Can't cope with DS being transgender

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This is so hard. I feel like I'm in a very weird place. I am absolutely gutted and just want it to not be happening. He is 23 and lives with us. I thought we had escaped this trend but he's got caught up in it. I don't know what to do.

It's hard to describe but I simply cannot go along with it. It's not true, he's not a woman, he never will be. I hate the gaslighting, it's so distressing. This is upsetting me so much but I don't know what to do.

He's an adult and can do what he wants but unfortunately this particular thing requires my involvement and I can't. I am totally against it. There seems to be no middle ground, I either go against everything I know and believe or I won't be involved in his life. It feels like blackmail. It feels shit. I hate it.

You said transwomen are not women- that is denying their existence

Come now, you're not that stupid, are you?

Transwomen exist. They are male. How on earth is that denying that they exist?

X exists is denying X's existence? On what fucking mental TRA planet?

Words have meanings. Buy a bloody dictionary. Then give yourself a big smack in the face with it, and cop yourself on.

I am advocating that biologocal sex is recorded for everyone and gender is irrelevant.
Female humans get called for Female human screening
Male humans get called for Male.

I'm sorry you're so confused about that, but that;s your problem, not mine.

No, TMNB were missing out because they were not marked as women in GP records. Which is what you are advocating for going back to while claiming that “cervical screening for people with cervices” will or has caused others to miss out.

This is 2 different issues.

TMNB know they are women. They know they are female as their biology has shown them that. They missed out on cervical screen as letters are generated based on sex and age. Those TMNB females chose to change the info relating to them being women/female with their GPs so missed out on the auto generated letters.

Removing the word woman and replacing it with cervix havers means many women who for reasons of education or culture will miss out on on screening as they don't know what a cervix is and if the request/campaign even relates to them. These women have not chosen for this info to be changed unlike the TMNB females you mentioned.

Removing the word woman and replacing it with cervix havers means many women who for reasons of education or culture will miss out on on screening as they don't know what a cervix is and if the request/campaign even relates to them. These women have not chosen for this info to be changed unlike the TMNB females you mentioned.

Again, all paranoid hot air with absolutely zero evidence this will happen.

You lack basic logic, you can’t use “X” for two different terms. Funny you’d call me stupid and you’ve just failed to apply Year 7 algebraic logic that every 11yr old knows how to do.

Yes words have meaning, and while you’re purchasing me a dictionary suggest you thumb through it and look up “lie”, “fiction”, “fantasy” and then tell me with a straight face that using these words actually mean “truth”, “reality” and “fact”

Again, all paranoid hot air with absolutely zero evidence this will happen.

Actually I have first hand experience.
I work within a council and the area I cover is very multicultural with English not being the first or even second language for many, mostly women.
Every so often we will run various public campaigns which have lots of topics from mental health support, healthy eating for children and just after lock down a womens health campaign. The amount of women who attended and did not know the correct names for their body parts not even in their language was quite eye opening. Trying to explain what a cervix was and where it was made me preform some very interesting charades!
One of the things that was understood was the word woman as was the words babies and children both written and spoken.

I am sure you will inform me I am lying and I am more than happy to provide proof to MNHQ of the work I do and the council campaigns I have organised.

I am advocating that biologocal sex is recorded for everyone and gender is irrelevant

I think that marking someone with a gender identity on their doctors records would be ok as long as sex was used as a marker for certain types of medical treatment ...like smears

That was transmen would still receive the invitation for a smear test

@RufusthefIoraImissingreindeer then kiss good bye to any kind of meaningful medical research.

And@Discovereads yes, "you can’t use “X” for two different terms." Woman is taken and refers to sex not gender identity.

Oh my gosh what a load of godswallop.

There is an issue with trans rights and female rights. That much is obvious or there wouldn’t be this continued issue dragging on for a decade or so now.

Denying people’s existence is all just odd. They don’t disappear into thin air. It’s not wizard of oz. Trans women actually retain two identities - TW and male. It is women who end up with none. That doesn’t make us disparate into thin air either! It just means we have no way to categorically label ourselves as a group compared to other sex or separate to TW - which is important because we currently have a conflicting rights issue, and there are many issues which face women alone.

This is all been said a thousand times. It actually has nothing to do with OP and her sons relationship.

I think if OP wants to adopt some cognitive dissonance for the sake of herself and her family then she should if she wants to. I won’t judge you. Fuck anyone who does. It’s a difficult situation and what works for you personally at home might not reflect your wider societal views but so be it. If that’s what you decide you want to do then please do.

We will resolve this issue in the end and TW will be TW and women will be women - both respected but just different as is true.

That might be an interesting thought exercise for you. How different you would feel if they were separated IYSWIM - would that change things if the ideology were reframed. Might allow you to explore how much of your feelings are as a GC women and how much are as a mother with reservations about whether this is the right route for your son IYSWIM.

ufusthefIoraImissingreindeer then kiss good bye to any kind of meaningful medical research

What by using sex as a marker?

