Health Visitor turned up after I declined appointment

[AliceBeazley]

So, the Health Visitor. I understand it can be a valuable service to some, and it's good we have this available to us if we need it.

That said, I've never really felt the need myself. I had a visit from one once or twice after my first son was born, and she was very nice but it wasn't especially useful and just took up my time when I would rather have been doing something else.

Whenever I've been sent an appointment, I've gone through the checklist and never had any concerns. I've also got various books on child development in the early years and am proactive about checking whether milestones are being met. I've therefore cancelled all HV appointments that have been sent, and other than the office staff seeming a little puzzled, I've never had an issue doing this.

Roll on to baby number 2. I declined the checks from the start, other than arranging for the HV to come and weigh him when he was a few weeks old. When the 1 year check appointment came through I called the office and cancelled again. The woman said she would pass the message on to the HV.

The HV called and left a message to say she had my message and that's fine, but she could come and do another weigh if I wanted to, yada yada yada.

Feeling the matter was resolved, I forgot about it.

This morning the HV turned up at the door for the 9-12 month check. I explained it had been cancelled, and she sort of made noises as if that was a surprise. I said hang on, did you say your name was "Emma", wasn't it you who left a message for me to acknowledge I'd cancelled. She then said "Yes but as I said, it would be nice to meet you both". I said "Well there's lots of people it would be nice to meet, but you can't just turn up at people's doors uninvited". It was this point she obviously could tell I was annoyed at her intrusion and decides to scuttle off again.

I'm pretty annoyed by this to be honest. She knew I wasn't interested but she tried to disregard my wishes and try and come in anyway. I know a lot of people think HV appointments are mandatory and they don't do anything to point out the contrary. I feel like she just wanted to railroad me into letting her in whether I wanted to see her or not. This tactic probably works on some. I have to say I find it quite disturbing that someone acting on behalf of a government funded organisation can decide to turn up at your house and ask to see your children and intrude upon your privacy without any mandate or justification. As if the state knows better than me and I am unable to opt out.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like complaining about this as its a complete overstep. I've no idea who to complain to or if it would even do any good. I'd appreciate other's thoughts on it. TIA.

Bloody hell, you sound delightful.

'Scuttled off'? She was doing her job and had your little ones best interests at heart and you treated her with such contempt? Healthcare professionals are damned if they do, damned if they don't. Surely you can think with common sense why it might cause some concern when HVs are told that someone doesn't want to engage with their services (as outlined by PP)

I think you are quite arrogant, truth be told.

Also people turn up at doors uninvited all the time. I get people trying to sell cleaning products, charity collectors, delivery men hoping to leave a parcel for next door, etc etc, all completely uninvited. Turning up at someone’s door is fine, as long as they go away when asked, which she did.

I think you’ve made a bit of a twat of yourself tbh. You sound extremely smug.

How many discussions do we see on here about poor little abused/murdered babies and HV/SS are blamed for not doing enough. If a baby was killed and the HV hadn’t set eyes on it a few times before it was a year old questions would be asked.

Grow up. It’s simple safe guarding.

HV and SServices are damned if they do and if they don't.

I'm surprised anyone can be quite so oblivious to the reasons why health visitors cannot just ignore the children whose parents choose not to interact with the service.

Thanks for the responses so far. Some food for thought.

It is (or was?) my understanding that the HV service was completely optional, but from what the majority are saying here, that if you don't want to partake then you should get a compulsory visit anyway in order for at least a cursory assessment of your situation to be carried out.

So it's not entirely optional after all?

It is optional. But choosing to opt out makes you look dodgy so hopefully they’ll be following up with you

"Optional but there will be repercussions if you don't comply" actually sounds like the very opposite of optional to me.

Well after that I wouldn't be surprised if you get a visit from SS as well. The HV doesn't know that your child isn't at risk, they are just doing their job

We did have some less-than-perfect experiences with our HV team.

However, I'm glad I didn't give up on them: Our HV spotted an issue with one of DD's eyes at her 1 year check and made a direct referral to ophthalmology at the hospital. No one else had spotted the issue.

It's not just about ticking the development boxes.

It is optional in that you don’t have to let them in, but they are allowed to contact you and to knock on your door (as anyone is).

