for kids to have their self esteem based around achievement.

Odd thread. Parents wanting opportunities for their children, making the time to provide them etc.

The Bastards

As for the grumpiness about tutoring that’s life to get into certain schools.

The head recently had to make a strongly worded announcement about parents contacting late evenings and weekends about their children. The final straw, I think, was a message sent just before midnight!

Just because that was when it was sent doesn’t mean it needed to be replied to. Maybe that was when the parent had time to do it

They want to be careful anecdotally the off spring of extreme worthy parents pushy all in therapy by 13. Wish I was lying 😔

Tutoring? Normal?

Poor poor kids :(

Educational trips are surely just family days out? The national history museum and places aimed at both adults and children are fun for everyone.

Holiday camps are surely mostly if both parents are working? Mine enjoyed days of unstructured free time in holidays. Even now coming back from uni a favourite thing is a sofa day with childhood favourite films to binge on. It’s an escape from the pressures and stresses and they love it.

It’s no wonder child/teen mental health is worse than ever with so much pressure and micromanaging of childhood along with pressures from social media.

We were fortunate to live in an area where my kids would play out all summer with neighbours kids doing the things kids do such as playing on bikes, making up games etc.

They’re both really happy now and are very self motivated and maybe I’m a terrible parent but I’m really hands off other than if they ask for my help and then I do what I can to help. Childhood is so short and should be enjoyed.

A colleague at work had a lot of pressure from their parents to do 5 a levels instead of 4. Their chemistry teacher said to ignore their parents because as it was they’d easily get the grades to go to any top uni and the fifth a level was completely unnecessary for their future but it would be one of the last chances to just enjoy free time to go out with friends and relax and the fifth a level would deprive them of that free time.

They say they always remember those last summers in sixth form just going out for days cycling with friends and having picnics and enjoying the freedom with zero regrets ❤️ but their parents still a decade or so later bring up how it was a shame they never did five! 🙈😂

Nosiness is weird and annoying, but the secrecy is as weird frankly. If your child is doing well, it's not a big secret. There's a huge difference between boasting and being proud that it seems to me lots of English people don't seem to understand.

Ha most parents I know who were like this end up with spoilt brats who lose the ability to appreciate much at all with all the ‘opportunities’ ploughed on them and are usually in therapy by their teenage years

It's inappropriate to be contacting, and disturbing, teachers at nearly midnight, or weekends and holidays, with some non-emergency demand about your child.

If you can't see why that's inappropriate then I think that says more about you.

The announcement said emergencies only, no more late at night, or weekends and holidays messages.

But emails don’t demand an answer immediately?

If teachers can’t manage their email accounts so that they aren’t checking them at midnight that’s not a parents responsibility?

When you say message do you mean email or other?

Frankly I don’t think schools should hand out staff’s email addresses in the first place. But if they do they have to accept messages will be sent when convenient for the sender. The response can be sent at a time convenient to the recipient.

Surely there is nothing wrong in steering your child away from MacDonalds when there is an ongoing, nationwide issue with children's diets and unhealthy lifestyles? Should the dad be force-feeding his daughter a Happy Meal instead?

Why does a non emergency message need to be sent at nearly midnight (and so disturbing the teacher who receives them) if they don't expect a reply until the next day in office hours. Compose a draft and send it at a more considerate hour.

We're all busy nowadays after all, it's no excuse for bad manners and inconsiderate behaviour.

@Antarcticant

the point is him making it a public point. My kids have never had a macDonald, but I can’t imagine any of my friends or their friends know that!

But why does it disturb the teacher. Don’t check your emails at midnight.

Ah, right - I get you.

But emails don’t demand an answer immediately?* If teachers can’t manage their email accounts so that they aren’t checking them at midnight that’s not a parents responsibility?*

You don't need to contact teachers at nearly midnight about a non emergency.

I can see why they needed to make an announcement forbidding this type of behaviour! The mind boggles!

Tutoring for secondary school places is fairly normal in my part of SW London. The children seem pretty happy so I think you can save you sympathy for other children! I didn't tutor my eldest as I didn't think he would be happy at the very selective schools but may well tutor my younger ones if I think they would be happy at the more selective schools.
Yes educational trips could just be normal family days out or trips to Rome or Athens.
Mine did holidays camps even when I worked term time only, because they were fun or interesting. Everything from sports camps, to art sessions, to drama or cartoon/comic book creating sessions.
It sounds like yours had great childhoods but mine seem pretty happy too!
They might have one week of tennis camp each morning in the holidays and then all afternoon to chill or hang out with friends, the next week might be a two day art course and then the rest of the week for relaxing and playing out.

Why does a non emergency message need to be sent at nearly midnight (and so disturbing the teacher who receives them) if they don't expect a reply until the next day in office hours.

Umm.... because that's when it's convenient for me to send it? The chances are that when the reply comes, at a time convenient for the teacher to send it, I won't read it until much later in the day, at a time that is convenient for me.

I receive a lot of email for work, many come in overnight. I treat my morning email very similarly to how I used to treat the morning real mail in the days when we all got a first-thing-in-the-morning visit from a post with work related correspondence - I go through it as one of my first tasks of the day. It wouldn't even cross my mind to feel that it was rude someone sent the mail at midnight my time.

I simply don’t understand the angst you have?

I get emails over the weekend. I don’t check them until Monday morning.

It’s simple email discipline.

Email doesn’t need to be timed imo in the way other messaging etc should be imo

The person who doesn’t want emails at certain times should just not check them at that time, I assume they go to a work email account.