I think its important to have sex as a marker on records be they medical or otherwise

Oh I see what you mean by my post blister

Nope I didn't mean no sex

Yeah sex as a marker but gender as an added extra for information...maybe

You have no idea how wrong you are. My 19 yo son has claimed to be trans for the last 3 years. Inadvertently groomed into it by his elder ASD brother who now has a sexual harm prevention order against him. (You can Search my user name).

My very intelligent Straight A biological male child actually believed that he had a cervix and needed to look out for a cervical appointment in the post. Not because he thinks that as he's trans he was going to magically grow one, but because he had heard a male friend talking about a cervical spine injury. He didn't know there could be more than one cervical thing in the body. And the very word cervix is from Latin and it literally means NECK.

Trans women actually retain two identities - TW and male. It is women who end up with none.

Good post, I just though on this one sentence why wouldn’t women retain two identities as well? W and female?

Good post, I just though on this one sentence why wouldn’t women retain two identities as well? W and female?

Because if a male can be a woman then the word woman no longer includes females.

How does this make me wrong? So a person with no cervix has “missed out” on a cervical smear? How does that mean a vulnerable person is not getting medical care they need? Your male DC doesn’t need a cervical smear…ergo they are not missing out in needed medical care?

And what’s a bit of embarrassment to a transwoman compared to a transman with a cervix actually missing out on cervical smears which is a medical need for them?

Again no proof whatsoever that people who actually need cervical smears are or will miss out due to GPs sending invites to everyone with a cervix?

Because most women don’t have a gender. So when TW are saying they are women. What they are really trying to say is they are female.

But honestly Discovery this thread isn’t about Trans rights, your debate or anything else. There’s a thousand threads where you can go through this all round and round and round. What you are talking about are really the basics of the issue.

This thread is about OP and her son. What you are saying is not actually helpful relevant situation. It’s quite impolite.

I think there has been a cross communication @Discovereads . I firmly believe that women deserve to retain the word woman. Gender has no place at all on medical records unless you are taking cross sex hormones in which case that should be clearly marked.

I was simply pointing out that fully English speaking men and women often do not even know what their body parts are called. Hence my sun thinking he had a cervix based on his mate friend having a cervical spine injury. Of course he doesn't need a smear test as he is a man that wrongly believes he's magically a woman. But if invited for cervical screening he would happily have rolled up thinking it was for his neck/back . And he's a British speaker with GCSE and A levels. Imagine the confusion for people that don't speak much English or have any basic levels of education. It is a VERY real problem when those people may only understand woman, man, mother, father etc.

Fuck sake people.

Don't engage with discovery's very effective distraction tactics.

Again no proof whatsoever that people who actually need cervical smears are or will miss out due to GPs sending invites to everyone with a cervix?

I Just gave you a first hand account.

However a quick Google by you will provide you with the findings of various surveys the first one I found was out of 1000 women 56% could not identify the cervix.

This thread is about OP and her son. What you are saying is not actually helpful relevant situation

point taken

X is the SAME TERM, you utter moron.

You said I denied transpeople exist, after I literally wrote "Transwomen exist, they are male".
Hence "saying X exists is denying X's existence?" X being "transpeople".

You are so brainwashed you are addled beyond belief. There is no hope of you following my arguments, you don't even understand your own! Or language, apparently.

I am a poor actor (think cast as a tree in the school nativity) and rubbish liar. Even if I were emotionally bullied into using someone's wrong sex pronouns, they would see in my face that I didn't believe it. That's why the OP can't attend the wedding- because her son only wants to be surrounded by people who believe the big bloke in a dress is literally and actually a woman. Words aren't enough.

I note that although mum isn't invited to the wedding because of her heretical thoughts, she's still providing free care for the son's cat whilst it suits him.

I think it's very obvious to everyone who hasn't been asleep for the past 5 years, that whilst of course there are genuine examples of people realising they're in the wrong body, that there's also been a huge trend surrounding self identifying as the opposite sex, particularly amongst young people. Presumably for a variety of reasons, one being attention I would've thought.

Just tell him what you've told us.

One of the things he has to understand about the choice he's made, is that he made it on his own behalf. Nobody else's.

He can't control other peoples' right to their own choice and a different POV.

I have just read your posts OP and I admire your strength and your clear love for your children. It seems that you have done as much as you can within what your principles will allow. In terms of the wedding you must be very hurt and I suspect it isn’t about what your DS wants but about how he fears he will be perceived by others. Perhaps instead of a present, a letter telling him how proud you are of him and how lovely his partner is and wishing him the best. Leaving the door open I would say that while there may be a distance between you and that may not change that you will always love him and he will always be welcome in your home. I’m so sorry this issue impacted your family so much