What small things did your parents get wrong when you were a child?

[Forevergold2838]

My mum and dad were/are wonderful but I remember a lot of stress about meal times. We had to clear our plates even if we didn't like it. I was allergic to eggs but it was dismissed as fussy eating even though I would vomit every time I ate them. They also never took a drink for me anywhere. I remember being thirsty on car rides and they'd offer me a sip from their flask of coffee or if they did bring me a drink it would be a small carton of 5 alive that would be gone in 2 seconds. I didn't drink a glass of plain water until I was in my late teens, we'd always have vimto.

Encouraged to believe that any interest in my appearance was vanity. I am still mystified by how people know what suits them best!

Not been given proper meals. I lived off take aways or very lottle.

I remember going home for lunch in year 7 and my mum had bought me a chip butty, bag of doritos, bounty, twix and mars bar for lunch.

That was when she had money, if we were skint it was usually nothing.

I still have the mentality of eat as much as you can even though I'm never skint as an adult.

Always struggled with my weight because of it 😩

Taking a drink on a day out was definitely not the norm when I was small (born 85). There was the occasional carton of juice but very often a small cup poured out of a flask of tea. I'm sure the thirst didn't help my awful travel sickness!

I also wore awful clothes and when I started getting to late primary/secondary this really mattered. I remember the joy of going to Dorothy Perkins and Tammy when I was about 12 and getting a few clothes that I wanted to wear constantly! I'm not sure how my mum failed to get how important not standing out is. When I got to about 14/15 and could choose my own stuff and buy a lot of it I went full baggy jeans skater as I was never going to be fashionable.

Snow. I wasn’t allowed out to play in the snow in case I had an accident and slipped and broke an arm or leg or a snowball took my eye out and god forbid I had to miss school.

This was at odds with my being able to ride my ponies which carried a far higher risk of injury.

I’m a 80’s child, we never took drinks on long journeys or days out, I think we travelled through France with no drink.

Most of our clothes were from jumble sales or hand me downs even though my parents were not skint.

My parents never pushed me with school work, never helped with homework and never did anything educational with us, I kind of feel I could have done better at school if they had helped me more.

Being compared to my sister constantly. She had similar interests in my mum and I was made to believe I was a miserable person because I didn’t enjoy the same things as them, my interests were completely ignored.

Went on and on and on about my sister's weight (she ended up with an eating disorder).

Authoritarian parenting style (when I say jump, you say how high kinda deal- we had to say this in front of relatives, 'Girls, when I say jump, what do you say?') He was surprised when we became avid rule-followers who had problems defying authority.

Didn't give us choices, and when we did have them, forcefully offered their own opinions as correct and belittled anything that didn't abide by their expectations. They were surprised and frustrated that I was so indecisive and lacking in confidence.

Everything was a big deal and what other people would think or say was a massive consideration, with the result that I became very socially anxious and unhealthily fixated on what others thought of me. He'd openly mock strangers for their physical appearance, which cemented in me the idea that others would do that about me.

This obsession with water and being hydrated is really very recent. I still don't drink water, only tea and coffee. I'll drink water if out hiking but that's the only time.

My parents sending me to a an all girls secondary modern instead of a private school. All my cousins went to private school as did most of their friends children. I never felt I fitted in at school from day one I was known as the posh kid with the start rite shoes and the massive country house!! ( it wasnt massive it was a 3 bed detached house in a village) My parents were both very trendy and dressed in designer clothes - my mum was very glamourous and most of the kids parents weren't - I had to call them mummy and daddy whereas everyone else was mum and dad. When I met normal kids I didn't know what to say or do as it was totally alien to me. By the time I was 15 I had found my feet a bit and had a few friends. We didn't have the money for school fees for 3 children and money for nice clothes holidays etc so I do understand why we all went to secondary moderns - it meant we could still enjoy a comfortable life. They also listened to radio one which I found cringy at age 12. My life at school was always hell after parents evening because the other kids were in awe of the posh aura my parents gave off. At the time I just wanted to go the private school with my cousins and my parents friends children. I had a great childhood I was very privileged but I think they under estimated how hard it was for me fitting in in a normal school.

Being dressed in brown or navy trousers and similar dull jumpers or t shirts. I was a 70s child, so whilst these colours were plentiful, pink often was too. My mum wanted me to be a Tom boy, cut my hair in a page boy style, which broke my heart as it had been long down my back. She’d wanted a boy after having one girl. I wanted to be a girlie girl like my best friend,, who always wore pretty dresses.
Similar to a pp, I was always told I had a ‘good pair of legs’ as was bigger than my sis and two cousins who lived next door, all of whom were older than me. Cue years of disordered body image and huge issues with food / weight.
Mum smoked through her pregnancies and smoked 20 a day always in the house, in same room as us if we were all in the living room. Thinking back now, our clothes must have stank of stake cigarette smoke as children.

No encouragement or enforcement of teeth brushing. Every tooth was filled by the time I was 13. Dentistry in the 1970s was somewhat barbaric. This has left me with the horrible mix of ongoing issues with my teeth and a morbid phobia of going to the dentist. Since a teen, I've been really hot on my teeth brushing and also for my kids who, now grown up, have not a single filling or dental issue.

Also allowed to spend pocket money on sweets! I say allowed, they just weren't interested.

Not allowed to join "kids" things eggs Brownies, when the Brownie pack met in a school hall just across the road. I used to stand at the window and watch the Brownies going into the building. They just couldn't be arsed to arrange it and take me over there.

Pants and socks had to be worn for a week at a time while I was at primary school. I used to get so embarrassed and ashamed. I took over my own clothes washing (by hand) at 13.

My older brother, who has definite psychological/personality/psychopathic issues, was allowed to bully me physically and mentally. Also bullied my younger siblings. Parents did nothing except shout at us all. I and my younger siblings now have no relationship with said brother. Said brother is now living with my parents as was unable to live a successful independent life, and is nasty to them. Very sad situation.

Was threatened every now and then with being "flayed alive " and was hit with a leather strap if I was deemed to have been bad.

Never allowed to watch anything that I wanted on TV if it clashed with the sport on TV that my dad wanted to see. Eg he'd come in from work at 5 or so and just switch the TV (only 1 in the house) over from fro whatever us kids were watching to the cricket. If we complained, we'd be shouted at.

Frequently forgot my birthday. We never did celebrations.

Not being drink with a meal was definatley normal in the 1970s/80s. Our mum always thought that giving a drink with our meal would mean we wouldn't eat everything as we'd fill up on liquid instead.

I knew very few people who had meals out or when they went on day trips. Maybe a bag of chips if by the seaside. My dad used to pack a mini calor gas ring and bring a kettle to make cups of tea! No way could we have afforded tea in a cafe. Little Chef restaurants seemed so sophisticated to me- would love to have gone in one.

I don't actually remember this, but my brother likes to remind us that instead of sending us to bed with a glass of water, they would let us take a glass of cola, I never used to drink mine so he would finish mine in the morning!
Interesting to see how many drink related posts there are...

Sorry, having a moan-fest. I never had nice things that other little girls had eg hair bobbles, little dollies, pretty clothes. It made me feel like an outsider. My hair was v infrequently cut, then my mum once said, when I was a young teen, that she was ashamed to be seen out with me cos of my hair (v thick and curly)...this has never left me.

It was the total lack of interest or concern.

God, this thread has at least made me feel that I wasn't alone! My parents were lovely, and I knew I was much loved, but I too had the forced short hair and the Start Rite shoes :-(

I had them both until I was 14. I remember going to Roller City in Rochdale with youth club and a girl asked "my mate wants to know if you'll hold hands with her going round" because she thought I was a boy! I went to a school where everyone else had straight skirts, slip on shoes, and haircuts from Rita, Sue and Bob Too. I stuck out a mile and was bullied mercilessly for being posh. I wasn't, we just lived in a tatty pre-war semi, but 80% of my school lived in social housing, and I just wanted to fit in. My parents both came from council housing and really wanted to just own their own home, but it caused so many problems for me at school.

Overall I had good parents, it's a tough job. However my mother once washed my mouth out with soap when I was six as I got into trouble when another child said I had used a swear word at school. I hadn't. Not only does the punishment seem terrible looking back, but the injustice of it stayed with me. I wouldn't dream of doing anything like this to my dd, it is completely unimaginable to me.

My DM (gawd luv 'er, she was a wonderful woman) was a health food evangelist. We only ever had stiff, strongly flavoured wholemeal bread, sunflower spread (or worse and closest to plastic, Gold), and no sweets or biscuits - only my stepfather had those for his lunchbox. Other kids eating white bread and real butter was a revelation.

