If you did this sort of epic favour for someone, what would you expect them to provide

[Noclosure]

I feel I've been proper mugged off this weekend.

As a favour looked after a friend's 4 children and pets for 4 nights 5 days Fri-Tues so the couple could go on holiday.

The children include a teething and weaning 6 month baby who doesn't sleep. The older ones are in different primary school years.

The weekend included getting the kids off to their separate activities such as sports etc, some ferrying journeys and all the usual kid stuff you would expect including administration of medication, cooking, cleaning , laundry etc. Then all school runs on the Monday and Tuesday with the baby in tow.

What as a very minimum would you expect to be provided in the house if you are there to look after them but also have your own children there too? Would you expect to have to provide your own food for yourself and DC that weekend or would you think you'd just all eat together as a family?

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'm feeling really hurt and a bit taken advantage of with how things were left and what I had to do and provide/pay for so I'm just canvassing opinions.

What did you get?

You sound like an incredibly kind and lovely person OP. Your friends are very lucky to have you… even if they have been extremely thoughtless on this occasion!

"Abandonment" means different things in different jurisdictions, and it would be up to a lawyer or the courts to decide in this situation what the intent of the couple was. Did they leave a phone number where they could be reached in case of emergency? What were the terms under which these "friends" obtained what were clearly the SERVICES of Noclosure?

My point in saying that this rises to the level of "abandonment" is to try to emphasize the seriousness of what these people did. Basically, it amounts to SLAVERY as well as DERELICTION of their parental duties. Women get sucked into this sort of thing all the time, and we really need to set boundaries. Clearly that didn't happen, and the fact that these people are "wealthy" probably means that they would never face the kind of legal problems that they would if they had been poor and a racial or ethnic minority and had left their kids, who included a six-month-old, in the care of anybody at all.

In a word, these people are rich bums. Probably the best thing to do is for Noclosure to completely shut the door on them. Don't talk to them, and refuse any phone calls from them. And be careful who you tell about it. Inevitably, YOU will be blamed for it.

It always happens that way.

Yo put in context I looked after my friends two gorgeous JRT overnight…I was very happy to and genuinely didn’t consider it a chore but she left a bottle of wine ,M and S meal ,dessert and the following day she dropped a lovely plant ,chocks and thank you card round.
She was so grateful,so if I did what you did I would have expected a fridge full of decent food,money for takeaways/ treats / days out and yes a decent gift as well !!

No gift yet. Another thank you text today.

Good job your friend didn’t ask for one of your kidneys! I can’t believe what she had you doing! What a pss take !

@bluesapphire48 someones been watching ally Mcbeal.
you sound insane. The most dramatic reaction I’ve ever seen on mumsnet. Embarrassing and you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Thank you for your comment, Happy Place. Being called "insane" by you is definitely a compliment.

What's a JRT?

I know everyone needs a break but leaving a 6month old for that long ! Shocking to me .

And yes I would’ve expected a full fridge , maybe pre pepped meals and some money left !

I know everyone needs a break but leaving a 6month old for that long ! Shocking to me .

^ me too. Completely unimaginable. My baby would have been distraught.

@Noclosure i think I may know this family. Are the couples initials J and R by chance?

This is such a weird situation and doesn’t even seem real to me that someone would leave their newly weaning 6 month old and older kids with someone to go away on holiday just because they had had it booked for ages and wanted to get away?!

They sound completely thoughtless and rather selfish. I’d have left pizzas for everyone and snacks for the first night, milk, bread, cereals, croissants etc for a nice, easy breakfast, casseroles and pasta bakes, and ready prepared batch cooked meals in the freezer that would have been easy for you to use. Plus lots of fruit, snacks, drinks etc. And games or films you could all enjoy. Just to make it as smooth and easy as possible.

JRT = jack russell terrier?

what @Tiredasamf said above is the exact thing that should have happened, but no part of it happened. They see you as an easy touch OP. Actions not words matter. No matter how pleasant they are to you, they have used you terribly. They are well aware, well aware and whilst I sense you are not going to say anything more to them, you should do better than these selfish, disrespectful people who have made a complete utter fool of you.

