You're a shit housewife!!

[runforyourdog]

Just had a massive row with H. I know it's unforgivable but I completely lost my temper and slapped him.

He said 'you are a shit housewife' err well maybe that's because I'm not a housewife and work full time!! He think he does loads around the house which he does like he does the washing for e.g. but I do vast majority of kid ferrying / mental load.

I know I'm unreasonable but can anyone see why I got angry!?

[quote ChelseeDagger]@Turningpurple

Well calling her a shit housewife under their domestic circumstances as she outlined them is goading.

Of course you can goad somebody to making an inappropriate and unacceptable response to your provocation.

I quite agree that this was most likely a two sided argument.

What I don't agree with is the labelling the OP as a consistent physical abuser on the basis of an isolated slap, incidentally I missed the part in the OP where she stated it was to his face.
She hasn't and most probably couldn't have caused physical harm by her actions.

Stating that she is now a risk to her husband and children is ridiculous. No other words for it.[/quote]
No one has claimed she has done it consistently. But if you abuse someone you are an abuser.

And no you can't goad someone into hitting you. You can be a good fucker. But the person doing the hitting is still choosing it. Their responsibility isn't less because 'they were asking for it'. There's no e case for hitting your partner.

And again, violence in a relationship isn't always about physical pain and damage. They aren't the only impacts that happen.

I don't blame people for thinking she could be a risk. People here are arguing that if you wind a woman up and she snaps she can't control herself. Kids wind their mums up sometimes. So, yes, if op can nor control herself she is a danger to the kids.

You can't have it all ways and she he wound her up and she couldn't help it, nothing she could do to control herself. But also, she would never do it to X person or Y person. That would mean she can control it.

@Turningpurple

I said she probably slapped him out of frustration and hurt.
I have never stated that she couldn't help herself. Of course she chose to slap him, whether provoked or otherwise.

My point has always, been that her choice to slap him was made in the knowledge that in doing so she posed no physical threat.
This would not be the case were she to slap a child.

The choice and its resultant consequences are not equitable, therefore it seems ridiculous to state on the basis of the OP that she poses a risk (physically) to her husband or indeed any risk whatsoever to her children, if they exist at all.

This hasn't stopped people from inferring that she slapped him scross his face and that her children are unhappy/at risk/exist.

With these points in mind I do think that many of the responses to the OP have been nothing short of overarching and unnessecary unpleasantness.

[quote ChelseeDagger]@Turningpurple

I said she probably slapped him out of frustration and hurt.
I have never stated that she couldn't help herself. Of course she chose to slap him, whether provoked or otherwise.

My point has always, been that her choice to slap him was made in the knowledge that in doing so she posed no physical threat.
This would not be the case were she to slap a child.

The choice and its resultant consequences are not equitable, therefore it seems ridiculous to state on the basis of the OP that she poses a risk (physically) to her husband or indeed any risk whatsoever to her children, if they exist at all.

This hasn't stopped people from inferring that she slapped him scross his face and that her children are unhappy/at risk/exist.

With these points in mind I do think that many of the responses to the OP have been nothing short of overarching and unnessecary unpleasantness.[/quote]
My 11 year old is as tall as me. What age is it OK to slap him?

When he is 2 inch taller? Or weighs more? What's the criteria for when it becomes less of a problem?

Yes, she chose to slap him. So no not his responsibility.

You totally missed the point.

If, as pps have said, she couldn't control herself, then why would she have that control with her kids, or work colleagues, or her parents?

You can't claim loss of self control means violence is OK and then claim that same person is in control of their actions at all times. She can either control herself or she can't and I am guess if it was anyone else, she would have kept control.

'They pushed me to do it' isn't a reason.

Sorry, but if this was a woman posting that her husband slapped her "out of frustration" we'd all be saying LTB, call women's aid and get your ducks in a row.
It works both ways.

This absolutely from @Turningpurple You can't have it all ways and she he wound her up and she couldn't help it, nothing she could do to control herself. But also, she would never do it to X person or Y person. That would mean she can control it.
Not understanding the 'how dare you say she's a threat/risk to her husband/kids from one post, but it's clear he's a risk from the one post*

I have never claimed a lack of self control on OPs part.
I think that she made a decision to slap him because at that point in time she believed that he deserved it.

PPs may have stated that they believe that she lost control but I am unable to provide an answer for why they should think so.
Perhaps direct your question at one of them?

Physical abuse (which this is) is equally wrong, regardless of whether the perpetrator is male or female. However, the risk of serious harm is lower if the perpetrator is female. Obviously, that doesn't make it remotely OK, but comments about her going on to kill him and the kids are a bit silly.

but comments about her going on to kill him and the kids are a bit silly.

