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Original poster

If you did this sort of epic favour for someone, what would you expect them to provide

453 replies

Noclosure · 17/05/2022 19:49

I feel I've been proper mugged off this weekend.

As a favour looked after a friend's 4 children and pets for 4 nights 5 days Fri-Tues so the couple could go on holiday.

The children include a teething and weaning 6 month baby who doesn't sleep. The older ones are in different primary school years.

The weekend included getting the kids off to their separate activities such as sports etc, some ferrying journeys and all the usual kid stuff you would expect including administration of medication, cooking, cleaning , laundry etc. Then all school runs on the Monday and Tuesday with the baby in tow.

What as a very minimum would you expect to be provided in the house if you are there to look after them but also have your own children there too? Would you expect to have to provide your own food for yourself and DC that weekend or would you think you'd just all eat together as a family?

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'm feeling really hurt and a bit taken advantage of with how things were left and what I had to do and provide/pay for so I'm just canvassing opinions.

OP posts:
Nowomenaroundeh · 20/05/2022 13:32

No you shouldn't have needed to set terms. This is on them. You've done nothing wrong. I'm sure they live their lives manipulating people.

The way the favour came about sounds like you were invited to offer - why would they be organising a weekend away with no plan for childcare.

Horrible people.

milkyaqua · 20/05/2022 14:02

This makes me so sad. Still no gift, also, I expect. Leaving you with your own kids, their four including a little baby, and their pets - and not having enough pet food in the house, apart from the empty fridge - and a fifty pound note!

It's just indescribably uncaring of you, of their own children's wellbeing, of anyone other than themselves. Someone who was just a bit disorganised would be apologising madly, and leaving a frantic letter to you and a few hundred pounds for the shopping, and/or organising a delivery of groceries.

It's just so mean, and entitled, and a giant fuck you, really. I'm so sorry you've experienced this.

Madamum18 · 20/05/2022 14:59

I would not personally leave a 6 month old for 5 days with anyone, but it is NOT child abandonment blue ! Dear me!!

Original poster
Noclosure · 20/05/2022 15:42

Fwiw to anyone saying neglect/abandonment just fuck off. I'm highly trained in safeguarding, a medic with up to date first aid for ALL ages, fully DBS for my job and 20 years of caring for children in a paid capacity. Previously was a full time nanny in my younger years. So let that shit go.

Obvs still no present

OP posts:
Madamum18 · 20/05/2022 17:22

Noclosure I think the (rather silly!) "abandonment" comment was about the parents leaving their child at all, rather than about leaving their child with you.
Your experience and skills are probably why they felt happy to leave the children with you, but that doesn't excuse their taking the piss, no food, no present and little respect for you in my view!

Riverlee · 20/05/2022 22:10

Just a thought, was the £50 babysitting money? So they may not have actually given you any money to feed and entertain the dc.

Original poster
Noclosure · 20/05/2022 22:45

I seriously hope not as that would equate to under 50p per hour

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 21/05/2022 10:00

Not ok OP. Even if they didn’t have time to do a shop they should have organised a delivery so you had food plus money for a takeaway etc.

SpindleInTheWind · 21/05/2022 12:40

They have insulted you, @Noclosure - that is the bottom line here unfortunately.

I don't see what belated present they could possibly give you now that would compensate. I hope you can keep your next days off clear for you (and your DC), and that you catch up on your sleep / rest and, as you say, eat takeaway. Feeling exhausted is horrible and your rest is important.

Lndnmummy · 21/05/2022 13:17

Any sign of your present OP? I am way too invested in this thread but I have truly never seen anything like it. ❤️

Original poster
Noclosure · 21/05/2022 14:05

Nothing. Radio silence

OP posts:
peridito · 21/05/2022 14:45

Oh OP that makes me feel so sad on your behalf .You sound such a lovely person ,how dare they use you like this .

You're going to have to put it behind you .You did a lovely thing and should focus on feeling proud of yourself .

