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Original poster

Should I have fed this child?

498 replies

yogahippo · 01/04/2022 19:58

DD is in year 6. We moved recently and she's having to try and make friends in a new school. She has a phone and last night was texting a girl and they arranged a play date after school at our house. I messaged mum to check it was ok.

They arrived home, had snacks, played happily. Mum picked up at 6.25. She asked what they'd had for dinner and seemed most put ours when I said they hadn't had dinner. Thing is we usually only eat around 7.25-7.30 so I didn't think to cook dinner. It wasn't mentioned in the messages.

Im not originally from the UK. Have I made a mistake? DD says lots of her friends have younger siblings so eat quite early compared to us...

OP posts:

Goldbar · 02/04/2022 15:43

These aren't tiny children! They can deal with a disruption to their usual routine for one afternoon, surely . I'm amazed at people who would be 'annoyed' that another family has a different evening routine or expect them to alter it for their child.

HRTQueen · 02/04/2022 15:53

Can’t say I’m amazed Goldbar it’s MN

Though I would be in real life even though I’ve come across my fair share of professional mummy’s (they would probably be horrified behind my back but too polite to say anything)

HRTQueen · 02/04/2022 15:54

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Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 02/04/2022 16:01

@raspberryjamchicken

I'm glad I don't do playdates with some of the posters on here. Frowned upon if you don't feed their child by 6.25 and snacks being policed for their level of healthiness! So long as the kids had a good time, who cares what they are for a one-off playdate?

We have an obesity crisis in this country and you think policing kids snacks for healthiness is not on..OK then. My kids had a play date most weeks so not like Xmas day or something.

raspberryjamchicken · 02/04/2022 16:05

Policing snacks at a playdate in someone else's house is not on. If you want to control what your child eats, don't let them go on playdates. If you're happy for another parent to take them off your hands for a few hours, then let them get on and feed your child what they would their own. If your child is obese and you don't want them eating certain snacks then let the other parents know in advance.

HRTQueen · 02/04/2022 16:06

Well if your children are being feed unhealthy snacks on every play date and that is a few times a week and not eating an evening meal that is for you to say no to so many play dates

If on the odd occasion it really isn’t an issue unless you want to make a drama out of it

maddy68 · 02/04/2022 16:11

We don't eat until 8ish either but fir a play date I would have stick a pizza in the oven

Just explain to her.

itsgettingweird · 02/04/2022 16:14

She should have asked her 11yo when they'd left if she'd had dinner or not. If she's old enough at that age to go to someone's house she's old enough to be asked personally.

luckylavender · 02/04/2022 16:19

@yogahippo

DD is in year 6. We moved recently and she's having to try and make friends in a new school. She has a phone and last night was texting a girl and they arranged a play date after school at our house. I messaged mum to check it was ok. They arrived home, had snacks, played happily. Mum picked up at 6.25. She asked what they'd had for dinner and seemed most put ours when I said they hadn't had dinner. Thing is we usually only eat around 7.25-7.30 so I didn't think to cook dinner. It wasn't mentioned in the messages. Im not originally from the UK. Have I made a mistake? DD says lots of her friends have younger siblings so eat quite early compared to us...

Not at all. Your house, your rules. You weren't to know.

saddowizca · 02/04/2022 16:20

I'm sure a lot of these horrified replies are from people who misread your OP and think the children are 6 years old.

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/04/2022 16:30

@Svara
I dunno, I think one piece of bread with butter on, some beans (like one of those mini tins?) and maybe a bit of grated cheese on top, is a lot more than a snack and I can’t really see an 11 year old needing another full meal an hour or two later.

Goldbar · 02/04/2022 16:35

If you're comfortable enough with another parent to let your child go to their home unaccompanied, you need to let them get on with it and feed your child what they would their own (barring any allergies/dietary requirements which should be clearly communicated). Even if, shock horror, it involves the odd cinnamon bun or iced doughnut . Telling other parents what snacks/food they should provide in their own home (and when they should plan meals for) is really not on.

