A quick/instant death

[Kris02]

Morbid topic I know, but have you ever witnessed (or been told about) an instant, painless death? Most deaths seem to be preceded by lots of suffering and struggling - the death rattle, etc. I watched my grandmother die of a stroke, for example, which terrified me, as it took her 24 hours or more to die. The same was true of the cancer and heart deaths I’ve witnessed.

But I have been told by others that the’ve witnessed very quick deaths, almost instant in fact. My neighbour’s dad, for example, was sat in his chair watching the football. My neighbour went into the kitchen to get them both a beer and when he came back his dad was dead - just slumped there with a slight smile on his face, gone. My neighbour often says what a beautiful death it was and how grateful he is that he never saw his dad suffer.

My friend (a police officer) told me she’s often broken into a house or flat to find an elderly person dead in front of the TV. Once, she found an elderly woman sat at her breakfast table, with a plate of toast in front of her, dead, and yet kind of sitting there as if nothing had happened. That would do for me!

Personally, the thought of a lingering death terrifies me, and I find these stories weirdly comforting. I hope to be around for some time yet, but when I go, I’d really like to be slightly drunk on red wine, sat watching the TV. Do people really die like that? I don’t need to say goodbye to anyone. My loved ones know how much I love them. I tell them every day.

DH's friend died of sudden adult death syndrome, basically cot death for grown ups. He was a healthy fit guy in his 20s who was enjoying his favourite sport when he dropped dead with no warning. It was far more traumatic for his partner, family and friends than for him, and probably the poor first aider at the sporting event was pretty traumatised too.

Always remember my mum telling us about her friends first husband.Visiting her in hospital after the birth of their 3rd child,proceeded to visit his friend in another ward and dropped dead across the bed,38 years old.

My grandad died very suddenly he was sat on a low wall with my grandma waiting for a bus to church. He fell backwards with his feet in the air and my grandma thought he had just fallen. When the ambulance arrived they discovered it was a massive sudden heart attack. He was in his mid 70s and it was very unexpected.

Why'd I read this at 1am ffs 🤦‍♀️ hope I wake up tomorrow

I think these sorts of deaths are becoming less common as we have better medical care/awareness. My cousin died of a heart attack very suddenly. She was in her early 70s, and her community (she was a nun) told us earnestly how they had no warning, she kept complaining of pains [which turned out to be classic heart attack symptoms] and she kept asking for painkillers, which wasn't like her. But they believed she died suddenly with no explanation.

I've not personally witnessed any sudden, peaceful deaths. I do know they happen.

The reason some people die on the toilet is that a pulmonary embolism makes you feel like you need to do a poo , so you naturally go to sit on the toilet.
My mother walked into the hospital for a scan and was told she had two weeks to live. She had liver cancer and the only symptoms was feeling a bit queasy and tired. She was a religious woman and handled it all with quiet dignity. She encouraged people to visit and lots of people did and were reassured by her that she was not afraid.

My father was in hospital for awhile and we were worried about him. He called me one evening to say he had good news from a scan and to come in the morning . He collapsed and died on his way to the shower that morning .
Both were in their 80s , so while very sad for us , it was not tragic. And both would have hated a long deterioration of quality of life.

I feel really lucky that it happened this way , so many of my friends are dealing with parents that are slowly becoming incapacitated and the worry of regarding care , safety , health problems are very distressing for all involved.

We are Irish and have an expression about saying your prayers and praying for a happy death . 🙏

My parents are both over 90 and slowly dying. They are both immobile and incontinent. They are in pain and have no interest in anything anymore. They dread going into hospital or full time care, and would seriously rather die than have to do that. My aunt is a living angel in caring for them and she does it with enormous compassion and patience. Neither of my parents want to live anymore, but there is nothing we can do to help them with that. I hope this doesn't make me sound awful, but this experience has made me understand why euthanasia is needed as an option in this country. A quick death can really be a blessing.

@JLwac Quite agree. My mum died in March after years of dementia. I had prayed for her to go in her sleep for several years, it was terrible to see her deteriorate. In the end she did go very peacefully. I've not shed a tear for her, just relieved it's done.

