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Original poster

Should I have fed this child?

498 replies

yogahippo · 01/04/2022 19:58

DD is in year 6. We moved recently and she's having to try and make friends in a new school. She has a phone and last night was texting a girl and they arranged a play date after school at our house. I messaged mum to check it was ok.

They arrived home, had snacks, played happily. Mum picked up at 6.25. She asked what they'd had for dinner and seemed most put ours when I said they hadn't had dinner. Thing is we usually only eat around 7.25-7.30 so I didn't think to cook dinner. It wasn't mentioned in the messages.

Im not originally from the UK. Have I made a mistake? DD says lots of her friends have younger siblings so eat quite early compared to us...

OP posts:
Gelasia · 01/04/2022 22:25

Crikey yes you should have fed them.

Crikey, why? Every family is different. This idea we all eat dinner at 5 or six with kids in the UK is ignorant. I don't, never have.

Blimecory · 01/04/2022 22:27

I don’t know anyone who feeds their DC at 5pm. Or even 6pm. That’s really early. Between 6-6:30 is a grey area, where I would expect a meal to be offered on a play date -but that would be made clear before the play date that they could stay for tea - but no great shakes if it wasn’t.

nocoolnamesleft · 01/04/2022 22:28

Your Dutch gynae friend sounds brilliant. And those books sound far more appropriate than the (lack of) sex ed they were getting from school. I don't think you did anything wrong.

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PyongyangKipperbang · 01/04/2022 22:29

And this is why it was better in the 70's and 80's!

Then there was definite lines drawn.

"Mum, can X come round to play?" they come to play
"Mum, can X come round for tea?" they come for a play and a meal
"Mum can X come and stay the night?" Dinner and staying the night
"Mum, can X come for a bedroom picnic and stay the night?" What would now be called a sleep over.

WonderingWanda · 01/04/2022 22:30

I don't think you did anything wrong and the other Mum did make an assumption you'd be doing tea, but I can see why because it is usually the cse for primary playdates in my experience.

When inviting I'd always say 'would they like to come for a play and tea' or make it clear tea was not involved because I know that's the norm at our school.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 01/04/2022 22:30

Yes you should have

Sickoffamilydrama · 01/04/2022 22:31

I think the Mum shouldn't have made you feel uncomfortable, My DD are 12 &14 they do tweenage playdates and I always get them to check if they are having food or just text or phone them have you had food if not I'll save some and if I'm unsure i.e middle DD doesn't tell me I save her some food... simple , 😉

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/04/2022 22:32

Re- times for dinner....

We were eating between 6 and 7 depending on how it fell but in the last year DD has hit Y6 and is STARVING when she gets home. She will have a slice of toast and is still asking by 5 pm when dinner will be ready so now we eat at around 5 to half past. She is growing fast, youngest DS is a teen so will eat anytime and I dont care so...... each to their own.

LaCerbiatta · 01/04/2022 22:32

Normal working hours are at least until 5pm (mine 5.30pm if I left on time which I hardly ever do). After you add the commute how on earth are you having dinner at 5.30 or even 6pm? Honest question! This always puzzled me! Even if half or two thirds of mums here are SAHMs, how are the others eating so early? Does everyone work part time??

FunnysInLaJardin · 01/04/2022 22:35

OP that is very odd of the other mum. If dinner was included I would have said at the time of inviting, otherwise assume not. We eat at 7.30 so wouldn't assume to feed kids any earlier

Sickoffamilydrama · 01/04/2022 22:35

Oh by the way we eat early about 5/6 because we have Ds who is younger but we don't expect everyone to do the same!

TatianaBis · 01/04/2022 22:35

I would have given her tea (Southern tea: cake and lemonade not supper)

GreenOrangePear · 01/04/2022 22:36

I always thought it was weird to eat at 5pm or 6pm. It's one of the ways I never feel quite British even though I am.
My family ate after 7pm because that's when my dad came home from work. I don't remember friends ever having dinner with us - I think they went home earlier.

I think there is a definite cultural difference. My child is not at school yet but Ive noticed if I go to the local playpark after 6pm the other parents are always foreign. I think the British children are in bed or getting ready for it - they are there earlier in the day though...

