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Original poster

Nobody got our DC an easter egg

158 replies

HappyEaster2022 · 17/04/2022 12:45

Before anybody accuses me of being grabby, it's the thought that counts and its the fact nobody thought of them which has hurt me.

I have 3 children (one is just a little baby but the older two are well aware of easter)

I don't have much family and the ones I do have are complex characters which means my children miss out on having traditionally good relationships with family.

My relationship with my DM has gone because of her drinking, we've been pretty much NC, I stopped calling and the contact just stopped as it was always me making the effort - but it wouldn't have killed her to drop an egg off at the door for the kids would it? I thought she would have done as despite her habit I believed she loved them in her own way. They adored her.

I'm also NC with my aunt now, the only other relative who ever really bothered with the kids at easter and other occasions, because she was enabling my mum and was becoming really toxic for me.

So there's nobody on my side who bothers with the kids now. I have a DB who lives quite far away and our relationship has suffered because he and his DW are having fertility struggles and I think they find it hard to see/be around me and my DC we represent the unfairness of it all. Its not nice but I understand it.

OH's family are completely uninvolved and we don't hear from them unless they want to borrow money, none of our kids have ever had so much as a birthday card or call wishing them a happy birthday.

Obviously the lack of easter eggs is just symptomatic of the bigger picture and it's not really about chocolate at all, special occasions just make you look at the disparity with other families I think.

What a shit family we've brought our children into. I feel so sad for them and myself if I'm honest

OP posts:
MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 17/04/2022 13:36

No one else has bought eggs for ours except us. It was the same in my childhood.

drpet49 · 17/04/2022 13:37

We’ve always buy for kids in the family. Our neighbours even gave a small egg

Original poster
HappyEaster2022 · 17/04/2022 13:38

@Stravaig

OP, thanking 'close friends and family' on social media is performative, it's a way of flaunting a privileged lifestyle. Genuine thanks tend to be private. So ignore, ignore, ignore.

If I were your friend and you expected Easter Eggs for your children, as a measure of love, I'd be tempted to subvert with be-ribboned toothbrushes! Or, if your celebration of the Christian holiday is sincere, I'd offer a playdate with your kids where we paint hard-boiled eggs to display, then hide, then roll.

It's painful to face the reality of your origin family, but incredibly rewarding to create an alternative family of your choice who genuinely care for you and your kids.

That made me smile, be-ribbened toothbrushes Grin

I agree it must be incredibly rewarding to create an alternative family who care for you and your kids, hopefully I'll find my tribe some day.

OP posts:

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Families
ssd · 17/04/2022 13:40

@ladyvimes

You’re enough. I had my mum and my Nan growing up. I never felt like I missed out on anything!
The op hasn't got her mum present, thats the problem. She may be enough for her kids, but who is mothering her??
LovePoppy · 17/04/2022 13:40

I’m supposed to buy Easter eggs for people other than my children?

I must be a shit aunt.

HoppingPavlova · 17/04/2022 13:43

Since when is this a thing? Kids get an egg(s) from the Easter Bunny, not granny, Aunty Pam and Uncle MikeConfused.

SparklingLime · 17/04/2022 13:43

That sounds hard, @HappyEaster2022, but bloody well done. I know it won’t be a new idea, but are your kids in clubs for kids with autism and/or other activity/hobby clubs? That can provide positive connection with adults apart from parents.
I’m assuming by now that I don’t have friends because I’m pretty awful! I’m soon to start therapy though so there’s hope. Nothing like your situation Flowers

Quincythequince · 17/04/2022 13:44

Nobody buys my kids eggs.
We do and why they were little so would give them one from my parents (who live abroad).
That’s it.

Original poster
HappyEaster2022 · 17/04/2022 13:45

The op hasn't got her mum present, thats the problem. She may be enough for her kids, but who is mothering her??

That's definitely part of it for me. I crave having that mother figure, somebody who loves me unconditionally and by extention the children. I feel directionless. The inner child in me still just wants her mum, as crap a mother as she was.

It hurts to see the lovely relationship other women have with their mums. I've also never known my dad.

I'm 28 but in ways I feel like a bit of a lost child myself, If that makes any sense?

I feel unsupported in life. My OH is always there for me but he's no substitute for parents.

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyEaster2022 · 17/04/2022 13:48

@SparklingLime

That sounds hard, *@HappyEaster2022*, but bloody well done. I know it won’t be a new idea, but are your kids in clubs for kids with autism and/or other activity/hobby clubs? That can provide positive connection with adults apart from parents. I’m assuming by now that I don’t have friends because I’m pretty awful! I’m soon to start therapy though so there’s hope. Nothing like your situation Flowers
I have wondered myself if I'm the problem too, I just can't be very likable or something Grin

Thank you, that's very kind.

