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Original poster

Fiancé has called off our wedding in 8 weeks time and has now given our venue and date to his daughter and partner 😭

157 replies

Kimbers2022 · 31/03/2022 07:41

My ex fiancé and I were together for 6 years, and were due to get married in may. The wedding has now been called off due to his continued reluctance to commit to me (we live separately due to his reluctance to sell/rent his house and move in with me and my 4 children and will not merge finances etc) His reason behind this is so we could of kept it for a holiday home/ retreat. I had my dress, the venue, the flowers, everything all booked but he was continually reluctant to buy his suit, arrange the notice of marriage etc and kept making excuses like il do it next week. it feels like he wanted a wedding but not a marriage? Or was he planning on cancelling it and lying to me along about what he wanted from me ie a causal relationship?

I have been trying to keep busy being a mum to my kids, focus on work and healing my broken heart over the last 3 weeks until yesterday when he sent me an email saying he has now arranged it for his daughter and parter to use our wedding date, venue, flowers the lot!! I feel devastated and humiliated! I can’t stop crying, I feel hurt and betrayed, lied to and used and unable to understand beyond belief how he can do this to me. His last sentence in his emails reads “at least something good will come out of all this” I can’t bear the the thought of him using what would of been my wedding day to now celebrate this with his daughter and family . I’m hurting behind repair.

OP posts:
Booboobagins · 31/03/2022 09:04

I'm so sorry you're hurt be husband behaviour, but you've had a lucky escape OP.

Keep your dress you'll need it when the right man turns up.

Bless you x

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/03/2022 09:05

They owe you your deposit money OP. I’d probably tell the daughter a few home truths about using a second hand wedding.
I’m so sorry but they are gross!!!
Good luck to you OP

Alcoh · 31/03/2022 09:06

And why were you wanting to merge all finances. I only ask because I am married for a second time - ditto my new DH - and he still has his old house in the background (we are not even moved in together yet until his kids leave home in 6 months) and while we have a joint account to pay the mortgage on the house we own together but I currently live in with my kids - and a will drawn up - we still keep our own separate bank accounts.

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Relationship problems
ImBurtMacklin · 31/03/2022 09:07

So your vendors have happily changed bookings that were in your name on someone else’s instruction?

Alcoh · 31/03/2022 09:08

Do you think maybe he got fed up with you pushing for him to sell his old house and merge all money? To be honest I would be peed off if somebody told me to do that. Especially as you said that he was living with you for 5 years. But maybe I am misunderstanding.

Okbutnotgreat · 31/03/2022 09:08

It must hurt really badly but I think when you reflect back on this you’ll realise you’re hurting so badly because he’s treated you like a mug and not because you’ve split up. You had a lucky escape @Kimbers2022. It’s cost you money but by the sounds of it a lot less than it could have done were you married and in a jointly owned home.

Deep breath, one foot in front of another and time will help. All cliches but true.

RampantIvy · 31/03/2022 09:10

So you have essentially paid the deposit for his daughter's wedding? Can you take him to the small claims court to get it back?

PersonaNonGarter · 31/03/2022 09:12

He owes you money. And once he has paid up sell the story to the papers.

Mamajunebugjones · 31/03/2022 09:12

This sounds completely heart breaking and thoughtless in his part. I definitely hope he’s not in your home any more.

I know money is the least of your worries in the grand scheme of things - but perhaps your father can talk to the vendors etc and say that he doesn’t agree with things being transferred- and if they are - he wants his deposit back, as they can now charge the new father of the bride

Quartz2208 · 31/03/2022 09:15

So he is basically using you tp pay for his daughters wedding

I would tell him never to come back and take his stuff out of your house.

Then send him and his daughter a bill (and attach all the invoices you have paid for) and say if he doesnt repay you will take him to court.

And then realise you have had a lucky escape

Mulhollandmagoo · 31/03/2022 09:16

email him back with the amount of money he owes you and your dad! what a pig!!

diddl · 31/03/2022 09:16

@ImBurtMacklin

So your vendors have happily changed bookings that were in your name on someone else’s instruction?
Rather shitty isn't it?
Brefugee · 31/03/2022 09:17

oh OP this sounds awful. But why can't you call the vendors and get your deposits back?
If you can't get it in writing that he is doing this from each of them and take him to the small claims court.

And of course he wants his old easy life left, it was really comfortable for him. Make it uncomfortable by trying to get your money back.

knittingaddict · 31/03/2022 09:17

@ImBurtMacklin

So your vendors have happily changed bookings that were in your name on someone else’s instruction?
All of them, without question?

