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Original poster

Should I have fed this child?

498 replies

yogahippo · 01/04/2022 19:58

DD is in year 6. We moved recently and she's having to try and make friends in a new school. She has a phone and last night was texting a girl and they arranged a play date after school at our house. I messaged mum to check it was ok.

They arrived home, had snacks, played happily. Mum picked up at 6.25. She asked what they'd had for dinner and seemed most put ours when I said they hadn't had dinner. Thing is we usually only eat around 7.25-7.30 so I didn't think to cook dinner. It wasn't mentioned in the messages.

Im not originally from the UK. Have I made a mistake? DD says lots of her friends have younger siblings so eat quite early compared to us...

OP posts:
MarvelMrs · 02/04/2022 17:54

You didn’t do anything wrong as such but eating around 5.30/6pm is probably average for children in y6. It does depend on the family dynamics-older siblings, younger siblings, etc.
With play dates the key is in communication. Specify if you are or aren’t doing dinner in the text before hand. Makes it easier all round.

Yeside · 02/04/2022 17:55

How rude - it’s not about her having decency! I’m my household my 4 year old and husband have dinner 6/6.30 - dinner time. She is not from here and in her household eats at past 7. She gave them a snack which is normally what parents do if no dinner. When my son is picked by a friend or I pick her daughter we both give snacks as they are starving from school - however yesterday he was moaning they hadn’t 😂 I told him off on front of them saying that’s rude - no one should just expect

Washermother33 · 02/04/2022 17:56

Our meal is normally 6.30 but I always would expect to feed a visiting child even if I had to feed the children something quick and easy like pizza earlier .

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linsey2581 · 02/04/2022 17:58

Ok so 1. It’s called tea time not dinner time (dinner is a lunch time). And 2. Who the heck has their meal at that time of the day?? My tea time is around 5-6pm

Yeside · 02/04/2022 17:58

I think it’s just communication issue here - you weren’t to know as your family eat a different time and you have a snack. I tend to ask when it’s around that time - I feed my family by 6.30 ish so let anyone over know I’m feeding then what do they like / don’t like. It’s not a big issue Smile

Dinewithmrsbiggs · 02/04/2022 17:59

I don’t think anyone has done anything wrong here don’t worry. The child could have told you if they were hungry at that age and I’m sure you’d have fed them. I’d expect my daughter to use the tongue in her head rather than starve. 7:30 is fairly late for the kids for us (7,2). We feed them their tea at 5ish and then around 7 always invite them to the table with us for our meal. They rarely eat it, but it’s an opportunity to help them try “adult” food under less pressure. To be honest if we have a play date I’d usually make a bit of a snack platter for them anyway, as I’m a bit of a feeder lol

Dnaltocs · 02/04/2022 17:59

Of course you feed a child on a play date, particularly after school. Anyone coming to our home is offered food. It’s only polite. Not sure why you’d not have done so.
Even Adults are always asked, Tea or coffee and always biscuits. Lunch time visitors offered food, visitors after lunch are asked if they’ve had lunch or would they like soup (always some in the freezer)
I was brought up to know the difference between a house and our home.
Poor little girl🙁

mam0918 · 02/04/2022 17:59

As a kid (primary age) we were always welcome to come to play if people were in (a big group of us and we would switch which house every other day or just play out) but we were always sent away at dinner time, we were told to come back in half an hour when dinner was over so no other parents did not feed us.

I'm quite glad really as I had food allergies and as a kid there was very little understanding of that, my mam regularly got told by other parents that she 'shouldn't indulge 'picky' eating'.

Lndnmummy · 02/04/2022 18:01

Yes dinner.

Washermother33 · 02/04/2022 18:01

I also wouldn’t let my child invite themselves to someone else’s house with no notice … but I know some of my sons friends mums are much more chilled than me . I though wouldn’t want to be ‘ put on the spot’ or ‘ put someone else on the spot’ ..though feeling that I have to feed them something quick at an earlier time is probably part of the problem … it’s a minefield isn’t it

mam0918 · 02/04/2022 18:01

@Dnaltocs

Of course you feed a child on a play date, particularly after school. Anyone coming to our home is offered food. It’s only polite. Not sure why you’d not have done so. Even Adults are always asked, Tea or coffee and always biscuits. Lunch time visitors offered food, visitors after lunch are asked if they’ve had lunch or would they like soup (always some in the freezer) I was brought up to know the difference between a house and our home. Poor little girl🙁
You sound insufferably twee and WI.

I have never in my life been offered soup at someone's house... utterly bizarre behavior.

aSofaNearYou · 02/04/2022 18:04

Whenever I went to my friends houses as a kid I always found it really weird that they served me dinner at around 4-5, I always ate at around 7 with my family.

This is that in reverse. A lot of parents do feed their kids early but they perhaps need to realise not everybody does. By year 6 kids don't need to eat that early, I never did. Snacks are plenty to keep you going.

