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Original poster

You're a shit housewife!!

226 replies

runforyourdog · 25/03/2022 01:39

Just had a massive row with H. I know it's unforgivable but I completely lost my temper and slapped him.

He said 'you are a shit housewife' err well maybe that's because I'm not a housewife and work full time!! He think he does loads around the house which he does like he does the washing for e.g. but I do vast majority of kid ferrying / mental load.

I know I'm unreasonable but can anyone see why I got angry!?

OP posts:
Thatsplentyjack · 25/03/2022 15:34

@ChelseeDagger

This complete lack of appreciation for the nuances of individual situations is precisely why society is going down the proverbial shitter.

Slapped your sixteen stone husband once because you lost control of your emotions in response to his goading?
You're a domestic abuser. He needs to divorce you as you will probably scald him with hot water and murder the kids in their sleep.

Didn't accept a covid vaccine because you are young, fit and healthy and the vaccine landed your mum in hospital with anaphylaxis?
You're a selfish conspiracy theorist who is responsible for the deaths of the CEV and people like you are the reason for continuing lockdowns.

Don't believe that a man can self identify as a woman with no recourse to physical modification in this respect?
You are a disgusting bigot and a transphobe. Your words are literally violence.

Ad infinitum.

I know this isn't the point of the thread but what is happening to us that we so readily seek the cachet of mindlessly parroting the current narrative to behave in this way?

Its bloody frightening tbh.

Completely agree. Very well said. It IS bloody frightening.
Moonface123 · 25/03/2022 16:00

Next time OP might have a knife in her hand, then what ? Lack of self control can lead to disasterous consequences.
l have raised two sons and witnessed the double standards throughout every stage, this thread just confirms this.

NippyWoowoo · 25/03/2022 16:52

Ok, so DV is ok as long as the person on the receiving end isn't in fear for their life. Got it.

girlmom21 · 25/03/2022 16:58

@NippyWoowoo

Ok, so DV is ok as long as the person on the receiving end isn't in fear for their life. Got it.
And if they're bigger than the perpetrator they can't possibly be scared because they're probably not able to kill the victim, apparently.
FloydPepper · 25/03/2022 17:01

@NippyWoowoo

Ok, so DV is ok as long as the person on the receiving end isn't in fear for their life. Got it.
You’re wasting your time

This thread has headed the same way as all the previous ones. There’s a sizeable minority (perhaps a majority, it’s hard to tell) who seem to believe dv against men either isn’t real or doesn’t matter. That becomes clear every time it comes up, and is both disappointing and unsurprising.

I hope attitudes will change over time, but I’m not seeing it yet

MichelleScarn · 25/03/2022 17:15

@NippyWoowoo

Ok, so DV is ok as long as the person on the receiving end isn't in fear for their life. Got it.
Of course, and it's lolz 😆 and he deserved it/made her do it to some here.. and If you don't agree and say DV is never OK. you are accused of being 'unpleasant with a veil of political correctness and horrid presumption' Bloody infuriating!
PenStation · 25/03/2022 17:17

This….

ChelseeDagger
“This complete lack of appreciation for the nuances of individual situations is precisely why society is going down the proverbial shitter.

Slapped your sixteen stone husband once because you lost control of your emotions in response to his goading?
You're a domestic abuser. He needs to divorce you as you will probably scald him with hot water and murder the kids in their sleep.

Didn't accept a covid vaccine because you are young, fit and healthy and the vaccine landed your mum in hospital with anaphylaxis?
You're a selfish conspiracy theorist who is responsible for the deaths of the CEV and people like you are the reason for continuing lockdowns.

Don't believe that a man can self identify as a woman with no recourse to physical modification in this respect?
You are a disgusting bigot and a transphobe. Your words are literally violence.

Ad infinitum.

I know this isn't the point of the thread but what is happening to us that we so readily seek the cachet of mindlessly parroting the current narrative to behave in this way?

Its bloody frightening tbh.”

