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Original poster

I am terrified of flying and I've agreed to do it.. Which was STUPID

129 replies

Electricmouse · 30/03/2022 23:17

I have been petrified of flying since I was a teenager.
'luckily' I have no particular interest in going abroad. I love England, am not interested in travelling anywhere outside of it, I love my minibreaks in the UK, it isn't an issue for me I'm boring I suppose .

I've been with my girlfriend roughly two years.

She had a holiday booked when I met her and wanted to add me onto it but I said no. I did express that I was in a way, wishing I'd have said yes, but in all honesty I was at peace with my decision.

Anyway fast forward to a few months ago and I am persuaded into saying yes to going on holiday for a week with her in September.

Last time this happened different situation and people, I did it, but I did not enjoy it. It was just about bearable but the whole time I half wanted to go home and half was dreading the flight back home. I vowed to never go abroad again, as soon as we touched down in England the relief was indescribable.

The main issue is the flight. I HATE flying. I am terrified of it. I hear about crashes and problems and I can't help but ponder over what an awful death that would be. The whole thing will have me terrified to the point I probably won't be able to speak. Last time I ended up in a panic, sitting in the air hostesses quarters breathing into a handkerchief and almost crying.

If I loved being abroad, I may try to get some sort of treatment for it, or just put up with my phobia, but because I honestly couldn't care less about being abroad, it isn't usually an issue at all. Kind of like being terrified of sharks, not going to be an issue unless for some reason you love swimming in shark infested waters.

But I love her, and I felt it isn't fair and I need to get over myself and go so I stupidly said yes.

Tonight she's been messaging me (we don't live together) as she's booking flights and asking for my input on seating options and airports etc and I panicked. I told her I don't even like to talk about it. At one point I had to drop the phone mid-text and run off as I felt I was going to be sick.

I've made a mistake I know.

The flight is 99% of the issue but if it was somewhere I really wanted to go with her for a romantic and/or interesting experience, I could possibly deal with it, but it isn't, It's an all-inclusive resort with a bunch of her friends and family, who are absolutely lovely people both the adults and the children but.... Well I don't know.

This could become a major issue couldn't it? She likes her cheap holidays abroad. I can't think of anything worse :(

Then again my Dad hates flying and him and my Mum have been together for decades, she goes abroad with other people and leaves him at home so maybe?

I feel so terrible to be even considering letting her down. I'd just repay her all the money and stay at home where I feel safe.

I am a total 'stick in the mud' aren't I. And pathetic.
Help. (Even if to tell me how stupid I've been to agree to this, I know)!

OP posts:

Pyri · 30/03/2022 23:19

Please don’t let your fear of flying stop you, it’s the most safe form of transport

Speak to your doctor about getting prescribed something like Valium, it will really really help

42isthemeaning · 30/03/2022 23:22

Do the easyJet Fearless Flyer course. I was petrified and avoided it for years. Best thing I ever did. Google it and read the testimonies. It combines various methods and an experience flight is part of the course - it really helps.

Workinghardeveryday · 30/03/2022 23:22

I hear you!!! I am terrified.

I know it’s unfounded but I can’t help it. I take diazepam for flights, go to doctors, get it, you will be fine!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Flying Holidays

Original poster

Electricmouse · 30/03/2022 23:23

@Pyri

Please don’t let your fear of flying stop you, it’s the most safe form of transport

Speak to your doctor about getting prescribed something like Valium, it will really really help

I know statistically It's safe but, I mean I've been in several car crashes and I'm fine give or take a bit of anxiety immediately following them.

I doubt this will happen in a plane .

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/03/2022 23:23

I love travelling and hate flying.

I tried lots of things and can now fly. But it was worth it to me. If it's genuinely not worth it to you, you don't have to. But you do have to be honest with your girlfriend and understand this could be a deal breaker for her. It would be for me.

Workinghardeveryday · 30/03/2022 23:23

Max dose though!

