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Original poster

Fiancé has called off our wedding in 8 weeks time and has now given our venue and date to his daughter and partner 😭

157 replies

Kimbers2022 · 31/03/2022 07:41

My ex fiancé and I were together for 6 years, and were due to get married in may. The wedding has now been called off due to his continued reluctance to commit to me (we live separately due to his reluctance to sell/rent his house and move in with me and my 4 children and will not merge finances etc) His reason behind this is so we could of kept it for a holiday home/ retreat. I had my dress, the venue, the flowers, everything all booked but he was continually reluctant to buy his suit, arrange the notice of marriage etc and kept making excuses like il do it next week. it feels like he wanted a wedding but not a marriage? Or was he planning on cancelling it and lying to me along about what he wanted from me ie a causal relationship?

I have been trying to keep busy being a mum to my kids, focus on work and healing my broken heart over the last 3 weeks until yesterday when he sent me an email saying he has now arranged it for his daughter and parter to use our wedding date, venue, flowers the lot!! I feel devastated and humiliated! I can’t stop crying, I feel hurt and betrayed, lied to and used and unable to understand beyond belief how he can do this to me. His last sentence in his emails reads “at least something good will come out of all this” I can’t bear the the thought of him using what would of been my wedding day to now celebrate this with his daughter and family . I’m hurting behind repair.

OP posts:
MrsLargeEmbodied · 31/03/2022 08:26

what a prick!

Notonthestairs · 31/03/2022 08:27

Has he repaid you?

I also think you've escaped an unhappy marriage.

nearlyspringyay · 31/03/2022 08:29

Wow what a cock.

I wouldn't have accepted if I was the daughter either. I'd want to plan my own wedding!

You have had a very lucky escape.

Interested in this thread?

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Relationship problems
EatSleepReplete · 31/03/2022 08:33

Did you make any of the bookings in your own name? If so I'd tell him he/they need to repay you all deposits you've paid out. If they don't, cancel the bookings & refuse to transfer them to his DD & partner. You might be able to get some of your money back, you might not, but why should they get cheaper services due to his awful treatment of you.

Tlollj · 31/03/2022 08:34

Who paid? Will you get your deposits back? Either from the suppliers or him?
Why would his daughter want someone else’s day? Flowers as well?
And yes he’s a prick.

PurplePansy05 · 31/03/2022 08:35

Uhm, I'm not sure this is true? Did his daughter and partner give notice of marriage in advance? If so, it's too late now?

Also you haven't given full details here. Whilst it's upsetting if true, is it the case he was paying for it and didn't want to lose the money? Are you effectively better or worse off financially as a result, or neutral?

His overall behaviour was obviously very poor, not just with regard to the wedding so you have every right to be upset, but frankly if the wedding situation has no financial impact on you, I'd focus on moving on. You clearly won't be getting married or getting back together and you're better off for it.

EthelTheAardvark · 31/03/2022 08:43

Just be grateful you dodged a big bullet here. I hope you've dumped him completely?

jytdtysrht · 31/03/2022 08:44

Thoroughly bizarre situation. Just ghost him.

EthelTheAardvark · 31/03/2022 08:44

Uhm, I'm not sure this is true? Did his daughter and partner give notice of marriage in advance? If so, it's too late now?

The notice required is 28 days, so presumably not.

Badoukas · 31/03/2022 08:44

This reply has been deleted

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Livelovebehappy · 31/03/2022 08:45

Mike no5 seem the case at the moment OP, but you’ve had a very lucky escape. He sounds awful and clearly has a moral compass set at zero. Just be glad that this has happened before the marriage, because it sounds like the marriage would not have been an happy one, where you would had the additional stress and drama of separating assets/finances/divorce.

FairyCakeWings · 31/03/2022 08:45

Anything you have booked or ordered, cancel it now.

Unless he has organised and paid all deposits on everything, he can’t just decide that your bookings will be given away.

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/03/2022 08:46

What a vile thing to do to you. Flowers

If you paid anything, I hope he will pay you back. Can you ask for it?

Saltyquiche · 31/03/2022 08:49

Stop having anything to do with him. You deserve better

Hoppinggreen · 31/03/2022 08:51

Cancel anything you paid for yourself and then block the twat

Fraaahnces · 31/03/2022 08:52

I am assuming he’s going to refund your money

MichelleScarn · 31/03/2022 08:53

Who paid for it? Unless they are giving you money towards it, I'd call the venue and cancel and advise you do not give permission for any money you've spent to be transferred to the other wedding!

Original poster
Kimbers2022 · 31/03/2022 08:55

Thank you all so much for your kind messages. Although it is hurting it helps hearing others opinions so I don’t feel like I am sitting here going crazy all by myself. I should have made it a bit clearer in my first thread but understandably I am shaking and in tears writing this so finding it all a bit hard. When I said we weren’t living together, he has been staying here with me and the children for the last 5 years but always had his house in the background, so reluctantly wanted to sell or rent it so we could go spend weekends there or he would would go back once a week to check post, heating, the house in general and then would come back here. I paid the bills, he brought food shopping and holidays for us all etc. We were actively looking for a house together and have been for years, so I thought but there would always be a reason why he didn’t like it, ie the area or no building potential… and I believed it :( as for the wedding, we have been engaged for nearly 3 years, twice postponed due to covid. He paid for the venue with my dad and I paid for all the deposits for vendors, probably to the region of £1500. When it got cancelled I called all vendors to cancel only to find out he had phoned them after me, not to cancel but to use them for his daughter instead, same date, place, different couple! I have lost everything, yet he and his family will spend the day celebrating and having fun at what would have been our wedding 😪 how can he walk up that isle knowing it should have been me stood there?? And also want to point out that he wishes we could go back and start a fresh without the external pressures of the wedding and house and that he never wanted us to actually break up. With all that in mind that I haven’t spoken to him since he sent me that email and I don’t intend to for the rest of my life.

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 31/03/2022 08:56

This must hurt terribly OP and you've had a lucky escape. It does sound like there were red flags there already but I knows it's hard to see the wood for the trees when you're in the middle of it.

I can't help wondering why you would want to marry a man who refuses to live with you after 6 years, but I know that love does funny things to us. I hope you get a nicer relationship in future, and not with him.

Blossomtoes · 31/03/2022 08:59

@FairyCakeWings

Anything you have booked or ordered, cancel it now.

Unless he has organised and paid all deposits on everything, he can’t just decide that your bookings will be given away.

What would That achieve? All the suppliers would just contact him immediately.
Submariner · 31/03/2022 09:00

The timeline doesn't make sense. When did you ring round and cancel? 3 weeks ago when he called it off or yesterday when you got the email from him?

Babadook76 · 31/03/2022 09:01

Is he giving you back the money you’ve lost? Surely the relationship is over now?

Alcoh · 31/03/2022 09:02

Just to clarify tho OP - he WAS living with you for 5 years. So what was the issue? Did you want him to sell his house? Why? If he was living with you anyway? Maybe he wanted to simply keep his house for financial reasons to pass to his kids etc?

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 31/03/2022 09:03

If he doesn’t repay you and your father all the money you and dad spent on the wedding, he is a thief as well as everything else people have said here. Your father should take him to the Small Claims court to save you the added grief.

Lunificent · 31/03/2022 09:03

Has he effectively stolen from you? Are you going to recover the money you’ve laid out?