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Original poster

Nobody got our DC an easter egg

158 replies

HappyEaster2022 · 17/04/2022 12:45

Before anybody accuses me of being grabby, it's the thought that counts and its the fact nobody thought of them which has hurt me.

I have 3 children (one is just a little baby but the older two are well aware of easter)

I don't have much family and the ones I do have are complex characters which means my children miss out on having traditionally good relationships with family.

My relationship with my DM has gone because of her drinking, we've been pretty much NC, I stopped calling and the contact just stopped as it was always me making the effort - but it wouldn't have killed her to drop an egg off at the door for the kids would it? I thought she would have done as despite her habit I believed she loved them in her own way. They adored her.

I'm also NC with my aunt now, the only other relative who ever really bothered with the kids at easter and other occasions, because she was enabling my mum and was becoming really toxic for me.

So there's nobody on my side who bothers with the kids now. I have a DB who lives quite far away and our relationship has suffered because he and his DW are having fertility struggles and I think they find it hard to see/be around me and my DC we represent the unfairness of it all. Its not nice but I understand it.

OH's family are completely uninvolved and we don't hear from them unless they want to borrow money, none of our kids have ever had so much as a birthday card or call wishing them a happy birthday.

Obviously the lack of easter eggs is just symptomatic of the bigger picture and it's not really about chocolate at all, special occasions just make you look at the disparity with other families I think.

What a shit family we've brought our children into. I feel so sad for them and myself if I'm honest

OP posts:

SnappleInTime · 17/04/2022 13:02

All my growing up my parents bought us eggs and that's it. We had a large close family and had a lunch or something at Easter but only my parents bought them for us and my cousins parents for them etc. Then with my kids we buy them eggs but no one else does. I thought that was normal? Isn't like Christmas and birthdays where everyone gets everyone gifts etc... Easter for us has always been a family get together but eggs are from parents to kids at home not everyone. There are enough commercialised events where they want people to spend up. I'd be really annoyed if I was expected to get everyone else's kids eggs as well....

AlexaShutUp · 17/04/2022 13:02

They don't need loads of eggs, OP. If it makes you feel any better, I have a lovely supportive family and good relationships all round, but the only Easter eggs that dd gets are from me and DH.

Original poster

HappyEaster2022 · 17/04/2022 13:03

I should have said that in previous years my mum and aunt always got them an egg, each year without fail, regardless of whether our own relationships were strained at the time due to the drinking and enabling, so when nothing came this year it feels like the kids have been cut off and forgotten about to punish me.

They wouldn't miss what they didn't know iykwim.

I never expected OH's family to acknowledge them as they never have, but it stings from people I thought cared about them.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/04/2022 13:05

I wouldn’t buy anyone else’s kids eggs (unless I knew they were really skint, and I wouldn’t expect anyone to buy them for my kids.

Having a supportive extended family is nice but not a huge deal. Can you build up your friend network.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/04/2022 13:05

… read update - Ok but your kids won’t think they are being punished, so honestly forget about it.

Original poster

HappyEaster2022 · 17/04/2022 13:07

@Luredbyapomegranate

I wouldn’t buy anyone else’s kids eggs (unless I knew they were really skint, and I wouldn’t expect anyone to buy them for my kids.

Having a supportive extended family is nice but not a huge deal. Can you build up your friend network.

I don't have any friends

OP posts:

Aimee1987 · 17/04/2022 13:08

I never got presents from exte ded family growing up. For me it's the opposite issue of too big a family (my nana had 30 odd grandkids) so buying for all grandkids and nieces nephews was impractical. I never felt like I missed out like others said dont set the expectations in their heads and they wont notice.

Grab them one yourself and do a little egg hunt and they will be delighted with their day.

Dont worry about the lack of family they have you, your husband and each other. They will be ok just focus on your awesome little family.

Cakecakecheese · 17/04/2022 13:11

When my sister and I were little my mum had to ask family members to stop buying us so many eggs as there was always too much. How lovely it was though to have so many people who thought of us and I can see why you're sad that you kids don't have that many people who think of them, it's not the fact that they don't have mountains of chocolate that you're sad about.

The main thing is though that your children have loving parents, and while it is a shame they don't have much in they way of extended family, that's all that really matters.

Eightiesfan · 17/04/2022 13:13

I think you are feel a bit vulnerable and sad about your lack of family support, I don’t really think this is about Easter eggs.

I’m trying to be as gentle as possible by pointing out that you are NC with both your mum and aunt, sonIm assuming they no longer see your DC, so it is a little unreasonable of you to expect an Easter egg from either of them.

Are you still happy being NC or were you hoping that the Easter egg was an olive branch and a step to resolving the reasons you went NC in the first place?

ladyvimes · 17/04/2022 13:13

You’re enough.
I had my mum and my Nan growing up. I never felt like I missed out on anything!

Original poster

HappyEaster2022 · 17/04/2022 13:13

Thanks ladies

It's not really a big deal is it? I should get a grip really. I'm not usually one for self pitying waffle but special occasions does tend to highlight the disparity.

