Can't cope with DS being transgender

[YellowBrickWall]

This is so hard. I feel like I'm in a very weird place. I am absolutely gutted and just want it to not be happening. He is 23 and lives with us. I thought we had escaped this trend but he's got caught up in it. I don't know what to do.

It's hard to describe but I simply cannot go along with it. It's not true, he's not a woman, he never will be. I hate the gaslighting, it's so distressing. This is upsetting me so much but I don't know what to do.

He's an adult and can do what he wants but unfortunately this particular thing requires my involvement and I can't. I am totally against it. There seems to be no middle ground, I either go against everything I know and believe or I won't be involved in his life. It feels like blackmail. It feels shit. I hate it.

You want me to post a photograph of him? (No I won't do that).

You don't have to. People seem to have forgotten that troll hunting is against the talk guidelines and MN traditionally don't tolerate it.

@YellowBrickWall

What if he converted to Judaism, chose a different name and started to keep kosher. Would you insist on serving him pork and took a Saturday job because you believe differently.

In your analogy it's the other way round surely? He is the one insisting I follow his religion, regardless of my own beliefs, eschew pork and observe the Sabbath.

No they are looking for acceptance

@YellowBrickWall yes actually. In which case I suggest you think really carefully about where your middle ground is because right now you dont seem to have any. If you and your son become entrenched in opposing positions then communication will break down. If what you want is to give him time and space to think things through then that's about the worst thing that you can do because he has plenty of places to go for uncritical affirmation. You don't need to make his life choices a test case for your beliefs on gc ideology and women's sex based rights any more than you have to swallow trans ideology hook, line and sinker.

@DrSbaitso If you have any time for podcasts, you may also find ‘A wider lens’ interesting - or anyone else with an interest in the subject.

@lifeturnsonadime this is timely. Someone just posted it in a FB group I am in.

Quote from Susie Green - CEO of Mermaids.

""Puberty is in itself a diagnostic tool. If it doesn't not cause distress, then the likelihood is that the child is not transgender. If it does cause distress, then hormone blocking medication is given, which is completely reversible if needs be."

Many children struggle with puberty but I would argue that many autistic children would find it even more difficult. Here Susie Green, who transitioned her own child at age 16, in Thailand, a country who subsequently changed its laws to prevent this, tells us that struggles with puberty are in themselves enough to diagnose a child as trans.

As for puberty blockers being totally reversible, the vast majority of children who are put on them continue to cross sex hormones - not sure of figures, will try to find. Studies show that around 80% plus of children declaring themselves trans will, if left alone - "Watchful Waiting" - desist after puberty and more than likely be just be gay/lesbian. However handing puberty blockers out like smarties prevents puberty, the very process which would smooth their path to acceptance of their bodies and sexuality with no need for potentially life limiting medicalisation, surgical interventions which often fail and prevention of normal, healthy mental and physical development.

As a side note has anyone else noticed it's near on impossible to find any real figures or information around trans issues on Google that is not wholly positive. It's quite sinister how difficult it is to find accurate information unless you already know where to look.

Quote from Susie Green - CEO of Mermaids.

""Puberty is in itself a diagnostic tool. If it doesn't not cause distress, then the likelihood is that the child is not transgender. If it does cause distress, then hormone blocking medication is given, which is completely reversible if needs be.

An autistic girl with sensory processing disorder who has not been able to tolerate anything other than loose fitting t-shirts will not like the feeling of wearing a bra or the feeling of a sanitary pad or tampon.

Doesn't mean they are boys.

I agree that figures are being hidden. I really believe this is a ticking time bomb. Setting neurodiverse children on a path to sterilisation because they express understandable distress at their body changes is just unforgivable. It is akin to eugenics if society ignores this in favour of trans ideology.

Puberty blockers are reversible? How so?

(Puberty causes everyone distress.)

(Puberty causes everyone distress.)

Agreed, but definitely it is going to be more of an issue for autistic girls like my daughter than it is for girls without the equivalent sensory issues.

@lifeturnsonadime

(Puberty causes everyone distress.)

Agreed, but definitely it is going to be more of an issue for autistic girls like my daughter than it is for girls without the equivalent sensory issues.

@lifeturnsonadime

Exactly! And that doesn’t mean she is transgender. Being a woman is hard, so much harder than being a boy/man and shit in many ways - the amount of pressures, demands and expectations. Everyone struggles with it but especially difficult for those with social communication and/or sensory processing difficulties

@lifeturnsonadime

(Puberty causes everyone distress.)

Agreed, but definitely it is going to be more of an issue for autistic girls like my daughter than it is for girls without the equivalent sensory issues.

I agree. I'm just thinking that "doesn't like puberty" is something of a blunt instrument for identifying transgenderism.

This argument will run and run and maybe there is no right or wrong answer.

If my 23 year old DC with depression and MH challenges came to me with this I would accept it and offer support. My unconditional live for them wouldn't shake. This wouldn't extend to facilitating medical or pharmaceutical approaches but other than that as their mum I would support them.

Being rejected by a parent is huge, and IMO to be avoided at all costs.

Puberty is in itself a diagnostic tool. If it doesn't not cause distress, then the likelihood is that the child is not transgender. If it does cause distress, then hormone blocking medication is given, which is completely reversible if needs be

What a steaming pile of bullshit. Every single person who has gone through puberty has at some point felt distress. If that is their diagnostic tool, it explains a lot. No one can stay a child forever, however much they might want to.

Troll Hunting… I reckon it’s just cos people cannot believe the audacity of OP in not unquestioningly going along with whatever her son wants.

So you want trans people, who are already in a vulnerable group as shown by the views on this thread, to have to use a separate trans identifiable space - because no one who isn’t trans would choose to use a gender neutral space would they?

So women must be deceived into using mixed-sex spaces when they think they're in a single-sex space, and that's ok?

“So you want trans people, who are already in a vulnerable group as shown by the views on this thread, to have to use a separate trans identifiable space - because no one who isn’t trans would choose to use a gender neutral space would they?”

Women are a vulnerable group

So you want trans people, who are already in a vulnerable group as shown by the views on this thread, to have to use a separate trans identifiable space - because no one who isn’t trans would choose to use a gender neutral space would they?

Or, indeed, a women's space?

It sounds as though you think think female-only spaces are safer. Why do you think that is? How can the safety of a female only space be maintained?

Every single person who has gone through puberty has at some point felt distress.

This may be true, but I don't recall wanting a male body at any point during puberty. I remember when people would call me a "boy" because of my short hair, skinny body etc. It felt awful, I didn't want to be called a boy and the thought that my face may have been masculine enough to look male was distressing. Because I was female and I wanted to look female and be recognised as that. Why would I want to look like a man? The though is repulsive to me.

“So you want trans people, who are already in a vulnerable group as shown by the views on this thread, to have to use a separate trans identifiable space - because no one who isn’t trans would choose to use a gender neutral space would they?”

How many trans people have been raped and murdered since the start of the year in the UK?

How many women have been raped and murdered since the start of the year in the UK?