What small things did your parents get wrong when you were a child?

[Forevergold2838]

My mum and dad were/are wonderful but I remember a lot of stress about meal times. We had to clear our plates even if we didn't like it. I was allergic to eggs but it was dismissed as fussy eating even though I would vomit every time I ate them. They also never took a drink for me anywhere. I remember being thirsty on car rides and they'd offer me a sip from their flask of coffee or if they did bring me a drink it would be a small carton of 5 alive that would be gone in 2 seconds. I didn't drink a glass of plain water until I was in my late teens, we'd always have vimto.

It's interesting the amount of people who remember food related stuff and now feel that they have food issues because of it.

My parents pretty much allowed me to eat what I liked. I was a bit fussy/faddy as a child. I didn't like many vegetables, I wouldn't eat at school at all, I literally went years without eating all day. At home we had proper meals but I wasn't generally forced to eat everything and my mum would try to make things I'd eat, I know that they used to worry and I was known as fussy.

As an adult I love my food, I eat everything now, love cooking, love vegetables eat a healthy varied diet.

I wonder whether the more laid back approach is the way to go.

I was an only child. From an early age, whenever my parents where asked if they'd have another, I heard them reply 'Oh no. Having P almost killed (my mother). I have always wondered if this is why, to this day, I apologise for all sorts of things for which I'm blameless.

Mine is really petty but I think did impact me. They never let me care how I looked. So I wore very sensible crap clothes and had short easy to care for hair, everyone thought I was a boy.

Not petty at all. I was also forced to wear my hair very short and was often mistaken for a boy. It didn't help that when I said this upset me, I was simply told "Don't be silly". As soon as I was old enough to have any say in the matter, I grew my hair as an act of rebellion. My mum never missed an opportunity to tell me how untidy she thought it looked.

My parents have been wonderful and I’m very lucky. The only thing my mum got wrong was her obsession with my weight. I was developed for my age and she worried I was too fat so enrolled me at weight watchers at 15 (not sure if you can do this now). The weekly weigh ins turned into a binge the night after and then a battle with binge/purge well into my 20s. Met my husband and got a much healthier relationship with food and my body.

I was an academic child and really liked reading. My parents - and Dad in particular - never really read books and so often commented negatively on this. I remember my Dad noticing me reading for all of 30 mins, and him slightly angry saying “You’ll still reading?! Go outside and get some fresh air!”

I also spent my entire childhood doing my homework sitting on my bed using a clipboard to rest on. For some reason it never occurred to anyone that a desk might be useful! And it wasn’t a cost thing.

I don’t think you need to obsessively swig water but a couple of glasses a day are really good for you. Only drinking tea/coffee sounds like a recipe for headaches and spots to me

Mine also did anything to avoid spending money on food on days out. We’d sometimes go out to places after lunch rather then going for the whole day, simply to save money and not by lunch out. Combine that with parking far away from the actual place to avoid car park costs and I think we often spent an hour at places where a whole day would make sense. It seems so illogical looking back on it - surely if a place is worth visiting spend a decent amount of time there!

My other not-very-fond childhood memory is the system of First-In-First-Out when it came to food. Any fresh food had to go to the back of the queue and wait until the old stuff had been eaten, and thereby became old itself. As a result, we were always eating old stuff. This was particularly irksome with regard to bread. I was about twelve before I knew what fresh bread tasted like, because until then I'd never eaten bread which was less than two days old!

I was born early 80s and when I was 6 and my sister was 4 we were bridesmaids. My mum hired a sunbed and we went on it every night before bed so we would look nice in the pictures 😮

I obese. Like over 20 stone fat. I know it started with a dad who would not let you leave food on your plate 'you will get it for breakfast' and a mum who would rather give to much than someone leave her table hungry. I really, really struggle to leave food, not just my own and I'm absolutely terrible at portion control.

My mum and dad split when I was nine and my brothers much younger. The youngest doesn't struggle anywhere near as much with his weight as us older two (although he is greedy my nature, so will starve himself a couple of times a year to get back to a healthy weight, I have never seen him 'look fat'.

Forgetting they actually had two children, having one prodigal child and treating the other like they didn't even like them.

Going for a walk with my mum, stopping to talk to someone. Mum saying I was a twin but I lay on my brothers cord and he died in the womb. I was eight.

How I wish they would have never let me eat too much. I loved them to bits but letting a child get fat is the pits.

Worrying too much which has definitely rubbed off on me..and not allowing or encouraging us more to do things out of comfort zone even at a late age when looking back I wish I'd had more encouragement to do.

@CowboyFromHell

I was an academic child and really liked reading. My parents - and Dad in particular - never really read books and so often commented negatively on this. I remember my Dad noticing me reading for all of 30 mins, and him slightly angry saying “You’ll still reading?! Go outside and get some fresh air!”

