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Original poster

Fiancé has called off our wedding in 8 weeks time and has now given our venue and date to his daughter and partner 😭

157 replies

Kimbers2022 · 31/03/2022 07:41

My ex fiancé and I were together for 6 years, and were due to get married in may. The wedding has now been called off due to his continued reluctance to commit to me (we live separately due to his reluctance to sell/rent his house and move in with me and my 4 children and will not merge finances etc) His reason behind this is so we could of kept it for a holiday home/ retreat. I had my dress, the venue, the flowers, everything all booked but he was continually reluctant to buy his suit, arrange the notice of marriage etc and kept making excuses like il do it next week. it feels like he wanted a wedding but not a marriage? Or was he planning on cancelling it and lying to me along about what he wanted from me ie a causal relationship?

I have been trying to keep busy being a mum to my kids, focus on work and healing my broken heart over the last 3 weeks until yesterday when he sent me an email saying he has now arranged it for his daughter and parter to use our wedding date, venue, flowers the lot!! I feel devastated and humiliated! I can’t stop crying, I feel hurt and betrayed, lied to and used and unable to understand beyond belief how he can do this to me. His last sentence in his emails reads “at least something good will come out of all this” I can’t bear the the thought of him using what would of been my wedding day to now celebrate this with his daughter and family . I’m hurting behind repair.

OP posts:
StScholastica · 31/03/2022 09:26

At the risk of turning this into a cancel the cheque thread , you absolutely can cancel those bookings of they are in your name. He has no rights to change them.
Only you can claim your deposits back.

steppemum · 31/03/2022 09:26

I agree with others.
You paid the deposits etc for the venues, and you made the bookings.

I would phone each one and say that the booking is in your name and you do not give permission to change into his name.

So even if you lose the deposit, any balance paid is returned to you.
He then has to pay a new deposit and balance.

That will cost him, as he is expecting to use your deposits.

Serves him right. (and any extra money goes to the venue, which after the last two years is a nice bonus for them, rather than a bonus for your ex)

oakleaffy · 31/03/2022 09:28

@Kimbers2022
I’m so sorry.. But thank goodness you found out now what an arse he is.
He clearly didn’t want marriage-
He should never have agreed to marry in the first place.

I bet his daughter isn’t over the moon either
Why would she be wanting a tainted venue?

You had a lucky escape..

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Herja · 31/03/2022 09:29

Oh! And letting him/his DD have this doesn't make you kind and magnanimous - it would make you feel used, like shit and be laughed at by him and the daughter.

Even if you can't get the money back, personally, I'd let the businesses have it rather than them. Though I like the idea of a bouquet per month just for you and finding any cake a good home too.

Irritatedmum · 31/03/2022 09:30

Are you still together? It doesn’t really say in your OP. I hope you’re not. And I agree with previous posters that you need to get your deposits back.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 31/03/2022 09:31

@steppemum

I agree with others. You paid the deposits etc for the venues, and you made the bookings.

I would phone each one and say that the booking is in your name and you do not give permission to change into his name.

So even if you lose the deposit, any balance paid is returned to you.
He then has to pay a new deposit and balance.

That will cost him, as he is expecting to use your deposits.

Serves him right. (and any extra money goes to the venue, which after the last two years is a nice bonus for them, rather than a bonus for your ex)

Absolutely agree. Don’t let him get away with this.
Cameliah · 31/03/2022 09:32

I would put a stop to this immediately. Ring the vendors and tell them you don’t give permission for your bookings to be transferred to his daughter. Cancel them all and lose the deposits if necessary. Don’t allow him to use them. Especially the venue that your poor Dad has paid money towards. I wouldn’t allow him or his horrible greedy daughter to profit from my misery.

Lorw · 31/03/2022 09:33

You’re better off without him.