Doesn't sound right, does it.

DowntonCrabby · 31/03/2022 09:17

Absolutely pursue your money back.
What a prick!
this type of case would be great for judge rinder

dfendyr · 31/03/2022 09:17

you paid the deposits, the arrangements were in your name - cancel

123ZYX · 31/03/2022 09:18

I'd be having strong words with the vendors if you had the contract with them - no one else had the right to make changes.

I would be cancelling the vendors - you're likely not entitled to get the deposit back, but I wouldn't be allowing his daughter to use your deposits - let the vendor benefit instead.

You could see whether the vendors would be willing to say to the daughter that if she wants the service she needs to pay the full amount (the daughter hasn't got a contract so there's no obligation for the vendor to provide anything), then give you a refund or at least partial refund. This would be entirely down to the goodwill of the vendor, though.

The final option, if you've fully paid and can't get a refund, is to use what you can yourself - would the florist let you have a bouquet a month until the money runs out, for example? Ask the cake maker not to put the tiers together, keep a tier yourself and see if a local nursing home would like a tier for their residents?

ApolloandDaphne · 31/03/2022 09:20

What a bastard. I hope you walk away and don't look back. I too agree that you need to find out of you can still recoup some of your costs. He has no right to pass this on to his DD if you paid for them.

Rooroobear · 31/03/2022 09:20

Ohhh what a utter arsehole!!!
I’d be ring up everywhere and CANCELLING every single booking!!!

GCAcademic · 31/03/2022 09:21

Those vendors cannot allow someone else to use your deposit! You need to contact them and threaten social media, small claims, etc. if they don't cancel the bookings.

Gonnagetgoing · 31/03/2022 09:24

@Kimbers2022

Thank you all so much for your kind messages. Although it is hurting it helps hearing others opinions so I don’t feel like I am sitting here going crazy all by myself. I should have made it a bit clearer in my first thread but understandably I am shaking and in tears writing this so finding it all a bit hard. When I said we weren’t living together, he has been staying here with me and the children for the last 5 years but always had his house in the background, so reluctantly wanted to sell or rent it so we could go spend weekends there or he would would go back once a week to check post, heating, the house in general and then would come back here. I paid the bills, he brought food shopping and holidays for us all etc. We were actively looking for a house together and have been for years, so I thought but there would always be a reason why he didn’t like it, ie the area or no building potential… and I believed it :( as for the wedding, we have been engaged for nearly 3 years, twice postponed due to covid. He paid for the venue with my dad and I paid for all the deposits for vendors, probably to the region of £1500. When it got cancelled I called all vendors to cancel only to find out he had phoned them after me, not to cancel but to use them for his daughter instead, same date, place, different couple! I have lost everything, yet he and his family will spend the day celebrating and having fun at what would have been our wedding 😪 how can he walk up that isle knowing it should have been me stood there?? And also want to point out that he wishes we could go back and start a fresh without the external pressures of the wedding and house and that he never wanted us to actually break up. With all that in mind that I haven’t spoken to him since he sent me that email and I don’t intend to for the rest of my life.
Sorry to hear this about your breakup and this crass way of using your venue for his daughter.

Anything you've paid for, speak to the venue, say as it is now for 'his' daughter not you then he pays the deposit and you get a refund. Speak to your dad to ensure he understands and is on board with this.

Herja · 31/03/2022 09:24

To begin with, I would be phoning every company who changed your booking, in your name, with your cash on his say so only and demanding that it is cancelled and any money owing returned to you. I would be threatening both social media assination and small claims to them. If that doesn't work, I'd take the twat himself to small claims instead.

He doesn't get to spend your money on his daughters wedding. Fuck him and fuck his family. Find your rage OP! He has treated you appallingly and now he is stealing from you into the bargain.

MelCat · 31/03/2022 09:25

I can understand those saying small claims, call the vendors etc, and probably would be my first reaction; however, it’s likely to cause you more stress and distress on top of what you are going through.

It’s awful what’s he’s done. You’ve done the right thing saying you won’t ever speak to him again, but for your own sanity I would just walk away re the money for deposits.

It sounds like you’ve had a narrow escape from an awful partner - you deserve better.

ThreeWiseWomen · 31/03/2022 09:25

Beyond belief.

Some people.

Blossomtoes · 31/03/2022 09:26

@GCAcademic

Those vendors cannot allow someone else to use your deposit! You need to contact them and threaten social media, small claims, etc. if they don't cancel the bookings.
They have cancelled the bookings and sold them to someone else.