What do you think when you see one of a couple drive more than the other? Do you judge?

[DrivingMrsW]

For example, when we go long distance journeys, it’s always dh who drives.
I’m not the most confident of drivers tbh and he isn’t the most patient of passengers, so it kinda works if he does the long distance stuff and I do the driving locally.

Our friends take turns with each other to drive long distance, and I can hear the ‘oh, Mr W is driving AGAIN’ comments.

They have seen me drive to and fro from social events (local, obviously)so not like I’m leaving dh to do it all 100%.

Dh doesn’t really complain, he knows I’m not a confident driver, so he thinks it’s probably easier for him to drive.

If he did complain, I’ll remind him that he isn't the best of passengers (slow down you’re going too fast/speed up, you’re going too slow etc 🙄).

I dont pay any attention. What an odd thing to judge ffs 🤣😩

Oh God, I mean, there's nothing too trivial that some petty arsehole wouldn't judge to get another adrenaline hit of self satisfaction but I wouldn't worry yourself about it.

I pretty much always drive as I enjoy it, am a terrible fidgety passenger and sometimes get car sick. DH doesn't care either way, but will drive if I ask him to (if I'm tired or I can't face driving in bad weather etc). No one has ever commented, and I feel it would be more likely to be commented upon as it's more unusual for the wife to do the majority of the driving. I think you might be being hypersensitive to this, and in the end it's none of their business what works for you.

No body has ever asked! & I’ve never thought about it!

i do most of the driving as I suffer from awful car sickness so makes sense! My neighbours wife does most of the driving - never thought to ask!

It wouldnt even register who was driving, do your friends regularly make critical comments on non issues?

I’m a confident driver but DH pretty much always drives when we go on a long journey because a) he’s crap at directions (giving and reading) and b) he just falls asleep leaving me to it. If he asks I will always swap. It really doesn’t bother us.

I would definitely judge. As a minimum: rebuttable presumption of some outdated notions on appropriate gender roles.

I find the expectation that any job/role should be split 50/50 between couples really odd. In our house, DH and I each have areas we tend to look after. I do all the laundry, he cuts the grass, I arrange most social things, he usually drives, etc etc.

I don’t think or care about it. Why would anyone else care.
Im sure everyone just does what works for them.

They are both confident drivers so I’m not sure, I think they think I’m lazy.

I can't drive, DH loves driving, so he does 100% of it...

No judging here.
DH doesn't like being a passenger, so I happily let him drive us. I'll drive if he wants to have a drink, and vice versa. If we are going out on a 'date night' we tend to use public transport/ Uber.

We both do about equal mileage on our own, so I don't feel I'm being slighted in some way.

I can drive, and do drive almost every day. But if we go out together, DH always drives. He likes driving and doesn't really like being a passenger. I don't like driving much and prefer being a passenger. So it works for us.

If he did complain, I’ll remind him that he isn't the best of passengers (slow down you’re going too fast/speed up, you’re going too slow etc 🙄).

Tell your dh to quit the comments or walk. You are quite capable of driving without him in the car. He wouldnt talk like that to any other person driving, just who he sees as the little woman he is married to. These comments are fucking disrepectful and probably responsible for a large part of your crumbling driving confidence and why you are questioning friends comments.

I'm a good navigator too, so that works for us.

I can hear the ‘oh, Mr W is driving AGAIN’ comments.

I cant believe anyone would care enough to comment?!

I’ve been driving for nearly 30 years but DH always drives when we’re in the car together! Doesn’t bother him, me or anyone around us!

With us it’s usually whoever’s car is easiest to get out. My OH doesn’t care. I do judge men who don’t like being driven around by women though, and I think that can be the older generation. My uncle simply refuses to be driven by a woman unless he’s being picked up from the cricket club and has had a drink - then he conveniently doesn’t care. Unfortunately he’s nearly 80 and I don’t feel safe in the car with him, so if we go anywhere as a family I meet them there.

Oh no DH literally drives everywhere. Long short any journey we make

Do people actually comment OP or is it your own feelings that you are being judged?
I am similar drive locally very happily but longer unfamiliar journeys or driving abroad I'm not very confident with and DH likes driving and being in control and is a terrible back seat driver which in turn makes me nervous and impacts my driving. I feel frustrated with myself about this.
Noone has ever really commented other than DHs family, who live 6 hours away, and did used to make comments about sharing the driving, although when DC were smaller think it was just as hard keeping them entertained on long journeys as it was driving.

I always drive if we are out together. Due to being involved in a horrific car accident a many years ago, I am the world's worst passenger, so it's better all round for me to drive. Other people's opinions on the matter doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Well, I suspect that's the thing, isn't it.

FEMINIST GUILT alert

About four times a year, so, no, not very often I suppose.

Crikey, we've just been through a pandemic, half the world is starving, people are struggling to make ends meet and we are worrying about who does the driving!

Dear oh dear !

I only judge if I know the male driver undermines the female one because it grates on me how some men belittle their wife/partners driving which ultimately makes their driving worse and perpetuates that cycle.