What small things did your parents get wrong when you were a child?

[Forevergold2838]

My mum and dad were/are wonderful but I remember a lot of stress about meal times. We had to clear our plates even if we didn't like it. I was allergic to eggs but it was dismissed as fussy eating even though I would vomit every time I ate them. They also never took a drink for me anywhere. I remember being thirsty on car rides and they'd offer me a sip from their flask of coffee or if they did bring me a drink it would be a small carton of 5 alive that would be gone in 2 seconds. I didn't drink a glass of plain water until I was in my late teens, we'd always have vimto.

Is the not drinking water due to the fact that it requires more frequent toilet trips especially when doing long journeys? I'm only asking because I come from a different country and we only drank water. In fact, I remember never having squash or anything else. I remember going to friends houses and I always used to have squash there which I loved as we never had any at home and my parents never got any for us. On a hot day, my mum would freeze bottles of water and mix them for us and she would make pastry and sandwiches for us. I never remember dining at a service station grabbing something to eat.

Also, my FIL admitted that in the 70s/80s he never cuddled his children as he thought it was a embarrassing thing to do. Dh and sil aren't anything to be embarrassed of but FIL had this thing not to show affection. FIL was a bit like "kids are to be seen but not heard" type of man but is totally opposite towards my ds when he first became a grandfather. He showers my ds with love and affection and spoils him a lot which I think it's sad as sil and dh never received that and they are in their early 40s still seeking love and approval which is really annoying sometimes. My parents were the opposite, they showered us with loads of love but they had other issues which affected us (domestic abuse).

Indoctrination that we should never ‘be beholden’ to anybody. Insisted we always had to ‘stand on your own two feet’. In theory they sound like great lessons. In practice I was unable to ask for help, unable to commit fully to a relationship or accept support. My parents were absolutely doing their best but they were products of their own backgrounds and some of their ways were really damaging. Years and years of therapy have untangled most of it…I was so determined to do things differently with DDs. I’d love to read what they’ll say about me in thirty years 😂

@HeresWhatYouReturned

Does anyone still feel quite bitter about how they were treated? I do. It comes in flashes. My Mum will not admit to anything at all other than her being a perfect Mum. I think that actually rankles the most. She once accused me of having false memory syndrome. I am an only child and I had a distant slightly clueless father who was a bit downtrodden by my overbearing, over-critical Mum. So no-one to actually confirm how I was treated. I remember things but they were always denied when I confronted her as an adult.

I think she was unhappy and I was an unwanted child. I'd forgive her a lot... if only she once admitted that anything she did was wrong in some way...

I feel the same way. My mum never admitted she did anything wrong even though she used to batter me for the slightest thing until I was black and blue. If challenged, her usual reply was that she couldn't remember. It astounds me now that my teachers never said anything, they must have seen the bruises. She was a very selfish person, and while we always had food on the table and clean clothes, we were made to feel as if we were unwelcome lodgers who were a terrible burden to her.
I was continually criticized, told that I was fat, ugly and stupid so much that I grew up with no self-esteem. Looking back at photos of my teenage self, I was actually very pretty and not fat at all, I wish I knew that at the time. I also gained a lot more qualifications than any of my siblings, but was told that they would not support me through university, I had to get a job so that I could contribute to my keep. She took almost half of my salary from me for dig money. I made the mistake of telling her the first time I got a raise. I got £7 more a month (this was in the late 70s), she put my dig money up by £10 a month. I ended up married to a man who also loved to castigate me for anything he could think up, and I put up with that for far longer than I should have, it was normal to me. My mum and dad treated me like a servant, doing housework, cleaning up after my younger sister and making them cups of tea whenever. My father was very fond of saying "Why have a dog and bark yourself?" So offensive. My mum now has dementia and is in a care home, I visit very occasionally and even though she genuinely can't remember now, I still cannot forgive her.

Never validating my feelings that my brother was the favourite. They kept brushing it off if I said it. I try now to validate my kids feelings even if I don't necessarily agree with them.

I can't complain about my parents but of course they did a few things that were annoying.

Buying me only one school uniform while buying my sisters 4 each. So they could wear a clean one daily and I wore the same one for five days. We could have easily afforded it.

Buying me only one pack of pads every few months, that I had to keep hidden in my room. Making them last was impossible, I'd wear one for ages and they stank. Again we could have easily afforded it, why not just buy ten packets and leave them in the bathroom cupboard.