Thatsplentyjack · 25/03/2022 18:20

I think its really quite sad that people can't seem to grasp what it's like to be pushed to your limit until you snap. I'm not saying that's what's happened here, but we actually have people on here who claim to have been through all sorts of abuse saying that it's never ok to retaliate or lose control and give someone a slap. Apparently if you are being raped.... you shouldn't retaliate or be violent back. If you are being beaten....you can't hit back. How fucking ridiculous!
This is what my poor mum had to go through after my dad's sustained mental abuse, and the one time she lost it and retaliated because he had her trapped in a room. She then automatically became the abuser? My dad wasn't scared, she reacted in exactly the way he wanted so he could tell everyone and have her arrested (which he did). The shite being spewed on here just shows what little understanding people still have of domestic violence and what it can do to a person psychologically.

anon2334 · 25/03/2022 18:30

I read physical abuse is worse than verbal abuse. really verbal and emotional abuse is what narcs use and do it well and it pushes someone to their limit. The mental side is just as bad. Neither are better, abuse is abuse. Yes hitting was wrong, clealy both need help separately.

Unsureaboutit9 · 25/03/2022 18:33

@Thatsplentyjack

I think its really quite sad that people can't seem to grasp what it's like to be pushed to your limit until you snap. I'm not saying that's what's happened here, but we actually have people on here who claim to have been through all sorts of abuse saying that it's never ok to retaliate or lose control and give someone a slap. Apparently if you are being raped.... you shouldn't retaliate or be violent back. If you are being beaten....you can't hit back. How fucking ridiculous! This is what my poor mum had to go through after my dad's sustained mental abuse, and the one time she lost it and retaliated because he had her trapped in a room. She then automatically became the abuser? My dad wasn't scared, she reacted in exactly the way he wanted so he could tell everyone and have her arrested (which he did). The shite being spewed on here just shows what little understanding people still have of domestic violence and what it can do to a person psychologically.
That’s nothing like this situation. She wasn’t being raped or physically abused, so actually it wasn’t ok to slap him. The OP didn’t say anything to suggest he’s abusive or has ever been violent.
MissMaple82 · 25/03/2022 19:51

Oh wow, you acrually excused your domestic violence towards him because of his size and finances!

MissMaple82 · 25/03/2022 19:57

And yes I missed the white bit too.. doubt Effing WOW. I hope he leaves you too!

mbosnz · 25/03/2022 20:00

This wasn't self defense. This was pure temper and frustration. There are better ways to deal with temper and frustration - walking away is one of them. Belting the other person isn't actually a reasonable way of dealing with temper and frustration because the other person is male, and the person doing the belting is female.

Being told you're a 'shit housewife' really shouldn't take someone to the brink.

winterchills · 25/03/2022 20:02

@Shehasadiamondinthesky I'm glad I'm not the only one as I would do too!!

Original poster
runforyourdog · 25/03/2022 20:18

I know it was so wrong! I don't know what else I can say. There was quite a lot of alcohol involved on both sides. I know this is no excuse but maybe helps explains how things go out of hand.

Anyway we've made up, DH is fine. Think poor DDog was most traumatised by the event. Just want to try and move on from it now.

OP posts:
Thatsplentyjack · 25/03/2022 20:50

@Unsureaboutit9 I literally put "I'm not saying that's what happened here" in my post Confused but I forgot people on mn only see what they want to see.

Thatsplentyjack · 25/03/2022 20:52

OP I hope this was just an isolated incident and everything works out well for you both.

Unsureaboutit9 · 25/03/2022 21:02

@Thatsplentyjack no I saw it, im just disagreeing with you. The context of your response, criticising people for saying it’s never ok to physically retaliate, isn’t right on this thread in my opinion. but we actually have people on here who claim to have been through all sorts of abuse saying that it's never ok to retaliate or lose control and give someone a slap. Apparently if you are being raped.... you shouldn't retaliate or be violent back. If you are being beaten....you can't hit back. How fucking ridiculous!

