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Original poster

Fiancé has called off our wedding in 8 weeks time and has now given our venue and date to his daughter and partner 😭

157 replies

Kimbers2022 · 31/03/2022 07:41

My ex fiancé and I were together for 6 years, and were due to get married in may. The wedding has now been called off due to his continued reluctance to commit to me (we live separately due to his reluctance to sell/rent his house and move in with me and my 4 children and will not merge finances etc) His reason behind this is so we could of kept it for a holiday home/ retreat. I had my dress, the venue, the flowers, everything all booked but he was continually reluctant to buy his suit, arrange the notice of marriage etc and kept making excuses like il do it next week. it feels like he wanted a wedding but not a marriage? Or was he planning on cancelling it and lying to me along about what he wanted from me ie a causal relationship?

I have been trying to keep busy being a mum to my kids, focus on work and healing my broken heart over the last 3 weeks until yesterday when he sent me an email saying he has now arranged it for his daughter and parter to use our wedding date, venue, flowers the lot!! I feel devastated and humiliated! I can’t stop crying, I feel hurt and betrayed, lied to and used and unable to understand beyond belief how he can do this to me. His last sentence in his emails reads “at least something good will come out of all this” I can’t bear the the thought of him using what would of been my wedding day to now celebrate this with his daughter and family . I’m hurting behind repair.

OP posts:
Billybagpuss · 31/03/2022 11:38

So his daughter is happy with second hand wedding plans?

You need him to pay you back.

dollydimple123 · 31/03/2022 11:52

Leave him! What a nasty inconsiderate piece of shit man!! He knows this will crush
You and he doesn't care,
Your better off without him x

TiddleyWink · 31/03/2022 11:56

Reply with ‘wow…. that’s very inappropriate and embarrassing for both you and your daughter - not many women would be happy to act out someone else’s wedding to their dad. I cringe just thinking about it! But I guess if she and you aren’t bothered by what everyone else will be thinking about how creepy and weird it is then crack on!’

Interested in this thread?

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Relationship problems
Pixiedust1234 · 31/03/2022 12:03

@iklboo

Sorry! Completely the wrong thread Blush
It might have been the wrong thread but it still seemed to fit here (mostly) Grin
A596881B · 31/03/2022 12:20

You’ve dodged a bullet there

ImprobablePuffin · 31/03/2022 13:16

@iklboo

Sorry! Completely the wrong thread Blush
And yet it was totally in context and I agreed with it! Grin
Porkmore · 31/03/2022 13:58

Officially youve paid for all the deposits. That's £1500 they owe you and if you don't get it you'll cancel YOUR bookings.

Then go out and buy some fabulous shoes and have a night out. Fuck him, he sounds like a compete twat.

Hmum0fthree · 31/03/2022 14:06

@Kimbers2022 ring the venders back and tell them you want your deposit back if they are not going to cancel what you have paid for! CF!

grapewines · 31/03/2022 14:35

@RampantIvy

So you have essentially paid the deposit for his daughter's wedding? Can you take him to the small claims court to get it back?
I would do this. What an absolute bastard.
grapewines · 31/03/2022 14:38

The vendors just took his word for the change in arrangements? When deposits weren't in his name? That's awful.

PurplePansy05 · 31/03/2022 14:55

This just wouldn't happen if the vendors had contracts just with you. I can see how you'd ring and cancel and lose your deposits as it's close to the date. But he couldn't have done this if the contracts were between you and the vendors. What he may have done is contacting them afterwards to book the same slots that became available for his daughter but then obviously he'd have made separate contracts and paid separate deposits.

A decent man would have repaid the money you've lost as a result of his decision to you. But strictly speaking, if the contracts were only in your name, he really doesn't have to do this. And by the sounds of it he probably won't as he doesn't sound like a decent man. Regarding the deposit for the venue, he should reimburse your dad, if not then small claims court.

I still think this story is too far-fetched and doesn't quite add up.

Whatwouldnanado · 31/03/2022 15:35

That he and his daughter would go ahead with this speaks volumes about why they have no place in your future. Make sure every penny contributed by you and your dad is recovered. Move on, you deserve so much better.

SunburstsOrMarbleHalls · 31/03/2022 15:58

So his DD has used the now vacant booking slot to use the same vendors and venue for her day, in effect replicating your planned wedding day? I can understand that would be very painful for you especially as your ex will likely play such a big role in this celebration.

