What small things did your parents get wrong when you were a child?

[Forevergold2838]

My mum and dad were/are wonderful but I remember a lot of stress about meal times. We had to clear our plates even if we didn't like it. I was allergic to eggs but it was dismissed as fussy eating even though I would vomit every time I ate them. They also never took a drink for me anywhere. I remember being thirsty on car rides and they'd offer me a sip from their flask of coffee or if they did bring me a drink it would be a small carton of 5 alive that would be gone in 2 seconds. I didn't drink a glass of plain water until I was in my late teens, we'd always have vimto.

Always forgot my birthday. Think because they were always too busy working and trying to make sure we had everything we needed eg food, bills paid etc.

Mine is really petty but I think did impact me. They never let me care how I looked. So I wore very sensible crap clothes and had short easy to care for hair, everyone thought I was a boy. They’re such nice people and fantastic parents in most ways but I can’t help feeling that I wouldn’t have had such a tough time at school if I’d been allowed to look better. I’m ugly either way but it could have less apparent especially at an age where everything is difficult.

Apple slices instead of cleaning teeth before bed.
Mouthful of fillings by 12.

Would never ever buy food or drink if we were out of the house.
Refused to pay to park the car so we'd drive around for ages and ages looking for a free space.
Never ever gave me a drink with a meal. Always thought it was such a novelty when I went to friends houses. How bad is that!

They also never took a drink for me anywhere. I remember being thirsty on car rides and they'd offer me a sip from their flask of coffee or if they did bring me a drink it would be a small carton of 5 alive that would be gone in 2 seconds. I didn't drink a glass of plain water until I was in my late teens, we'd always have vimto.

I remember similar many days out being really thirsty but sometime they were as well as often didn't take tea/coffee - and them not really doing water as a drink but always squash.

It's very different now with children even in classroom in primary they had to have their own water bottle - and days out they often now take their own. Though we are more likley to get drinks out - I donlt know if costs of doing that have fallen though since my childhood.

Removing the stabilisers from my bike when I had no sense of balance.

I have similar memories of lack of drinks and never being offered plain water, it’s strange isn’t it?

Exposed to adult material too young. Nothing horrific, but thought nothing of watching an age 15/18 film on the TV when we as kids were still up. Quite confusing. I don't even let mine listen to the news on the radio now.

My mom let me bleach my hair, with a home dye kit, it looked lovely for a week, then turned the brightest orange! She then didn’t do anything to correct it. I had to wait for it to grow out. I was 14, you can imagine how awful that was for me to have black roots and frizzy orange hair for months!

This was before straighteners, my sister still calls me Worzel occasionally.

My elder brother is genius level intelligent. I'm merely normal level of intelligent. They constantly compared my results with his. I felt inadequate a lot of the time... it wasn't intentional.

I surprised them by getting better GCSEs and A levels... they did start to appreciate that while I wasn't as outstanding in one particular area I had a wider range of skills.

To put it into context... My brother got 100% in his Maths Alevels and I averaged 95%. I got AABB and he got AAC (bad day in music A level).

I wasn't allowed trousers or jeans till mid secondary when basically pointed out that's what everyone wore then I got some.

Mum didn't like trousers and as a child I'd had a pair from older brother which were really scratchy, hard and wrong shape somehow - thus I didn't either. She now lives in them and I don't really wear them though when kids were young it was all I wore.

Clothes were more expensive then though.

I was an 80s child & never drank water, always squash - I think it’s common

My parents were very dismissive/ uninterested in my hobby (horse riding). Meanwhile they were super-interested in my brothers’ tennis.

I still ride horses as an adult, but I don’t think either of my brothers have picked up a tennis racquet in years!

CornishGem1975 my parent were frugal like this too and its definitely rubbed off on me. I was never allowed anything from a gift shop, we always took a packed lunch, wouldn't ever buy a programme etc. DH let's the kids have all these things and I dont stop him but inwardly feel like we're doing something very wrong and shouldn't be spending on things like that.

@YellowHpok

Exposed to adult material too young. Nothing horrific, but thought nothing of watching an age 15/18 film on the TV when we as kids were still up. Quite confusing. I don't even let mine listen to the news on the radio now.

Oh yeah, my parents didn't care what we watched. I remember watching Dirty Dancing, Pretty Woman etc when I was about 9/10. Okay so not the worst but adult themes and I certainly wouldn't let my children!

Exposing me to chocolate and sweets too early. Not giving me water- always milk or squash.

I am told I was only allowed 6 chocolate buttons in a cup, but this must have been when I was weaning age. There was no need to wean me on chocolate buttons. In every picture of me as toddler I have a chocolate bar in my hand.

I turned into an overweight teen and adult, naturally. It’s a lot of conscious effort and exercise now to be a healthy weight.

I am not going to be sugar precious with my children, but a 1 year old doesn’t need to know what chocolate is

@Forevergold2838

CornishGem1975 my parent were frugal like this too and its definitely rubbed off on me. I was never allowed anything from a gift shop, we always took a packed lunch, wouldn't ever buy a programme etc. DH let's the kids have all these things and I dont stop him but inwardly feel like we're doing something very wrong and shouldn't be spending on things like that.

I've gone the opposite way! Always let my kids get stuff, my children love to eat out at a cafe so I indulge them, because I can afford it so why not.

It makes me cross at my parents even more, I mean, why not just buy me the bloody cookie or bag of crisps? They always found the money to both smoke and have Sky TV etc!

We never drank water, always squash or fizzy drinks and my gran bought me sweets every day. And the whole family didn’t drink much, suspect we were all permanently dehydrated, we never took drinks anywhere. My parents also did the short hair thing but I grew it longer as a teen. Mum used to get cross that I would wash it every morning before she got up, no idea why she was cross, I made no mess, perhaps she just liked to be first up. My mum was mean with food when I had friends round as a teen, she really hated it if I offered them drinks / biscuits. So much so that I bought my own biscuits and tea bags and kept them hidden in my wardrobe for when friends came round! We weren’t that poor, it wasn’t a money thing. I also had to use the public phones behind the post office to make calls as I wasn’t allowed to use the home phone which was just for work, my DF was self employed. Even if someone called me at home, so we weren’t paying, she used to look really disapproving if I stayed on for longer than a minute! Generally my parents were great and I had a happy childhood, these are just small things. They were generous most of the time!

I did for years feel like we were doing something wrong having coffee or other drinks and cake in a cafe - even before children and with young ones.

I still rarely do it with children if it's just me - will occaionally but more usually get something to drink eat on benches/parks.

Put all the emphasis on the importance of education, and forgot about building confidence. We were encouraged to be quiet, pretty and sweet. Any confident friends were labelled "cheeky little madam" etc, and I'm still trying to shake off the impact of that now in my late 30s.
My mum (dad wasn't at home) also didn't put her foot down enough about my sister's bullying of me. She thought "it's just what siblings do", but she shouldn't have tolerated it like she did.

Three main things spring to mind: calling me "meaty chunks" whilst squidging my thighs. May sound harmless but contributed to a lifelong issue with body image (especially my thighs) and a 20-year long eating disorder (now recovered).

Not taking me seriously when I was being badly bullied at high school to the point of being beaten unconscious on one occasion. They turned a blind eye to what was going on and I ended up seriously ill (see above).

Refusing to take me to friend's houses even though we had at least one car at any given time. It wasn't lack of money on their part - it was "tough love" ie "if you want to see your friends you either walk or get the bus". As the least confident 11 year old in history, I ended up spending my high school years as a loner (and a punchbag).

My DM was always on a diet. My DF would comment I needed to lose weight, but didn’t do anything about lots of exercise.

I remember her delightedly telling friends I was on a diet at 13.

I’m one of 3 and we all have disordered eating.

I do now have to stop my DM saying things in front of the children in order to break the viscous cycle.

I was the same with drinking. Parents would never bring drinks on days out. I don't remember being thirsty - it was just the way it was.

But to this day - my parents are in their 70's - they don't drink much at all - cups of tea after each meal. If I ever try to give them water they always refuse. Even on a hot day I gave my mum a bottle of water and she took the smallest sip ever and that was probably to be polite!

At dinner time at home we either had squash or coke. They would maybe have a small glass of milk and by small I mean 100 ml or less. I never remember being given water.

Definitely must be a generational thing!

Not understanding that treating children equitably isn't the same as treating them equally. I have a sister who is 3 years younger than me and in order for life to be 'fair', if I was to have something she could have it too, if I couldn't, she couldn't. Which sounds sensible until you consider that I wasn't 'allowed' to walk home from school until I was 15, because they weren't comfortable with her doing it until she was 12. And we had the same curfew, the same bedtime, etc. All catered to the younger child not the older one. I missed out on opportunities that I would have been good at because she wasn't allowed (I was invited to go for a scholarship to the local public school, but mum and dad didn't let me go for it because DSis wouldn't have hit the criteria to do the same).

I understand it must be incredibly difficult to keep things fair with two children (I'm due DC2 any day so I'm sure I'll be tested in due course!) but I do think that treating two children fairly doesn't mean treating them exactly the same.

Also, allowing our grandparents to spend an absolute FORTUNE on us as Christmas then standing back whilst said grandparents told us how spoiled we were at having so many nice things when so many children had nothing. YOU BOUGHT IT ALL yet we were made to feel guilty!

FWIW - the fairness thing impacted on DSis too, there's a fair few things she missed out on because I wouldn't have been able to do them too.