What small things did your parents get wrong when you were a child?

[Forevergold2838]

My mum and dad were/are wonderful but I remember a lot of stress about meal times. We had to clear our plates even if we didn't like it. I was allergic to eggs but it was dismissed as fussy eating even though I would vomit every time I ate them. They also never took a drink for me anywhere. I remember being thirsty on car rides and they'd offer me a sip from their flask of coffee or if they did bring me a drink it would be a small carton of 5 alive that would be gone in 2 seconds. I didn't drink a glass of plain water until I was in my late teens, we'd always have vimto.

@LillyLeaf I'm still being blamed for the 'baby weight'. I'm in my 40s!

I knew loads of friends in the 90's whose parents didn't allow them to shave their legs or armpits.

Yep, wasn't allowed to shave my legs until about 15, when I finally went off and got myself a 'Ladyshave' I think it was called. My Mum was most disapproving. I'd been bullied at school for several years about my extremely hairy legs (I have dark hair and what turns out to be PCOS so they were very hairy) but apparently I shouldn't be shaving at that age.

I do think my parents were very old-fashioned and naive. I had a 17yo boyfriend when I was 15 who they liked (he went to church and they knew his parents!) but he put huge pressure on me to have sex as soon as I turned 16. It never seemed to cross my parents' minds sex could even be a possibility at that age - they'd still been demurely holding hands in the 1970s even when engaged and in their late 20s! So, of course, I could never have talked to them about it.

No drinks
No sunscreen (I'm not sure it was even a thing in the 70s/early 80s)
My mum didn't buy me any sanitary products (she knew I needed them as I had such bad period pains) she also didn't do anything to help with the pain. I bought tampax and Feminax with my paper round money. There was nowhere to put sanitary towels. I used to wrap them in toilet paper and hide them in my bedroom.
If something was lost/broken/stolen it wasn't replaced. Our house was once burgled and the only thing stolen was the camera I'd been given for my birthday, it wasn't replaced by my parents - DM
washed my only school jumper on a hot wash and it went all baggy. I had to wear it like that for the rest of the school year.
When I needed an apron for woodwork/metal work at secondary school my DM told made me take her kitchen apron with had naked cartoon characters holding hands (I think it was a popular cartoon of the time) Of course nobody laughed at me wearing that.
Money really wasn't an issue, they were just tight.
My parents never told me they love me.

I have gone overboard with all of the above with my DC. DH is bemused by the vast amounts of sanitary products I buy for DD. My DM still doesn't understand why children need drinks and sunscreen.

Told I wasn't allowed to cry at school after my grandad died and that I had to buck up and get over it. He was my main caretaker because my parents traveled for work, I can still remember how empty I felt!

Ditto always thirsty never offered water, just tiny juice boxes etc.

My mum used to say "Don't be cheeky", "Don't answer back" or "Don't contradict" when she wanted to end an argument that she was on the point of losing. I vowed I would never say this to my own children. Ditto "Because I say so" - the all-purpose put-down when an adult's orders were questioned.

Good for you, red hair is beautiful especially in sunlight.

If something was lost/broken/stolen it wasn't replaced. Our house was once burgled and the only thing stolen was the camera I'd been given for my birthday, it wasn't replaced by my parents -

I really relate to this it was very much the case with my parents too. It's instilled such anxiety in me still about losing or breaking things. I go overboard with my dds too - I'm desperate for them to feel secure about things being replaced and their emotional attachment to items being acknowledged. Various partners I've had have openly disapproved of me doing this. Well they can fuck off as well.

I had weird period parents too! I did have access to pads but for some reason no choice in the type or brand, and I was made to feel guilty about needing them. I remember my pads being very uncomfortable and about 2 inches thick! So relieved when I could finally buy my own.

DM was weird about my first bras too - practically had to beg for one despite there being quite an urgent need for some coverage and support . In contrast, my brother got a shaving set and 'training' years before he needed it. Perhapse they just didn't want me growing up?

My parents were not perfect but everything they did came from a place of love, I know that. They’ve always been very supportive even in my adult years.