Similar thing happened to me although it was only one night.
Had arranged to look after friends kids while they went to a wedding for the day. At the last minute they suddenly announced they would be staying over. "Well we thought you'd have to stay the night anyway" they said 🙄
Same thing re the food - nothing in fridge or cupboards for us or the kids. I had to go out and buy stuff. I actually texted to ask what to feed the kids and she said whatever you think is best!
Daughter then woke up crying in the night so I was awake for most of it.
No apologies and no thanks were offered.......

I have 4 kids and had planned a major (mega anniversary thingy) trip, but COVID intervened - roll forward 2 years and we’d booked somewhere completely different and all was going well. But…. my Mum, who’d have overseen things, had a stroke 4 weeks before we were due to go. Had to call on dear friends to help. Spent whatever time I had, even if it meant quitting things that were dear to me (so like an OU course and investigating a long term job possibility), either shopping or cooking to fill the freezer and fill cupboards and became religious looking through the entire 20 days that we’d be away at clubs, social events, and possible other things etc to ensure that whoever was looking after my children weren’t too taxed. It was sheer hell! Slept the bulk of the flight there, which given that we had to make a change was simply hilarious. I have literally 1 memory of the change over when my husband prodded me a little too hard.

So what I’m trying to say is that I suspect (strongly) that you’ve been taken for granted! You do know it, but possibly are mourning the friendship where they wouldn’t have taken advantage. We had to rely on my friend’s son to help out. It would have been my friend but her other son had had a severe accident two days before we flew. To be honest if it hadn’t been such an expensive trip (i.e. something extremely significant that would have hurt us and remained with us forever) and that we couldn’t have recouped any of it (too late etc) I would have delayed/cancelled. As it was whatever my friend’s son had been expecting, I know from both his and his mother’s (my best friend’s) reaction, that we more than compensated them. AND, luckily (extremely given my propensity for bad luck!!!) all went well.

The point is that when you’re stuck and a dear friend rescues you because of your situation you DO NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE! Indeed you must, in my opinion, overcompensate. That you have been allowed to go away and (hopefully - but its ultimately irrelevant) enjoy yourself makes recompense those that have moved ‘heaven and earth’ to help you is so important. If you’ve booked things then you can have expectations etc. However if you’re relying on family - so we had been relying on my mum - I would still have come home loaded with gifts for her and recompensed her in a way that I know she would have appreciated. Anyone asked to look after . So it will seriously pain you to learn…. But they are not worth you. I have rescued friends before, some I would happily do so again and again and some are no longer friends. Unless they reciprocate in a way that feels equal, or even better (given that you gave first) more than equal then they’re not really the friends you hoped they’d be.

Sorry for the mega long post, but having been in their position I thought it wise to let you know all that we did to tell those that helped us out just how much we loved/appreciated them.

I think- going on the texts expressing thanks and the fact they did reimburse your shopping quickly- they are just very thoughtless and don't appreciate that money is tight for you.
Because they can easily afford a Domino's or whatever, they perhaps think you are the same and feel it would have been awkward to offer you money.

I do think there was opportunity during the weekend to call this out - first evening for example- "no food in the house need to get a takeaway for tonight and do a shop so I need another £50" or when they called to talk to the DCs.

No their initials are not J and R so there must be another couple in the UK who have managed a nice holiday sans kids too

Next time they ask I would be very busy!

I would have left the fridge stocked to the hilt , lots of cupboard stuff and drinks. I would have also paid you, and brought presents back. I’d have been the most grateful person ever. Saying this for me to actually do what you did I’d want a world cruise after.

P.s. will you be my friend lol xx

It's really shocking OP. Even if there was a catastrophe during the leadup which meant they left you in the lurch (although this could have been fixed by ordering online and transferring money at the airport) they had time on holiday to pick you out some nice gifts. We asked our teenage babysitter to come in once a day to feed the cat. We pay her and come home with gifts.

This post keeps going around my head trying to see it from their point of view ("we thought she'd prefer to choose food herself, we didn't realise there was laundry in the machine, that was a last minute attempt to get out the door, we had no cash and always intended to reimburse her") but I can't quite find a perspective that doesn't boil down to the same thing - they simply don't appreciate what you did for them. Text messages afterwards are not enough.

The present will need to be out of this world to compensate.

Wow you sound like a lovely person I wish I had someone like you in my support network! As a minimum they should of left you some extra cash to provide the meals for their children