Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

A quick/instant death

198 replies

Kris02 · 25/05/2022 11:03

Morbid topic I know, but have you ever witnessed (or been told about) an instant, painless death? Most deaths seem to be preceded by lots of suffering and struggling - the death rattle, etc. I watched my grandmother die of a stroke, for example, which terrified me, as it took her 24 hours or more to die. The same was true of the cancer and heart deaths I’ve witnessed.

But I have been told by others that the’ve witnessed very quick deaths, almost instant in fact. My neighbour’s dad, for example, was sat in his chair watching the football. My neighbour went into the kitchen to get them both a beer and when he came back his dad was dead - just slumped there with a slight smile on his face, gone. My neighbour often says what a beautiful death it was and how grateful he is that he never saw his dad suffer.

My friend (a police officer) told me she’s often broken into a house or flat to find an elderly person dead in front of the TV. Once, she found an elderly woman sat at her breakfast table, with a plate of toast in front of her, dead, and yet kind of sitting there as if nothing had happened. That would do for me!

Personally, the thought of a lingering death terrifies me, and I find these stories weirdly comforting. I hope to be around for some time yet, but when I go, I’d really like to be slightly drunk on red wine, sat watching the TV. Do people really die like that? I don’t need to say goodbye to anyone. My loved ones know how much I love them. I tell them every day.

OP posts:
SlatsandFlaps · 12/06/2022 16:03

My Dad had heart failure and had been released from hospital on an oxygen machine as there was no more they could do for him.
He went to bed after being prescribed Oramorph that day by visiting GP to help him sleep. My Mum remembers hearing him wandering to bathroom in the night but found him dead in the morning with a smile on his face.... She'd actually woken up earlier and presumed he was asleep so she left him. Then came back a couple of hours later and noticed his hand hand gone completely white ☹️

TheWayoftheLeaf · 12/06/2022 16:44

TigerLilyTail · 25/05/2022 11:06

It might be better to ask for a trigger warning on this.

Ive heard of people dying in their sleep. It’s a bit terrifying for me to think about going to sleep one night and just never waking up.

I think it's rather beautiful to just.. drift away. Having thought about the day and decided it's coming to an end and you're going to sleep now. And that's it. Curtains.

FindingMeno · 12/06/2022 16:53

@Daftasabroom that is very comforting.
If you have lost someone suddenly in a tragedy it haunts you that they may have been terrified in their last moments. Your comment is something helpful to draw on. Thank you.

JesusSufferingFuck22 · 12/06/2022 16:58

My granny died from a massive heart attack age 70. She had been getting ready for bed. Had her clothes all set out for the morning and her favourite chocolate bar and woman's weekly magazine on her bedside table for her bedtime read. She must have sat down on the end of the bed and just lay down. My mum said she looked very peaceful and had a wee smile on her face.

PermanentlyTired03 · 12/06/2022 17:04

Grandma passed away on Boxing Day surrounded by family. 85, fell asleep on the sofa and didn't wake up. Compared to my grandad who had dementia, I think hers was a marvellous way to go- no suffering for her and no sadness watching her slowly decline.

Lilbunnyfufu · 12/06/2022 17:26

I was out shopping with my Nana when she suddenly passed away in her wheelchair. It was scary cause I was only 8 and had no idea what to do.

1AngelicFruitCake · 12/06/2022 17:31

A close relative was getting ready to go out with his son, getting dressed and died. He was found half dressed with his clothes next to him. Absolutely horrendous and such a shock but hopefully it was quick.

LondonJax · 12/06/2022 17:40

I haven't but our neighbours went away on holiday a couple of summers ago with their family to celebrate his 85th birthday (very fit 85 year old, you'd have put his age as mid to late 60s honestly).

Anyway, they had rented a big place in his favourite area of France for a week, whole family stayed together and they had a lovely time according to his wife.

Final evening of the holiday they had a huge family meal outdoors. The grandkids went off to play and have a final swim with one of the daughters, the other grown up child helped his wife tidy up as it was Dad's birthday treat so no work for him that night and they left him to enjoy his final look at the scenery he loved before they flew home the next day.

One of his grown up children took him out a whisky as they started washing up...and he'd died in his chair. No reason why, no health scares, seemingly fit as a fiddle but he'd had a massive heart attack and gone within 20 minutes.

His widow, who's just as spritely said that, although it was an enormous shock, she was glad he'd gone when he did - he'd had a great holiday, enjoyed the company of his kids and grandchildren and died in his favourite place on earth. Can't really argue with that can you?