However, my mum really doesn’t like people who are loud and attention seeking. She also says people who celebrate birthdays in an over the top way are ridiculous and childish. This has led to me being a very quiet person, never showing my real personality to anyone but those I really trust (probably not even to her in all honesty), makes me seem like a very boring person when underneath I’m really not, plus I hate celebrating my birthday and feel ashamed if I get any attention for it.

Expected me to have an adult perspective on things. Like, my mum was a SAHM, relatively common then (born in 1979) but most of my friends mums had H’s who earned way more than my dad. I, as a child couldn’t understand that my dad didn’t earn as much and therefore why I couldn’t have the same things as my school friends.

Expected us to realise that not brushing teeth would have an impact when older. They were always very “Well, it’s not me who’ll suffer, it’s you”, but kids don’t understand that sort of talk. I was bullied about them and my mums response was “Well, you couldn’t be bothered, I told you” but she never made me…..unlike every other parent I knew/know. I still don’t understand why they never made us do it. I hate my teeth and my dream is to win some money and have them professionally whitened/capped.

Also would drive miles to avoid paying for parking.

Too proud to accept money; my DGM offered to pay for a holiday. DF said no. Only thought of himself and how he felt, not how we’d have loved the holiday (it was to Disney).

Never let us skip PE lessons or the last week of school. Was told I’d get a “much better” job than all my friends who were allowed to. Yeah, that worked well….

Always got the cheaper version of things. When I was about 19/20 and they were in a better financial position, I asked for some GHD straighteners. I said I understood how expensive they were (about £100 at the time) and I didn’t mind if they were my only present as that was all I wanted. Come Christmas Day and I get the Babyliss Steam Shot (about £20) ones and a pile of other, smaller gifts. I was gutted and not sure I hid it that well. They were all “Jenny got them and loves them, so we thought they’d be really good and they were much cheaper!” Jenny, had trained as a hairdresser and was good at blow drying, I hadn’t and wasn’t. I ended up buying my own, which I should have just done in the first place and hiding them in my room.

I hate that last memory as I’m sure they genuinely thought there was no difference but I was so upset they hadn’t listened and then felt really ungrateful.

My evil male sibling deliberately snapped the arms and legs off my Tiny Teara doll. I asked my parents if they would send it to a 'doll's hospital' which was a company who mended broken dolls and teddies. They said no, arguing that it would be cheaper just to buy a new doll. They were right of course, but a young child's mind doesn't always work like that.

On a similar theme, at a different time I asked for a Cabbage Patch Baby for Christmas and they took me to a toy shop to find one I really liked. I fell in love with one of them in particular but we left the shop without buying it. By some stroke of a miracle, Father Christmas brought me that exact doll that year. Same outfit, same name on the birth certificate, and same cute yellow dummy in its mouth. I took the doll to bed with me one night very soon after Christmas and when I woke up, the dummy had gone. It had definitely been in the doll's mouth but I never found it and it was never seen again. My parents denied taking it and I know it wasn't in my bedroom as I searched and searched. I know they took it, but they never admitted it so I don't know why it mysteriously vanished.

Also, when I was older, sanitary products were never provided unless specifically asked for and written on the shopping list. Not only that, I was made to describe in detail what sort I wanted (liners, towels, wings, no wings, how long yada yada) otherwise my mum wouldn't buy anything at all. It was highly embarrassing having to describe that as a young teen. My daughter is only two but when she's older, I'll make sure she has a range of products in a discreet bag then she can choose what would be most suitable for her at any given time and not embarrass her in making her describe what she wants/needs when, like me, when you're young and have never studied sanitary products in detail, you've no idea what's even available and how one product differs from another. What's suitable on day one of your cycle isn't necessarily suitable on day 4 and so-on.

My parents didn’t seem to understand that failure isn’t a bad thing especially as a young person as you learn and grow. I remember wanting to enter a pool competition on holiday for children and was told I couldn’t as I wouldn’t win. It was more upsetting to have your parents say that than for me to try and lose. It’s not like I’d embarrass myself or anything it was just pool.

Also when it came to housework I wasn’t allowed to do anything as I’d do it wrong, which sounds like a dream if your a child but suddenly when you’re an adult and you’re then expected to do it all I struggled.

