If you did this sort of epic favour for someone, what would you expect them to provide

[Noclosure]

I feel I've been proper mugged off this weekend.

As a favour looked after a friend's 4 children and pets for 4 nights 5 days Fri-Tues so the couple could go on holiday.

The children include a teething and weaning 6 month baby who doesn't sleep. The older ones are in different primary school years.

The weekend included getting the kids off to their separate activities such as sports etc, some ferrying journeys and all the usual kid stuff you would expect including administration of medication, cooking, cleaning , laundry etc. Then all school runs on the Monday and Tuesday with the baby in tow.

What as a very minimum would you expect to be provided in the house if you are there to look after them but also have your own children there too? Would you expect to have to provide your own food for yourself and DC that weekend or would you think you'd just all eat together as a family?

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'm feeling really hurt and a bit taken advantage of with how things were left and what I had to do and provide/pay for so I'm just canvassing opinions.

It is a huge ask! We actually didn’t ask though.. we weren’t planning on going away, she offered.. so we said yes please!

Bloody hell! No way on god's earth would I do that for someone! You should get all food for everyone, cupboards and fridge/freezer fully stocked AND spending money! £200 someone said. When is she planning on doing the same for you?

I don't really want them to do the same thing back. I work such long hours I have very, very little time at home with DC so I need to just stay home really when I do. Plus I have no annual leave left due to having to take time off for aforementioned dc

Bearing in mind I struggle to leave my 2 kids for an afternoon without feeling guilty I don't know how they had so much "oversight".

The last time someone took my kids from approx 11am - 7pm we gave them £50 to cover expenses for the day (lunch out, ice creams, etc & it was to cover their lunch as why should they be out of pocket to look after my kids after giving up their time) I can't believe you were left with an empty fridge and £50 for all that time.

Washing would have been done with express instructions not to do any. Fridge would be full, including food already prepped such as lasagnes and pies with more than enough to fill you all!

And I think to compensate you a gift in-line with a spa trip, a case of wine & the largest bunch of flowers I could find with the promise to return the favour would be the least I could do. If you didn't ask, I would be reminding you and asking when would you be taking me up on the offer.

I hope your gift is sizeable & is in no way an after thought.

You are an absolute angel and more!

I'm actually hoping that you get your thank you gift before the weekend. They really should have had that sorted too before they left on their dirty weekend away so that they could give it to you straightaway!

Hi

That is an epic favour I would have left house full 9f food and maybe play dates etc for the kids on the weekend so you don't have to deal with all of them the whole weekend. Then at the very least taken you out for a meal etc when I got back

I would expect all food, wine, chocolate to be provided! I would have stipulated these expectations too - as the ‘favour’ you’re doing, is massive

Bloody hell they saw you coming clearly, I would expect a full fridge, freezer and money to be left too, imagine the money they saved on childcare

That's genuinely shocking, the entire situation. Leaving a 6 month baby (and the work involved there!) along with everything else.

Bare minimum I'd have expected a well-stocked fridge, all of the wine, and money for at least one takeaway for your family + theirs. I'd be so grateful you were doing this massive favour that I wouldn't want you to have to spend hours preparing meals if I could avoid it.

Yes well I did have to spend hours preparing meals, literally fucking hours cos it was budgeted strictly too so absolutely hard work.

I've had two nights of uninterrupted sleep since I got back now. Back at work too, I'm still absolutely EXHAUSTED.

Lets hope the thank you gift will not be epically underwhelming - but it will probably be a bottle of plonk on offer at the local supermarket.

Personally, if i had left my children with someone - I'd have all food cooked and have it ready to be heated up to save them time and stress. I'd have left money for treats and contingencies. I'd have given petrol money for all the running around and I would have brought a huge treat home from my holiday as a thank you.

If I had none of the above, I'd be having a word, giving an invoice and probably walking quickly away from the 'friendship'. I'm not surprised you feel taken advantage of - you most definitely were!