The problem was that when unhappy (and constantly on a diet or fasting, for my entire childhood) DM would drive me and my brother to the shop in town and buy cakes and chocolate, and we'd all sit in the car and eat them so my stepfather didn't see. Secret eating and obsessing about dieting/fasting became an ingrained habit, and both me and my brother wear it on our bodies (one of us is somewhat thin, the other is fairly fat, and we both have messed up relationships with food).

Also, I was quite academic and always did well at school, but was never praised - when I proudly showed off whatever latest prize I'd won for a writing project or an art thing, they shrugged it off because that was what they expected - "Well of course you are top of the class Eleanor, we wouldn't expect anything else."

I was happy to be held in high regard, but by the time I went to secondary school and discovered that I was actually very average and no longer extraordinary, I felt like such a disappointment and a failure. That feeling has followed me through life, I'm always short of expectations.

Oh yes the drinks thing! I’ve been thinking about this recently… water bottles weren’t a thing and my staple was fizzy pop! I genuinely don’t think I ever had a glass of water. Like pp, my parents still hardly drink anything though.

I was only taught to brush my teeth once a day too, in the morning and not before bed!

My mother constantly telling me she was 7 stone all the way through school and making me feel that was the weight to aspire to, even though I was 5ft6 so it wasn’t possible without being underweight.

I don’t think anything I’ve read above is a “small thing” maybe barring the not taking drinks out on a day out! Look at the impact their actions had.

My parents were awful about food too: there was too much, eating at odd times to fit with their lives, no thought of nutritional content and mainly cooked in an unhealthy way (loads of frying), always full sugar drinks no water and chocolate/ice cream/cake from when I was a baby. Then they turned around and criticised me for being fat from the age of 12. It was also very much my issue not theirs as they weren’t fat. I never figured out if it was the era (80’s), their culture (not English) or just them. Despite being told not to, they do pretty much the same thing with my kids now so it must be them.

I guess we’re all more aware of what healthie eating looks like now and are just more aware of the connection between food and health.

Smoking in the car and after meals at the table.

My mum is terrified of birds, alive and dad. Therefore we never ever ate any form of poultry. No turkey at Xmas and did nt eat a chicken nugget or pasta (cos that's fancy and posh rubbish) till I left home at 20

Sadbutthetruth I think it’s just so easy to feed children junky food. My parents do this a lot when children come round and it’s every time they go to a friends house. The only thing they are thinking is what is easy and guaranteed the children will eat.

@Floydthebarber

Taking a drink on a day out was definitely not the norm when I was small (born 85). There was the occasional carton of juice but very often a small cup poured out of a flask of tea. I'm sure the thirst didn't help my awful travel sickness!

I also wore awful clothes and when I started getting to late primary/secondary this really mattered. I remember the joy of going to Dorothy Perkins and Tammy when I was about 12 and getting a few clothes that I wanted to wear constantly! I'm not sure how my mum failed to get how important not standing out is. When I got to about 14/15 and could choose my own stuff and buy a lot of it I went full baggy jeans skater as I was never going to be fashionable.

Are you me? I could have written every word of this 😂 born in 85 as well!

Also I never realised until reading this thread that I too was raised on squash…we were never ever given water!

@Fridafever

Mine is really petty but I think did impact me. They never let me care how I looked. So I wore very sensible crap clothes and had short easy to care for hair, everyone thought I was a boy. They’re such nice people and fantastic parents in most ways but I can’t help feeling that I wouldn’t have had such a tough time at school if I’d been allowed to look better. I’m ugly either way but it could have less apparent especially at an age where everything is difficult.

I was going to post something similar. My mum was really precious about me not wearing stuff she didn't like well into my teens, which made me the uncool kid. And it wasn't ~always~ extreme stuff. I wanted a pair of Doc Martens in the early 90s (aged about 13) but wasn't allowed them because she thought they were horrible. We have a great relationship now but I still get on her case (light-heartedly) about her wanting me to dress like it was the 50s when it was the 80s and 90s!

Made her distaste for my ginger hair loudly known at every given opportunity and swore through the teeth she had no idea where it came from, even though I’ve seen pictures of her being a blatant ginger child also, although she would rather die than miss a bleach appointment 😂 I’m always very openly in love with my child’s ginger hair as an adult. And I would make a point of saying whilst pregnant that I really hoped she would have red hair. If she ever said a bad word about my children’s hair I would unleash hell.