If you did this sort of epic favour for someone, what would you expect them to provide

[Noclosure]

I feel I've been proper mugged off this weekend.

As a favour looked after a friend's 4 children and pets for 4 nights 5 days Fri-Tues so the couple could go on holiday.

The children include a teething and weaning 6 month baby who doesn't sleep. The older ones are in different primary school years.

The weekend included getting the kids off to their separate activities such as sports etc, some ferrying journeys and all the usual kid stuff you would expect including administration of medication, cooking, cleaning , laundry etc. Then all school runs on the Monday and Tuesday with the baby in tow.

What as a very minimum would you expect to be provided in the house if you are there to look after them but also have your own children there too? Would you expect to have to provide your own food for yourself and DC that weekend or would you think you'd just all eat together as a family?

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'm feeling really hurt and a bit taken advantage of with how things were left and what I had to do and provide/pay for so I'm just canvassing opinions.

Yes you need to bill them for the food.

I think your expectations are about right actually (although maybe some chocolates as well)

Ok we once went away overnight (but two full days so two bedtimes) and asked a family member to mind our child. She wouldn't take payment. We ordered the takeaway to arrive the first night, had the fridge full with suitable stocks plus wine, clothes prepped, arranged and prepaid the teenage babysitter to come for a couple of hours the second morning and had my friend who knew family member drop in and take her out for a walk and coffee.

It's an absolutely monster favour and I would cut these people off for not showing you appreciation. I would expect an envelope of money or a voucher for a weekend away for yourself now.

Ignore the predictable bores for of course rowing in with the "why didn't you ask for... "

For the supermarket no there isn't a vehicle that everyone fits in!!! The older ones had to wait home

Did you have to take Monday and Tuesday off work as well to facilitate this?

Gosh when we have a dog sitter come to stay we stock fridge and cupboards, including nice treat food, stock wine plus put bottles out with a note “drink me!” so incase they’re shy to take wine from the rack (even though we say help yourself) they have wine that’s physically gifted.

House spic and span, fresh sheets. Fresh flowers beside bed. I try to make it seem as much like a nice Airbnb as possible as they’re saving us £50 a day and giving our dog a much lovelier experience. I also give a small gift and thank you card on return.

If someone was looking after my 4 kids and pets I would do all of the above plus a nicer gift, think hamper/flowers/voucher for massage or experience and thank you card, signed by all the kids.

I would definitely be sending them the bill for all your expenses! How rude of them and I’m sorry that you feel so let down after doing them a lovely favour x

It depends. I have a good friend and we sometimes (maybe a couple of times a year) have each other’s children for a night/weekend. In our cases we would just give each other a bottle of wine but that’s because it’s reciprocal.

if someone is coming to mine to look after the kids eg MIL/FIL/SisIL then I would make sure house tidy and there was a general plan for food plus all the ingredients/snacks/drinks etc they would need. I wouldn’t leave money but that’s because they are family so happily pay for an activity or ice cream or drink out for themselves and the kids.

on the other hand when I have gone to my sisters with my own children to look after nephew and niece while they work I often end up having to go and buy the food, cook and prepare it etc.

But presumably you text / called them on the first day and asked them why they hadn’t left you any food?

There's apparently a thank you present/gesture on the way but I just would have liked to not have a shit weekend living like a flipping student again scrimping and saving and just had time to relax and eat chocolate Infront of the TV etc.

Nothing from duty free

id want a month in the bloody Maldives 😂

seriously though, I’d be fuming. I’d also be really concerned about things like insurance and what would happen if anything were to go wrong, I don’t think I’d sleep!

@SpindleInTheWind raises a good point about the transport requirements, I occasionally have my two nieces in addition to my two kids (for a day only!) and can’t leave the house as I’d never get them all (legally) into the car.

I leave 4 x dc and dpets with a sitter . A full fridge always. And take away money and spare cash!
And my car for ferrying them if they need to go anywhere but would just be a place the sitter wanted to take them.

