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Original poster

Teenage parents

135 replies

woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:03

I saw a post on here slating teenage parents...
NEARLY EVERYONE ON HERE WAS SLATING TEENAGE PARENTS!!
I'm saddened by this!
I was a teenage mum... I was naive and I was blackmailed into having sex that young. it was my first and I became pregnant. I had my first child when I was 14! It was a disgrace to my family. And I knew it would've been a disgrace to the world. And even though I had "options" I decided that I would keep the baby. That baby is now in his 20s... he has a career. He is healthy etc. I had another child later on in life (20's) and that child had ASD and adhd... he is so special and so loving.
What I'm trying to get here is that why slate such young mums??? It doesn't make them have bad children??? I have never been on the doll. I have always worked. I am a teacher now. And if it was t for my children then this may have not been the case! What I do is for them. Not for me. Stop slating young parents because most young parents are the most loving and most energetic people you could come across... if I was to have a baby now - I don't think I would have the most energy as I did 20 years ago. I'm not saying I would ever want my children to have children young!! Far from it.. but if they did then I would be by their side every once of the way because the world still seems so cruel to a certain age!

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 01/05/2022 01:08

My concern for young parents is that they haven't experienced much of their own life apart, before becoming responsible for someone else's.

Also, young people can be selfish and self centred. Some change very well and step up when they need to. Some really don't.

You said yourself you are naïve and blackmailed - again that could be a concern that you wouldn't be able to protect your own child.

There's no guarantee that teenage parents will be bad parents, just as there's absolutely no guarantee that older parents will be good parents! It's just being aware of potential risk factors at play.

Original poster
woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:13

DropYourSword · 01/05/2022 01:08

My concern for young parents is that they haven't experienced much of their own life apart, before becoming responsible for someone else's.

Also, young people can be selfish and self centred. Some change very well and step up when they need to. Some really don't.

You said yourself you are naïve and blackmailed - again that could be a concern that you wouldn't be able to protect your own child.

There's no guarantee that teenage parents will be bad parents, just as there's absolutely no guarantee that older parents will be good parents! It's just being aware of potential risk factors at play.

Adults can also be naive and blackmailed.... just saying! Teenage parents can be good mums! I don't know if you've read the bible but Mary was 13 when she had Jesus.... was she a bad mum??

OP posts:
Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 01/05/2022 01:18

I also think older Mums tend to be more selfish. They are used to having their lives to themselves.

Apparently biologically the healthiest time for a woman (on average) to have a baby is 19. I respect teen Mums, they have it tough and they really have to step up to the mark. Often unexpectedly and with little support.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Original poster
woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:18

Also not sure if you e actually read my full post here??? I'm not a teenage anymore and my eldest is bloody brilliant. My youngest has special needs when I had him older. I was never a concern as a younger and definitely not now. I have a great career. Home. Etc

OP posts:
mubarak86 · 01/05/2022 01:18

How did you work at 14? I was a mum at 19, but married and our finances were stable. Not the usual teenage mum circumstances probably but it worked well for me. I went to university and got a masters when my dc started school, so was still relatively young. I would be utterly horrified if my 14 year old got pregnant though, they are still a child and haven't obtained even a basic education.

DropYourSword · 01/05/2022 01:20

Teenage parents can be good mums!

I never for a second said they couldn't!!
Perhaps you are a little overly defensive on this, an so assume people are saying things that they really aren't!

Original poster
woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:21

Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 01/05/2022 01:18

I also think older Mums tend to be more selfish. They are used to having their lives to themselves.

Apparently biologically the healthiest time for a woman (on average) to have a baby is 19. I respect teen Mums, they have it tough and they really have to step up to the mark. Often unexpectedly and with little support.

@Lessofallthisunpleasantness yes this 💯 I'm now older and could be an older mum but I've decided I want to be selfish and do for me now as I've had my brood lol. Older mums have had that selfish time and would miss it. I haven't had selfish time so now looking forward to it and the pension lol

OP posts:
mubarak86 · 01/05/2022 01:22

@Lessofallthisunpleasantness my dd is 17 and her A level biology teacher keeps telling them that they are in their prime for having a baby. Although perhaps medically correct, it isn't exactly the message I want to convey!

Original poster
woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:24

mubarak86 · 01/05/2022 01:18

How did you work at 14? I was a mum at 19, but married and our finances were stable. Not the usual teenage mum circumstances probably but it worked well for me. I went to university and got a masters when my dc started school, so was still relatively young. I would be utterly horrified if my 14 year old got pregnant though, they are still a child and haven't obtained even a basic education.

Family business so I worked for "pocket money" and also had a paper round ... but that's better than not working at all at that age... my family were poor.... my parents were older than me when they had me but they were poor... I'm younger than they was and I'm ok on a teachers wage. See where I'm getting at??? Some parents no matter what their age can give their children a better life than they had

OP posts:
Original poster
woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:31

mubarak86 · 01/05/2022 01:22

@Lessofallthisunpleasantness my dd is 17 and her A level biology teacher keeps telling them that they are in their prime for having a baby. Although perhaps medically correct, it isn't exactly the message I want to convey!

@mubarak86 an educated teacher would not say this... are you sure that's what was said word for word ?? I would question this with the teacher or head!

OP posts:
mubarak86 · 01/05/2022 01:32

I was a teen mum myself so not getting at teen mums, but surely OP as a teacher now you are aware how socio-economic factors can affect a child's outcome? No one is going to celebrate a 14 year old with a paper round having a baby, they are not financially independent (who supported you financially?) nor do they have a basic education. It doesn't mean they are going to be a bad parent, but they certainly don't have the basic tools that a good enough parent should possess.