Perhaps easiest to think of it like this- they’re not there for you, they’re there for the woman who’s been forced to cancel her appointments by her abusive partner so that no one sees the baby’s bruises, only if they can never set eyes on you they have no way of knowing which one’s which. The least effort (for you and them) if you don’t want to engage is just to be polite and clear.

You were very rude.

She was doing her job and cancelling visits or declining engagement with HCPs may be seen as a red flag. I would be concerned by your response to be honest.

If I were you I’d apologise. It wouldn’t have cost you anything to be polite.

Good to hear of some of the positive interactions with the HVs. Thanks for sharing your stories and opinions. The importance of safeguarding isn't lost on me.

I shall be sure to report back if I get hurled in front of SS for being too rude/smug/arrogant/non-compliant etc. Time for bed now.

I said "Well there's lots of people it would be nice to meet, but you can't just turn up at people's doors uninvited

Did you really say that? I'm guessing there will be more unexpected visits if you come across this strange irl.

Hv said she would report me
to social services if I didn’t see her, first baby so not known to social services (confirming that before anyone suggests that must be the reason 🙄) yet it’s suppose to be an “optional service” 🤷‍♀️

Think of all the "Where was the Social Worker??!!!" type posts OP. As well as the incidents which they arise from.

There are reasons why such procedures are in place. Often professionals will opt for a face-to-face contact (even if brief) because they can get a better "feel" for the individual circumstances. Given that she was not rude, did not try to manipulate her way into your house, told no lies and promptly left when you made your feelings clear.. I don't feel she has done anything wrong. You would BU to complain.

The HV check is for your child, not you. Would it be so impossible to let them have sight of your child so they can see all is OK? There have been horrific cases of children dying from abuse when HVs have not been able to see them. They have to check you are not one of those cases.

I didn't 'need' the hv to see me for either of my babies. The birth went well, and I found motherhood easier than I anticipated. I saw them because it was the done thing and it was nice to have another person to chat to about my baby, how they were doing etc.

Roll on 3 years and the HV is suddenly more important as my child has been very seriously ill and will have extensive involvement with health services for the rest of her childhood.

I'm glad that they are there now. Your may not need then now, but no one knows what the future could hold and when they will be useful.

Ps:, yes i know your could opt back in, but it's a lot harder after you've declined them and been rude to them.

They’re probably suspicious of you because you keep cancelling on them. They’ll be wondering what you’re hiding. I can’t imagine you’ve heard the last of this, and rightly so. They want to ensure children are safe, and you’re not really helping them to do that.

If you’re deliberately obstructive then you look like you have something to hide. I’m not surprised they did a spot check on you!

But now you’ve been rude and weird to the HV, do expect another visit.

It is probably a good thing for HV or someone to check on small children but the problems really begin when they have made an accusation which later turns out to be false and they can not just apologise and go away.

No wonder people decline HVs

Diid you have your baby on the nhs? If so the hv is part of the amazing care we get. Not always perfect but there and offering a line of support

I’m trying to ascertain if you’ve actually opted out of the service OP or have just cancelled all appointments as they come through the door?

That being said I have nothing else to add, so many posters have covered it brilliantly.

Though I would think about at least letting them do the developmental reviews, for the sake of your baby if anything. They’re trained to spot things us parents can miss, no matter how educated we think we are.

Yanbu. I declined hv for my 4th. I didn't have a entire day to wait at home for her to show.

When we moved I ticked no to hc. Dd3 was 3 at the time. A hv called anyway when I quarried this she said. Oh we saw but we thought it was a mistake. I once again. Said no thank you and she pushed a bit. About how important it was to know about development t and such. I went you do know this is my 4th right? (No she didnt) left us alone after that

What this boils down to (with the odd exception) is - if you are middle class and well resourced you'll be able to turn the health visitor away at the door. If you aren't you'll find yourself under more pressure that will compound your already under privileged position and help create a self fulfilling prophecy that allows authorities to continue to harass poor people while giving middles class people freedom from such boorishness.

If there are going to be compulsory checks on children they need to be compulsory. Not some nod and a wink if you know how to play the game and further alienation of people who don't want or need input from a centralized and overworked service that frequently uses disingenuous language to convince people to give up their time and hospitality towards a hidden goal.