I also spent my entire childhood doing my homework sitting on my bed using a clipboard to rest on. For some reason it never occurred to anyone that a desk might be useful! And it wasn’t a cost thing.

That you, Matilda?

Not so much child but a teen.

Mum told me not to ever shave my legs because the hair would grow back thicker.

I was like.... so my legs will just always be hairy forever then??? It didn't make sense.

So of course I bought my own stuff and started shaving. And was then told off. (This was at an appropriate age to be shaving - an older teen)

As if a teen in the 00s wouldn't shave their legs? Completely unrealistic! Body hair was not ok at all back then. Couldn't believe mum just expected me to never ever shave! I mean come on!

Having to hide my Dad's porn mag stash so my Gran wouldn't find it...

My Mum let my Dad berate us to the point of tears and never spoke up for us even if he was wrong. I swore I would never let my kids feel like that and have occasionally pulled my husband up on similar behaviour

I also remember being really thirsty being sent to school with no drink even on a hot day. Being compared to my brother in intelligence feeling inadequate. Never shown any affection from either of my parents. I didn’t have have a hard childhood I love my parents and I think it’s made me resilient. I spoil my children with affection though and I’m really soft with them.

My dad legged it, my mum was forced to have me adopted, said she didn't sign any papers actually (1962) and that "they" just took me from my hospital cot, a few days after I was born.

@HeresWhatYouReturned

Does anyone still feel quite bitter about how they were treated? I do. It comes in flashes. My Mum will not admit to anything at all other than her being a perfect Mum. I think that actually rankles the most. She once accused me of having false memory syndrome. I am an only child and I had a distant slightly clueless father who was a bit downtrodden by my overbearing, over-critical Mum. So no-one to actually confirm how I was treated. I remember things but they were always denied when I confronted her as an adult.

I think she was unhappy and I was an unwanted child. I'd forgive her a lot... if only she once admitted that anything she did was wrong in some way...

Yes I do. My mum never touched me other than to hit me in anger - no hugs, no kisses and has never told me she loves me. I was born out of wedlock and she was ashamed of me. She later married and I have two younger sisters and they have very different childhood memories to me. To listen to her though, she was a perfect mum and we all had a great childhood. Even when my sisters tell her she was horrible to me, she won’t have it.

Pushed me to wear skirts/dresses when I didn't want to and felt embarrassed in them as I was going through puberty. I rebelled for years and still in my 30s I feel uneasy wearing them around my parents!

I will start by saying I had a very privileged childhood and wanted for nothing, skiing hols, summer hols, ponies, musical instruments (water and healthy food freely given even on days out / long journeys!) but what I really wanted was approval and not to be constantly compared to the golden child (my older brother). It was made very clear that he was the perfect standard that I should be aspiring to (we are very different people) and I always fell just ever so slightly short of the mark. Even when I did better at things, there was an excuse as to why it was easier for me or why my achievement actually wasn't as good as his (or mine was ignored completely). I also feel sorry for my brother as while he basked in the positive attention he also felt obliged to do things he didn't really enjoy just to try to live up to the expectations of what our father thought was a proper boy (adventurous, outdoorsy, sporty, confident, popular and intelligent - ironically all the things I was!). My poor brother was / is reasonably intelligent but hates sports and the outdoors, is painfully shy and insecure, and has been a computer fanatic since he got his first one aged about 10 (we were late 70s / early 80s kids).

My parents still do this now, and nothing I do or achieve will ever match up to what my brother does, and he remains wonderfully clever and gifted. I have come to largely accept this, but it has made me so determined not to compare my two children, and to celebrate each for their own abilities and personalities. Of course, mother nature decided to give me two identikit children so I have to work quite hard to celebrate their differences 🤣

I'm amazed we didn't all die from dehydration in the 70s and 80s

I am the middle of 11 children. Same mum and dad who have always been together so we’ve always had a huge family living together. I think
a lot of the things I remember are definitely due to my mum and dad having so many kids and not having the time to do things the way I aim to do with my son so I definitely do understand this and there’s no resentment.

Such as: I can’t remember ever, not even on one occasion my parents telling me or any of my siblings they loved us.
Dental care was never a thing and I never remember ever being told to brush my teeth (I have good teeth now and when I got a little older became aware I needed to take care of my teeth).
My parents never attended a single parents evening as always busy with the other children. My education or schooling was never an interest or priority to my parents. I was a bright child and excelled in English, my parents had no idea of what subjects I was taking in high school even though I remember other parents being really involved in this (I went on to study for both an under grad degree and masters degree at university and now have a great job).
Prom being a huge deal and parents helping their children prepare for their prom night - my parents had no idea I’d even attended prom until months later when it was brought up.
I remember always being very aware that we had no money. My mum used to talk about it a lot. I’d hope if I was in a similar financial difficulty I’d mask it better with my son.