Teenage parents

[woolypollie]

I saw a post on here slating teenage parents...
NEARLY EVERYONE ON HERE WAS SLATING TEENAGE PARENTS!!
I'm saddened by this!
I was a teenage mum... I was naive and I was blackmailed into having sex that young. it was my first and I became pregnant. I had my first child when I was 14! It was a disgrace to my family. And I knew it would've been a disgrace to the world. And even though I had "options" I decided that I would keep the baby. That baby is now in his 20s... he has a career. He is healthy etc. I had another child later on in life (20's) and that child had ASD and adhd... he is so special and so loving.
What I'm trying to get here is that why slate such young mums??? It doesn't make them have bad children??? I have never been on the doll. I have always worked. I am a teacher now. And if it was t for my children then this may have not been the case! What I do is for them. Not for me. Stop slating young parents because most young parents are the most loving and most energetic people you could come across... if I was to have a baby now - I don't think I would have the most energy as I did 20 years ago. I'm not saying I would ever want my children to have children young!! Far from it.. but if they did then I would be by their side every once of the way because the world still seems so cruel to a certain age!

She’s certainly not an RE teacher! It says nowhere in the Bible what age Mary was.

I don't judge teenage mums as being bad parents...I live in a very diverse area, the mums I saw struggle most were actually older, middle class mums.

As for teenage mums, I think it's incredibly sad to never experience adulthood as a childfree person.

While there is considerable evidence about poorer outcomes for the children of young mothers, I haven’t seen the same research concluding that oilers mums being set int heir ways is damaging to their children.

can you expand please? We all have prejudices against both you and old mums, some of it is nonsense.

You are not a qualified teacher with a PCGE, OP, so what else is true in your message? Also, generally you don't have to be that bright to see that having a baby at 14 is not ideal, do you? So you claim to have done marvelously. So what? Do you go through life being pissed off with stereotypes that could apply to you but don't? It sounds exhausting.

While I do not believe that it can be found printed historians do believe Mary would have been between 12-16ish some will state a more definite age but again its within that range

You left home at 14 with a baby, and where did you live, who supported you and your child ?

I don't give a flying fuck if a teenage mum is on benefits. Why would I when the tax loopholes and the richest in this country get away with not paying the tax that they should. They can literally legally steal money away from public services, so no I don't give a fuck if any amount of 18/19 year olds have babies that they want to have and get a council flat and go on benefits for x amount of years.

I was also a teenage mum OP at 17 and 19, I was on benefits as I didn't work then only worked part time till the youngest was in secondary school and then I went to uni. The amount I now pay in taxes means I've paid my benefits back.

I love how my life has turned out, I'm very very lucky that although my childhood was abusive at times I was brought up with a proper dinner, sitting up to the table, manners and bedtimes/routines. So whilst I grew up while my dc were also growing up, that stability is what I'm sure kept us a tight happy unit. I'm 34 with a 15 and a 16yr old, both doing really well in school and will be off my hands in a few years. I do regret not having a proper twenties and I would counsel my dd to wait because I'd love for her to experience uni, gap years, festivals and abroad holidays with her mates. I really want that for her but at the end of the day she's her own person and she will be making her own life decisions.

I don't like the whole old mum young mum divide that you often see on SM. Who gives a fuck whether you think you're a better mum at such and such age because of this. No we are the best mums to our dcs that we are capable of being at whatever time of life we decide to have dc.

A teacher, you say. 🤔

It's so tiresome. Every thread that mentions an age under 26 evokes nasty responses. Got called a freeloader on here for using my M for childcare (so that I can complete my education, and boy, did I!) when she's the one who forbid me to have an abortion after a sexual assault

Can't win. I don't care, anymore. I'm not a stereotypical destitute young mother like some people hope and it enraged them. Keep living your life and succeeding, don't let people's idiotic comments get to you.

@AskingforaBaskin sure, it will have been within the usual range for that time period. But OP suggested it was in the Bible, which it isn’t - and which she would know if she had read it herself!

My parents were teenagers when they had me.
I had a lovely upbringing and I've turned out well however, my mum constantly told me that although she didn't regret having me for a second, she didn't want me to make the same choices. We were lucky that my grandparents were able to support them.

My 17 year old step sister is pregnant and I am a little sad for her and I'm worried about how it will all work out. She doesn't have job or any real qualifications. She lives at her mums in a tiny two bed flat and it's all a little chaotic. It's not ideal.

These threads get detailed by people’s personal experiences.

There is no much emotion with people angrily defending their personal choices.

But at the end of the day, specialty is in agreement that we should education our children to ensure they do not have babies at a young age. It isn’t the end of the world when it happens, but it is a less than ideal circumstance.

I never understand why people come on to these threads shouting about how amazing a parent they were despite having a baby at 15. It’s heartbreaking that they don’t see how much of their childhood they lost. And worrying that they don’t understand their personal experience does not negate the research and statistics on this.

This thread has been so entertaining! 😂😂

So you moved out at 14. Worked a job to pay your way and had no help from anyone but at the same time never needed childcare because you were looking after your own child the entire time.

How in the hell was this thread reinstated!!

@DropYourSword , I know! My mind is boggling 👀

What good does rubbing it in do? Most teen parents realise it's not ideal- why do older parents feel the need to make people feel bad about their life? So weird, let people get on with it.

And it's funny that I've met lots of really nice women who had babies in their teens. Who have jobs, who are happy. I don't see them seething with bitterness at other women and making snide comments or butting in when nobody asked for their opinion.

My parents were married and parents while in their teens. They’ve been married almost 56 years, have a £2million home (a far cry from their first home - a caravan without a loo in a friends garden), a house in Portugal, multiple businesses and rental properties. They’ve achieved all that through hard hard work, and I don’t believe they would have had the incentive if it wasn’t to look after their young family. My siblings and I have all done ok, but nowhere near as well as my parents and none of us work as hard either.

OP you’ve achieved great things. I know life is very very hard for young parents, but personally I think they’re better than older ones. My neighbour is a first time mum at 44 and she’s struggling. She’s had an awfully long time only thinking of herself and her career, and she’s now saying she wishes she hadn’t had her son. Young mums don’t mind making sacrifices, as they’re not so set in their ways.

Urgh.

As a teen mum also (though I had my eldest at 18 which is vastly different to 14 - and yes, I was financially independent, if not affluent) this thread is depressing.

We're not all bitter with chips on our shoulders. Some of us are just cracking on with life/parenting. It's depressing when I see things like this and remember some people consider me/my peers to be similar. (not envy)

So you had a paper round at 14 and left home at that age?

Children should not be having children

Family business so I worked for "pocket money" and also had a paper round

So who's family business????

None of what you say makes sense or adds up

You did it alone, but had a pocket money job in a "family business" and a paper round....

I was a teen parent and have raised my child single handily.
I’m highly educated and have a good job. I am also a very good mum.

My child is in year 10 now and is truly amazing. They are well behaved, kind, clever and literally the perfect child.

All of the other younger parents I know are better parents than many middle aged or older parents I know - but that’s not to say it’s a thing it’s just IME.

However I would encourage people to wait until they’re older to have a baby.

I missed out on a lot.

When all my friends were out partying meeting boys, I was stuck in having to change dirty nappies.

Wheh I went to uni everyone went out for freshers week or even stayed in the library late to study but I had to get back to collect my child from the childminders before cooking, cleaning and doing homework, bath and bedtime before I had any time to do my uni work.

OP I’m sure you’re a fab mum, but you need to move away from this chip on your shoulder about teen mums.

As you’ve acknowledged yourself, you were blackmailed into having a child, and it was accidental. Teenagers do not make good parents. A child needs stability, financial security, and two parents who stay together for the duration of their childhood. I’m not making this up - there are statistics to back this up linked to better outcomes for the child.

You want to open a teenage pregnancy centre and encourage teenagers to have children?! Your reasoning is: “if they know then can be a good mum regardless of their age then do it!” I really struggle to understand how you can be a teacher and believe this is a good idea. I feel terribly sorry for the children in my class who have young, incompetent, broken families.

How utterly ludicrous and irresponsible to encourage teenagers to have children. As a teacher you should hopefully have had training in childhood trauma (birth to 25) and ACEs. A teenager is still a child themselves, they should be pursuing education, life experience, jobs, security… not having children of their own.

Like I said, you’re possibly a brilliant mum. But that really isn’t a good reason to encourage children to have children.

Some teen mums thrive. Ditto older mums. I’m reading complaints about being judged yet it is also offensive to brand older mums selfish. I am so sorry for the people, who’ve shared very difficult life experiences.

Like the OP is? That's the thing, isn't it? The smart happy women would not care what it says on mumsnet. This whole thread is a load of rubbish anyway, I've never seen a thread on mumsnet that says teenage mums are terrible, it's always specific and in relation to people's specific problems and experiences.

OP, if you’re a teacher, I’m a brain surgeon and a nuclear physicist.

Don’t let people make you feel bad op.

I had my first at 32 but some of the most successful people I know had teenage mums.