He's not in any clubs at the moment no, but I have been signposted to a local support service for parents of children with autism so they might be able to suggest something.

I really hope therapy is beneficial for you!

OP posts:
SparklingLime · 17/04/2022 13:48

@LovePoppy

I’m supposed to buy Easter eggs for people other than my children?

I must be a shit aunt.

Can you appreciate that different families have different traditions? And that if there is no other wider family members involved at all with the DC, that a small Easter token might mean a lot?
Jjjayfee · 17/04/2022 13:50

We only ever had one egg each from our parents. I did the same with my children. Now egg hunts are more common so if my children were young I would do that. So I don't get your upset about no extra eggs but I do understand the left out feeling.

lameasahorse · 17/04/2022 13:52

This reply has been withdrawn

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returntoUK · 17/04/2022 13:53

Easter wasn’t this big in the 90s when I was a child, kids didn’t get eggs from everyone. (Not in our circle anyway).

It does seem to be getting commercialised in the same way as Christmas.

I’m sorry you feel left out, OP. Just remember those getting eggs for nieces/nephews/grandkids etc may not have good relationships with their parents and it jay just be performative.

coffeeisthebest · 17/04/2022 13:53

Can you access therapy OP? It will be all manner of hell looking for a substitute mother and the women I know who do this are like eternal children looking for validation. The healthiest way to do this is to access your own inner mother through therapy. I would strongly advise it!

Quincythequince · 17/04/2022 13:54

@HappyEaster2022

The op hasn't got her mum present, thats the problem. She may be enough for her kids, but who is mothering her??

That's definitely part of it for me. I crave having that mother figure, somebody who loves me unconditionally and by extention the children. I feel directionless. The inner child in me still just wants her mum, as crap a mother as she was.

It hurts to see the lovely relationship other women have with their mums. I've also never known my dad.

I'm 28 but in ways I feel like a bit of a lost child myself, If that makes any sense?

I feel unsupported in life. My OH is always there for me but he's no substitute for parents.

I’m sorry OP You sound a bit sad about this. 💐
Beautiful3 · 17/04/2022 13:55

I don't think it's the lack of eggs that's upsetting you, as I'm sure you've already bought them some. It's the fact that no-one cares enough to pop in to see them and drop off a small egg for the kids. I'm in the same boat myself. I used to care when they were little, but now I genuinely don't ever think about it. My children have me and their dad, they know we care and love them. We're always here for them. They are older now and know to never go to anyone else in the extended family, for help/advice. Because they're selfish and incredibly self absorbed.

saggyhairyass · 17/04/2022 13:55

We live a long way from my mum sent £5 so my teen could buy one from the shop. But the GPS on the other side who live nearby didn't give her anything. Their choice.

I bought eggs for DH and DD, and they bought me one together.

And social media has a lot to answer for.

MrPickles73 · 17/04/2022 13:57

DH is an only child and both parents dead.
My parents are elderly and don't live near us. My sister has never even invited us into her house and I hear from my brother twice a year tops. I find Christmas quite depressing and focus on my children and parents.
I think your expectations are too high.

Miriam101 · 17/04/2022 13:57

Personally I wouldn't want anyone other than us buying them eggs! Ours get one each plus some little ones on a hunt. That is PLENTY of choc for kids IMO. But I get this is not about chocolate and wider expressions of familial affection, and it sounds shit, I'm sorry. X

WTF475878237NC · 17/04/2022 13:58

Never heard of anyone but parents or grandparents buying Easter eggs before.

RosesAndHellebores · 17/04/2022 13:58

OP sometimes being a mother magnifies the experience of never being well mothered. Rather than focusing on the eggs think of today as an incarnation of your own loved, precious and unique family unit. What happened in your past need not happen to your children or their children.

Easter is a new start for many things. Use it to draw a line and make happiness from now.

WTF475878237NC · 17/04/2022 13:59

OP sometimes being a mother magnifies the experience of never being well mothered.

^ absolutely. It can go both ways can't it, in different aspects of being mothered and mothering.

carefullycourageous · 17/04/2022 14:00

Only we buy eggs for our kids and everyone is happy, they get enough chocolate for a blow out weekend and then it is done.

I don't think the eggs are the issue, sorry you have the family problems Brew

Quincythequince · 17/04/2022 14:00

And you sound like a fab mum, enjoy your day with them as it stands.
We can’t always pick the elements we want in our lives to be there, but we can live the one we’re in as well as we can.
I say this as someone who has a toxic relationship with my mum and with whom I’m LC (her living abroad helps this).

Happy Easter to you

Xx

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