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Original poster

Fiancé has called off our wedding in 8 weeks time and has now given our venue and date to his daughter and partner 😭

157 replies

Kimbers2022 · 31/03/2022 07:41

My ex fiancé and I were together for 6 years, and were due to get married in may. The wedding has now been called off due to his continued reluctance to commit to me (we live separately due to his reluctance to sell/rent his house and move in with me and my 4 children and will not merge finances etc) His reason behind this is so we could of kept it for a holiday home/ retreat. I had my dress, the venue, the flowers, everything all booked but he was continually reluctant to buy his suit, arrange the notice of marriage etc and kept making excuses like il do it next week. it feels like he wanted a wedding but not a marriage? Or was he planning on cancelling it and lying to me along about what he wanted from me ie a causal relationship?

I have been trying to keep busy being a mum to my kids, focus on work and healing my broken heart over the last 3 weeks until yesterday when he sent me an email saying he has now arranged it for his daughter and parter to use our wedding date, venue, flowers the lot!! I feel devastated and humiliated! I can’t stop crying, I feel hurt and betrayed, lied to and used and unable to understand beyond belief how he can do this to me. His last sentence in his emails reads “at least something good will come out of all this” I can’t bear the the thought of him using what would of been my wedding day to now celebrate this with his daughter and family . I’m hurting behind repair.

OP posts:
dfendyr · 31/03/2022 10:02

also - if you cant get the deposits back, then advise them you dont give permission to move to the daughter, and keep the bookings so the dd cannot use them

HelenWick · 31/03/2022 10:06

Unbelievable cruelty. Please do not continue with this.

Goodbyetowinter · 31/03/2022 10:08

Any bookings in your name cannot be transferred to anyone else without your permission. If the deposits are refundable, get them paid back to you. Let the bride book her own wedding. How awful to use someone else's wedding arrangements for your own. The advise to go to the small claims court for your deposits is a great idea. Get in touch with all these companies today and say that unless your money is refunded, you will be taking the court route to get your money back. Do not allow that cruel man into your house again.

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Blossomtoes · 31/03/2022 10:08

@dfendyr

also - if you cant get the deposits back, then advise them you dont give permission to move to the daughter, and keep the bookings so the dd cannot use them
That’s not how it works. OP would have to pay all the costs to stop someone else using the bookings. This is exactly why deposits have to be paid.
NdefH81 · 31/03/2022 10:09

More holes in this than my last attempt at knitting

cataline · 31/03/2022 10:13

That's really awful. You had a lucky escape!

ginslinger · 31/03/2022 10:14

@NdefH81

More holes in this than my last attempt at knitting
Wink

it's like a string bag

Vapeyvapevape · 31/03/2022 10:15

So did he cancel it verbally to you but didn't cancel the venue and flowers etc ?
If you booked them why didn't you cancel ?

Vapeyvapevape · 31/03/2022 10:15

@ginslinger Grin

Pyewhacket · 31/03/2022 10:18

More holes in this than my last attempt at knitting

Totally !.

Cocomarine · 31/03/2022 10:22

A lot of people talking about getting deposits back… but that’s the point of paying a deposit - at 8 weeks notice, you probably don’t get them back.

Check your T&C with each supplier, and if you are entitled to the deposit back - then absolutely do that.

For the other deposits, protect your peace of mind by trying to accept they are gone. The supplier isn’t really transferring “your” money. They can set whatever price they want, and really what they’re doing is selling their service “less deposit amount”, because they can afford to do so - because they have your money Angry

At this notice, they’re not going to keep your deposit AND get full price from a new customer, so it makes sense to “transfer” your deposit. But legally, I don’t think they’re doing that. If they don’t have to return your deposit, the money is gone.

But so is he - so focus on that - it’s a good thing ❤️

knittingaddict · 31/03/2022 10:23

@Pyewhacket

More holes in this than my last attempt at knitting

Totally !.

Grin
ZealAndArdour · 31/03/2022 10:31

If you paid for things then those suppliers have a contact with you and you only, ring back and ask how they’ve helpfully transferred all the items to a different couples wedding without the say of the customer they actually have a contract with and payment from.

KosherDill · 31/03/2022 10:34

I hope you don't take him back. He's just a user.

iklboo · 31/03/2022 10:37

Things that make you go hmmm - C + C Music Factory

shssandhr · 31/03/2022 10:39

He paid for the venue with my dad and I paid for all the deposits for vendors, probably to the region of £1500. When it got cancelled I called all vendors to cancel only to find out he had phoned them after me, not to cancel but to use them for his daughter instead, same date, place, different couple!

He needs to pay back your Dad's half of the venue.

I don't know how the deposit thing works but you normally don't get a deposit back if you cancel. If he's now somehow transferred the deposit into his daughter's name (don't know how that could happen without permission from you), he should pay you your deposit back otherwise you are subsidizing his daughter's wedding which is outrageous!

gamerchick · 31/03/2022 10:41

So basically he's had you organise his daughters wedding? I hope any coin you've spent will be reimbursed?

iklboo · 31/03/2022 10:41

Sorry! Completely the wrong thread Blush

Viviennemary · 31/03/2022 10:55

If you booked and paid for this he is just not allowed to transfer the booking to his name. IMHO. I would create a fuss with the flowers and venues people and threaten to take them to the small claims court if the wedding goes ahead. Has he repaid you.

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 31/03/2022 11:00

You need to formally cancel everything you have booked, he doesn't get to appropriate your bookings. Don't tell him, just cancel it all.

Myalternate · 31/03/2022 11:04

He paid for the venue with my dad and I paid for all the deposits for vendors, probably to the region of £1500. When it got cancelled I called all vendors to cancel only to find out he had phoned them after me, not to cancel but to use them for his daughter instead, same date, place, different couple!

As he used the same dates and venues you've got proof that the vendors haven't made a financial loss. Legally, the deposits (less reasonable costs) are refundable to you only as the contracts were with you.
How did you find out after you'd spoken with them?

AlternativePerspective · 31/03/2022 11:08

It’s just not possible that this happened. Otherwise anyone could just ring up a venue and say “oh, we’d like to transfer this to our name now.”

ArcheryAnnie · 31/03/2022 11:09

If you paid for the vendors, you need to be very clear with them that because the event booked (your wedding) is not now going ahead, you are due any of the deposits, less any cancellation fees, and any contract with your existing daughter is entirely separate from this.

Do you like your ex's daughter? Has she been in contact with you at all?

FartSock5000 · 31/03/2022 11:12

WTF?

  1. Dump him officially. He does not love or respect you. There is someone out there for you but it isnt this man.
  1. Call the vendors you paid for and cancel. Get as much cash back as you can. Remind them their contract is with you and no one else!
  1. Block him. Go no contact.

He had it all perfect. A woman who adored him and she will end up paying for his daughter's wedding too? You are not a mug. Dont let him use you like this.

One day you'll look back on this and be so relieved you escaped him.

MissMaple82 · 31/03/2022 11:34

I do wonder if he's been pressured into marriage. Some women do request formal commitment from men that just can't give it. If so, lesson learnt and you've dodged a divorce.

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