It's tough to be a parent and ideas change, but those things are just about hygiene - which was still important in the 90s so I don't understand it.

Pads were never freely available for me either. Have boys but if I had girls I always thought I would make this easier for her and always have available pads in the bathroom in plentiful supply.

@Wutipg

Pads were never freely available for me either. Have boys but if I had girls I always thought I would make this easier for her and always have available pads in the bathroom in plentiful supply.

My Mum had then in bathroom cupboard but was odd about re-stocking insisting I had to ask rather than just refill every month - was worse when DSsis started to need them as she just refused to have the conversation with Mum.

We didn't have access to money or shops due to were we lived.

It was my Dad was was really strange - we weren't allowed bin in room or bathroom - couldn't flush as system blocked easily anyway - he'd had a fit if I tried putting a bag as temp bin in cupbaord to dispose all at once and he found it - or if I tried to put it in bin outside wrapped up he'd have endless questions in front of everyone - few times I wrapped up and disposed in school as it was easier.

Could also not wash anything in washing machine - Mum guarded that so it was was in sink for leaks and dry in room and hope not found.

My girls have period pants, reusablabe, pads etc in their rooms- we get enough every month automatically and I put them in their rooms or thay take if they helping pack away- they can wash what they like no questions and have bin in bathroom, room and can use one outside anytime - they also have money and shops they can access.

I look back and think why make it such as issue.

@Wutipg

Pads were never freely available for me either. Have boys but if I had girls I always thought I would make this easier for her and always have available pads in the bathroom in plentiful supply.

That’s awful. I was sort of the same, it was go into the back of the bathroom cupboard and hope to find something. Some of the time I used rolled up wads of tissue

I look back and think why make it such as issue.

I know, I just don't get it. Money was not the issue. If just forgetting to buy them was the issue, (forget you have three teen dds? Really?) why not stock up on 20 packets.

Why make disposing of them such an issue, like all rubbish they go in a bin, what's the big deal.

I don't know why I put up with it, I should have insisted, yelled, whatever, until things changed. I should have just gone and stolen some. But I was just like oh well that's the way it is

That’s awful gwanwyn and limesegment. And similar to me. Never a bin to dispose of easily in bathroom we had to sneakily dispose somehow which was so embarrassing. Also I never thought to question it. It was such a relief when I went to uni and could finally take charge of it all myself

Some of this sounds so familiar - the never being beholden to someone or putting someone else out. So you couldn't ask for help with anything. If you even had a coffee at someone else's house you had to work out a way to 'repay' them. Overthinking every nuance of what someone said and reading all sorts of things into it.

No wonder I grew up with anxiety and terrified to stand up for myself.

My Mum is still doing this now - clearing out possessions for an elderly relative. Three friends have all offered to go and help her. They're all retired, plenty of free time, offered to do it. 'But I couldn't possibly be beholden to them'! Then she wanted me to come and help instead (work full time, have DD, don't live in the area)!

@Wutipg

That’s awful gwanwyn and limesegment. And similar to me. Never a bin to dispose of easily in bathroom we had to sneakily dispose somehow which was so embarrassing. Also I never thought to question it. It was such a relief when I went to uni and could finally take charge of it all myself

It's just so odd - and I'm sorry other's experienced it as well so much unnecessary stress and worry every month.

Though I then went to univerity at 18 and got a BF they could then be weird about that - still married to him and DH still thinks they arent' completely reconciled to that .

FIL still brings up my Dad ringing them up demanding to know who they were as someone had phoned that number from his house- thing was I had to get permission to phone anyone, fair enough I wasn't bill paying though I offered, so he did know and I wasn't allowed any privacy on the phone they listened in. FIL apparently quickly twigged but on prinicpal refused to say who he was first as Dad had phoned him - and he didn't like Dad's tone.

I came home at 14 ( I was a naughty child) at about 10.30 pm. I was in a terrible state as I had been raped. Not violently, I wasn't battered or bruised but I had been drinking cider out of a bottle from a much older boy (20's) and after half a bottle I was almost unconscious.
He took me to a flat and raped me in the bathroom.
I remember begging him to get off me and crying for my mum.
When he finished ( he took off a black condom and the sight of them still haunt me) he cleaned me up, cuddled me, brushed my hair and walked me halfway home.
I walked to my house in a daze. I saw my Mums car in the driveway and started bawling.
I needed my Mum.
She saw me
She saw the state of me and said " you disgust me, you stink of cider, you are asking for trouble young lady"
I went to my room and never told a soul about what happened.
The 30 years I believed it was my fault and I did deserve it.