A friend's 70+ father cut the grass, sat in the chair in front of the TV for a rest and died.

DH's GM was shuttled between hospitals and care homes for 25 years. Blind, deaf, unable to move, fed on puree and totally gone in the head - didn't know who any of the family were and couldn't talk at all for the last few years. That was horrendous. Frankly, she was a living corpse for decades. Utterly shocking. But "she lived to a much better age than the guy mentioned above".

The human body has a fantastic capacity for suffering. It can suffer mercilessly for decades without dying. Dying suddenly is rough for the people left behind, but it is a kind way to go for the person dying.

@nokitchen
Same here. My DM had dementia for about 15 years, and was in a most pitiful state when she finally died at 97. None of us could be sorry that she’d finally been released from such an abject, undignified existence - which would have horrified her pre-dementia self.

My dad's dad died in his sleep. They think it was a heart attack.

I think it's by far the best way to go, it just doesn't give loved ones a chance to say goodbye or sort out paperwork etc. but that shows us we should have that sorted anyway and always tell people we love them!

Friend’s Mum died when her brain aneurysm burst in the time in took her to get up, put the kettle on and walk back to the table. Awful for her, but literally less than 30 seconds.

My grandma had a blood clot in her brain. They think she woke up, sat up then died. She was over 90, still living in her own home by herself etc, not ill and with her faculties.

It always made me happy this was how she went, calm, safe and secure. My mum on the other hand found it incredibly painful as she didn't get to say goodbye.

My uncle walked out his front door to go to the shop, had a massive heart attack and died before he hit the ground. The family were all devastated, but I’ve always said it would have been the best way for him....terrible for everyone else of course.

but that shows us we should have that sorted anyway and always tell people we love them!

My last words to my Dad, who died suddenly in his sleep, were "thanks for everything Dad" with a hug, as I always said while saying goodbye but I still wish I had known it was the last time I would see him so that I could have hugged him extra tightly. I agree it is the best way to go. But it is so hard to get over the shock of never seeing someone again.

Both my granddad's- one went upstairs to fetch something, came back down, sat on the middle step and died.
The other one- being taken back to his care home from hospital, he told the paramedic a joke, smiled and died.

I’m so sorry for what your parents and indeed, you, are going through. My gran was in terrible pain with spinal cancer when she was in her 90s. She was on morphine for the pain, but hated it as it made her hallucinate. She just wanted to be put out of her misery, she asked the nurses to kill her but they told her they weren’t allowed to, despite very much wanting to help ease her suffering. When and if my dogs get too ill to enjoy life and they are struggling with pain, the kindest thing I can do for them is take them to the vets and have them euthanised. It’s a disgrace that we can’t offer the same dignified, painless death to our human loved ones

@VenusClapTrap my very dear friend died in those exact circumstances (the mum dying and the child finding her in the morning). Maybe the same friend? I was about to post that it may well have been swift (and hopefully painless) for her, but it was most certainly very traumatic for those who loved her. In my friend's case it's 9 years ago this week. I still really miss her and wish in a way that her family and friends had had time to say goodbye and tell her what a fantastic person she was.

@Biscuitsneeded I’m so sorry you lost a friend like that too. We lost my friend more recently than that, so not the same person. Very sad and difficult for those left behind - I’m quite sure the effects on her children will be life long.

@Crimesean I know of three people who jumped in front of trains and survived. All now conscious but left severely disabled and requiring round the clock care. So not the quick death you might think.

@VenusClapTrap Thank you - I'm sorry this has happened to your friend as well. It's just unfathomable, isn't it? My friend's children have proved to be amazingly resilient, and are brilliant young people now, but yes, they lost their mother in the most traumatic way and I am sure the effect of that will be lifelong.

My mum's neighbour had done some gardening, sat down on a bench in the sunshine and died with his cat sat on his lap.

Please dont worry about the death rattle OP think of it like when someone snores- they usually aren’t aware and it just bothers those around them- it’s a similar thing x