What do you think when you see one of a couple drive more than the other? Do you judge?

[DrivingMrsW]

For example, when we go long distance journeys, it’s always dh who drives.
I’m not the most confident of drivers tbh and he isn’t the most patient of passengers, so it kinda works if he does the long distance stuff and I do the driving locally.

Our friends take turns with each other to drive long distance, and I can hear the ‘oh, Mr W is driving AGAIN’ comments.

They have seen me drive to and fro from social events (local, obviously)so not like I’m leaving dh to do it all 100%.

Who cares what your friends think?

I don’t drive, so it will always be someone else driving.. therefore I judge not at all!

Don’t worry too much about what others think, what you do clearly works for you and your other half :)

I don't think anything. If there's two people only one can drive at once. I'm not sure anyone is giving it as much thought as you are.

I would think one of them probably doesn't like driving much, like me. I wouldn't care at all if they judged me for that 🤷

I wouldn't notice.
And if for some reason it came to my attention I wouldn't think anything of it.

I prefer not to drive if DP is happy to (which he mostly is), and felt this way with H1 and late-DH as well.
If we go somewhere and the person I am with is drinking, then I always drive back as I don't drink.
If for whatever reason they want me to drive, I will.

How do your friends know who is driving when you go long distances?

No, I don't judge. Why would I care? Each to their own.

(But do your friends really comment or do you just imagine they do?)

My DH has a better car than me that is much more comfortable for driver and passenger (plus has air con while mine does not), so it makes sense that he does the longer trips. I wouldn't notice who was driving more out of couples that we know and I definitely wouldn't have an opinion!

I can’t say as it has ever crossed my mind. I assume they do whatever works best for them.

Why do they comment? This literally isn’t a thing in my life (& like you my DH does all the long distance). Is your DH complaining about it? His opinion is the only one that matters.

When it’s them meeting us at the end of the car journey.
A few of us go camping and we meet at more or less the same time, so they see it’s always dh, same as when we go home.

Also, how often are you driving long distances to and fro with the same set of friends? Can’t be that frequent, surely?

Long journeys I drive as I get car sick, unless it involves cities in which case DH does it. I'm not aggressive enough where busy traffic is concerned and end up getting in everyone's way of nowhere at all. I'm better than DH on a motorway though I think.

I'm a confident driver but my husband enjoys driving more than I do so when we are together he always drives. He's also less distracted than I am.

DH drives long distances for work.

My car has the dog crate in it.

I drive us around, mostly.

I don't care what people think.

When they comment, don’t you just say ‘Yeah, DH prefers to drive than be a passenger with me!’ and that’s that?

Who cares? I'm a confident driver but my DH always drives on long distance journeys when we're together as he enjoys it. I'm happy to relaxed in the passenger seat plus I prefer to be alone when driving.

I'm the same as you, OP. I drive around locally, but it's easier to let DH drive when we go out together. I do judge sometimes, when I see older women always being carted about, but shouldn't, I know. It could be they never had the confidence or opportunity to learn to drive. But the attitude that the man drives and the woman is a passenger is changing, I think, thankfully, and you hear far fewer "women driver" jokes/comments these days.

I’ve got a better car than my husband so mostly if we are going somewhere together I drive. I don’t think anyone has noticed or read anything into it.

When we're in the car together, I always drive. I'm a better driver (DH will agree to this!) and I'm also a terrible back-seat driver, so much prefer to drive.

No idea what our friends think of this, but my brother thinks it's weird - especially as he knows DH can drive!

I can hear the ‘oh, Mr W is driving AGAIN’ comments.

I find that very strange, simply because I'd say that "traditionally", men do do more of the driving. So I'm surprised people comment on it when it's this way round.

Generally speaking I'm surprised people notice at all though. Let alone care enough to comment. My DH has never been allowed to drive due to poor eyesight but plenty of people don't know that (not like it's a secret, it just doesn't really come up). I've never had anyone comment that I'm always the one driving.

I wouldn't think anything. Maybe one likes driving more than the other, or one isn't a great passenger. Tbh it wouldn't even be on my radar.

I wouldn't think anything. It could be down to insurance , who prefers which car, who had too much wine the night before, eho's had a tough week. Whatever, it's none of my business.

What other people think is irrelevant.

Bloody hell, who has got the energy to give a shit how other couples decide to split the driving?

I wouldn't worry about who drives and how often.

I am, however, worried about other things you said in your post. You said you don't feel very confident driving (long distance) and that your husband apparently has no patience watching you drive, which I suspect makes you even less confident in your own abilities.

That dynamic sounds unhealthy.