The OP said her husband would be fine because he’s a wealthy white male, everyone else is saying actually no it’s never ok because she implied it was somehow ok in this situation. Nobody at all said it wouldn’t be ok to hit someone that was raping them, it’s just totally different. We’re allowed to express different opinions here, it’s half the point of mumsnet!

Anyway the OPs situation is resolved now so it’s irrelevant really.

Thatsplentyjack · 25/03/2022 21:17

@Unsureaboutit9 that's not what you said in your last post though is it?

EssexLioness · 25/03/2022 21:37

[quote Unsureaboutit9]**@Thatsplentyjack* no I saw it, im just disagreeing with you. The context of your response, criticising people for saying it’s never ok to physically retaliate, isn’t right on this thread in my opinion. but we actually have people on here who claim to have been through all sorts of abuse saying that it's never ok to retaliate or lose control and give someone a slap. Apparently if you are being raped.... you shouldn't retaliate or be violent back. If you are being beaten....you can't hit back. How fucking ridiculous!*

The OP said her husband would be fine because he’s a wealthy white male, everyone else is saying actually no it’s never ok because she implied it was somehow ok in this situation. Nobody at all said it wouldn’t be ok to hit someone that was raping them, it’s just totally different. We’re allowed to express different opinions here, it’s half the point of mumsnet!

Anyway the OPs situation is resolved now so it’s irrelevant really.[/quote]
I agree with this. Completely different situations.

@Thatsplentyjackn your comment about people who ‘claim’ to have been through all sorts of abuse seems to be directed at me again. I’m not sure why. I didn’t claim anything, I spent years getting over the trauma of my previous relationship. Not sure why you are being so unkind to me, especially when your own mum suffered abuse too. I still stand by my statement that I can’t imagine ever hitting my DH… he is a good, loving person who would never do the awful things my ex did. Plus, the OP was not being abused and pushed to defend herself - completely different situation. I haven’t said anything that other people haven’t already said so please stop attacking me.

Unsureaboutit9 · 25/03/2022 21:45

It is, I said the same thing but went into more detail to explain seen as you didn’t understand me, or were only reading what you wanted to read. My point still stands, and I won’t be explaining it further.

Thatsplentyjack · 25/03/2022 21:57

Not sure why you are being so unkind to me

Unkind, really?
You could never imagine hitting your dh, but could you imagine hitting your abusive ex? Just because your experience didn't result in you reaching your limit and snapping, doesn't mean uts the same for everyone. Apparently you think because my mum did eventually hit my dad she was then the abuser because violence is never ok. That's what really gets me.

Thatsplentyjack · 25/03/2022 22:04

Nobody at all said it wouldn’t be ok to hit someone that was raping them, it’s just totally different

Actually several people said that violence was NEVER ok, there is no excuse apparently, like the poster above.

And actually you first post was just to tell me that what I wrote was nothing like the OPs situation, which I acknowledged in my post anyway so I'm not sure why you felt the need to tell me that. Your second post went on to explain what you actually meant. Should have started with that, and you can think I'm wrong all you like, but like you said everyone is allowed a different opinion. You thinking I'm wrong doesn't make it so.

custardo · 25/03/2022 22:09

genuinely if you have that much money - outsource everything.

also - you can't slap people....it's very jeremy kyle

Original poster
runforyourdog · 25/03/2022 22:32

It really is @custardo that's a good point!! The thing is.. we do have a bloody cleaner!! They didn't show up this week though so maybe that's where we have gone wrong. We just have 2 messy young kids, you know when you tidy up and then 5 minutes later the house is a mess?

Just wanted to clarify DH is in no way abusive, he's a good guy. I thought I was ok as well although many not after last night.

On wider conversation, I think most people are saying it's never acceptable to instigate violence, self defence is obviously different. I do think there are cases where other forms of abuse could make someone snap which I personally would be forgiving of. Not saying that's the situation for me. I was just drunk and pissed off that DH was being an arsehole.

OP posts: