Health Visitor turned up after I declined appointment

[AliceBeazley]

So, the Health Visitor. I understand it can be a valuable service to some, and it's good we have this available to us if we need it.

That said, I've never really felt the need myself. I had a visit from one once or twice after my first son was born, and she was very nice but it wasn't especially useful and just took up my time when I would rather have been doing something else.

Whenever I've been sent an appointment, I've gone through the checklist and never had any concerns. I've also got various books on child development in the early years and am proactive about checking whether milestones are being met. I've therefore cancelled all HV appointments that have been sent, and other than the office staff seeming a little puzzled, I've never had an issue doing this.

Roll on to baby number 2. I declined the checks from the start, other than arranging for the HV to come and weigh him when he was a few weeks old. When the 1 year check appointment came through I called the office and cancelled again. The woman said she would pass the message on to the HV.

The HV called and left a message to say she had my message and that's fine, but she could come and do another weigh if I wanted to, yada yada yada.

Feeling the matter was resolved, I forgot about it.

This morning the HV turned up at the door for the 9-12 month check. I explained it had been cancelled, and she sort of made noises as if that was a surprise. I said hang on, did you say your name was "Emma", wasn't it you who left a message for me to acknowledge I'd cancelled. She then said "Yes but as I said, it would be nice to meet you both". I said "Well there's lots of people it would be nice to meet, but you can't just turn up at people's doors uninvited". It was this point she obviously could tell I was annoyed at her intrusion and decides to scuttle off again.

I'm pretty annoyed by this to be honest. She knew I wasn't interested but she tried to disregard my wishes and try and come in anyway. I know a lot of people think HV appointments are mandatory and they don't do anything to point out the contrary. I feel like she just wanted to railroad me into letting her in whether I wanted to see her or not. This tactic probably works on some. I have to say I find it quite disturbing that someone acting on behalf of a government funded organisation can decide to turn up at your house and ask to see your children and intrude upon your privacy without any mandate or justification. As if the state knows better than me and I am unable to opt out.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like complaining about this as its a complete overstep. I've no idea who to complain to or if it would even do any good. I'd appreciate other's thoughts on it. TIA.

I think the real concern is why are you so adamant on hiding your child from the hv

I think she was overstepping massively too and wouldn’t have seen her in these circumstances. My first babies HV made me utterly miserable and over two decades later I wish I’d just said to go away. Eventually I went to my GP and explained what she had said and mercifully she spoke to her for me (I was very anxious by then) and I never had to see her again. I’ve since had 4 more children and have used the service for two of them. It’s an option not compulsory and anyone suggesting otherwise is a dick.

Quite literally the nanny state

I would rather see you or one mother inconvenienced by a HV turning up at your house rather than another young child abused and killed. You are over reacting. You seem good with words then use them to explain the situation .

It is an obligation for an HV to offer the service; a parent is under no obligation to accept it.

The 23 year old hv who visited me.when ds was 10 days old.was completely hopeless and not entirely respectful. I made a formal.complaint and that's what the Head of Women and Children's Services told me.

When I had dd, I wrote shortly before she was born and confirmed I did not wish to receive their services (ha ha) at all for my dd. They stayed away. Hoorah.

AFAIAC the hv service is a job creation scheme for nurses who want to fill out forms rather than nurse gettheir hands dirty beyond the hours of 9 and 5.

I agree with the op but feel she should have written formally.

I’ve had some lovely HVs visit me. Cancelling all your appointments is a huge red flag and your HV turning up to check what’s going on shows she’s doing her job properly. Not everyone has children in safe and stable environments and HVs play a vital role in checking in on new mothers and babies.

It's a safeguarding thing they like to check up and make sure babies ok , just humour them OP. They will probably come back and check on you more. Lack of engagement is a red flag even if there's nothing to be concerned about.

I'm in the minority. Clearly there are some brilliant HVs who have helped some people, but I did not have that experience. Mine was quite nasty and massively overstepped. She had a friend who lived on the next street over, so whipped out her phone and tried to set up a meeting between us. Two strangers. It took a while to shake them both off. I recognise her motives may have been good, but it was weird.
So yes, while I recognise the need for them, I also would not have appreciated someone turning up to my house.

Not really true you have to do another 1 year specialist course to do HV. I couldn't be arsed with that there's plenty of community nurse jobs out there that don't need you to do that and are 9-5 dress some wounds administer insulin go home. The bulk of the HV role is safeguarding and I imagine it is very stressful. Many babies are born into chaotic and abusive homes.

Agree with this

You aren’t unreasonable.
I was terribly disturbed by these folk just “turning up” midwives and health visitor demanding to see me.
One morning the midwife came and I was in bed and demanded to my husband that I get downstairs and speak to her as she “HAD” to sight me? Like what is that. How rude.

I cancelled our health visitor at 3 months and she hasn’t been back, if I have another baby I’m cancelling the midwives too.

We see a private paediatrician for check ups, I don’t need leaflets.
you have the right to refuse any healthcare you want, just because the health visitor is “free” doesn’t mean you need to see them.

You come across as quite closed minded, the way you’ve taken this as a personal insult rather than recognising the safeguarding implications. The HV checks are for your babies benefit, and having children means we have to put up with some inconveniences for their sakes sometimes.

@lovinglavidaloca

I think you’ve made a bit of a twat of yourself tbh. You sound extremely smug.

How many discussions do we see on here about poor little abused/murdered babies and HV/SS are blamed for not doing enough. If a baby was killed and the HV hadn’t set eyes on it a few times before it was a year old questions would be asked.

Grow up. It’s simple safe guarding.

Absolutely agree. If you're so capable and are not in need of their service you'd understand why she did this. It was a safeguarding call. Good on her for it! She obviously needed to check out the unusual behaviour you're displaying. You sound unnecessary rude and obnoxious

@AliceBeazley

Thanks for the responses so far. Some food for thought.

It is (or was?) my understanding that the HV service was completely optional, but from what the majority are saying here, that if you don't want to partake then you should get a compulsory visit anyway in order for at least a cursory assessment of your situation to be carried out.

So it's not entirely optional after all?

Don't you understand? It's not about optional / non optional. They have to assess whether there's a safeguarding risk whether you want to engage or not. Abusers will often decline their appointments and HVs are the only ones to have contact with the children at that point so of course they're just assessing what's going on because they need to know whether there are safeguarding risks.

Having 'various books on child development' doesn't mean that a good HV won't spot issues that you'll miss. They are experienced in looking at many children and can pick up on potential problems your child might have. I think it's a bit arrogant to assume you know better in this situation, and maybe not in the best interest of your child.

Why so defensive! The constant cancellations of appointments is a red flag for child protection concerns. Just get it done and let them do their job for God sake.

I think YABU. What a drama over nothing. 30 minutes of a qualified person to check that your baby is doing fine, but you’re making it sound as if they want to move in with you. I don’t get the need to have such a strong stance against it.
They can’t know you are a caring parent (and read books and follow baby development) and good on Emma for trying to check that the baby is well and not neglected.

Tbh I find your behaviour disturbing, not hers.

HV are there for children and mothers. They have a responsibility to check and safe guarding. What is a mild inconvenience for you could potentially save a child's life (and the mothers depending on circumstances).

Your annoyance at them turning up is a over reaction they were doing their job!

My HV is amazing she really pushed to get my sons surgery when a baby, was fantastic at stopping us from getting fobbed off by other hcp etc.
They have a tough job due to stereotyping historically or a few not so great ones.

I would happily offer my HV a cuppa and a chat!

I agree it should be opt-out, but in those instances they should introduce a mandatory welfare check instead where mum, baby/child and living environment are ticked off as not requiring further assistance. With the current system it’s way too easy for kids at risk to fall through the cracks.

Didn’t you explain to her that you’d read a book, and are therefore far more qualified than she?

@NumberTheory the amount of abuse, and things picked up in nice, ‘middle class’ white households would surprise you…

I think you need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. As others have said the hv has a job to do and not engaging with health services is a big red flag that something might not be going well. That doesn’t mean they specifically think you are doing anything wrong but in a percentage of non engagement cases there will be an issue, without meeting you they don’t know if that applys to you or not. Can you imagine the outcry if a hv ignored red flags and something awful happened.
How would you feel if something about your childs health was missed because you refused their development checks. No matter how educated, you don’t have the same experience or objectivity.
You were also incredibly rude to them, completely unnecessary in any situation. Why would you not want someone to check on your child for your childs sake even if your confident everything is ok? It isn’t the hv who is being unreasonable here,

No it wouldn't. And if that's what you took from my post you've either failed to understand it or read it out of context.

^^ THIS

and if you need safeguarding issues/procedures pointing out to you, or you do sort of understand about them, but think that someone who has never met you should just automatically know that neither you or any other adult in the home is an abusing prick, then I absolutely do think that either the health visitor or a social worker need to visit you at home, and maybe for quite a few unnotified times.