MayBeee · 12/06/2022 17:46

A neighbour of ours. An elderly couple , still living in their own 3 bed house , both still drove , independent etc. Had sat down for a Sunday roast , both got up , she said she'd go and put the kettle on , he sat down in the lounge , she took in the tea , and he had died in his comfy chair.

Bettybbbb · 12/06/2022 17:51

As a student nurse I saw an elderly lady have her lunch, have a visit from
her granddaughter and then just fell asleep in the chair and never woke up. Beautiful way to go.

namechanged221 · 12/06/2022 17:57

My dad died in his sleep from a heart attack.

Daftasabroom · 12/06/2022 17:59

@FindingMeno thank you, I was hoping my experience could help people.

LoudSnoringDog · 12/06/2022 18:02

My MIL mother passed away sat reading in the garden with her cat on her lap. What a way to leave the world

Summerwhereareyou · 12/06/2022 18:05

@daisychain01

I've seen a few people near end of life or as wifh my close relative actually dying for two weeks longer than they said they wanted to live for.

I know we leave people in pain to die slowly and unless you've seen it it's hard to justify why we do it.

Personally I'd like to be able to say now... at what stage I would like to be ended.

It's my life why can't I. Dementia is...

Summerwhereareyou · 12/06/2022 18:07

I know some of the deaths here may have been so sudden and traumastusing for those left but for an older person ,at home being around her loved ones sounds ideal

mokololo · 12/06/2022 18:11

Some years ago, I almost died. Most people in that situation do not survive. One thing that has given me some comfort I was always very scared of the dying process, is that I was not frightened at all when it was happening. I was really quite relaxed. I know not all deaths are like that I've witnessed one that wasnt -- but it's good to know, I think. I was aware something huge was happening, but as my body shut down I felt at peace with the situation. I was in pain, but the pain was distant, as was the world.

mokololo · 12/06/2022 18:11

I don't know why some parts are crossed out...

Cherrysoup · 12/06/2022 18:31

My uncle died in his sleep, his wife found him when she woke up. He was cold, she hadn’t been woken so hopefully he went peacefully. My dad had an aortic aneurysm, took about 15 minutes, so not too long, but pretty horrific for my mum to witness.

intwrferingma · 12/06/2022 18:39

mokololo · 12/06/2022 18:11

Some years ago, I almost died. Most people in that situation do not survive. One thing that has given me some comfort I was always very scared of the dying process, is that I was not frightened at all when it was happening. I was really quite relaxed. I know not all deaths are like that I've witnessed one that wasnt -- but it's good to know, I think. I was aware something huge was happening, but as my body shut down I felt at peace with the situation. I was in pain, but the pain was distant, as was the world.

That's so interesting and comforting. And (huge understatement) I'm glad you came back to the land of the living!
My dad took over 24 hours to die. The hospital called us about 11am to tell us to come. The doctor explained he wouldn't last til the evening. So we did. And he laboured. Oh and on. Finally dying g about 2pm the next day. It was awful. But at least we were there to hold his hand. He appeared to ge conscious but it was a strange consciousness... no real recognition of us individually. I can only hope that somehow he had something of what you described

iloveeverykindofcat · 12/06/2022 18:52

I knew an adult in his thirties who just died. Well I say know - friend of a friend really, someone I'd talked to on several occasions but didn't really know well. They found him dead sitting on his couch, no toxins in system, autopsy revealed nothing.

I suppose medicine doesn't know everything.

autienotnaughty · 12/06/2022 20:50

My sister died of a heart arrhythmia she was only 24. It's awful not saying goodbye but better for the deceased I gues. On the other hand my mother had a long drawn painful end and that was definitely worse. My grandmother had a stroke and died a few days later in hospital with us all there, we were all able to say goodbye but she didn't suffer .

Bunnycat101 · 12/06/2022 21:25

I have an elderly relative who went in his sleep over the Christmas period . Was amazing really as he reached his 90s living independently and had the sort of old age I’d want. His immediate family was a bit shocked but like a few other posters on here was pleased he was with family and had a happy time before going peacefully.

in contrast, I’m supporting a friend through a difficult bereavement of someone who really has suffered a lot of pain and distress. It gives me some comfort to know that some people genuinely do slip away but also hope there are more options in the future for those who suffer during end of life care.

Ouchmytoe100 · 13/06/2022 06:24

My grandad was perfectly healthy and had no pain/problem/warning. He dropped dead one day, literally. Turned out he had a blood clot. He always said he wanted to go that way. (Not a blood clot, but quickly).

New posts on this thread. Refresh page