Can't cope with DS being transgender

[YellowBrickWall]

This is so hard. I feel like I'm in a very weird place. I am absolutely gutted and just want it to not be happening. He is 23 and lives with us. I thought we had escaped this trend but he's got caught up in it. I don't know what to do.

It's hard to describe but I simply cannot go along with it. It's not true, he's not a woman, he never will be. I hate the gaslighting, it's so distressing. This is upsetting me so much but I don't know what to do.

He's an adult and can do what he wants but unfortunately this particular thing requires my involvement and I can't. I am totally against it. There seems to be no middle ground, I either go against everything I know and believe or I won't be involved in his life. It feels like blackmail. It feels shit. I hate it.

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@ancientgran
Presumably OP’s son would want her to use his preferred pronouns when not with him, so when talking to others she would say she rather than he and my daughter rather than my son[/quote]
Do you think he's going to use bugs or something. He won't know if she doesn't tell. Just call him the name he's chosen.

In the Katie/tea situation, I would personally just use "they", I use it a lot anyway even for people who aren't trans.

Although why would you reply with "Yes, Katie'll have a cup of tea", just sound weird. "Yes they would" or just "yes please" is fine.
"Would they like cake too?" "They said yes please"

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@ancientgran
How often do we need to use pronouns?! Quite often actually[/quote]
Yes you'd be surprised when you live in a household of 4 how hard it is to avoid names and pronouns. Try it in your house.

@YellowDots

You can tell how often people use pronouns just by reading this thread because so many people are saying 'your child' instead so it's clunky reading and it stands out.

I think it's also used to infantilise a adults and distance them from their essentially partaking in a social media driven fad. Nice little dash of emotional blackmail there too. If you take a look at any account of a transition in a young person, the focus is very much on the person's being brave, stunning and vulnerable and at huge risk if they don't transition. It's very deliberate. The descriptor, "child" is effective in making the person in question vulnerable, it garners sympathy, and softens up or even prevents any criticism. It's standard, and even those who don't know much about what transitioning "a child" actually entails will have absorbed that manner of describing adults and think they're being kind and supportive. It's very deliberate and manipulative.

Person A. (Trying to avoid pronouns)Did Richar- I mean Katie want a cup of tea? Forgetting a name isn't a big deal, it happens in families all the time, Person A corrected themself and moved one.
Person B.( also trying to avoid pronoun issue)Yes Katie'll have a cup of tea. I can't see the issue.
Person A. Could you go and ask hi- Katie if Katie would like cake too? Or they could just have said Does Katie want a cup of tea and a cake?

@YellowBrickWall I brought up 4 so in a house of six I think the least of my worries would have been if I could bring myself to call my child the name they preferred.

Or they could just have said Does Katie want a cup of tea and a cake?
You are really trying so very hard to avoid the issue here.

[quote ancientgran]@YellowBrickWall I brought up 4 so in a house of six I think the least of my worries would have been if I could bring myself to call my child the name they preferred.[/quote]
In your example, you are just talking about a change of name from long to diminutive. Been there, done that. Not a problem.

The only reason he wants me to use new name is to affirm him as a woman. Totally different kettle of fish.

And no, it's not easy to avoid saying he/him in a household of 4 or 6. Even if you change to 'they' you are still changing the natural use of pronouns, still adopting ideology that you don't agree with and still not using their preferred pronoun so that doesn't really help anyone.

The op has already said it is not just a name they prefer , it's about the validation that they are a woman that they gain from use of that name

It is possible on the app to filter for the OP posts which is useful

Cross post !

“a trend” wow how ignorant

You can plot the cases on a chart over time and there is a clear trend

Whatever else is going on there is social contagion also clearly evident - the clumpiness of cases

Some of these comments are shocking! It’s your child ffs you support and love them unconditionally

@Daffodils22

Some of these comments are shocking! It’s your child ffs you support and love them unconditionally

There are different ways to support a child. I adore my child, but if she announced that she was a one-legged elephant from space I would get her a psychologist and help her work through her delusion, not unquestioningly affirm her.

Delusion is delusion. Fact is fact. OP’s son is male.

Affirming people who think they are in the wrong body is psychologically harmful to them. See this article by a psychologist www.transgendertrend.com/teenager-says-theyre-transgender/

@Daffodils22

Some of these comments are shocking! It’s your child ffs you support and love them unconditionally

Love abs support unconditionally does not mean agree to their every demand It does not mean supporting them towards harmful life shortening " treatment "

I think in this case it means trying to explore with them why being seen as a woman is important.

@LondonWolf
Deliberate and manipulative to call somebody's child their child? Okayyyy.

In fact op I wonder if focusing on him rather than why it's distressing to you might be a way forward

Explain why you are worried about treatment that will affect his health and lifespan for example .

[quote RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie]@LondonWolf
Deliberate and manipulative to call somebody's child their child? Okayyyy.[/quote]
Yes. At times it is. The focus on children to push this agenda is well documented. Please don't attempt to guilt me. I'm way beyond it 😊

Given his age he is legally an adult but his brain in particular is still maturing- probs very relevant in this situation

I am very unhappy about the current trend for trans ideology and the way lgbT is being pushed at young people. There is a huge element of social contagion and is sharply being promoted at societal level.

WIth this in mind, I'd deal with this differently to what pp have suggested.

Tell your dc that you will respect their choice and that you feel for them. Ask how he/she is feeling, what he/she thinks being trans means and what he/she likes about the idea of being a woman/man. Explain that people can't change sex but of course they are free to choose their gender expressions so that they feel comfortable in their own skin. Ask you dc how they chose their new name and what it means to them. Explore if your dc has had access to trans promo on the Internet. Also explore what they are interested in other than trans, what jobs, hobbies, what's his sexuality, and what's missing, what's making him unhappy.

Say that you will accept the steps he/she is taking to change his gender id including using new name and pronouns and be supportive but that this trans stuff isn't really your cup of tea you have other interests in life.

Then start exploring what really is causing his mental health issues. Is he neurodiverse or depressed? I am, guessing that being supportive while making it clear you don't buy into tans ideology yourself but that you love your dc, try and help see your dc beyond the gender stuff, what does he want from life?

Trans idelogy is the world’s latest cult. It’s worth being aware of the hallmarks of a cult, and how it quite deliberately separates the cult’s new recruits from friends and family who might challenge the cult’s lies. After all, once this cult is over, others will emerge.

🤣😂🤣😂

You're laughing Tueca? How come?

All this wanting to be a woman.
There is no discussion of what being a man is. Sadly.
Nowadays it seems to be nothing really. You play games online, you talk to friends online, errrrr that's it.

What's so wrong with being a man???