A quick/instant death

[Kris02]

Morbid topic I know, but have you ever witnessed (or been told about) an instant, painless death? Most deaths seem to be preceded by lots of suffering and struggling - the death rattle, etc. I watched my grandmother die of a stroke, for example, which terrified me, as it took her 24 hours or more to die. The same was true of the cancer and heart deaths I’ve witnessed.

But I have been told by others that the’ve witnessed very quick deaths, almost instant in fact. My neighbour’s dad, for example, was sat in his chair watching the football. My neighbour went into the kitchen to get them both a beer and when he came back his dad was dead - just slumped there with a slight smile on his face, gone. My neighbour often says what a beautiful death it was and how grateful he is that he never saw his dad suffer.

My friend (a police officer) told me she’s often broken into a house or flat to find an elderly person dead in front of the TV. Once, she found an elderly woman sat at her breakfast table, with a plate of toast in front of her, dead, and yet kind of sitting there as if nothing had happened. That would do for me!

Personally, the thought of a lingering death terrifies me, and I find these stories weirdly comforting. I hope to be around for some time yet, but when I go, I’d really like to be slightly drunk on red wine, sat watching the TV. Do people really die like that? I don’t need to say goodbye to anyone. My loved ones know how much I love them. I tell them every day.

@CheesusWept well done! CPR is not easy to do.

My school primary teacher had a headache after work. Took two aspirin and went to bed. Her husband checked on her a few minutes later and she was curled up in bed dead. She was old to me at the time but I think only in her 40s. (I wasn't told the story at the time just that Mrs Smith had died)

My grandad had just finished lunch and was watching TV, had a massive heart attack and died. He was only late 60s (too young imo)

Happens all the time.

I know of a man who literally came and then went. Nice way to go. Not so nice for the person he was on top of.

I believe it is quite common to have a heart attack on the lavatory after a bowel movement. It's not the way I would choose to be found, but I suppose it would be quick and not too painful.

My Grandad died. suddenly without warning from a massive heart attack, but it was his birthday so all the grandchildren had phoned and wished him a happy birthday and he had had his steak dinner, he was sitting on the sofa and my Nan said he sort of jumped like he had an electric shock and then slumped, died instantly unlike my poor Nan who withered away over years from dementia, it is an unbelievably cruel disease and my Gran and Grandad who suffered slow lingering deaths from cancer.

A trigger warning? Come on! Nobody likes the idea of death, but we can't escape it.

I work with older people and some of them have miserable slow deaths, after years of poor mobility and serious health problems. The ones that go quickly or die in their sleep tend to be the ones you would least expect to die. I remember one of our carers going round to see an elderly gentleman who was really quite fit, he was persuaded by his son to try living in a care home for a fortnight and he moaned and complained about it when the carer visited, drove himself off to the home and then just dropped down dead before they could show him to his room. So many variations.

My mum died 2 weeks ago, but I felt a strong pull to read this thread, not realising how it would be phrased. Really wish I hadn't now. Trigger warning please.

My grandmother was 89, had been in pretty good health but had gone into hospital for monitoring for heart issues. She was joking with the nurse (apparently about how rubbish men are, which would be on brand), the nurse turned away for a second and when she turned back, my grandmother had died. Which seems like a pretty good way to go, especially being in hospital so much easier for loved ones.

My grandfather (her husband) had a similarly quick death, though he'd been in poor health for a while. He died in his favourite chair while watching the cricket, of a sudden heart attack. Just suddenly gone, though the aftermath was more awful for the family with paramedics, police etc.

I'd take my grandmother's way any day of the week. She literally died having a laugh.

It's a bit of an unfortunate pattern in my DMs family.
Her Mother, Aunty, Uncle and cousins all died very suddenly with no warning all different ages.
My DGM was found dead in bed when my DGF, he got up for work early one morning, went to kiss her goodbye after getting ready and sadly in that short space of time she had died.
Her Aunty was at home cleaning, her uncle out for a walk and her cousin very suddenly in the queue at the local shop.

I have seen someone shortly after death who died mid conversation in their arm chair, they still had a glass of port in their hand...

My Nana had been unwell but not seriously (more mobility issues than anything else, but she was dependent on oxygen - that said, she felt fine when she was in hospital) and was in a ward ready to be discharged for retention of fluid. The nurses on the ward had rung my Mum earlier that day (we were mid lockdown) to say my Nana had been cheerful, happy, eaten her food and in good spirits, reading and talking to other patients.

They were doing the ward round before bedtime, and had checked on her about 10 mins previously for medication, and found she'd passed sitting up in bed. I know my Nana and if she was in any way unwell or scared (she used to have anxiety) she would have belled for the staff or shouted out. She died of a massive heart attack (not surprisingly, she had an enlarged heart) and the nurses who were on duty said it appeared very quick and painless and as if she'd closed her eyes for sleep and just gone.

