Health Visitor turned up after I declined appointment

[AliceBeazley]

So, the Health Visitor. I understand it can be a valuable service to some, and it's good we have this available to us if we need it.

That said, I've never really felt the need myself. I had a visit from one once or twice after my first son was born, and she was very nice but it wasn't especially useful and just took up my time when I would rather have been doing something else.

Whenever I've been sent an appointment, I've gone through the checklist and never had any concerns. I've also got various books on child development in the early years and am proactive about checking whether milestones are being met. I've therefore cancelled all HV appointments that have been sent, and other than the office staff seeming a little puzzled, I've never had an issue doing this.

Roll on to baby number 2. I declined the checks from the start, other than arranging for the HV to come and weigh him when he was a few weeks old. When the 1 year check appointment came through I called the office and cancelled again. The woman said she would pass the message on to the HV.

The HV called and left a message to say she had my message and that's fine, but she could come and do another weigh if I wanted to, yada yada yada.

Feeling the matter was resolved, I forgot about it.

This morning the HV turned up at the door for the 9-12 month check. I explained it had been cancelled, and she sort of made noises as if that was a surprise. I said hang on, did you say your name was "Emma", wasn't it you who left a message for me to acknowledge I'd cancelled. She then said "Yes but as I said, it would be nice to meet you both". I said "Well there's lots of people it would be nice to meet, but you can't just turn up at people's doors uninvited". It was this point she obviously could tell I was annoyed at her intrusion and decides to scuttle off again.

I'm pretty annoyed by this to be honest. She knew I wasn't interested but she tried to disregard my wishes and try and come in anyway. I know a lot of people think HV appointments are mandatory and they don't do anything to point out the contrary. I feel like she just wanted to railroad me into letting her in whether I wanted to see her or not. This tactic probably works on some. I have to say I find it quite disturbing that someone acting on behalf of a government funded organisation can decide to turn up at your house and ask to see your children and intrude upon your privacy without any mandate or justification. As if the state knows better than me and I am unable to opt out.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like complaining about this as its a complete overstep. I've no idea who to complain to or if it would even do any good. I'd appreciate other's thoughts on it. TIA.

@Catpuss66 I assume you are an HCP with post graduate qualifications?

They’re doing their job. I’m glad they are.
if there’s nothing to see, they’ll move on. They can’t possibly know that with visits, though.

Ive never met a useful HV. Most need to be told to leave mums alone. I felt a lot of pressure with my first and I think I was on a kind of watch list, from weird stuff the HV’s said at appointments, which I was pressured into attending every week with weird hints about the service needing to see I was coping ok.
I had a home birth and was a little bit exasperated with the first HV I saw as she was giving me stupid advice I knew to be wrong. She told me not to rock him in the pram while I was walking as he would get shaken baby syndrome. She also told my husband to check his balls for cancer as the baby shouldn’t be orphaned.Then when he looked pissed off at her being so weird she asked if I was afraid of him while he and my mum were sat in the room with us. She also riffled through my bathroom and had a wander around the house, said she was checking we had baby proofed it. Baby was 36 hours old. Bizarre experience.

What the fuck.

That's hugely unprofessional, almost all of it.

This does sound strange. Are you sure it was a Health Visitor? They don’t usually visit until the baby is a couple of weeks old.

A midwife has responsibility for a newborn, for up to 28 days but if all is well they will hand over to the HV at about 14 days..

That is absolutely disgraceful! Utterly, utterly disgraceful, and I felt angry just reading that. You should have put in a complaint. Then exited the HV 'programme'. From all evidence I've seen, the HVs are little more than naturopathic quacks and many of them seem very slow and backwards in their thinking as well as misogynistic. They do so much more harm than good. The whole setup really should be dismantled.

Health Visitors are already fully qualified nurses and or Midwives, who have done a lot of extra training. So hardly “naturopathic quacks”. As for misogynistic? There’s zero evidence for that claim.

I take exception to being called slow and backward. I have GCSEs all grade A, two grade A, A levels, a diploma in nursing, a degree in public health and a post-grad in teaching.

Honestly, some of the posts on here are disgraceful.

Mine tried to visit a couple of days after DS was born but we were still in hospital. They then came the day after we were discharged, when he was about 8 days old.

TalkingCat

Why is it misogynistic to raise awareness of testicular cancer to a male parent?

Yes, and…….?

I'm with you OP, yanbu.

