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Original poster

Should I have fed this child?

498 replies

yogahippo · 01/04/2022 19:58

DD is in year 6. We moved recently and she's having to try and make friends in a new school. She has a phone and last night was texting a girl and they arranged a play date after school at our house. I messaged mum to check it was ok.

They arrived home, had snacks, played happily. Mum picked up at 6.25. She asked what they'd had for dinner and seemed most put ours when I said they hadn't had dinner. Thing is we usually only eat around 7.25-7.30 so I didn't think to cook dinner. It wasn't mentioned in the messages.

Im not originally from the UK. Have I made a mistake? DD says lots of her friends have younger siblings so eat quite early compared to us...

OP posts:
lljkk · 02/04/2022 11:53

6:25 is awkward timing. Just clarify what works for you so other person can plan, next time. No biggie.

Saz12 · 02/04/2022 11:58

We eat around 7 - 7.30pm, but I’d probably have laid out expectations if child being collected at 6.30pm.
DD has been at same small village school throughout so I know by now which of her friends eat early and which are picky, so arrange play date timings around that, and say “does she want to stay for dinner? It’ll just be xyz at about xyz o’clock”, or “how about you pick up at 6pm so she’s home for dinner”. Lunch is the same minefield, as I’d have mine about midday so if play date started at 1pm I’d need to be checking if child had eaten. I don’t think there is a real cultural norm in the uk for this though!

You could always message the parent now - “In the Netherlands we ate much later, it was just how things were done there, so it didn’t strike me to make dinner sooner, I hope DC wasn’t too hungry! Glad to know for next time!”.

ConsuelaHammock · 02/04/2022 12:05

Yes you should have fed the child . Next time message the mum and ask about likes and dislikes. 7.30 is too late for the majority of children if they’ve eaten lunch at school.

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Adeleskirts · 02/04/2022 12:10

I think the other issue is they were fed sugary stuff to fill them up. So instead of a relatively healthy dinner they had cinnamon buns and pancakes.

CatherinedeBourgh · 02/04/2022 12:50

I feel your pain OP. I've lived in several countries and the idea of an 11 yo having dinner before 6 pm baffles me. We have dinner at 8.30 (including our 11 yo) and have since they were fairly young.

Your story about the N Carolina sex ed has given me a great giggle, though.

I wouldn't care at all whether you had given my dc dinner or not at a playdate, they would have been very happy though as they are always up for having two dinners.

Svara · 02/04/2022 12:51

@Adeleskirts

I think the other issue is they were fed sugary stuff to fill them up. So instead of a relatively healthy dinner they had cinnamon buns and pancakes.
I agree, if they were given a snack of beans/cheese on toast or a sandwich or similar then that would have been different.
LuckySantangelo35 · 02/04/2022 13:02

@Svara

If my child had had beans on toast or cheese on toast I would class that as dinner.

Something like beans on toast is a meal not a snack!

Blimecory · 02/04/2022 13:03

@Adeleskirts

I think the other issue is they were fed sugary stuff to fill them up. So instead of a relatively healthy dinner they had cinnamon buns and pancakes.
I completely disagree. A snack is hardly beans on toast. Apple pancakes and a cinnamon bun is fine for after school and not going to fill up anyone who will be eating later at 7:30 or thereabouts.
Adeleskirts · 02/04/2022 13:18

Pancakes and cinammon buns would certainly fill me up and my child, and we like our food. We would still eat dinner but I’m sorry I don’t think it’s great to feed this to kids an hour or so before they have dinner.

raspberryjamchicken · 02/04/2022 13:33

I'm glad I don't do playdates with some of the posters on here. Frowned upon if you don't feed their child by 6.25 and snacks being policed for their level of healthiness! So long as the kids had a good time, who cares what they are for a one-off playdate?

