What small things did your parents get wrong when you were a child?

[Forevergold2838]

My mum and dad were/are wonderful but I remember a lot of stress about meal times. We had to clear our plates even if we didn't like it. I was allergic to eggs but it was dismissed as fussy eating even though I would vomit every time I ate them. They also never took a drink for me anywhere. I remember being thirsty on car rides and they'd offer me a sip from their flask of coffee or if they did bring me a drink it would be a small carton of 5 alive that would be gone in 2 seconds. I didn't drink a glass of plain water until I was in my late teens, we'd always have vimto.

I went to a privileged private school where all the girls had to have the "right" clothes. My parents refused to buy me the clothes and also to let me enrol at the local school instead. It sounds like a small thing but honestly it was awful. I will definitely take these things more seriously with own kids - fitting in is important.

My parents sent us to bed at 6.30pm. it was far too early and we spent hours doing nothing. It was crap as we came home from school, had dinner then went to bed. Had no family time so our lives consisted of school and sleep and that it.

Annnnnnnd thank you mobile this isn't even the right thread 🤣🤣🤣 sorry guys

Small? Lots and lots of big.

My parents were not perfect but this thread is making me grateful for them nonetheless. I’m really sorry for what some of you’ve had to experience.

I also had the lack of water and no drinks being taken on days out. This thread has also made be remember something I’d completely forgotten- at night I didn’t have water next to my bed, instead I had orange squash. And it wasn’t actually kept in my bedroom but was on a chest of drawers out in the hallway. What was that all about?!

@Dawnb19

My parents sent us to bed at 6.30pm. it was far too early and we spent hours doing nothing. It was crap as we came home from school, had dinner then went to bed. Had no family time so our lives consisted of school and sleep and that it.

To what age did this continue? And what did you actually do in the time until you could actually sleep? Did they make you have the light off?

On the drink thing, I used to really ration any drink I did get bought (usually Lilt) to make it last. That frustrated them, and made them not want to bother buying me a drink. I remember having to plead to get one, and also my dad deciding to just finish ones I was hoarding and rationing.

Just a massive miscommunication/misunderstanding really.

We had the drink thing too. Squash or fizzy drinks only. Infact I've never ever seen either of my parents drink a glass of water.
We wasn't allowed a drink with dinner either.
Yoghurts were only for my mum-we weren't allowed to touch them.

I also didn’t try water until I was over ten. We drunk Diet Coke which I think is worse for teeth than regular - or at least in my case I ended up with a lot of erosion and got referred to hospital dentist when I was young. My gran had false teeth from her 30s so I guess it’s not like my mum had a good education on dental care from her. I’m going to make sure my children have good teeth.

Was never encouraged to have a proper hobby so I'm no good at any sports, can't play any instruments, can't draw or make anything etc. I remember wanting to learn the drums but it was a no.

@HeresWhatYouReturned

Does anyone still feel quite bitter about how they were treated? I do. It comes in flashes. My Mum will not admit to anything at all other than her being a perfect Mum. I think that actually rankles the most. She once accused me of having false memory syndrome. I am an only child and I had a distant slightly clueless father who was a bit downtrodden by my overbearing, over-critical Mum. So no-one to actually confirm how I was treated. I remember things but they were always denied when I confronted her as an adult.

I think she was unhappy and I was an unwanted child. I'd forgive her a lot... if only she once admitted that anything she did was wrong in some way...

She sounds like a classic narcissist rewriting history! Well done, you sound intelligent and survived!! 👏👌🏼xx

Lack of veg and fruit compared to now. 80’s rotating dinners of mini Kiev’s/burgers/Findus Krispy pancakes, chips and beans, maybe a banana that day. Packed lunches were always a soggy sandwich and banana, nothing else, never different.
I read my book to mum every night and dad did a bedtime story sometimes, but no real educational push or visits to educational places etc. No dance classes, swimming classes, instruments etc. I asked mum recently why not and she said I never said I wanted to do them 🤷🏻‍♀️I don’t think anything was sort of ‘Presented’ to me though, if that makes sense. Never encouraging friends to come over (I always had to keep asking) no snacks/drinks when they were there or no inviting them to dinner/lunch. So so different now

Parents don’t always get it right. Parenting is not easy. Times change and so do people. I thank my mum and dad for the wonderful childhood they gave me and I hope I learned their best traits and left behind the ones that I deem not so good (very few). I hope my children have a great childhood and no doubt there will be things they change with their own children in the future…but we did our best to our knowledge, belief and capability, and that’s all that matters. 🥰

If only there were more qualified therapists like you milling about on the internet!

Oh thanks useful reply button! That was to WorkHardPlayHard1

@lameasahorse Oh yeah, I’m sure, it just seems mainly different now with the majority of people? My mum now isn’t like that and eats lots of veg and fruit etc

My mother used to make many of my clothes when I was a child. They were awful and I was often laughed at because of them. She made my school pinafores, which never fitted properly. She also made my party dresses (for about 6 years) which were sometimes different materials and colours (depending what was cheapest at the time), but all from the same pattern…high necked with lace around my neck, tent shaped and long straight sleeves, with lace around the cuff. It was the standing joke, at the school Christmas Party, which colour my dress would be each year!

She also insisted I wore, what she called good leather shoes, whether they fitted me properly or not. I still remember one pair of shoes, she bought for me, which were brown, green and yellow leather. I told her I hated them, but they were in the sale and cheaper (I know why!!!) than the (fashionable at the time) moccasins that nearly all the other girls had!

I had to wear these clothes and shoes and be bullied and laughed at, which led to me being reclusive and pretty much friendless for most of my school years!

My parents, especially my mum, were suspicious of any friend I brought home.I had problems fitting in/finding my tribe at school (combination of hearing impairment and somewhat unusual family background/heritage) and playing out in our neighbourhood didn’t really happen.

It took me a while to understand that the constant low level anxiety I live with is probably down to a mother who could turn on a sixpence over nuances of behaviour I hadn’t even begun to spot.

Love this thread. Main issues for me were:

My mum always being cross and angry. I have few memories of her being happy and not about to smack us. Feels like I spent my whole childhood navigating her moods.

Being tight - I remember begging then to send me on a French exchange trip for my French A-level and they refused (they could afford it).

Everything always being too much effort - never wanting to spend money, see people, celebrate anything. Their whole attitude was everything is too difficult.

Horrid packed lunches - sweaty bovril and tomato sandwiches on thick granary bread and fruit cake. I so envied my friends with white bread sandwiches, a club bar and crisps.

My mum telling me I was evil when I was 5 and constantly favouring my older sister.

Giving me a massive guilt complex about everything, especially spending money. There is constantly a voice in my head saying I am being too difficult/wasteful/extravagant.

@lameasahorse

Dunno 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is just my experience of an 80’s childhood, my Dd doesn’t eat like that every night (it would be a hell of a lot easier though!) and my friends don’t seem to give that type of food either, there’s a huge interest in healthy eating