I can't really believe that your average year 6 child is going to be so inflexible that they're going to have a meltdown having dinner a couple of hours later than the usual time. My 4yo usually eats at 6, but when we're on holiday, travelling or late home from a day out, often it's an extra snack and then dinner at 7.30-8. They cope.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 02/04/2022 16:57

@raspberryjamchicken

Asking someone to only give one snack after school because you're giving them dinner at 6 is hardly policing it. I said if it were me I'd tell them in advance once once knew they gave what we would consider 3 snacks.

Svara · 02/04/2022 17:38

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@Svara
I dunno, I think one piece of bread with butter on, some beans (like one of those mini tins?) and maybe a bit of grated cheese on top, is a lot more than a snack and I can’t really see an 11 year old needing another full meal an hour or two later.[/quote]
No idea what size a mini can is, but we used to do a quarter of a regular can per person on a piece of buttered toast, or cheese on toast, never had them together. That's what I meant. I don't think see how that's dinner but pancakes and a cinnamon bun are a snack.

Mumof3girlygirls · 02/04/2022 17:41

Wow, the thought of my 6 year old going round to a strangers house is really not happening let alone worry about her being fed! Do 6 year old really go to houses alone where the parents have never been before 😮 I honestly didn't know this even happened! 🤣 she eats food as soon as she gets home from school at 4 .....

Kentucky83 · 02/04/2022 17:42

If 7.30 is normal for you then you weren't to know food would be expected. I'd take this as a learning experience and just discuss it with the other parents next time so everyone knows. You've done nothing wrong though, if 7.30 is normal for you then I can see why it didn't occur to you to make tea.

renee1989 · 02/04/2022 17:45

wow and i thought eating at 5pm was a late meal, past 7pm dessert/super time
of course the mum was "put out" when you arrange a pick up at past 6pm it seems obvious that you should've had the decency to tell her about your meal times so she could make arraingments to prep a LATE meal for her child

raspberryjamchicken · 02/04/2022 17:48

@Mumof3girlygirls

The child is in Year 6, aged 11. Although both of mine went on playdates when they were age 6 too.

CateJW · 02/04/2022 17:49

My kids come out of school starving, so have dinner 5/5:30 to stop them eating me out of snack food!! so i would automatically feed a child who came over too.
That said if my child was going on a playdate til 6:30 I wouldn't assume they had definitely eaten as I know families who eat anytime between 5 &7!
I would have probably checked when organising and if I forgot, I would ask... something along the lines of have they eaten, I forgot to check in with you about what time you guys eat, so as not to sound like I expected it, cos that's just a bit rude!!

Blimecory · 02/04/2022 17:50

@renee1989

wow and i thought eating at 5pm was a late meal, past 7pm dessert/super time of course the mum was "put out" when you arrange a pick up at past 6pm it seems obvious that you should've had the decency to tell her about your meal times so she could make arraingments to prep a LATE meal for her child

Well, no. Because it’s not normal to eat before 6, so it’s not late at all.

Jackson21 · 02/04/2022 17:51

my tea time is 5pm, always has been, my mum feeds my kids as im at work til 7, so i only need to cook for me when i get home,

i would have always fed friends children that came over for play date

Yeside · 02/04/2022 17:51

Really?? Not in my circle of friends - dinner is only when it hits certain times same with lunch - if they come after 2 we would have eaten for example.

Makeitsoso · 02/04/2022 17:52

It would be taken as a given here that play date after school involved dinner.

raspberryjamchicken · 02/04/2022 17:52

wow and i thought eating at 5pm was a late meal, past 7pm dessert/super time

You really think eating past 5 is late? A large number of people don't even get in from work until 6. Although I don't know anyone who would have dessert 2 hours after the meal or would eat supper. Just goes to show you can't assume other households that you send your children to will do the same things as you.

Ryhn · 02/04/2022 17:54

@MissMaple82

Your 6 year old has a phone??!!! Thats really bad. And yes you should have either fed the child or communicated better with the mother.

Year 6 - so she's 11

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