Smartiepants79 · 30/03/2022 23:26

You need a serious discussion about this and you need to be honest. And soon.
As things stand you can’t go and she needs to know this so she can stop planning, paying for things and getting excited.
Only she can decide if you never wanting to go away with her is a deal breaker or not. Do you feel you have enough other things in common? What kind of things do you do together usually?
Personally I’d find this hard to be with someone who didn’t want to go out and explore the world. But she’s not me.
It just feels like your world could become very small.
What if she said it was over if you’d weren’t prepared to at least try and meet her half way - could you travel abroad by boat or train? Are you prepared to make any changes for her?

Redshoeblueshoe · 30/03/2022 23:28

Ditch your GF and have a great holiday in the UK

ImInStealthMode · 30/03/2022 23:30

Agree with the PP, it's ok if you don't want to travel, but you need to be very honest with your partner.

I love to travel and experience new things and ideally I do that with my partner (although also happily alone). Someone who never wanted to leave the country would be very close to a dealbreaker for me.

Original poster

Electricmouse · 30/03/2022 23:33

Jitin

smartiepants I've told her how panicked I was tonight over text, I've told her I was sick, and she's said to do this one and if I decide I never want to do it again It's fine, we'll just stay in england in the future.

However (this may be a whole new subject) I am now actually really annoyed because I've told her how panicked I am (I was working and had to tell my boss I needed to take a long break, I told her this and I am usually very conscientious about my work) and she just said okay and that she's going to bed soon. I think she's asleep now.

I think if she had told me she was feeling so so bad and upset and panicky, I would have rang her immediately , no matter the subject matter so that's upset me even more.

But back on topic.

She doesn't really explore the world. Her family and her go abroad often but just to resorts that they use to sit by the pool. That's another thing I don't understand, doesn't appeal to me at all.
We have been on several minibreaks in the UK that have been great.

mrsterry I do want to give her a 'get out free' card and say look if you want someone to holiday with, it isn't going to be me' and leave it with her.

workinghardeveryday thank you, glad it isn't just me. I doubt diazepam would touch the sides on me to be honest.
I am looking at the Fearless Flyer course thank you 43isthemeaning. The thing is, even though It's reasonably priced, I am already resenting paying to do something I know I don't and won't like, that just means I am payin for it even more (if that makes sense)!

OP posts:

Original poster

Electricmouse · 30/03/2022 23:33

Sorry, no idea where that first word came from!

OP posts:

Hawkins001 · 30/03/2022 23:36

@Electricmouse

I have been petrified of flying since I was a teenager. 'luckily' I have no particular interest in going abroad. I love England, am not interested in travelling anywhere outside of it, I love my minibreaks in the UK, it isn't an issue for me I'm boring I suppose .

I've been with my girlfriend roughly two years.

She had a holiday booked when I met her and wanted to add me onto it but I said no. I did express that I was in a way, wishing I'd have said yes, but in all honesty I was at peace with my decision.

Anyway fast forward to a few months ago and I am persuaded into saying yes to going on holiday for a week with her in September.

But I love her, and I felt it isn't fair and I need to get over myself and go so I stupidly said yes.

I've made a mistake I know.

This could become a major issue couldn't it? She likes her cheap holidays abroad. I can't think of anything worse :(

Then again my Dad hates flying and him and my Mum have been together for decades, she goes abroad with other people and leaves him at home so maybe?

I feel so terrible to be even considering letting her down. I'd just repay her all the money and stay at home where I feel safe.

I am a total 'stick in the mud' aren't I. And pathetic.
Help. (Even if to tell me how stupid I've been to agree to this, I know)!

I'll be honest, I'm not against flying, but my first ever flight was 9hrs with a window seat, I was glued to the screen watching documentary to take my mind off the flight, on way back I was zzzzzzz on landing, basically your pretty safe in the hands of expert's

I'd rather fly than travel in cars, give the options, especially considering various drivers and mobile phone s

ImInStealthMode · 30/03/2022 23:37

@Electricmouse I wouldn't be too harsh about her not calling you. As an avid traveller I find it really really difficult to understand people who don't enjoy it, and would find it hard to align your (no doubt genuine) stress over a holiday in September with an 'emergency' worth calling for.

Talk about it with her when neither of you are at work x

ididntevennotice · 30/03/2022 23:39

I disagree with people suggesting getting help. This isn't a problem to you. You don't want to fly and you are not fussed about going abroad. Your GF needs to respect that. It's very simple. Don't be pushed into taking Valium to suit someone else

Original poster

Electricmouse · 30/03/2022 23:42

ImInStealthMode I hear you. Maybe I am just different to that, if she was upset about anything at all I'd call, no matter how I personally felt about it.

OP posts:

Hawkins001 · 30/03/2022 23:46

@Electricmouse

ImInStealthMode I hear you. Maybe I am just different to that, if she was upset about anything at all I'd call, no matter how I personally felt about it.

A puzzlement about your fear of accidents ect, why is travelling in cars different considering road rage, inconsiderate drivers, people using phones, ect all more dangerous than an airplane ?

Original poster

Electricmouse · 30/03/2022 23:49

Hawkins001 I think because that's in my hands, if I crash in a car I've a decent chance of surviving, and I am not 100s of miles up in the air with the sea or ground beneath me, with my life in someone else's hands to go somewhere I don't want to be in the first place. .

OP posts:

Original poster

Electricmouse · 30/03/2022 23:51

I get very bored on these sorts of things too. Even in the UK I have to be out and about exploring. The thought of sitting about all day at a resort with people I don't know very well makes me feel tetchy. :( I am sorry if that makes me sound awful. I've already thought I'll have to take a LOT of books.

OP posts:

Hawkins001 · 30/03/2022 23:51

@Electricmouse

Fair point, but sometimes in life you have to trust other people for your safety, e.g. World leaders and nuclear weapons ect, I understand your perspectives and I hope you can override them, otherwise it seems your relationship will fall apart.

Original poster

Electricmouse · 30/03/2022 23:52

Hawkins001 I hear you-I think the 'have to' is operative isn't it? We do have to trust world leaders and medical professionals etc.

We don't have to trust pilots do we? Only if we choose to get on a plane.

OP posts:

middleager · 30/03/2022 23:54

I'm on your page. Scared of flying, but no desire to travel. However, promised my kids we will go abroad (not by coach this time!).

I did the Virgin Fear of Flying course. It did not work for me.

I think if I didn't have kids I would hapily never fly again, so not sure what Im going to do, but I understand. In your sitation, I'd just be honest. My husband understands I am petrified and he is fine with it.

Hawkins001 · 30/03/2022 23:54

@Electricmouse

Hawkins001 I hear you-I think the 'have to' is operative isn't it? We do have to trust world leaders and medical professionals etc.

We don't have to trust pilots do we? Only if we choose to get on a plane.

Ok, on the other hand do you want your relationship to live long and prosper, would your fear be a deal breaker for your partner ? Maybe now is time to discuss then either make or break the relationship otherwise is it not just false promises ?

Twiggywinkle13 · 30/03/2022 23:55

I think you need to be honest about the situation and if you really don’t want to travel then it’s your girlfriend’s decision if that’s a dealbreaker - it would be for me.

Pyri · 30/03/2022 23:59

@Electricmouse

Hawkins001 I hear you-I think the 'have to' is operative isn't it? We do have to trust world leaders and medical professionals etc.

We don't have to trust pilots do we? Only if we choose to get on a plane.

But… pilots don’t WANT to die. They all have families at home to get back to, they want to live another day to see them and do their job etc. Pilots are also held up to huge standards, huge amounts of practice required to maintain their licences. Planes are checked throughly before each and every flight.

You couldn’t say the same about every driver you meet or every car. Do you even remember last time you checked your oil, for example?!

Hawkins001 · 31/03/2022 00:06

@pyri
Much appreciated for your added context, helps make my case, that air travel is A lot safer than e.g. Cars, etc

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