This lack of water on this thread is probably why they were all wrinkly by middle age. I’m in my 50s but barely have a line. As I think Joan Collins said, the difference between a grape and a raisin is moisture.

Grew up in the 70s/80s. Never, ever did we eat out anywhere. Holidays always self-catering. Day trips involved sweaty sandwiches in Tupperware, drinks in smelly thermos flasks. I ended being so nervous of eating in a restaurant or pub I felt sick when out with friends celebrating O levels, same with first serious boyfriend!

I now eat out whenever possible, don't like picnics unless it's fresh shop bought sandwiches, snacks, cold drinks. Tupperware can take a hike!

@FoodologistGirl

This lack of water on this thread is probably why they were all wrinkly by middle age. I’m in my 50s but barely have a line. As I think Joan Collins said, the difference between a grape and a raisin is moisture.

I was thinking that earlier! People seemed to look so much older than their age back then

Scoobydo you were a child and he was an adult. It was not your fault.
My DM used to burn sanitary towels on an open fire. She didn't think it was hygienic to throw them in a bin. She didn't really approve of shaving or deodorant either.
There wasn't the variety of places to eat in the 70s and 80s. Pubs weren't child friendly and at the most sold crisps, cobs and if you were lucky a ploughman's. Restaurants were expensive, I suppose. Can't even remember many cafes, tearooms etc. Hence why so many of us have memories of Tupperware picnics!

@Scoobydoobydo

I came home at 14 ( I was a naughty child) at about 10.30 pm. I was in a terrible state as I had been raped. Not violently, I wasn't battered or bruised but I had been drinking cider out of a bottle from a much older boy (20's) and after half a bottle I was almost unconscious. He took me to a flat and raped me in the bathroom. I remember begging him to get off me and crying for my mum. When he finished ( he took off a black condom and the sight of them still haunt me) he cleaned me up, cuddled me, brushed my hair and walked me halfway home. I walked to my house in a daze. I saw my Mums car in the driveway and started bawling. I needed my Mum. She saw me She saw the state of me and said " you disgust me, you stink of cider, you are asking for trouble young lady" I went to my room and never told a soul about what happened. The 30 years I believed it was my fault and I did deserve it.

Shit Scooby that’s awful! I hope you’ve been able to move forwards. I had lots of creepy experiences with men around that age (although nowhere near as bad as yours) which my parents turned a blind eye to. I suspect addressing it would’ve been far too awkward for them.

If I (and my DM as well) had to pee while on a road trip, my dad would moan and groan and make endless fun of us for having to take care of this basic bodily function. He hated having to stop while driving anywhere, he just wanted to get from A to B as quickly as humanly possible. We drove across Canada twice (he was military and my parents always chose this way to move to a new posting, I have no idea why as we sent all the big items with moving companies and it was only us and our clothes/pets in the car), and he would never ever stop at interesting landmarks.

As a result of his endless moaning and sometimes anger at having to stop so I could go to the loo, I still have a complex about asking to stop if someone else is driving. He still does it, though the last time he did it when I was there I gave him what-for about it. Absolutely ridiculous behaviour.

I had a lovely childhood but a few things stand out. My mum was never happy with her weight, always on a diet. Would cry if clothes didn't fit her for a night out. She would always blame having babies on her weight gain. Even when I was a teenager she would call it baby weight. I truly believed I would be fat after having a baby (I'm not, probably even weigh less now with a 20 month old). I'm surprised I don't have issues with food but I am very aware of my weight.

Another thing is, I was a nervous reader as a child. I hated reading out aloud at school and struggled a bit with reading. My mum would get very dramatic if I was struggling reading. I can remember her shouting, crying and saying I must be dyslexia. This obviously made me so much worse. By the time I got to secondary school I could read fine in my head but could hardly ready aloud so the teachers thought I couldn't read.

Didn't tell me when my dad got remarried and I then found the photos. Was about 6.

Lameasahorse. I smoke and sunbathed loads during my 20s and still don’t have wrinkles. I used to never moisturise either, not until I hit 40. But I do drink plenty of water.