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Original poster

Should I have fed this child?

498 replies

yogahippo · 01/04/2022 19:58

DD is in year 6. We moved recently and she's having to try and make friends in a new school. She has a phone and last night was texting a girl and they arranged a play date after school at our house. I messaged mum to check it was ok.

They arrived home, had snacks, played happily. Mum picked up at 6.25. She asked what they'd had for dinner and seemed most put ours when I said they hadn't had dinner. Thing is we usually only eat around 7.25-7.30 so I didn't think to cook dinner. It wasn't mentioned in the messages.

Im not originally from the UK. Have I made a mistake? DD says lots of her friends have younger siblings so eat quite early compared to us...

OP posts:
deadlanguage · 02/04/2022 18:22

@linsey2581

Ok so 1. It’s called tea time not dinner time (dinner is a lunch time). And 2. Who the heck has their meal at that time of the day?? My tea time is around 5-6pm
People who work until 5? I don’t think I’ve had dinner before 6.30 or so in my life.
astoundedgoat · 02/04/2022 18:22

6.30 is too early for dinner for us (DC in years 6 and 8), so no, we would not have fed them dinner. We eat more around 7.30pm.

I was the mother of the guest, and wasn't sure what to expect, if dinner had not been mentioned in the invitation, I would not assume, and I would also not have been so rude as to be visibly annoyed if my child had not been fed so early! Yikes! Shock

LittleMissMe99 · 02/04/2022 18:26

At that time, I would have expected my child to have been fed, unless you said otherwise

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astoundedgoat · 02/04/2022 18:28

@linsey2581

Ok so 1. It’s called tea time not dinner time (dinner is a lunch time). And 2. Who the heck has their meal at that time of the day?? My tea time is around 5-6pm
But that's completely regional. People call it supper, dinner or tea depending on where they're from in the country, and where I'm from calling the midday meal "dinner" and the evening meal "tea" is mostly rural/farming. People from cities say lunch and dinner. Where I live now in England though, it's lunch and supper.

I still usually say dinner, because that's what I grew up with, not supper, but we have dinner beween 7pm and 8.30pm. 9pm if we have guests over and the children have eaten earlier.

linsey2581 · 02/04/2022 18:33

@deadlanguage I finish work at 4.30pm and normally home for 5pm so have my tea asmoon as I get in. My kids are 18 and 19 so normally help themselves or make the tea for me coming in or if hubby is on an early shift he makes it. I couldn’t eat a big meal after 6.30 as I go to bed at 10pm and the thought of a big meal sitting in my stomach at that time of night would make me feel ill.

aSofaNearYou · 02/04/2022 18:36

My eye was twitching at the awful "it's not dinner it's tea" comment.

Randomname85 · 02/04/2022 18:37

My five year old and 18 month old eat between 4.30-5.30 and when we have play dates we always give dinner.

Dnaltocs · 02/04/2022 18:38

Oops! Half the original post was not on my settings. My post does seem harsh.
Would still have fed the children tho’

thedarkling · 02/04/2022 18:39

I would think they'd had tea by 6:30 but I wouldn't get the arse if they hadn't, not a big deal at all. People are weirdly precious about meals.

Goldbar · 02/04/2022 18:40

so she could make arraingments to prep a LATE meal for her child

Is it really that difficult to toast some cheese, heat up some beans or whack some pasta on to boil Hmm? Here's an idea - child could do it themselves if the parent can't be bothered.

There are some very precious people on here. One of the joys of visiting other houses is learning that not everyone lives in the same way as you do. Also, teach your child to speak up for themselves. There are very few hosts who would mind an older child politely saying, 'I'm a bit hungry. Would it be possible to have some toast or a biscuit or something?'

aSofaNearYou · 02/04/2022 18:40

@Randomname85

My five year old and 18 month old eat between 4.30-5.30 and when we have play dates we always give dinner.
Very different ages from a Year 6 child. Children that age are in bed by 7 so of course you do.
Unforgettablefire · 02/04/2022 18:41

It was nice of you to have her but I think the mother is a bit rude being put out I would have been grateful you’d had my child over.
Where I’m from it’s still called tea, the kids are fed when they get in from school and if there’s any stragglers they’re fed as well. My daughter is 35 now so I’m going back a bit! Grin

TheSilveryTinsellyPussycat · 02/04/2022 18:42

@PuppyMonkey

See in my day, we didn’t have “play dates”, we had “”coming for your tea.” Expectations were a lot clearer. Grin
Just what I was going to say! But I am an old gimmer...
mumofEandE · 02/04/2022 18:45

Yes I would have expected my DC to be fed if the play date finishes at 6:30
And I would have been put out if she hadn't been! Sorry!

mumofgirl1 · 02/04/2022 18:47

Perhaps she thought she was coming for tea aswell as a play date. Maybe in future just explain you don't eat till late and it would just be a play date and not a play date with tea.

Funkyfraz · 02/04/2022 18:48

@dumdumduuuummmmm

6:30 seems very early to eat dinner imo
In what universe Hmm
HRTQueen · 02/04/2022 18:49

I think 630 is early we would want to eat later

We didn’t get home until this time

aSofaNearYou · 02/04/2022 18:50

@mumofEandE

Yes I would have expected my DC to be fed if the play date finishes at 6:30 And I would have been put out if she hadn't been! Sorry!
If you'd have expressed that then that's really rude of you.
WildImaginings · 02/04/2022 18:51

@Dnaltocs

Of course you feed a child on a play date, particularly after school. Anyone coming to our home is offered food. It’s only polite. Not sure why you’d not have done so. Even Adults are always asked, Tea or coffee and always biscuits. Lunch time visitors offered food, visitors after lunch are asked if they’ve had lunch or would they like soup (always some in the freezer) I was brought up to know the difference between a house and our home. Poor little girl🙁
Jesus wept.
ZoyaTheDestroyer · 02/04/2022 18:51

When I was at school we referred to this as having a friend over for tea. Yes, you should have either fed her or made it explicit that you wouldn’t because your family evening meal is later.

backtobusy · 02/04/2022 18:51

Yes you should have fed her OP.

I loved reading about your SC social gaffe I can just imagine it.

Moving into different cultures is hard.

linsey2581 · 02/04/2022 18:54

@aSofaNearYou what was so awful about saying it was tea not dinner?

Littlepicker · 02/04/2022 18:57

Yep, I like your attitude 👌🏼

Blueink · 02/04/2022 18:57

Great your DD took on making pancakes & he’s It’s early for dinner at that age. If they were really hungry I would cook (save adult dinner for later), otherwise a simple ‘picnic’ spread eg hummus with celery & carrot sticks, pitta bread, falafel type, baguette with cheese & ham or tuna & sweetcorn. Fruit salad

WombatChocolate · 02/04/2022 18:58

Laughing at all the comments about the times people eat their evening meal…regardless of what they call it.

So what if you eat early or late….isn’t it possible to sometimes (shock, horror) ….eat at a different time? The world probably won’t end.

It’s just funny that people can’t appreciate some might eat earlier than them and some later. All are fine. It’s even fine when children are involved.

And the rudeness wasn’t OPs. It was the other Mum if she showed annoyance about the lack of food.

I’ve taken my kids places and cooked for them for when they get home to find they’d eaten already at 4pm. Hey ho! I’ve taken them places thinking they will probably have eaten…and then they haven’t. I learned if it’s important, to check in advance.

Worst case scenario, they have a sandwich when they get home. Nothing bad happens if you haven’t had a cooked meal.

Do people live such narrow lives that everyone they know eats at exactly the same time and lives the same life as them? It’s just odd to think like this.

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