LostOrFound · 01/04/2022 22:37

@LaCerbiatta

Normal working hours are at least until 5pm (mine 5.30pm if I left on time which I hardly ever do). After you add the commute how on earth are you having dinner at 5.30 or even 6pm? Honest question! This always puzzled me! Even if half or two thirds of mums here are SAHMs, how are the others eating so early? Does everyone work part time??
Yes this is why we don’t eat until 7pm usually- pick the DC up at 6pm from after school club, home by 6:30pm, dinner on the table by 7pm.
PyongyangKipperbang · 01/04/2022 22:38

@LaCerbiatta

Normal working hours are at least until 5pm (mine 5.30pm if I left on time which I hardly ever do). After you add the commute how on earth are you having dinner at 5.30 or even 6pm? Honest question! This always puzzled me! Even if half or two thirds of mums here are SAHMs, how are the others eating so early? Does everyone work part time??
You know that supermarket you call into at 10 pm? Or the petrol station you fill up at first thing in the morning? BT working overnight so your broadband outage inconveniences you as little as possible? ............
Maybeitstimeforachange · 01/04/2022 22:39

Mine has theirs with my parents (retired).

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 01/04/2022 22:42

My year 5 daughter would be proper hungry by this time if she hadn't been fed!! I would have fed the child and messaged mum just to let her know.

Manicsfan · 01/04/2022 22:42

The child clearly wasn't starving. You gave them snacks! We eat between 5.30 and 6 most nights, but in this situation my son would survive and neither of us would care if he had his dinner or not.
Extremely rude to appear put out- lazy Mum can't be arsed cooking I think!

RosiePosieDozy · 01/04/2022 22:43

Going to someone's house after school is usually to play and have dinner. I would be surprised if I picked my child up from you and they hadn't had dinner. I wouldn't be bothered though and would feed them when I got home. But I would be surprised.

Beachbabe1 · 01/04/2022 22:43

Very late to feed a child after 7pm! Dinner is between 5 and 6pm imo. I wouldve certainly assumed my child would have been fed by 6.25pm.
Is your child happy eating this late? What time do they go to bed?
My child would be starving by 7pm unless you top up with lots of snacks after school!!

Tumbleweed101 · 01/04/2022 22:44

I'd have probably been surprised if they'd not been given an evening meal but would just give my child a light meal if they'd been having snacks all evening if we had none of our evening meal left. We eat fairly early, before 7/7.30 most evenings dependant on when I get home from work. Would make life easier to know ahead of time but wouldn't be a problem. After the first visit without a meal I'd know to save my child some of ours next visit. The actual enjoyment of the visit would be my priority.

WomblingWilma · 01/04/2022 22:46

I wouldn’t have expected my DC to be fed, except if it was mentioned when the other Mum spoke to me. When my DC had play dates it was a bloody minefield of not knowing if the DC eat pork products, had allergies or the parents frowned on them eating chicken dippers and chips (as one delightful child told me, they didn’t eat junk at home).

The mum was very rude to show she was put out. Some families eat later due to work finishing times. My DH doesn’t get in until 7-9pm so when my youngest got to about 8/9 I’d do dinner for 7.30 so DH’s wasn’t sitting in the oven for hours. DCs would always come in starving from school so I’d give them a sandwich or toast with fruit and other snacks they’d rummage for so they’d often leave a quite a bit of their dinner when I made it earlier anyway.

The kid is Yr 6 so 10-11, not little.

Not her DC’s fault she’s rude so I’d have them over again but make it clear you have dinner later in the evening but will give a sandwich/fruit etc when they get back to yours.

TatianaBis · 01/04/2022 22:47

@Beachbabe1

Very late to feed a child after 7pm! Dinner is between 5 and 6pm imo. I wouldve certainly assumed my child would have been fed by 6.25pm. Is your child happy eating this late? What time do they go to bed? My child would be starving by 7pm unless you top up with lots of snacks after school!!
7pm is not late, it’s a completely normal time to have supper.

You have a biscuit and drink when you come in and then eat later.

OverByYer · 01/04/2022 22:48

I’d have e fed them after school. Mine always ate at 5 as they were starving after school.

Blimecory · 01/04/2022 22:48

@Beachbabe1

Very late to feed a child after 7pm! Dinner is between 5 and 6pm imo. I wouldve certainly assumed my child would have been fed by 6.25pm. Is your child happy eating this late? What time do they go to bed? My child would be starving by 7pm unless you top up with lots of snacks after school!!
It’s not particularly late. The child is in y6, not a toddler. Most people working standard hours surely won’t be in from work till about 6pm, and then they have to start cooking, so 6:30 at the very earliest to eat, and that would be a push.