I looked after my brother’s five children recently for four nights and five days. Three have special needs and a lot of appointments etc so I did those along with school drop offs (5 separate schools), and drop-offs to various weekend events/visits to friends etc.

They left-
A MASSIVE food shop. Enough to feed an army, including lots of stuff specifically for me and DH.

Lots of expensive ready to eat snacks for the children (tubs of fruit salad etc.) so I wouldn’t have to spend time prepping.

£300 for Deliveroo/takeaways.

£300 for trips out/incidentals.

Their car, filled with petrol, plus £100 in the glove compartment for when it needed to be refilled.
(I don’t have children and my car wouldn’t be able to accommodate 7 people).

Plenty of wine, beer, ice-cream etc for when the kids were in bed, if we wanted it.

We spent nowhere near the amount he left, and weren’t out of pocket at all.

They brought us back a great haul from duty free as a thank you.

Honestly, if your friends didn’t feed and entertain you and your children on their dime after doing such a huge favour, I’d be rethinking that friendship as it sounds very one-sided.

No I didn't take Mon/Tues off I'm a shift worker so they fell on my rest days. However I did have to reorganize care/school runs for my own DC so I could do theirs

I used to leave mine as babies for an occasional night away but only with DH. I'm astounded they left a 6 month old for so long.

Yes I would expect a clean house, no washing left lying around, a full fridge, some treats for all the kids, money for take out one night & maybe some cash for petrol and activities.

I can't see anyone else offering to watch 4 children plus pets. Even grandparents would find that difficult.

Great question!! So fed up with "AIBU" and people giving really good ideas/views, for the OP to then wimp out and say "oh I want say anything THIS TIME, but NEXT TIME oh they had better watch out" or just not reply at all.

So, I would expect £10 per kid per day for food (prob not the baby)=
£150,
£50 petrol and
£50 for a take away. And then to settle up out of pocket expenses.

Wine, chocs and flowers for a thank you.

wont not want!

I would have kept the six month baby as hostage until they settled up upon their return.

I've already had the money for the shopping back

It sounds like they have totally took the piss maybe knowingly or maybe they are just stupidly unorganised and it's not personal only you know them well enough to know that. If they have reimbursed you the food and a gift is on it's way to say thanks I would hold fire see what it is and if its decent chalk it up to experience. They must be decent freinds for you to have ever contemplated doing this at all.

Why on earth would you agree to work like a slave so that they could go on holiday? They were the ones who chose to have four children!

It's the additional mental load you didn't need. The sheer thinking of "oh shit I've now got to food shop " and plan it. And go. And nothing in fridge. I'd be so angry

I know people don't like this on MN but when I go away with the children without DH (he has medical issues which means he doesn't like to travel) I make sure he has snacks, ready meals and booze because he works long hours and has to take full responsibility for the animals (most of which he wouldn't choose to have) so has extra jobs to do.

If you were looking after my children I'd expect it to cost at least as much as the holiday. I would have provided a full fridge and a minimum of £100 a day in cash, for petrol, take aways, treats, whatever and it would still be cheaper than getting a nanny

Why on earth did you ever agree to this in the first place?????

I would wait a few days to see what the gift/ treat is, but at some point I would be sitting down with my friend to say just how utterly shitty this was.
My good friends and I are kindly honest with each other - we are able to say no, but tend not to let things fester and blow up.
your friends have been very selfish.

I don't know. I just wanted them to have a nice holiday. It's been cancelled and reorganised time and time again because of covid, before the youngest was even born yet.

Plus our kids get on well so I thought it would be ok (to be fair the children were brilliant together and it was fun for them) but I just wasn't expecting having to just not have proper food etc provided for my trouble. They didn't even leave enough pet food there for the time they were away

I really hope the washing machine and the tumble dryer were still full when they got back.. I wouldnt have touched them!