No, they are ridiculous and have been trotted out in an effort to make the OP feel like shit.

Calling you a housewife when you work fulltime is demeaning and sexist. Slapping him was a poor response. I think you both need to apologies to each other. For those claiming woman slapping a huge man is the same as him hitting her - you clearly know nothing about what domestic violence actually looks and feels like.

I have never claimed a lack of self control on OPs part.
I think that she made a decision to slap him because at that point in time she believed that he deserved it.

So this time she believes he deserves a slap so that's ok. At what point does her doing to people what she thinks they deserve stop being OK?

@ChelseeDagger

but comments about her going on to kill him and the kids are a bit silly.

No, they are ridiculous and have been trotted out in an effort to make the OP feel like shit.

Fair enough, wouldn't argue with that!

@MichelleScarn

I haven't said that its ok, whether she believed at that moment that he deserves it or not.
I am simply arguing that the details provided within the OP do not necessitate her being variously;
An abuser
An ongoing threat to her DH's physical safety
A threat to her children, physical or otherwise
An ineffective parent

Which are all things which have been claimed by various PPs throughout this thread on the basis of the info given in the OP and her few further comments.

I suspect that this thread also stopped being about the OP a very long time ago and that it is now simply a vehicle for women to vent the unpleasant side of their nature under the veil of political correctness and horrid presumption.

So many posters lacking wisdom on this thread. OP came here for advice and some is useful but giving her a kicking is pointless, especially given that none of us have the full picture.

Not going to read the pages and pages of getting a slagging off but thought I'd come back to give a little update.

(And no, I'm not going to kill my husband or my children!)

We made up this morning. Have agreed that we need to all do our part to not let day to day life and stresses get to the point where they are going to make us unhappy (or turn into a crazy psycho bitch!). I'm going to be less of a shit house wife. He's going to be less of a grumpy sod. I think the slapping was an isolated incident so hopefully can move on from it.

@Remmy123

I wouid have slapped him too .. what a cheek! 🤣🤣

Get a cleaner. That income you can afford two!!!

With that income she can afford to be a housewife.

I'm going to be less of a shit house wife

If you work full time you're not a housewife anyway. If men want a housewife they should be prepared to take on full financial responsibility.

@runforyourdog

Its definitely a cliche but sometimes your best lesson in life really is your last mistake.

I hope you can both move on from this, fault and responsibility lies on both sides.

Its none of my business I know, but I still think a cleaner might be the way forward.

@chelseedagger I suspect that this thread also stopped being about the OP a very long time ago and that it is now simply a vehicle for women to vent the unpleasant side of their nature under the veil of political correctness and horrid presumption.
Well I'd suspect that the other side of the coin is that it's also become a vehicle for people to disparage men and mock female to male domestic violence with all the 'he deserved it/she's no harm' posts. Why is acknowledging that being unpleasant? Do we have to always stand on the side of those of our sex, and not be allowed to disagree or be called 'unpleasant with a veil of political correctness and horrid presumption'?

Do you mean you're going to both pull your weight home-wise?

Because if you're both working full time you don't have to do everything - regardless of what he earns.

Your follow up comment just shows how much you are not sorry

Don’t be ridiculous. The OPs comment was clearly in response to the facetious:

I hope he has the support and resources to get help

OP was pointing out yes a well resourced, privileged man who will indeed be able to get support.

OP I hope you have hidden this thread, it’s turned into an unnecessary and unhelpful opportunity for people to stick the boot in.

@ChelseeDagger agree totally

@ChelseeDagger

I have never claimed a lack of self control on OPs part. I think that she made a decision to slap him because at that point in time she believed that he deserved it.

PPs may have stated that they believe that she lost control but I am unable to provide an answer for why they should think so.
Perhaps direct your question at one of them?

Well you brought up the point about people thinking she is going to be a a danger to the kids. And I answered the point you brought up.

That yes, given some people are insistent she couldn't help it, that people would think that makes her a danger to her kids.

If you don't want to discuss a point, why bring it up?

I suspect that this thread also stopped being about the OP a very long time ago and that it is now simply a vehicle for women to vent the unpleasant side of their nature under the veil of political correctness and horrid presumption.

Op said she was leaving. That doesn't mean people can not continue to discuss it.

The thread is now people discussing both sides, exactly what is wrong with that?

Exactly@Chickandspin, there you never be a 'yes but...' when it comes to any form of violence.

In a case of self defense a "yes but" should absolutely be acceptable.

Bloody hell, OP and her DH got past a blazing row involving violence quicker than you lot have stopped bickering with strangers on the internet