This has just taught you that lots of parents do feed their kids earlier and might expect that. But socially I think she was the inept one to be "most put out". It's on her that she was unaware not everyone feeds their kids dinner mid afternoon.

lifelast · 02/04/2022 18:06

@Camoye

People will try to show off on here and pretend they feed their 2 year old at 11pm because they just couldn’t possibly eat earlier.

In reality if you have a child over at any time between 5 and 7pm you offer dinner as a matter of course. If you aren’t going to you must specifically state it although you’d sound a bit mean and odd. Anyone who tells you different is lying or bonkers.

Agree with this.
LuckySantangelo35 · 02/04/2022 18:08

@Dnaltocs

Of course you feed a child on a play date, particularly after school. Anyone coming to our home is offered food. It’s only polite. Not sure why you’d not have done so. Even Adults are always asked, Tea or coffee and always biscuits. Lunch time visitors offered food, visitors after lunch are asked if they’ve had lunch or would they like soup (always some in the freezer) I was brought up to know the difference between a house and our home. Poor little girl🙁
@Dnaltocs

Urgh have you heard yourself?!

Op did offer food. The ELEVEN year old girl had apple pancake, a cinnamon bun, crisps and drinks. She will not have been starving. She was picked up before 7pm, plenty of time for her to eat more if she was hungry

“Poor little girl” really 🤣

Askingforfriend · 02/04/2022 18:09

If she was picking up at 6:25, then you would have had to started dinner before 6 to eat and be finished in plenty of time for pickup. 5:50 or so sounds very early for that age of child.

Blimecory · 02/04/2022 18:10

@Dnaltocs

Of course you feed a child on a play date, particularly after school. Anyone coming to our home is offered food. It’s only polite. Not sure why you’d not have done so. Even Adults are always asked, Tea or coffee and always biscuits. Lunch time visitors offered food, visitors after lunch are asked if they’ve had lunch or would they like soup (always some in the freezer) I was brought up to know the difference between a house and our home. Poor little girl🙁
Did you not read the OP’s post? The child was offered food, and they had food. They had lovely snacks of cinnamon buns and home made apple pancakes.
Murdoch1949 · 02/04/2022 18:11

Play date after school does not necessarily include a meal, a snack and drink yes, but a meal no. Next time, to be safe, just say you will be giving them a post school snack & drink, and ask if there’s anything they can’t eat. Then you’re covered.

aSofaNearYou · 02/04/2022 18:12

@Camoye

People will try to show off on here and pretend they feed their 2 year old at 11pm because they just couldn’t possibly eat earlier.

In reality if you have a child over at any time between 5 and 7pm you offer dinner as a matter of course. If you aren’t going to you must specifically state it although you’d sound a bit mean and odd. Anyone who tells you different is lying or bonkers.

Lying or bonkers? Pretty narrow minded.

What do you think people with two 9-5 working parents do?

I think the assumption that all children eat at/by 5 is primarily common amongst households where one of the parents doesn't work, because two full time working parents would not be home to provide dinner until at least 6.

WombatChocolate · 02/04/2022 18:13

Why can’t people be a bit flexible.

There are no wrongs and rights. There might be norms, but it’s not the end of the world if they aren’t stuck to entirely. Not everyone lives in the same rigid way…and that’s okay.

If I heard after school play date, I’d imagine food, but a 6.30 finish is quite early, so I would think it could be borderline. If in doubt, it’s always possible to check.

And even if you’d expected it and it it hadn’t happened….we’ll what’s the worst thing that can happen.

Lots of families don’t eat until 8. Lots of kids don’t go to bed until 10 or later. It’s not all tea at 5 and bed at 7. There are other ways to live.

Bib1234 · 02/04/2022 18:16

I would never assume my child was being given dinner - and if they’re being picked up around 6.30 I probably wouldn’t feed them either tbh

deadlanguage · 02/04/2022 18:18

Picking up at 6.30 would imply picking up just before dinner to me. To have got done with a meal by then would have meant sitting down to eat unusually early.

Concestor · 02/04/2022 18:18

@RampantIvy

She goes up to get ready for bed at 7.45.

At 12? That's very early. DD used to go to Guides at that age, and Guides didn't finish until 8.30.

If she doesn't then she is too tired in the morning. It's just based on her sleep needs (though actually it's based on her sleep needs last year as she's quite ill currently so it's all different at the moment).
flameycakes · 02/04/2022 18:18

@Doggirl

Hmm, this is something DH and I will have to think about. We're British natives (been here since 1066 and all that), but rarely eat before 8pm. DD is 6, and all her classmates get a main meal at lunchtime. She has snacks after school, and either joins us for dinner (that she rarely eats much of) or gets some egg or pasta a bit earlier. The times she's had friends round before, early afternoon, we've just offered bread and cheese.
Bloody hell, I bet you and dh have had a fair few centenary letters of the King or Queen!
Lozmo08 · 02/04/2022 18:19

I would have definitely fed the child. You have not done any thing wrong though and suppose it’s just a learning curve 😊

flameycakes · 02/04/2022 18:19

OFF!