I assume she hasn't been allowed to reuse your original deposits with the vendors you paid alone for. This is a new contract with a new person and would be very odd but I I would check all the same. As he booked the venue the booking may solely be in his name therefore he may of been able to let the booking stand but let his daughter use it. Morally he should pay your father for his original contribution.

I'm surprised that his daughter wants to use all of the same vendors that you chose but she may actually be that eager to marry her partner that she may have overlooked the sensitivities of the situation. Your ex has clearly indicated to his DD that he is happy for her to use the now available slots, he may of even suggested it in the first place. To phone all of the businesses so he could rebook shows he was actively supportive of this.

It's tactless and unfeeling there is no doubt about it and it indicates he has the emotional intelligence of a cardboard box. As you say he will be walking down the same aisle with his daughter at what should have been his wedding. The fact he can be so matter of fact about this and inform you so callously via email shows you have made the correct decision to keep him an ex.

I would try to get away for the day or weekend of this wedding, try to go somewhere new so you are in a completely different environment. Even if its jumping on a train to go to another city. That date will be hard for you and if you are surrounded by familiarity it will just enhance painful memories.

NowEvenBetter · 31/03/2022 16:08

Did all the suppliers not need consent from all paying parties before changing it? Weird.

Cocogreen · 01/04/2022 05:28

So he owes you half the cost of the venue and the deposits for the vendors.
Ask him for the money and if he argues do it through legal channels.
Unfortunately the venue and vendor are probably glad to still have an event so they don't lose the balance owed with only 8?weeks to go.
I am so, so sorry he is an absolutely insensitive bastard and you are well rid of such a thoughtless prick.

balalake · 01/04/2022 07:23

I would be very tempted to disrupt the wedding that is taking place, though I am sure you will not do that.

The only positive thing is that you found out how bad he is before any marriage.

Ambition9to5 · 01/04/2022 07:25

Wow. He sounds horrible

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 01/04/2022 07:30

Op I don't think it's helpful for the other people on here to pick apart his reasons and the dynamics of your relationship. That's in the past now . You are heartbroken .
I'd take a day to cry and rage then I'd completely block him in every way and go about claiming back any costs that you can.
I wish you all the best in your future , you got this

Marvellousmadness · 01/04/2022 07:39

You were living separately and he never wanted to get married in the first place. Sounds like a man with commitment issues. Cut your losses. You might love him ... but sometimes; love isn't enough

JollyAndBright · 01/04/2022 07:42

I would reply with,

“That’s a great idea, I’m so glad it won’t all be wasted and I won’t just loose all the deposits.
Just in case you need them to pass on my bank details are XYZ, you or your DD can sent me my deposits and my dads share of the venue money and I’ll pass it on to him.
Thanks for saving the bookings so that they won’t be canceled and the deposits lost, I really appreciate it. There’s no rush to send the money, any time over the weekend is fine, do you need receipts or booking confirmations?”

Fraaahnces · 02/04/2022 05:30

Meanwhile, the small claims court is just perfect for this kind of thing. I think the court would not look favourably on this turd burger.

Cocomarine · 02/04/2022 08:31

@Fraaahnces

Meanwhile, the small claims court is just perfect for this kind of thing. I think the court would not look favourably on this turd burger.
Can you give the OP more specific advice about what her claim would be in the small claims court, if it’s perfect for this? That will give her a much needed leg up @Fraaahnces
Cocomarine · 02/04/2022 08:33

Doesn’t look like OP is coming back, and there’s not enough info to go on.
All she has said is that she paid for some of the vendors. That doesn’t mean she had a contract with them. It could just mean that they had a wedding savings account that she paid into, but it was her ex that actually made the contract.

Quirrelsotherface · 02/04/2022 08:33

I almost think this is so bad it can't actually be real. Awful

newbiename · 02/04/2022 08:35

@JollyAndBright

I would reply with,

“That’s a great idea, I’m so glad it won’t all be wasted and I won’t just loose all the deposits.
Just in case you need them to pass on my bank details are XYZ, you or your DD can sent me my deposits and my dads share of the venue money and I’ll pass it on to him.
Thanks for saving the bookings so that they won’t be canceled and the deposits lost, I really appreciate it. There’s no rush to send the money, any time over the weekend is fine, do you need receipts or booking confirmations?”

Excellent message.