They think I’m terrible at cooking because again they never let me develop and just think things like that are natural talents. I’d be cooking a meal for myself as a teenager and have to listen to criticism about little things or I’d go to the toilet come back and they’d taken over. Quite often adding things I didn’t like. It completely put me off cooking in their house so I’d just do simple things as proper cooking was too stressful with them around. Recently at an extended family dinner at my parents house I mentioned I’d have them round to my new house for a meal. One of my parents joked with other family that they’d likely be doing that meal too. They definitely won’t. Not in my house.

When I got 70% or more for exams, they'd say, 'What about the other 30%?' I felt very deflated! This happened regularly.

Can't remember being told I love you as a child but knew I was. Can't remember them reading with me or other activities either, except baking once.

Being horrified when they told me I had got in to an all girls school miles away from where we lived, away from all my friends and not even knowing they were considering it. But it was absolutely the right decision and set me up for a career and my adult life.

Also constant water and drinking not a thing but I didn't feel thirsty. Do think its a bit over the top now.

The sampro posts on this thread are horrendous. Being denied or shamed for having periods is downright cruelty.

@pussycatunpickingcrossesagain

Removing the stabilisers from my bike when I had no sense of balance.

Lol - at least you had stabilisers

I think the period problems still exist for some women. I work in secondary education and there are notices in the female toilets saying that sanitary products will be provided if needed. Unbelievable in this day and age. A lot of the other posts give away the decade the poster grew up in, even when they haven’t said. Our parenting methods are the product of the upbringing our own parents had (if that makes sense!!). They tried to give us what they didn’t have, we try to compensate for what we perceive as their mistakes, and our children will go on to do the same. I was much loved and wanted but still resent the fact that I wasn’t allowed fashionable clothes because “it would make me into a sheep following everyone else” 🤣🤣

Love my mum but she was so crap when it came to periods. I would literally dread getting them as there would rarely be pads in the house and I’d have to save my dinner money so I could buy the ones that were like nappies. So horrid. I remember her saying to me ages ago about how she ‘made up an emergency pack on knickers and pads for my school bag’. She really didn’t. She mentioned it once and never did it.

having 2 kids and one being the golden child and making the other always feel like they are a spare wheel.

Making a child more scared of you than a fear they have of something else (i was petrified of the dark to the point i would cry hysterically, shaking and glued to the spot when told to go to bed. Couldnt reach the light switch and house was big dark and scary. Mum would yell to the point she would smack me, chase me up stairs or have to drag me out of a corner and whack me several times to get me to go up still crying hysterically but actually thinking the monsters i thought were up there waiting to eat me were a better option than my mum!) to this day i dont know why she wouldnt take the 2 seconds to go with me or even turn a light on. She doesnt remember it but its had a major impact on me not ever trusting her or even getting on with her and i still hate the dark! My youngest has the same fear and i make sure i go with her even though the house is tiny and she is old enough to go up without me - if she is scared i'll be there til she isnt - i dont want her to feel like i did.

Sending me to a school miles away so i never had any friends to play with even though there was a school nearby. I never knew any of the local kids and all the kids from school where at least a 30 min drive away and it all had to be planned in advance. Love that my kids can pop out and knock for a friend or a friend knocks for them and they go off and play - gives them a bit of freedom and independence to grow self confidence and not have to rely on you being taxi and planner.

Having an anti social parent - means you never get to do anything with other people unless it interests that parent, which it never does. Feels horribly isolating, never get to grow social skills and you miss out on a lot. Now i have to force myself to be social because i dont know how to actually do it other than copying other people just so my kids dont miss out.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that 😭

I'm so sorry you had to go through that 😭

I remember in the late 70s wanting a pair of the flat lace up "Kickers" shoes. My mum made me get a cheaper Clarke's equivalent which had a wedge heel as she didn't like flat shoes. They were absolutely hideous!

She also once bought some night dresses for me and my DSiS. She convinced us that they would pass as party dresses. Cue questions at friends' parties as to why I was wearing a night dress! 🙄

My granny was also similarly frugal- she once made me a skirt out of a tea towel!

Ifind the reference S to withholding food and drinks so odd on these threads