raspberryjamchicken · 02/04/2022 13:33

ate

Goldbar · 02/04/2022 13:58

@raspberryjamchicken

I'm glad I don't do playdates with some of the posters on here. Frowned upon if you don't feed their child by 6.25 and snacks being policed for their level of healthiness! So long as the kids had a good time, who cares what they are for a one-off playdate?
I agree. If you're that precious about your child's mealtimes and snacks, maybe best not to send them on playdates (at least not without a full set of instructions on the feeding and care of your DC). A child having too many sugary snacks or a later dinner than usual once in a while is hardly an issue. They're not made of glass, they won't break.
Neverreturntoathread · 02/04/2022 14:07

Have had zillions of playdates and the usual thing is that if the child is with you after 5.30, you feed them.

Its also usual, and polite, to mention in passing whether or not you plan to feed them dinner, so the mum knows whats going on.

Sending them home unfed at 6.30pm was thoughtless and rude. Just apologise and do better next time.

PaddleAlongRiver · 02/04/2022 14:08

We always aim to eat at 5pm, but between 5 and 6. We always ate between 5&6 growing up, I did as an adult pre children and we do now as a family. If my partner is working that day, he'll be back later and dinner will be waiting.
If a child was here at 5pm they'd be given dinner, and I always was at other peoples houses as a child. (My children are young and not had a play date without me yet). I would be very surprised if they weren't fed at that time.

PaddleAlongRiver · 02/04/2022 14:18
  • surprised and also think it was rude. Apologise and next time, if a child is with you at 5pm, give them their dinner
raspberryjamchicken · 02/04/2022 14:34

I wouldn't even consider feeding a child a meal at 5pm!

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/04/2022 14:37

@PaddleAlongRiver

* surprised and also think it was rude. Apologise and next time, if a child is with you at 5pm, give them their dinner
@PaddleAlongRiver What if they don’t want one?
PaddleAlongRiver · 02/04/2022 14:54

@LuckySantangelo35 I'd be surprised if a child didn't eat their dinner at a friend's house when called for dinner. But I suppose you'd say you gavr him X for dinner but he didn't touch it so may be hungry later.

PaddleAlongRiver · 02/04/2022 14:54

(Or she)

LuckySantangelo35 · 02/04/2022 15:01

Maybe if the child was 5 or 6 but not 11 years old!
Plus Op had given them snacks so it’s not like they had no food

Blimecory · 02/04/2022 15:09

@PaddleAlongRiver

* surprised and also think it was rude. Apologise and next time, if a child is with you at 5pm, give them their dinner
That’s ridiculous. Who eats dinner at 5pm? Not even when mine were toddlers did they eat at that time. At primary school age, no way. Mine had lots of play dates and no one would feed a child at that time. However, for clarity’s sake, children would be invited for tea, and that would make it clear that they would be fed.
HRTQueen · 02/04/2022 15:22

It’s absolutely fine it’s a play date they are having fun

I’ve taken ds and his friends to KFC because I cba to cook they loved it 😊

As you have probably realised like the states we too have a professional parenting code of conduct full of ridiculous rules that if not followed constantly will harm children forever

thecurtainsofdestiny · 02/04/2022 15:27

No I'd only give dinner if it was over our own dinner time. We eat at 6:30 so wouldn't have fed the child a meal in this instance. Would have given an after school snack though.

dumdumduuuummmmm · 02/04/2022 15:32

@Adeleskirts

Pancakes and cinammon buns would certainly fill me up and my child, and we like our food. We would still eat dinner but I’m sorry I don’t think it’s great to feed this to kids an hour or so before they have dinner.
Snack around 4/4:30. Dinner around 7pm. That's 2.5-3 hours between
Svara · 02/04/2022 15:32

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@Svara

If my child had had beans on toast or cheese on toast I would class that as dinner.

Something like beans on toast is a meal not a snack![/quote]
I'd class one piece as an after school snack for an 11 year old, it's a long time from lunch to dinner at 7 when they get home (if playdate until 6:30).