Original poster
woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:40

mubarak86 · 01/05/2022 01:32

I was a teen mum myself so not getting at teen mums, but surely OP as a teacher now you are aware how socio-economic factors can affect a child's outcome? No one is going to celebrate a 14 year old with a paper round having a baby, they are not financially independent (who supported you financially?) nor do they have a basic education. It doesn't mean they are going to be a bad parent, but they certainly don't have the basic tools that a good enough parent should possess.

@mubarak86 of course I wouldn't educate this to children... but I have always wanted to open my own kind of teenage pregnancies thing where I can tell teenage children not to listen to what an older generation would say and listen to themselves... if they know then can be a good mum regardless of their age then do it! I am a good mum and I am a good teacher. That's me though... some teenagers aren't but some older parents aren't... it's not the age here! It's the morals a person has at the end of the day. I'm just sick of people saying that teenage mums will be on the doll and have nothing. It's not just me - I know teenage parent that have their own business and are actually doing better than me as a teacher! I just don't like people judging when they haven't been through it theirselves. I have a special needs child - who I had when I was older- yet all posts on here are judging on the eldest who is doing well... but because I mentioned being young... that's all that's seen and mentioned

OP posts:
Josette77 · 01/05/2022 01:41

My mom had me at 15. My sister at 19. Brother at 21. It wasn't good..

Original poster
woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:43

@DropYourSword ...... no words

OP posts:
CJsGoldfish · 01/05/2022 01:43

Stop slating young parents because most young parents are the most loving and most energetic people you could come across...
Yeah, 'most' is a stretch.
Just the idea that it just takes love and energy seems to contradict whatever it is you are trying to say...🤣

Children shouldn't be having children. Not changing my mind on that.
Teens choosing to become pregnant (and for most, it is a choice for any number of reasons) are clearly lacking in many areas. 🤷‍♀️
Glad it worked out for you though I'm not convinced a 14 yr old is actually raising their own child but that's beside the point.

Original poster
woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:44

Josette77 · 01/05/2022 01:41

My mom had me at 15. My sister at 19. Brother at 21. It wasn't good..

@Josette77 why was that though? You can't brush all teenage mums with the same brush (or anyone in life)

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 01/05/2022 01:46

woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:43

@DropYourSword ...... no words

You're kind of proving my point. I've said nothing at all wrong or disrespectful. This is clearly a very sensitive issue for you.

Original poster
woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:46

CJsGoldfish · 01/05/2022 01:43

Stop slating young parents because most young parents are the most loving and most energetic people you could come across...
Yeah, 'most' is a stretch.
Just the idea that it just takes love and energy seems to contradict whatever it is you are trying to say...🤣

Children shouldn't be having children. Not changing my mind on that.
Teens choosing to become pregnant (and for most, it is a choice for any number of reasons) are clearly lacking in many areas. 🤷‍♀️
Glad it worked out for you though I'm not convinced a 14 yr old is actually raising their own child but that's beside the point.

@CJsGoldfish well I thank you for saying glad it worked out for me... but you know theirs millions of other mums like me that need that don't you? But you're still saying what we it is you're saying. Do you have children?

OP posts:
DropYourSword · 01/05/2022 01:49

Case in point:

I have a special needs child - who I had when I was older- yet all posts on here are judging on the eldest who is doing well... but because I mentioned being young...

I don't think a single person on here has made any judgement whatsoever on your eldest child. Yet you seem to think they have.

Original poster
woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:50

@DropYourSword it is as I know a mum who lets say isn't here anymore because of comments like this.... so I am sensitive about it. I want to try and change people perspectives but it clearly isn't working but I will keep going because I won't ever stop this teaching

OP posts:
Original poster
woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:52

DropYourSword · 01/05/2022 01:49

Case in point:

I have a special needs child - who I had when I was older- yet all posts on here are judging on the eldest who is doing well... but because I mentioned being young...

I don't think a single person on here has made any judgement whatsoever on your eldest child. Yet you seem to think they have.

@DropYourSword no they haven't made a a single comment on my youngest special needs child??? Yet have a bloody comment on my eldest child just because I had him young?? Funny that...

OP posts:
mubarak86 · 01/05/2022 01:53

OP, you had your first at 14. Apart from the love and endless energy you had, what else did you have that you felt made this successful? You must have had good family support, both practical and financial. And in that case it sort of proves a point that a 14 year old cannot independently raise a baby. Your idea of 'educating' teens not to listen to the older generation is quite frankly awful.

DropYourSword · 01/05/2022 01:55

woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:52

@DropYourSword no they haven't made a a single comment on my youngest special needs child??? Yet have a bloody comment on my eldest child just because I had him young?? Funny that...

Show quote history

Where? Which comment?

Honestly, I'm incredulous you think any threads like this will be "teaching" anyone anything. You're not teaching, you're ranting.

Original poster
woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:56

mubarak86 · 01/05/2022 01:53

OP, you had your first at 14. Apart from the love and endless energy you had, what else did you have that you felt made this successful? You must have had good family support, both practical and financial. And in that case it sort of proves a point that a 14 year old cannot independently raise a baby. Your idea of 'educating' teens not to listen to the older generation is quite frankly awful.

@mubarak86 I had none of that actually... I left home when I had my eldest so did it all on own

OP posts:
Original poster
woolypollie · 01/05/2022 01:58

@DropYourSword if any teenage mums are in here because you know what some might actually be on net mums wanting support etc... then maybe they may have someone who would have their back. I am ranting because isn't this what it's here for (and yea I know it's for people like you to have some drama and entertainment too)

OP posts: