What small things did your parents get wrong when you were a child?

[Forevergold2838]

My mum and dad were/are wonderful but I remember a lot of stress about meal times. We had to clear our plates even if we didn't like it. I was allergic to eggs but it was dismissed as fussy eating even though I would vomit every time I ate them. They also never took a drink for me anywhere. I remember being thirsty on car rides and they'd offer me a sip from their flask of coffee or if they did bring me a drink it would be a small carton of 5 alive that would be gone in 2 seconds. I didn't drink a glass of plain water until I was in my late teens, we'd always have vimto.

@Calennig

I wasn't allowed trousers or jeans till mid secondary when basically pointed out that's what everyone wore then I got some.

Mum didn't like trousers and as a child I'd had a pair from older brother which were really scratchy, hard and wrong shape somehow - thus I didn't either. She now lives in them and I don't really wear them though when kids were young it was all I wore.

Clothes were more expensive then though.

My mum didn't like me to wear trousers to (high) school either. There was no uniform. She wanted me to wear dresses and skirts out of school too. I HATE wearing dresses and skirts. I feel like a man in drag. It's just not me. I spent 75p of my pocket money in the charity shop for a rather lovely pinstripe stretchy jeans. She reluctantly agreed that they were smart enough for school.

And we had the same curfew, the same bedtime, etc. All catered to the younger child not the older one

Was a five year age gap with younger sister but was always treated the same - some of it was we shared a room so it was easier to send us to bed at the same time - it did stop but mainly due to my HW in secondary. It also led to us being "the girls" and never really allowed to be our own people with own veiws and likes and dislikes.

I do think they got a lot right and they had little to no help and lots of money worries - but things like control over clothes I wore till very late in teens seem very odd and never something I've wanted to control for my children.

I also had the caring what people thought stuff early in childhood then the surpise I was nervous and shy and often worried as a teen but then when my confidnece grew at Uni - them not liking that either. I think they just really struggled with us getting older and more independent.

In the 80s the family went out for a walk. It was the middle of the summer and very hot. My dad bought a can of coke for us all to share (2 adults, 3 kids.) When it got to my turn the can had about 2 drips left in it. He laughed and dismissed my complaints. I must have moaned all the rest of the walk.

Not eating different foods, I had never had Chinese, Indian, Mexican etc until I moved out.

My mum was never bothered about fitting in so she didn’t get the need to fit in, she liked standing out. She shouted and screamed while I cried at me once until my dad told her enough because I wanted some new clothes (fashion clothes) so I could fit in with everyone else. It wasn’t even about the money or labels I just wanted some nice jeans and tops. I wasn’t asking for £100 jeans just some that actually fitted me.

Constantly telling me other people have it worse. My mum still does this now. Well x down the street had this issue too, they had it worse. A child in Africa would love this food you should be grateful. After a miscarriage and being upset my sister was pregnant saying well she did have some bleeding issues too…but didn’t actually have a miscarriage, had a healthy pregnancy and baby.

Comparing me to the next door neighbour, how I was more immature. Still remember my parents having that conversation and overhearing them.

I'm not at this stage with my dc yet so not sure how I'd handle it, but I was never given advice or guided about my appearance, hygiene, skin and style. I don't know if it's normal to do that once your kids start growing up but I'm sure I'd try to help. Maybe she thought I wasn't interested in fashion, but my mum never attempted to take me shopping or a hairdresser or anything. I never had jeans and tops as a pre-teen or teenager, just horrible baggy jogging bottoms and saggy sports t shirts. Inevitably I was cast as the 'sporty' one out of all my friends and just continued to stay in that role hiding behind huge clothes. My hair was never really cut nicely, just grown out and straggly, I cringe thinking back!

Once I hit the teen years I also had terrible acne which I tried to cover but used the wrong tone concealer and powders so my face would be cakey and orange and just make the spots worse. My mum never discussed it but later on past that stage, I found out friends had been to the GP and got pills, creams etc to help, whereas I had no clue at the time I could even get help. I don't know why my mum never mentioned it, surely she must have seen my terrible skin?

As I approached the end of my teens I was very down after my dad passed away and just comfort ate, but my mum was the same and food was always a reward in our house, so that kind of bingeing became normal. At that stage mum was too preoccupied with her own grief to really do much about me, so I went off to uni still with my straggly hair, atrocious eating habits and terrible clothes and skin. I spent my 20s learning better eating habits, careful skin care - and clothes shopping with my new friends and first wage was a revelation!

Hmm One thing that has changed is that now I would not dream of travelling with my children without appropriate car seats but in the olds days no one was bothered. They just didn't exist right?
I wish I had more friends round and could just ask them in as we played.
I wish I was made attend dance lessons or gymnastics, smth for my posture as I'm quite tall.
I don't think I ever heard compliments about my appearance from my parents and it was quite a revelation for me that I was pretty when I turned 17.

her idea of love and safeguarding was to rule with an iron fist.

I remember being told that if I put a foot wrong I should fear her more than the police, so to scare me into doing as I was told.

She turned a blind eye to the extreme bullying I experienced at the hands of siblings.

Not interested in my emotions, how I felt, the impact of her actions that enhanced her life but left mine isolated and with low self esteem.

It has taken decades to realise that I don't automatically have to say yes to people just to please them and that I have a right to make decisions that look after my wellbeing instead of someone else's

They perpetuated misogynistic attitudes and behaviours.

I always felt that l should be grateful for having a roof over my head, and getting basic things you would expect a child to have. We girls were seen as a burden. My mum was and still is very much of the mind set that her daughters are not worth investing in and that her sons should have everything they wanted.

** they want

My dad was incredibly strict when we were teenagers, especially over school work and keeping us on the straight and narrow. I was actually very diligent and not at all wild and crazy but he just never let up and it made my teenage years not very fun. I think he had very good intentions, but I remember it as a very stressful time.

@helpfulperson

This obsession with water and being hydrated is really very recent. I still don't drink water, only tea and coffee. I'll drink water if out hiking but that's the only time.

Me too.

Taking drinks out with you wasn’t a thing. I was always thirsty out and about and not allowed to buy anything. My mum says now, why do you need a bottle of water everywhere? She only drinks tea, coffee and wine and will have a sip of water once or twice a day, at home obviously.

My parents did (&still do) rather go to the same cheap chain pub every week rather than going out for really nice food less regularly.

Never paying for parking. We’d have to walk miles and spend hours looking for an on street parking space. We’d go home rather than use a pay and display.

Not encouraged to do my best at school, do my a levels, university etc...nothing.....always made to feel uncomfortable taking food at meal times....to the point I now have enough food here for a large family even though it's just two of us....I also have two freezers full of food....I was allowed to come and go as I pleased, had a key and left to my own accord....never bought new clothes, always felt old fashioned around my friends....never bought a warm winter coat....so cold during the cold months....I was not encouraged to drive, never had a mobile phone....had to give money to my parents when I started a yrs scheme....was left with 15 pounds a week to pay for my food and travel etc....I could go on! Myself and my husband ensured our children had the best if everything, were encouraged to do their very best and supported...always

Told I couldn’t go to university because she was a single mum and couldn’t afford it, came to realise she wouldn’t have had to pay for it anyway, found that out too late.

My mum was amazing….except she is very religious. Sex before marriage meant I was going to hell. When I hit pregnant, unmarried -barely in a relationship, she said ‘pardon?’. I contemplated terminating our beautiful, funny, clever, adorable daughter because that seemed preferable than admitting to her very religious family and friends that I’d committed the ultimate ‘sin’, DS (another sin) and a marriage followed. We are 12 years down the line. It’s been a fucking hard road….but I couldn’t be happier. I won’t be giving my dad the same advice.

My parents were both very loving and we had a great childhood, however I have very few memories of my DM playing with us which I think she’d feel a bit sad about if she knew - she loves playing with my DCs. Also, most trips out, cinema, swimming, the park etc was my Dad taking us so she could stay at home and catch up with the housework (and no doubt enjoy the peace!). I get it. I love when DH takes the DC out for a walk and I can whizz round doing a bit of cleaning then sit quietly with a book, but I didn’t want to miss out on doing all the nice things with them and so make sure we spend lots of time as a family.

Also, although we never really went without (money was tight and we certainly weren’t spoilt, but we had tidy, fashionable clothes, tended to get what we asked for for Christmas etc) my parents had this weird thing about not making a fuss of birthdays. They’d spend a lot at Christmas on piles of presents, but birthdays past toddler age were always very low key with a small token gift, and often a bit of a letdown. I make more of a fuss on DC’s birthday. Not mountains of gifts but enough to make them feel special, and DM has commented that I go over the top. I really don’t - the same banner comes out every year, there’s a few thoughtful gifts and a special breakfast and party tea, then either a party or treat day out. She seems to think it should be a fiver in a card handed over a bowl of cornflakes and anything else is just frivolous . It’s weird. They’d sometimes spend more on us on a random trip to the supermarket!

There were hardly ever drinks in our house either. Definitely not when we were out and about. Must have been an 80’s thing. I remember buying my first cab of coke with pocket money and thinking it was such a novelty

My parents thought I was being obstinate not eating meat. I just couldn’t chew it or break it down so it would sit like a soggy mess in my mouth; obviously never dissolving… it made me miserable as a child, and as an adult very phobic about eating in front of others and nervous. I also thought I was some sort of freak… turns out I am a born vegetarian and not remotely unusual!

always dragging me around to do my brother's activities, and there were many competitions and events etc. many weekends, while not fostering any of my own. Also, forced private music lessons (ick)

Minimal tooth brushing leading to a mouthful of fillings and life long problems. My mum was around recently when I was brushing youngest dc’s teeth and commented that she didn’t think she did mine at all before I was school age
Also wearing hand-me-down boys trousers and jumpers in browns and having an awful pageboy cut, I never remember having any pretty clothes until I was old enough to get a Saturday job and buy my own.

My dad worked from home so whenever we were home during holidays/half term etc and my mum was out at work, he'd lock us out of the house. We were either made to pull the weeds or we'd just sit on the doorstep until our mum came home.
We'd have to knock on the door and ask to come in if we needed to toilet or something.

It was just normal for us (even though we hated it) but now that I have my own children, I look back and think it was such shit parenting.

Insisting we sat at the table until all food was eaten. Could have been there for hours. Caused me to start hiding food around the house which I was then beaten for.

Never cared if we brushed our teeth - now have lots of fillings.

Never washed school socks and underwear until the end of the week - was doing this on my own at age 10 because I was so embarrassed that I smelt bad .

Stopped cooking dinner for us by the time I reached about age 14 - remember having microchips and pasta which I made myself.

Lots more stuff worse than the above

When I was a child my mother made it clear that teen-agers were awful. When I hit 13, anything I did that she didn't like would get "You're such a teenager!" Said in a horrible tone. My younger siblings meanwhile were just told off normally since they weren't yet the magic 13. It was clear to me that she did not want a teenager, only a child, and I remember genuinely wondering why she hadn't realised that this would happen to me. I was a good teenager too so all her assumptions were unfounded. I kept her at arms length then and our relationship never recovered.

Limited diet, I didn't taste garlic until I left home. I never had fashionable clothes - I always joke to my mum that everyone would think I lie about my age if they saw the hand-me-down fashions I was sporting in my childhood photos. Very little guidance on how to make myself presentable, no haircuts and any sort of thought given to looks was very much frowned upon (except for weight, we were encouraged to think of ourselves as being better than fat people ).

They were busy people. I didn't grow up to be like them in these ways. No harm done I suppose.

@helpfulperson

This obsession with water and being hydrated is really very recent. I still don't drink water, only tea and coffee. I'll drink water if out hiking but that's the only time.

My Mum was worried I had diabetes when I lived at home because I drank tap water when I was thirsty. I was just normally thirsty. She still hardly drinks anything.

I hardly ever drank water as a child - just tea.