Social media is full of posts from people I know thanking friends and family for their kids eggs, that sparked the train of thought that lead me to feeling a bit shitty about us not having anybody.

OP posts:

coffeeisthebest · 17/04/2022 13:14

I think your feelings are valid as you clearly have history of pain with these people, but you need to be careful about giving this message to your children. Don't create a fairy tale that we all have loving families who exchange Easter eggs and enjoy the day together. In short, you know nothing about most people's lives. You are the single most important adult in your kids lives and how you deal of with stuff like this will echo through your children's lives. So give yourself space to grieve the family relationships you don't have and then look at your lovely family and enjoy the day together.

serenghetti2011 · 17/04/2022 13:15

Mine used to get loads and they’d sit in the fridge forever it felt like.

Yes it’s hard not having extended family but you’re not the only one. You do have to make the most of your own little family. You also don’t want the kids having tonnes of eggs or expecting things from others, mine get from my mum and one from me that’s it 2 eggs that will sit in the flipping fridge till I eat them. I hope things improve, I doubt your kids are bothered just make it a nice family day with them and have fun

Original poster

HappyEaster2022 · 17/04/2022 13:17

I don't really want to be NC with my mum, I miss her. If she called I would pick up the phone. I'm used to accepting breadcrumbs as I've always just wanted a mum, in whatever capacity. She just doesn't bother to call.

She let the kids down 4 times in a row after promising to come and see them, went off the rails with the drink and just acted like we don't exist.

I stopped reaching out myself and we just didn't speak again.

OP posts:

lollipoprainbow · 17/04/2022 13:18

Same here, my dd's grandparents are either dead or in care homes and we don't have much other family. I tend to overdo it with my dd9. Although it went a bit wrong today as you might have seen from my other thread !!

Original poster

HappyEaster2022 · 17/04/2022 13:19

I've made sure the kids don't know I'm feeling like this btw, I've been all smiles on the surface.

OP posts:

usernotfound0000 · 17/04/2022 13:20

I never buy eggs for other kids, and really wish people wouldn't buy mine any. They only get 3 from grandparents/aunts etc but it's too much. We still have some from last year in the garage.

1forAll74 · 17/04/2022 13:21

I expect that a lot of families are the same, as in, all a bit broken up, so don't fret about it, It makes you sad if you just keep thinking about these things,

SparklingLime · 17/04/2022 13:23

I can understand it’s hard that your children don’t have any other family or family friends in their lives. (I buy eggs for my nephews which I found out means their parents don’t bother 🤷🏻‍♀️)

What is the history with not having any friends yourself? I don’t either so empathise.

SparklingLime · 17/04/2022 13:24

@usernotfound0000

I never buy eggs for other kids, and really wish people wouldn't buy mine any. They only get 3 from grandparents/aunts etc but it's too much. We still have some from last year in the garage.

How is that remotely helpful to OP?

Happyharry2003 · 17/04/2022 13:27

I totally get you. It’s not about the eggs - it’s about the lack of family care

Original poster

HappyEaster2022 · 17/04/2022 13:33

What is the history with not having any friends yourself? I don’t either so empathise.

I moved to this city 10 years ago (my mum already lived here) because I was fleeing domestic abuse. The friends I had back home have faded away as we don't see one another anymore. It's difficult to make long journeys when we all have kids now and they rarely want to chat when I get in touch over SM so they're pretty much just acquaintances now.

I haven't managed to make and sustain any proper friendships here, just work colleagues who I get along with but nothing outside of work.

I downloaded Peanut to try and meet people but despite exchanging numbers and the odd chat that hasn't worked out either.

My eldest has autism so it would be difficult doing the usual playdates etc.

I'm also a bit of an introvert so joining clubs and stuff isn't really for me.

What's the reason you don't have any if you don't mind me asking?

OP posts:

Original poster

HappyEaster2022 · 17/04/2022 13:34

@Happyharry2003

I totally get you. It’s not about the eggs - it’s about the lack of family care

Absolutely. I'm glad people can see beyond the title of the thread.

A telephone call to say hello to the kids or a message asking how they are would mean so much more than any chocolate.

OP posts:

Stravaig · 17/04/2022 13:35

OP, thanking 'close friends and family' on social media is performative, it's a way of flaunting a privileged lifestyle. Genuine thanks tend to be private. So ignore, ignore, ignore.

If I were your friend and you expected Easter Eggs for your children, as a measure of love, I'd be tempted to subvert with be-ribboned toothbrushes! Or, if your celebration of the Christian holiday is sincere, I'd offer a playdate with your kids where we paint hard-boiled eggs to display, then hide, then roll.

It's painful to face the reality of your origin family, but incredibly rewarding to create an alternative family of your choice who genuinely care for you and your kids.

MrsDThomas · 17/04/2022 13:35

Well they got an egg from you,

It doesn’t matter about anyone else. We didnt get eggs from others and my kids didn’t get them. Never realised it was a thing.

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