AbsentmindedWoman thank you
verybusyknitter that's just it. Nothing about the whole thing is 'fun' for me at all.
I know she wouldn't do that unfortunately :(
Iminstealthmode she has said she'll do that, I've just a feeling when we get there she won't. We went on a camping trip with her family & friends last year and nobody left the campsite for the whole weekend. I did ask but nobody else wanted to and I'd have felt rude/weird doing it alone.
Perhaps she may mean it this time though, if I don't totally 'chicken out' of course.
Queencarrot I'd love a holiday like that :)
mollyrover I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound like that at all. I get people like things I don't. I don't think her choices are invalid, it just sounds like my worst nightmare. I am sure some things I love aren't to others' taste too.
orlandointhewilderness I did talk to a pilot on here about 10 years ago when I was last persuaded into a flight. It helped in the moment, but made zero difference once I was on the plane. I still panicked and had to take up the air hosts/hostesses' time with it :( my cousin has a pilot's licence too (but small aircraft), again, I know how they work, but it makes no difference. Kind of like people who're terrified of things that are harmless like spiders? Maybe.
nubnamechange I can try that. Thank you. Number 3 resonates so much! I love my own space.
goodnightgrumble she knows this, I am really stupiod to have said yes. I've told her I'm upset about it, I didn't want to go in the first place, but I was persuaded-It's not her fault. I will dread it in the run up to it, 'cope' while there and be terrified all the way there and back :(
hotcrossmocha I love Uk citibreaks and countryside ones.
I would perhaps enjoy it (without the flight) with my own close family or a couple of close friends, but I don't know these people really and I'll find it stressful.
I'd happily visit anywhere without a flight though. The flight really is the main thing.
floofycroissant I didn't organise/plan the UK breaks we've been on, we both did that. I did 'take her' for her birthday to somewhere she really wanted to go that I sorted out, but aside from that it isn't my style of holiday per se, we both chose and organised each one.
My fear is really not snobbish:( It's painful reading that.
I am petrified on flights, panicked, struggle to breathe, cannot speak, tears and almost dumbstruck with fear for the most part on them.I am not sure what a 'snobbish' fear would look like but it sounds like one that could be chosen or turned on and off, this keeps me awake and gives me nightmares, I wish I didn't have it but I do.
They're not planning on going to any beaches. I do love beaches actually.
quartz I'd been on two, aged 15 and 18. I hated both of them and had no desire to go where I were going. But I wasn't petrified. I don't know where it came from at all but by the time I was an adult it was present.
I am fine with other people's driving.
ogorange I hear you :( and yes, it is out of control, no amount of logical telling me I'll be okay works. I am not an unintelligent person, I know how planes work, I know the risks are low-none of that helps.
And yes, she doesn't at all. Told me she'll 'look after me' she can't stop something happening can she.
Thanks, moononaspoon I will make sure I'm not given that.
newbiename no she doesnt understand my fear at all. She's always been abroad a couple of times a year, all her family and friends do it too, never occured to her to even think about the flight other than the practicalities of getting on it.
eachdaygoesby sorry if I was confusing. I guess what I was tryin to say is, if I really had a desire to go somewhere, I'd perhaps be more happy to pay for courses etc and to put myself through it. But I know I'll be fed u[ and anxious all the time I'm there, because I don't enjoy that sort of thing at all. And again not judging her or anyone who enjoys that type of thing. It's just me and people are different, I appreciate that. And I like all sorts of stereotypically boring things!
eachdaygoesby thank you for that long, helpful post :)
I am a bit of a 'control freak' I suppose. Creature of habit-suspected ADHD but never sought a diagnosis. I will read that article, thank you (I am a therapist myself, believe it or not 
)
I'm not a perfectionist at all but I know that's just an example :)
She doesn't understand and I don't think she ever will. I've tried talking to her about it since we got together more or less, It's always the same 'You'll be fine' 'It's safe' 'It's not a long flight' 'I'll look after you' 'I get sick on flights so I understand' (I'm not travel sick! I'm petrified and there's a BIG difference).
A lot to think about-again I appreciate your input a lot.
readytomoveit (and others) please don't think she's compromised and I've 'dragged' her to things I like to do-We've been to a lot of places together and she's chosen a lot of them, loved all of them-She likes going abroad but she doesn't just like going abroad. I took her to somewhere she'd always wanted to go for her birthday, and all of our trips have been both of our choices apart from ones I've booked as a surprise or that I've known she'd enjoy.
She isn't frustrated either, she's nonplussed, totally nonplussed. To her this is a non-issue, not really something she'll discuss. I understand that I am being unreasonable though.
I will respond to the rest later, I appreciate all the responses, thank you :)