In contrast my other grandparents (all dead now) had long, lingering deaths (cancer, renal failure, respiratory failure).

One of my school friends was involved in a hit and run on his motorbike when we were 19 - drunk driver crashed into him and killed him instantly.

My grandad died suddenly in the kitchen rocking chair. My Nan ran for the doctor who lived in the next street but it was too late.
As a district nurse I once found a chain smoking diabetic man dead behind the front door. So high risk for some cardiovascular event really. Not sue how long he'd been there. He was only in his 40's.

DHs nan was chatting happily to a friend who had called round. 10 minutes later another visiter found her dead in her chair with a hot cup of tea beside her.
DH knew someone eho was found by his son who called in to collect him for Sunday lunch. He had died on the sofa with his lottery ticket in his hand ( no it wasn't a winner).

My uncle died opening a bottle of champagne at an industry event.

My mother had a catastrophic bleed to the brain. My dad was in the bath in the next room, he heard nothing, he got out of the bath and went into the bedroom and she was dead. She was only 60 though with no health conditions which was incredibly sad.

Yes, my ExH uncle died saying his prayers. Wife came home to find him.
My friends mum was sitting watching TV and her husband went upstairs for a bit to use their computer. When he came down, she was dead. She was only in her 60s so very sad.

Interesting to read these stories. I hope the thread hasn’t upset anyone. That wasn’t my intention. On the contrary, I was hoping to comfort a few people - to reassure them that not everyone lingers and suffers.

My mother is getting on now, and I dread watching her frightened or in pain. It would be traumatic to find her dead on the sofa, or in front of the TV, but I would also be grateful. My father had lung cancer, but died from a heart attack before the cancer had a chance to torture him. I was there at the time, and even as he died I was grateful. I still am. He sat on the edge of the sofa, fell forwards onto the floor, and never regained consciousness. I wouldn’t have said it was instant though. It took several hours before he actually died.

I remember someone telling me they’d sat next to an old chap on a plane who died. He just made a gentle sigh, quietly slumped against the window and that was that.

Both my parents died suddenly. Father aged 61 and my Mum at 83 . Very shocking at the time but thank god they didn’t end up with Dementia and having to be cared for and most importantly they kept their dignity 💕🙏

My 'healthy' cousin, early forties walking the dog. He collapsed in the park with an undiagnosed congenital heart defect.
I was fortunate to be on the operating table when I needed CPR. From going under to waking up after days on life support in ICU there was no conscious passing of time. I went to sleep and woke up

A quick instant death is better for the deceased. Not so much for the ones left behind. Best to have a few months with them first.

However, a long, lingering 'road to death' is not good for the person dying. Come to think of it, it's not nice for their loved ones around them to see them suffering either.

So it's a tricky one, but yeah, a quick instant death is better for the person dying. I dread getting some nasty long, drawn-out illness and suffering for several years before dying, OR becoming so infirm that I can't wipe my own bum, or feed myself. Would rather just have a quick death. In fact I'd rather just die instantly at 65, than live til 80 and spend the last 10 years of my life suffering and struggling.

One of my brother's actually did die laughing.
We were at my parents for a meal one new year day. We were all sat laughing and joking as you do.
One of my sister's told a joke which we all found hilarious, my brother who was in his early forties at the time, and had no prior health problems, didn't smoke and was skinny just went face down into his dessert mid laugh. Dead before his head hit the dish.

I know of two -
My very elderly but able aunt died walking to her local M&S, apparently she died before she hit the ground as it was a very wet day and her white gloves were pristine.

The second, a friend, many years ago. We were joking about his reasons for not coming to the pub and being the first to get the round in as usual on a Sunday lunchtime. Turned out he'd died whilst brushing his teeth, just hit the floor in the bathroom.

Whilst utterly traumatic for those left behind, the shock of the suddenness, it seems to me a good way to go - no comprehension of what's going on, no hanging around, no illness or loss of ability/cognitive function. I'd rather go that way.

My dad had a quick instant death from a massive coronary aged 51 , my mum took about 4 months and it wasn’t pleasant for anyone .it’s a lot easier IME to get past a long drawn out death probably because there is an element of it was a happy release . As an ex nurse I’ve seen many deaths with various degrees of suffering .

Someone I knew who worked in the building trade stuck his head under the floorboards to look at something and died instantly from a brain bleed.

That’s exactly how I want to go. Just never waking up sounds perfect to me. One of my friend’s mum went like that with the cat curled up on her legs. I don’t think you could ask for anything better.