If you did this sort of epic favour for someone, what would you expect them to provide

[Noclosure]

I feel I've been proper mugged off this weekend.

As a favour looked after a friend's 4 children and pets for 4 nights 5 days Fri-Tues so the couple could go on holiday.

The children include a teething and weaning 6 month baby who doesn't sleep. The older ones are in different primary school years.

The weekend included getting the kids off to their separate activities such as sports etc, some ferrying journeys and all the usual kid stuff you would expect including administration of medication, cooking, cleaning , laundry etc. Then all school runs on the Monday and Tuesday with the baby in tow.

What as a very minimum would you expect to be provided in the house if you are there to look after them but also have your own children there too? Would you expect to have to provide your own food for yourself and DC that weekend or would you think you'd just all eat together as a family?

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'm feeling really hurt and a bit taken advantage of with how things were left and what I had to do and provide/pay for so I'm just canvassing opinions.

Here we go again-bit of a Mumsnet theme. Let’s all agree terms beforehand to avoid all this angst!

Me too but it would have been mouldy when they retuened

Omg firstly what a fantastic friend you are!
if someone ever did that for me I would not expect my kids to go to all their clubs etc!!!
I would have provided a giant family size lasagne, shepherds pie etc plus extra meals for you that took little prep - Charlie B’s, wine and money to treat you all to a take away.

I don’t think you are overreacting at all! As everyone else is saying, you should have been provided with a whole lot more. I’m also pretty unorganised, but there is no way I could live with myself having not provided you with everything I thought you’d need for the weekend. I’d be gutted too if I were you.

I would expect a fridge full of nice food, some wine and treats. I'd expect mega amounts of appreciation before, during and after. That is a big big favour you've done - a lot of demands being made on you - huge amount of responsbility and it's not just one night. I imagine your friends are/were up to their eyeballs but even a nice internet shop before you arrived plus a couple of takeaways on them while they were away would be a minimum. I would expect them to come back bearing gifts as well...

I don't believe they're real friends. Real friends wouldn't do this. It's awful. I'd tor up all the costs and add on your salary. Tell them that's what they owe you or to provide something to that value.... suspect you'll get nought and tge relationship will sever, but honestly losing toxic people from our lives is. a good thing!

But lots of people get mugged off like this.

A friend lets call her A went on holiday with a friend, lets call her B.

B arrives so late, they miss their flight. They rebooked flights had to pay some money, A found out B had no money - credit cards all maxed etc, so A paid. A had to pay for beach seats every day cos B has a bad back and can't lie on sand - €50 a day each!!! Etc etc

Thankfully just a weeks holiday. B owes A so much money that B is now sponsoring As horse. Not sure how it's going though, credit card maxed out says to me tge likelihood of getting anything from B is slim to none!

It wasn’t your job to shop, you were there to mind the children.

I think I would be very upset if the food provided was only for their kids , they should have left a huge amount of food , money for extras and at least bring you a gift ! Did they really not accounted for everyone’s food ? 😳 .
personaliy I would go shopping and leave them the receipts to pay for it . Assuming they are calling daily I would tell them as much

The sound like not only shitty friends, but shitty parents. Who leaves a six month old to go on holiday? And then not ensure they had what the children needed, but instead relied on your goodwill. I know the sort, float through life pissing people off, but they're too lacking in self awareness to notice.

They had NO BUSINESS leaving a 6-month-old with you FOR ANY REASON. I suggest you turn them in for CHILD ABANDONMENT. While they will no doubt claim you agreed to it, at least it would put them on notice that they were WAY OUT OF LINE.

As far as your paying for the food, etc. etc., I really don't know what to say except that you should have cleared this up in advance. They should have paid for EVERYTHING, and they owe you BIG for this, Honey.

In all honesty, I think it's still a huge ask. A baby and two small children with her own three?
Anyway, at least you've paid her and are being considerate.

I’d have messaged you to ask what food to get in for you. Also I’d have cancelled the weekend activities. It’s an awful lot to ask someone to do for you.

I’m seething mate, seething.

you know, I bet they see this as a HUGE success and will call upon you again, which is why I think you should let them know how hurt you were and how they massively underestimated what was required for the weekend.

IF, Yes IF, you ever help again, it would need to be said in advance, but TBH there’s no way I would do this again.

^^^

Like pp, I can't imagine leaving a baby to go on holiday.

I have a 10 month i just couldn’t leave but if I did go away and someone was kind enough to do this I would tell u to do on line food shop of the things dinners U like food ect. My kids would defiantly eat the same. I would add the stuff I think my kids need and pay 4 it leave u money 4 a takeaway one of the nights and a really nice gift and the offer to leave your children with me one weekend plus I would not expect u to take my kids to activities as if it’s not hard enough to look after 4 kids plus ur and help with school run and I would still feel like a piss taker x

I'd have organised a huge Domino delivery for two nights, left the fridge full of M and S ready meals, a bottle of wine a night for you, LUSH bath fizzes for the kids, bottled waters, par-baked rolls so 'fresh' bread was available... what you did was beyond "favour" and fully into "sacrifice" territory and should have been thanked accordingly.

Surely they couldve at least taken the baby?

I would expect they'd leave the house tidy, food for the kids and money for activities
They've seriously taken the pee so don't ever offer again!

I certainly wouldn’t have done any washing.
I’m sure their kids had enough clean clothes for 4 days.

Washing machine still full?!? No wine!! I mean disorganised and well-meaning is one thing but HOW are they not absolutely mortified?! 😱 you are an angel, I wish you were my friend! ❤️

It sounds as though they’re disorganised rather than blatantly malicious. However, they owe you a grovelling apology. I struggle to comprehend that a wealthy couple would leave you only £50. They must have known when they walked out of the door it was empty. The whole thing sounds so disrespectful. Even if you had a stocked fridge, I would have expected more. What if you’d needed to go somewhere in an emergency?!

@bluesapphire48 the OP agreed to babysit…child abandonment, what the fuck are you on about?!

OP that’s really poor. They sound disorganised and thoughtless rather than mean but that doesn’t make it ok. You sound like a lovely friend. I hope they buy you a lovely thank you gift once they’ve thought on it.

The fridge needed to be filled at least, cancelled the Childress activities for that weekend and money to take the children out instead and some money for a take away

If they didn't leave food for the children, it was abandonment.