AChocolateOrangeaday · 31/03/2022 09:34

I know you are hurting but there is NO WAY IN HELL I would be letting him and his equally twatty daughter (if she is aware who paid the deposits etc) get away with taking you and your Dad's money.

Turn that despair into rage and get very, very fucking angry.

No way I would be losing that money.

You could use that to take your kids on holiday!

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/03/2022 09:34

Did you sign the contract or did you both?

I would absolutely be contacting the vendors and saying the contract was with you as you paid the deposit. They can continue the booking with him and refund you otherwise you will pursue them through small claims.

I hope your dad asks for the refund or pursues him through small claims. This man has lived with you for 5 years and not content with that is stealing off you and your family.

sunshinesupermum · 31/03/2022 09:35

Sue the bxxxxxd for all the financial costs you have lost in the small claims court.

TheBigPeach · 31/03/2022 09:36

Can you take him to court for the deposits? I would!

I’m very sorry this is happening. You deserve much better! Sending you a virtual hug 🤗

DrSbaitso · 31/03/2022 09:36

I am so sorry. What an absolute shit.

Calmdown14 · 31/03/2022 09:41

I would simply reply:

'That's great. Can you refund the £1500 to account xxx . Thanks:

If he sees it as not going to waste then you should be refunded. It also demonstrates he had no emotional attachment to any of it and you were right to leave him.
Let yourself grieve what you thought you had then be proud of yourself for not standing for it when it became clear he wasn't what he claimed to be

Sceptre86 · 31/03/2022 09:43

If ypu paid the deposits they are in your name and you have proof then ring them to cancel. He is a cf of the highest order to be using your deposits for his dd's wedding. If they don't refund ypu consider taking him to the small claims court.

You sound very defeatist which is understandable because your heart hurts but he stole the deposit money from you and has never intended on marrying you. You need to garner some strength and deal with this, by not talking to him you are letting him get away with it.

Twiglets1 · 31/03/2022 09:45

He sounds narcissistic. It’s a trait where they think they can reuse the same physical things (such as a wedding venue) but just insert a different person into the picture.

Chloemol · 31/03/2022 09:45

You are well rid

If you have paid for anything he either gives you the money within a week, and if it’s not forthcoming, cancel it ( and I would not be telling him)

Then block him

Katya213 · 31/03/2022 09:47

Why are you still in contact with him? He would never ever have any communication in any form from me again, if I were in your shoes.

Chloemol · 31/03/2022 09:47

Just phone the people again and cancel and say you want your deposits back

If they refuse tell him he has to pay you back, if he doesn’t go to small claims. Your dad needs to do the same to recover his money for the venue

bettertocryinamercedes · 31/03/2022 09:51

Just horrible I am so sorry for you OP

I hope you can ensure none of the vendors transfer your deposits over to them.

And small claims court for sure when you feel up to it

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 31/03/2022 09:51

If you booked and paid then it is your decision to cancel and request money back (subject to the venue's terms). They can't transfer the booking on his says because it is not his booking.... Unless he booked it all and you and your dad paid? Please tell me that is not the case!

Honestly, shit as it is now, you have had a bloody lucky escape.

Kudupoo · 31/03/2022 09:55

Whilst you're grieving, rage and cry to this

fruitbrewhaha · 31/03/2022 09:57

I would email him back to say if he is using the booking he need to give you the deposits by the end of today. If you don't receive the money in full you will be letting the suppliers know that the deposit cannot be transferred to his daughters booking.

ISayItLikeItIs · 31/03/2022 09:59

@thinkingaboutLangCleg

If he doesn’t repay you and your father all the money you and dad spent on the wedding, he is a thief as well as everything else people have said here. Your father should take him to the Small Claims court to save you the added grief.
This
Myalternate · 31/03/2022 10:02

If you made a booking and paid a deposit, the contract is with you personally. The venue would refund to you only. Your ex may have asked to use the dates booked, but would have paid them directly.
Rather than suing the Ex, sue the venues for breach of contract.