What disgraceful "friends" they are. I personally wouldn't leave a 6 month old to go on holiday neither would I agree to look after a full set of siblings (unless they were my neices/nephews and their were other issues, like a family bereavement).

Kind people like you always get suckered by people who are entitled users. They would NEVER volunteer for something like this so they don't appreciate it and actually are slightly scornful that you volunteered; and neither would they relish having to be grateful. So they tell themselves they are doing you a favour in some way (sad life? pokey home? lonely? - "she'll be grateful for a 'holiday' in our life....."). Present them with the bill for food and ents when they get back. And never volunteer again. You are a nice person. You deserve better.

I mean, they're my children so yeah I'd have food for them like I always would. And then extra food for you too. Plus I'd pay you something or gift you something nice for your time. Honestly you're the nicest person ever lol especially if you're not a relative of theirs.

All these excuses for shit parents.

They are thoughless and disorganised...my arse.

Only shit selfish parents go off on a holiday after finding a really kind mug to mind their children and leave that person with all those children and no food.

They are the utter dregs.
Not only children, but a 6 month old.

5 days and no food left.

Who does that?

Scum does.

And the OP knows it.

A text as a thank you.

The OP knows well she has been utterly used, by scum who thought so little of her that not only were they prepared to leave a really young baby and other children, but they would also screw her for shopping, cooking, and hanging out washing.🙄

Unfortunately for the OP, she not only got sucked into this commitment, but then didn't do what most other people would do upon finding they have been left with children and no food, and rung them and asked them what the hell they were playing at.

Calling them is what most other people would have done faced with 5 days.

They would NOT have sucked this bullshit up for 5 days. One day maybe, 5 days, not a chance.

I feel very sorry for the OP.
It sounds like she has a very hard life and is determined to make it harder for herself.

I have never met anyone in my long life that would have accepted this behaviour.

They are awful people and the OP has been used by them.

The only good that could possibly come from a situation like this, is that the OP cops herself on and learns from it.

Blimey that is a HUGE favour.
I would expect to walk into a clean & tidy house with fridge & cupboards stuffed full of food & treats. Cash left for incidental expenses. No expectations that any washing would be done, beds changed etc. I would have cancelled weekend activities as a one off.

Afterwards I would send someone who did this kind of favour a huge bouquet of flowers and some other appropriate treats.

You were one big mug to agree to "Au Pair" for your friends kids & pets.
I bet she's laughing her socks off while sunning herself on the beach.
When you have kids, where you go, they go. They're your responsibility. She should have left food for all of you, petrol for ferrying to various activities.
Just don't agree to do it again. Your sanity is worth far more respect.

They are awful people and the OP has been used by them.

The only good that could possibly come from a situation like this, is that the OP cops herself on and learns from it.

I agree. They've treated her like their Cinderella.

The OP knows well she has been utterly used, by scum who thought so little of her that not only were they prepared to leave a really young baby and other children, but they would also screw her for shopping, cooking, and hanging out washing

Not many posts on MN has me thinking about it days later but yours has OP.

Please don't excuse them, they are dreadful people who didn't give two fucks about how you would cope and this is clearly evidenced.

I simply cannot wrap my head around doing this to someone who was doing me such a monumental favour. Though tbh, I would't be leaving my 6m old for a jolly, but the poster above is correct. They are scum. You have been used and you really should cut them loose and get decent friends, because this pair are very very far from being decent.

I find it strange they didn't fill the fridge to be honest. I had a friend stay at mine for 2 nights looking after my dog and I put lots in the fridge including wine and chocolates etc for her.

If someone was looking after my 4 children for 5 nights, I'd have the fridge fully stocked. Probably some prepared meals which I'd freeze, definitely treats for the adult. Plus money for a takeaway and extra in case you needed to go shopping for any other food.