A government employee doesn't have the right to enter my home without cause. 'Some parents are arseholes, we're just pre-emptively checking' doesn't rise to the standard. And the 'what have you got to hide' snarky side eye, or the optional but not really you wouldn't want these consequences would you, is really really disappointing.

That said, though it is annoying, I would have played the game a bit... smarter? Made time to chat on the phone, let them know that I've got a close support system and a regular gp/paediatrician that I will see with questions. Thank them for their offer and you definitely appreciate that you can call them if need be. I had a good relationship with my midwives too who vouched for me and after one phone call the hv left me alone.

I don't consider some nurse more qualified than an actual DOCTOR. Also anyone can have these degrees, it means nothing when a kid out of uni comes around and tells your husband to 'check his balls' or else the DC will become an orphan. If that's the 'quality' of these pieces of paper, forget it! There are far far far too many cases of these HVs abusing and intimidating women, then showing how misogynistic they are by suggesting as in the above case, that the woman is 'afraid' of her DH. Misogyny writ large, right there. There's your proof.

No, I took my children to an actual Doctor. Not a nurse. The defence of the abuse of vulnerable women and intimidation of vulnerable women by some HVs are disgraceful.

Insinuating the poster was 'afraid' of her DH through no evidence at all, is misogynistic.

Then again the whole HVs intimidating women in their own homes, the entire programme is deeply misogynistic. Women have been bearing children for thousands of years. We don't need strangers coming into our homes passing judgement.

But some women are afraid of their partner. Even ones who may be articulate professional middle class women.
What evidence do you think you’d see?

But some women are* afraid of their partner. Even ones who may be articulate professional middle class women.
What evidence do you think you’d see?*

Are women who are afraid of their partner likely to say that in their partner presence? And if partner is indeed violent then isn't this question, asked in front of them, likely to inflame things?

So your suggestion is that every woman should be asked if she is afraid of her husband? Do you realise how offensive, paternalistic and misogynistic that is? Not to mention completely unrealistic.

Exactly. Asking the question in the first place, especially in front of partner, is counterproductive. It is completely unrealistic and achieves nothing but upsetting the woman - the mother.

This talk of actual doctors shows a complete lack of knowledge of our health care system. Ask any nurse and they will tell you how much doctors rely on them, especially in August on the wards. The two GPs I worked really valued the service and relied on me for support with young children and parents.

What university taught me was to take very little notice of anecdotal information posted on the internet, as there is no way of following up these claims to test their validity.

Yes, nurses help on the wards and take temperatures, do cannulas etc, and doctors rely on them for that. But a nurse is not a Doctor. It is the Doctor that has the professional training. Otherwise we'd just have Nurses and no Doctors if Doctors weren't important.

And I bet you take notice of all the anecdotal information and claims if they agree with your agenda and make HVs look good.

I must clear up a misunderstanding here if I've given the impression I have no respect for nurses. Having been hospitalised with MSSA/Sepsis for 5.5 weeks, then years later on and off for 1-2 weeks at a time over a period of 3 months for Severe Acute Pancreatitis, I know full well how valuable Nurses are. And how hard they work. However, even Nurses have their limitations. Nurses only carry out orders. They are not Doctors. I wouldn't take a child to see a Nurse. I would take them to see a Doctor. Because a Doctor is a Doctor. I need someone that can do more than take temperature, insert cannulas, change beds. None of that will help my child who needs to see a Doctor.

@TalkingCat, you obviously know absolutely nothing about the UK health system. Here nurses can prescribe and are increasingly being used to provide healthcare that was formerly the remit of doctors. As medicine becomes increasingly sophisticated that approach will be used more and more here.

Change beds? Where do you live that nurses have time to change beds!

There is a world of difference between a nurse practitioner or physicians assistant and a band 5 nurse.

In my experience an HV is neither. Mine could certainly only answer my questions with "I don't know", or "I'm not an expert" No point engaging with her therefore.

What is a huge difficulty for patients across all disciplines is the hierarchy of nurses that now exists and the fact that there is no clarity about what sort of nurse people are. Therefore a situation arises where where an HCA shares information authoritatively which may be bunkum but they wear a uniform that makes them look like a nurse. It is becoming far too opaque.

Then that is shocking and very irresponsible. Doctors are the only ones that should be allowed to prescribe. No wonder the NHS (which is a wonderful service) is in such dire straights were non-professionals are prescribing drugs.