Insomnia101 · 21/05/2022 14:54

Are you going to speak to them about it OP?

Original poster
Noclosure · 21/05/2022 15:08

I don't know really. I know I'm not being unreasonable as it's been unanimous on here that I'm not. But the more energy I spend on it doesn't change anything. I just need to make sure not to get mugged off again.

OP posts:
peridito · 21/05/2022 17:12

Yes ,I agree about the energy and I even feel that I shouldn't be posting on your thread and adding fuel to the fire .

I wonder if there's any way in which you could you put your perspective to them in a factual sort of non emotional way ? Some people are so wrapped up in their lives and so selfish that they pull stunts like this without a second thought .And maybe they think you're rolling in dosh .

I'm so 😡on your behalf .

Nowomenaroundeh · 21/05/2022 18:13

OP in your shoes I would need to say it - factually and calmly.

"I feel taken advantage of. Nothing was prepared for me to make things easier. There was no food. There was not enough money left. You returned empty handed. I had to ask for the money to be reimbursed. I did you a huge favour and I don't think it was appreciated at all."

I wouldn't mention the present because the focus will shift to that. "We ARE getting you a present." Getting a present late isn't going to make it all ok.

LookItsMeAgain · 21/05/2022 19:50

Nowomenaroundeh · 21/05/2022 18:13

OP in your shoes I would need to say it - factually and calmly.

"I feel taken advantage of. Nothing was prepared for me to make things easier. There was no food. There was not enough money left. You returned empty handed. I had to ask for the money to be reimbursed. I did you a huge favour and I don't think it was appreciated at all."

I wouldn't mention the present because the focus will shift to that. "We ARE getting you a present." Getting a present late isn't going to make it all ok.

Please do something like this before too much time is passed.

AtwilightRebellion · 22/05/2022 07:42

I would be inclined to send a short email. Keeping it factual and a line on how it's made you feel. Then block because I know I couldn't remain in contact with such disrespectful users.

I may well choose a date to do this which would give ample time to 'sleep on' such a decision, but I couldn't stomach people like this remaining in my life.

As for the gift, nothing has been purchased OP. You don't matter enough to them.

Muckymaisonette · 22/05/2022 09:36

Maybe they have seen this thread and either feel ashamed (unlikely) angry that you’ve had the audacity to post about them and they are keeping the gift for themselves.

Branleuse · 22/05/2022 09:36

i wouldnt say anything to them now, but it would change my feelings about them, and i wouldnt ever offer them anything again.

Muckymaisonette · 22/05/2022 09:36

or angry

peridito · 22/05/2022 10:45

Mucky have you got 4 children one of which is 6months old and recently been on holiday ?

Ducksurprise · 22/05/2022 10:55

peridito · 22/05/2022 10:45

Mucky have you got 4 children one of which is 6months old and recently been on holiday ?

I believe you are correct.

Mucky you should be thoroughly ashamed!

YetAnotherNameChange111 · 22/05/2022 10:55

Noclosure · 21/05/2022 15:08

I don't know really. I know I'm not being unreasonable as it's been unanimous on here that I'm not. But the more energy I spend on it doesn't change anything. I just need to make sure not to get mugged off again.

Exactly. You are just wasting energy getting annoyed. They have moved on, forgotten already everything you did beyond a blasé "oh you were fab, thanks so much!"
You won't get anything from them - though I would be thrilled to be wrong

Muckymaisonette · 22/05/2022 11:19

No I’m not them! I’m disgusted the their behaviour - I think it’s bordering on child abandonment to be honest, and who would leave a 6 month old!!

I was trying to imagine why they haven’t given the OP a proper thank you and the gift they mentioned. Why didn’t they do this when the baby was handed back to them?

One is they are genuinely scatty and live chaotic home lives, and the penny has dropped they left their children (and the person looking after them) little food for meals . The other is they have found this thread or had it pointed out to them (I mean it’s pretty identifiable with exact timings) and are feeling “how dare noclosure complain”.

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