I'd do whatever I could to make it as easy as possibly really as it's a massive bloody favour you've done!!
It's bizarre that they didn't really and thought that minimal food would see you through the week!

I guess when the next baby is being born (in 9 months time) they’ll be looking to you to look after their brood and pets while they are at the hospital.

You’ll have great pleasure in telling them no!

I don’t usually comment on many threads but I have been taken advantage of before but never quite as bad as this. In my experience - the more you do for people, the more they expect you to do. And sooner or later you get pushed too far. It seems to me that this is one of those occasions.
I am assuming that by agreeing to take this on, that you thought she really needed this holiday? Looking back on the conversations you had when you agreed to this, did she set it up so you would feel obliged to offer? Why had she even booked this trip without the children? Who had she expected would look after them? Did she assume that you would step up? Does she know that you would do anything to help? Are you a people pleaser? I have realised in recent years that is exactly what I had become.
I completely agree with you that with all those children to look after, including a baby, I would not have expected to have to do a food shop as well - especially with too many kids for one car! Like you, I would have expected full cupboards & meals all ready prepared.
I’m assuming that you are really close if you are looking after her baby & staying in her house with her children. What is she usually like as a person? Is she someone who is always disorganised, always unprepared, rushing around at the last minute, always late? My sister is like this, therefore when I go to help her out I expect it to be chaos. I know she struggles to keep on top of things so I try not to judge her for not being as organised as I am and I go prepared. If your friend has lower standards than you or just struggles to keep on top of things then you need to weigh up the good points of your friendship - do they outweigh the annoying bits?
BUT… and this is a big BUT - she must have known there was no food in - and that taking the children shopping was going to be an issue - especially if they couldn’t even all fit in one car! ..leaving £50 - or even double/triple that for 4/5 days - does not make up for the fact that she hadn’t thought to make things easier for you by getting everything ready. For her to not even mention it or apologise for not having had time to stock up (you make time when someone is doing you such a big favour) it all just seems like a massive expectation that you would sort everything, rather than an oversight.
I hate to say it, but something like this can really affect a friendship. This may have crossed a line that you might find difficult to get past. You may notice more things you had overlooked before & be niggled by them. I think this experience has shown up differences in who you are as people & it depends how strong your bond is whether your friendship survives.
I suppose it’s unlikely that this situation will ever arise again (unless she really is taking the piss & thinks you’ve done it once you’ll do it again!) but if it ever came up again at least you can say, I’m happy to help but this time do you think you could do a food shop and prepare some meals in advance.

I don't know. I'm trying not to think about it so I don't feel continually pissed off. Just trying to make it to my next days off so I can finally chill out with a takeaway and less stress.

I suppose yes I should have laid out 'the terms' before but I honestly just didn't think it would need to be said that you'd need to have the fridge full! It's just obvious isn't it, providing EVERYTHING that not just your lot need for the duration but also for the 'guests' (slaves).

I sort of offered when it was mentioned over dinner, around Christmas time.

Along the lines of them saying "oh good news looks like we'll finally be able to take that weekend away that has been rearranged so many times cos covid, it's in May, so looking forward to it, not sure what we will do with the kids yet - lol"

So i said, I could stay over with my DC and have them. So then it was just sort of agreed.

I never ever thought I would have to provide a shopping list for two grown adults who have been bringing up children for years. Proper foodies aswell so know what sort of thing to get. Not rubbish at cooking or ignorant about food.

Their children are fussy eaters which made it even harder for me. Mine are not though nor am I so they could have just catered for 'their' side amounts wise and we would have been happy enough

You have used your much needed and cherished annual leave, and you have been left entirely drained and exhausted.

I am so cross for you.
Like genuinely furious on your behalf.

Make the next few days about getting yourself back to some kind of balance and a nice takeaway and take the lesson to really start taking care of your own needs, before anyone else's. Your life sounds exhausting and hard, if anyone should be babysitting it really should have been them!!!