What small things did your parents get wrong when you were a child?

[Forevergold2838]

My mum and dad were/are wonderful but I remember a lot of stress about meal times. We had to clear our plates even if we didn't like it. I was allergic to eggs but it was dismissed as fussy eating even though I would vomit every time I ate them. They also never took a drink for me anywhere. I remember being thirsty on car rides and they'd offer me a sip from their flask of coffee or if they did bring me a drink it would be a small carton of 5 alive that would be gone in 2 seconds. I didn't drink a glass of plain water until I was in my late teens, we'd always have vimto.

@lameasahorse My grandma cooked everything from scratch though, amazing cooking and meals.
It was no issue for me, I was happy with chips & beans most nights 🤣

I remember long hot days out. No sun cream or sun hats and one small bottle of squash between the children. Served in brightly coloured Tupperware cups.

I used to look at it in the picnic box and know it was a whole day feeling horribly thirsty.

We always had strong tea from a huge China teapot in the middle of the table. Tea for breakfast, and a flask of coffee for my school packed lunch. I was in year 2!

The would argue all the time, and often beat each other violently. Me and my brother would have to pretend the neighbours were knocking to try and get them to stop. It was awful

DPs were religious freaks so any food left was a major insult to DM as well as abuse of the starving children in Africa. Girls and boys were not born equal - DB was always the wonder child despite failing all his O levels etc... It was completely forbidden to want to consider how you looked (but still OK for DM to scream at me that I was an embarrassing mess when she felt like it) For year I only had boys clothes to wear as they could then be handed down to my younger brother.

They were slap happy - slipper for talking in the morning at the weekend before they got up at 9am, talking out of turn at the dinner table, looking at them the wrong way etc

Worst of all was the day that all the school bullies chased me home and I ran up to my mother in fear (standing talking to a friend outside the house). We got in and she hammered me for embarrassing her in front of her friend by telling her that the large crowd of kids coming up the street had chased me home threatening violence...........

I wore school shoes for everything but special occasions until I was at university. No one in the family drank water except for holidays when ice water was served. It all seemed normal.
I had undiagnosed autism, depression, and anxiety despite therapists and outpatient treatment at a children’s psychiatric hospital. I was threatened with being left there if I didn’t shape up. Mother woukd have done it, except her mother wouldn’t allow it. Father was ignorant of what mother did, and and didn’t like to disagree with her.

Smoking in the house and the car.

My dad threw a cigarette butt out of the car window which went straight through my open window behind him and burnt a hole in my trousers.

Of course, that was my fault for having the window open...

@JustBkind

Parents don’t always get it right. Parenting is not easy. Times change and so do people. I thank my mum and dad for the wonderful childhood they gave me and I hope I learned their best traits and left behind the ones that I deem not so good (very few). I hope my children have a great childhood and no doubt there will be things they change with their own children in the future…but we did our best to our knowledge, belief and capability, and that’s all that matters. 🥰

I absolutely agree @JustBkind.

I'm wondering what our own children would say about us if we wound this thread 20-30 years in the future. I'm sure there are lots of things that we all do now that we think are healthy/normal that in the future our children will be horrified about.

Times change. Knowledge gets better. We all make mistakes. My own childhood was a very, very long way from perfect but it was a different world back then. I think it's hard to appreciate just how different it was as things have changed so much, so quickly. Most parents genuinely did their best, even if they got things wrong.

I became friendless as a teen and had issues like bad acne. I remember my mum shouting at me for being anti-social and also reminiscing about what a good child I used to be. I get from a parents pov if they have a happy sociable child who becomes a depressed teen they’re going to prefer them as they were but telling the child that just makes things worse.

Any problem I had was dismissed or reframed as me interpreting it wrongly. Not that I complained a lot. I think the idea was that of course it usually wasn’t a big deal and I shouldn’t dwell on issues but it had the opposite effect. If someone was rude to me, for example, all I needed to hear was an acknowledgment that it wasn’t right but instead they’d often say things like maybe I misunderstood or maybe I did something to cause it etc.

The biggest small thing happened when I was a young child. I answered the door to these older boys shouting at me saying I’d smashed something. I was really confused and upset. I ran to mum. Later I found out another child in the neighbourhood had left toys out in the road which had been broken. A boy had said I’d ran over them in my bike (I’d been out earlier on it). My mum ended up giving some of my toys to this neighbour to replace the broken ones. I was upset as loved those toys but mostly upset as my mum had just assumed I’d done this. Despite not being a violent child. I now wonder if she didn’t believe it but just wanted to get on well with the neighbour which might actually be worse. Anyway later it was found out that another neighbour had likely ran over toys in his jeep (being that they’d been left on road).

Not allowing me to care how I looked- if my mum caught me looking in the mirror she'd call be vain. Left me almost feeling guilty to look good.

My mum is extremely clever and a university professor. She used to be very critical of her students (and other people). Left me feeling that there's no way I could be smart enough. Never had the confidence to go to uni though i definitely could have.

Extreme healthy eating, absolutely no treats. Told I would get fat if I eg. Got myself a bacon sandwich or something. Taken me years to come to terms with guilt around food.

Never helping me out, no lifts to anywhere etc. Made to feel like this was a good thing, very independent etc. But left me finding it very difficult to ask for help or accept help. Was so shocked when I met DH and saw how much his parents help him/me out

Dad having anger and us all Tiptoeing round him. Now I realise he must have had stress but all I remember is him losing it with me but not the reason why.

Trying to make sure I don't replicate any of this with my kids, but I'm sure I'll do something wrong as well

I was thinking the other day how my mum's open level of disgust when I had worms/scabies/nits as a child. Yes most of us parents are a bit grossed out but she was very exaggeratedly disgusted about it and huffed and puffed whirl treating each thing.

I was one of three. I don't ever recall my siblings getting any of these things. I was also the only one of 3 of us who was being sexually abused. Her open disgust of my having worms/scabies/nits meant I felt dirty and shameful, even more so than I already did. I'd never have gone to her and told her I was being sexually abused given her reactions to the above.

I was one of 3. Only I got these things. I also got frequent water infections and nose bleeds. Neither of my siblings did. I was the only one being abused. As an adult trained in safeguarding this would ring alarm bells to me. My mum thought nothing of it other than to be grossed out and feel angry she had another thing to do eg treatments/chemist trip/etc.

Some of these posts make me feel really sad for our lost childhoods.
When I was younger and staying at my dad's (every fortnight), I had to endure my stepmothers horrible dry Sunday dinner. She would make me sit there and eat every last bit. It got to the stage I started to get phobic about it so my mother rang my dad and had a chat about it. He suggested that when my stepmum was dishing up dinner that I could go and tell her what I wanted on my plate. So next time I went, I heard her dishing up and plucked up the courage to go into the kitchen and do as my dad had suggested. My stepmum wasn't very loving towards me and she raged at me for daring to suggest I didn't want some of her dinner and insisted I would get what I was given and sit and eat the lot. I ended up having an eating disorder and having to have CBT because of it. I still suffer on and off over 20 years later. The funny thing was, when she had my little brother (16 years difference between us) she let him eat whatever he wanted. So while I was sat there eating this god awful dinner, he was sat eating chips, chicken nuggets and ketchup. If by any chance you're reading this, yes Angela this is about you!

Always telling me I looked nice when I clearly didn't.
A misguided attempt to give me self esteem that massively back fired when I grew up a scruff who didn't always wear appropriate clothing.

My parents were and still are, fabulous. It's sad trading some of these posts. We wanted for nothing, went to sorts clubs, played instruments, got taken on days out and holidays (with plenty of drinks!).
The only thing that sticks out for me is they didn't want me to go to university and wanted me to leave school as soon as I could - it caused a lot of arguments. Left school at 16 back in the 80s, and got a good job in the civil service. 16 and travelling daily into central London for my job. Can't imagine my 17yr old doing that!
However, it probably did me a favour as I got promoted quickly and was able to fund two years travelling Oz, Canada and India when I was 19-21, then bought my first house in London with my then boyfriend at 25. I'm now 51 and mortgage free and only have to work part time (divorced now but have a partner I don't yet live with) So I've no university regrets. However my friends who did go to uni have better and more well paid jobs.
Weird though that my parents now encourage my children and neice and nephew to go to uni and think I should financially support them through it?!
However my daughter chose not to and has a very good job, buying a flat at 24 and drives a much better car than me! My son is planning to go to uni though, which his dad and I will support.
Brought it up with my parents and they both deny they did that!!

My dad also used to smoke in the house and the car.
I remember going through a phase maybe v early teens when I couldn’t stop crying, not sure why, and my mum shouting and getting really angry at me and threatening to take me to the doctors if I kept crying all the time 🙈I also had v heavy periods (have endo, undiagnosed at that point) and I got blood on my bed sheet by accident and put it in the washing/laundry bin thing hidden away in shame. She found it and went absolutely nuts that it was there pushed in with all the other bits, screaming at me. She’d be devastated if I reminded her of any of these things though, she wasn’t a horrible person, there just seemed to be much less understanding back then, can’t imagine her being like this now

phoneybaloney

So sorry for what you went through, life really is shit sometimes ❤️

Oh and I used to get smacked - often as I was a mouthy child! My dad often worked late and my mum did the 'wait till your dad gets home' thing. So I used to put my Bunty annuals over me under the bed covers so that when he came home and smacked me, it hurt less! I remember having red hand prints on my bum as I got smacked running up the stairs. Think it was deemed normal in the 70s. My parents are absolutely lovely and still help me out all the time. It's seems bonkers now.
I've never smacked my kids (now adult) and neither has my sister - I think it was just the way they disciplined back in the day!

My mum is also a clean freak. She still says to any visitors 'excuse the mess' when the house is like a show home with nothing out of place and spotless!
Drove me crazy as a teen. I'd get in at say 3am and at 6am she'd me taking my bedding off with me still in it as it had to be changed every Saturday by 7am?! Take your coat off and it's whisked away into a cupboard so it doesn't mess up the house?!
Made me rebel against this in adulthood and she thinks my house is a hovel - it isn't, it's just not up to her standard of show home ness!
My sister is the same now though..... she gets up at 6 to clean (an already clean house) before she goes to work - I do t get it!
I had a cleaner and my mum thought I was disgraceful as I should be able to keep a 4 bed family home clean and tidy despite being a single mum and working full time! She's bonkers and still gets up at 5am to clean despite being retired and the house is spotless.
Hates the fact that I pay a Window cleaner as I should be doing it myself, she takes pride in telling me that she's cleaned all her interior windows by 7am and dad, nearly 80 is outside on a ladder doing the outside. I offered to pay for a window cleaner for them, but no, that would seem slovenliness!
And also im a bad parent as I don't wrap up my kids Easter eggs with Easter wrapping paper and then place them, with an Easter card, in an Easter bag and buy them an Easter outfit?!
Lovely but bonkers.

I used to wet the bed but was so fearful of getting told off for doing it that I would lie on dried piss soaked sheets night after night to avoid my mother kicking off at having to do some washing.

I r

@Marleymoo42

Parents had zero interest in popular culture. Didn't know a single celebrity, even people from their own generation. Didn't know the names of popular TV programmes or famous people past or present. Sounds petty but I was so embarrassed by their ignorance in front of friends. They viewed all tv and pop music with suspicion and they never bothered to find out whether things were suitable for my age group. As a result I missed out on lots of things.

Even now I feel like life is harder for them as they have less small talk! I do respect them a bit more for never pretending to be something they weren't. I asked my mum what she talks to her hairdresser about and she said, 'I've found someone who doesn't insist on filing the silence .'

It's unreasonable to expect everyone to be interested in popular culture. TV and celebrities really aren't the only interesting thing in life and there are loads of other subjects you can talk about! I'm sure not all hairdressers want to spend all their working days talking about what's on the telly.

Oh and I always have to live to my parents expectations. Think having a
lavish birthday party for your kids every year. Apparently I had big parties every year so I should do the same. So I had a party with entertainers for my daughter 6th birthday with 60 kids when my son was 4 weeks old! And I had to look good (I wore spandex!) or mum said I'd look like I'd let myself go.

Mum said she was downstairs cooking dinner 4 hrs after I was born (at home) so I should be more than capable of doing the same!

@helpfulperson

This obsession with water and being hydrated is really very recent. I still don't drink water, only tea and coffee. I'll drink water if out hiking but that's the only time.

Also, there weren't as many decent places to go to the toilet in the 80s so it was sensible not to load yourself full of water when out for the day.