I am terrified of flying and I've agreed to do it.. Which was STUPID

[Electricmouse]

I have been petrified of flying since I was a teenager.
'luckily' I have no particular interest in going abroad. I love England, am not interested in travelling anywhere outside of it, I love my minibreaks in the UK, it isn't an issue for me I'm boring I suppose .

I've been with my girlfriend roughly two years.

She had a holiday booked when I met her and wanted to add me onto it but I said no. I did express that I was in a way, wishing I'd have said yes, but in all honesty I was at peace with my decision.

Anyway fast forward to a few months ago and I am persuaded into saying yes to going on holiday for a week with her in September.

Last time this happened different situation and people, I did it, but I did not enjoy it. It was just about bearable but the whole time I half wanted to go home and half was dreading the flight back home. I vowed to never go abroad again, as soon as we touched down in England the relief was indescribable.

The main issue is the flight. I HATE flying. I am terrified of it. I hear about crashes and problems and I can't help but ponder over what an awful death that would be. The whole thing will have me terrified to the point I probably won't be able to speak. Last time I ended up in a panic, sitting in the air hostesses quarters breathing into a handkerchief and almost crying.

If I loved being abroad, I may try to get some sort of treatment for it, or just put up with my phobia, but because I honestly couldn't care less about being abroad, it isn't usually an issue at all. Kind of like being terrified of sharks, not going to be an issue unless for some reason you love swimming in shark infested waters.

But I love her, and I felt it isn't fair and I need to get over myself and go so I stupidly said yes.

Tonight she's been messaging me (we don't live together) as she's booking flights and asking for my input on seating options and airports etc and I panicked. I told her I don't even like to talk about it. At one point I had to drop the phone mid-text and run off as I felt I was going to be sick.

I've made a mistake I know.

The flight is 99% of the issue but if it was somewhere I really wanted to go with her for a romantic and/or interesting experience, I could possibly deal with it, but it isn't, It's an all-inclusive resort with a bunch of her friends and family, who are absolutely lovely people both the adults and the children but.... Well I don't know.

This could become a major issue couldn't it? She likes her cheap holidays abroad. I can't think of anything worse :(

Then again my Dad hates flying and him and my Mum have been together for decades, she goes abroad with other people and leaves him at home so maybe?

I feel so terrible to be even considering letting her down. I'd just repay her all the money and stay at home where I feel safe.

I am a total 'stick in the mud' aren't I. And pathetic.
Help. (Even if to tell me how stupid I've been to agree to this, I know)!

I think @Electricmouse you dont have a fear of flying you have a phobia. Below I think sets out exactly what I mean

www.verywellmind.com/fear-or-phobia-2671982

From what you have written the source of all of this has come together - from the bits that you have written I can see how it started and how the holiday experiences have added on.

My worry for you is that if you see it as a fear that you can overcome you will push yourself into going on a flight and you will have a reaction.

As it happens - I think if you do properly get some CBT/counselling/therapy and go in and discuss all of this first I think you could actually overcome this.

Good luck - and it is nice to see that you are both properly talking with each other

Blimey. You sound like a nice person. Why put yourself through it?

If it really matters to your girlfriend and you can get there by train I would. Set off early and enjoy the adventure of the journey. Totally doable and much better for the planet.

And for the future, plan some holidays in Europe travelling overland. That's a good compromise if your girlfriend really wants to go abroad. There are loads of lovely interesting places in France, Italy, Spain, wherever.

I'm a slightly nervous flyer but I have a double gin and get on with it OK. If I was loads worse I can't imagine how horrible it would be so I do sympathise.

Thank you both

I am going to work on this. I didn't expect so many responses to this thread and I am really grateful.

I will have a read of that link, thanks @Quartz2208

My gf has also said she's not that concerned at the thought of not going abroad on plates, or even going abroad at all. She wants to do other holidays anyway with me (eg we both want to do a narrowboat one) and she's also said as long as she's with me she's happy, isn't bothered where.
As I divulged upthread, she's not so bothered about being with her family as well. When we spoke in depth the other night she says a lot of them are always giving her grief, taking the mick out of her, and sometimes she sees it as 'banter' but a lot of the time she finds it very upsetting. I think (I didn't say this to her, mind) she wants me around them a lot for 'moral support'.

Anyway, that's off topic! But thank you for all the support. I am feeling a bit more equipped now, and a lot more understanding of it.

@highlandcoo thank you. I do feel I am a nice person but this whole thing has made me doubt it to be honest! And yes, good ideas there definitely. I think I'd like the experience of the destination train too :)