Fulfilling one’s potential isn’t be the be all and all. It just isn’t. I’ve not achieved everything I’m capable of. Not by a loooong way. I’m not disappointed in myself. Why would I be? I’ve achieved a lot. There were certain cards that were dealt to me and I’ve done what I could with what I was given, and done it very well.
One of my daughters has that kind of incredible intelligence where she can literally do anything she decides to do. She’s extremely clever and has done a lot with it. If she had decided she wanted to do something ‘lesser’ with it then that really would not have made her lesser in any way. There would have been valid reasons for it and that would have been justification enough. As long as she is working or productive and has the security of somewhere to live and can build the kind of life that suits her well and makes her truly content I will always be happy for her and exceedingly proud.
All my children are very clever, but that cleverness isn’t to be a millstone around their necks. They should be free to build the kind of life that has value to them, not to everyone else, and certainly not to a blueprint envisaged and dictated by me.
Ultimately it just really depends on your view of the world, I guess, and how you approach the bigger philosophical questions of life. There’ll be varying viewpoints, and varying visions of what living a good life is. And there are cultural differences, too, if course, which are very valid.
I’m not dazzled by intelligence. I don’t think it confers some kind of godlike status to which one must sacrifice oneself or one’s children to the detriment of everything else, and I certainly don’t think academic achievement is the only important or valuable thing in life. There are many different ways to live well. I also don’t look at my children as extensions of myself. They’re not. They don’t exist to meet my requirements. Yes, I’m always proud of what they achieve and value all of those things very highly. But they could only disappoint me by turning into truly awful people.
@Twobigsapphires I hope that this thread hasn’t had the opposite result to what you were looking for from it. I’ve re-read your OP and it struck me that actually you might have been looking for stories you could relate to or where people could relate to what you had said, and not just general commentary on the general theme. I hope that whatever it is you’re worried about or fear you’ll be disappointed by, that it resolves itself and that your son finds a way to work his way out of it. 