You're a shit housewife!!

[runforyourdog]

Just had a massive row with H. I know it's unforgivable but I completely lost my temper and slapped him.

He said 'you are a shit housewife' err well maybe that's because I'm not a housewife and work full time!! He think he does loads around the house which he does like he does the washing for e.g. but I do vast majority of kid ferrying / mental load.

I know I'm unreasonable but can anyone see why I got angry!?

Well surely if he is earning £180k salary then they can afford a housekeeper to do the ALL home chores... problem solved - surely that puts an end to the arguments over who does what.

Then why is he not funding his family alone? Why are you working?

I want to know if the op has access to money and if she genuinely wants to work? How can he call her a crap housewife when she isn't one?! Far too many men now seem to insist on a woman working and making a financial contribution yet also expect a 1950s style housewife to run round after them. I'd like to know if the ops dh is one of these men. Like hell would I be running myself ragged in full time work and juggling kids and a house if my DH was earning that much.

Why the fuck are people asking op why she works if he earns that amount? And implying its because he must be withholding money?

Maybe she wants to work. Maybe she earns similar. Or her career is very important to her.

And again, given we dont know the how the argument played out, who can say she didn't say something equally as shitty before hand.

To me it sounds like a complete toxic mess. People saying women snap and can't control themselves. But when men snap they do have some control and recognise and accept the risk and do it anyway. Its such double standards.

Bet op has never snapped and done this at work. Or to her kids. Or parents. Or other family.

So much of this thread is just rehashing all the old excuses abusive men pull out.

He's an absolute wanker to describe you as a housewife. Is he living in the 1950s? Tosser.

You can't control your anger. You lost all your moral high ground because you had a tantrum. Pathetic.

Your poor kids.

The slap may not have physically caused him much pain but emotionally it will have. This is a very sad situation. Getting a cleaner may help by sweeping the bigger issue under the carpet. I think you probably both need some counselling. Either together or separately.

Why the fuck are people asking op why she works if he earns that amount? And implying its because he must be withholding money?

Because he complained about her and how she keeps house. Cleaner, laundry service, a nanny? They can surely afford all these?

@Riseholme

I mean you should be a team anyway. But nobody is a housewife and neither should anyone, however obnoxious, be hit.

Yes, some people are housewives. Some women tend to the home while the man makes the money, making them a housewife.

@Comedycook

Why the fuck are people asking op why she works if he earns that amount? And implying its because he must be withholding money?

Because he complained about her and how she keeps house. Cleaner, laundry service, a nanny? They can surely afford all these?

I didn't say they couldn't. He might want her to be a housewife. But she may not.

My point was the 'why do you work at all?' Completely ignores that it's entirely likey that op works, because she wants to

Assuming all women only work if their husband doesn't earn loads of money is ridiculous. It's really old fashioned thinking
Like people can't believe she may actually want a career too.

Do we know they donf have a cleaner? And help at home?

You're a perpetrator of domestic abuse.
It doesn't matter what you say - that is what you have done.
Get some help with your anger issues.

Your poor kids.

Honestly, what makes somebody post something like this?

Is your insecurity so severe that putting the boot in on the Internet for the spurious reasons detailed within a one off glimpse in to a family's situation -couple's altercation-- is time well spent?

Its not the OP's children who deserve my pity here.

One provoked slap from you is how I read this
I hope you both sit down when you’re calmer and you can talk it out
Call him out on his sexist expectations and tell him it’s unacceptable and I hope you outsource all housewife duties from your joint account as you certainly are not standing for that how dare he

@Chickandspin

My father and my stepfather physically abused my DM severely and she never retaliated, so I am well aware of the scale of M-F domestic violence and I'll always be traumatised by it but we can hardly condemn M-F violence if we ever condone it the other way round can we? I just cannot stand any violence whatsoever, it should just always be completely unacceptable, no exceptions.

Completely agree. Although when I mentioned similar upthread apparently my experience of being a ‘battered’ wife means I should condone violence in this case 🙄 Violence is wrong regardless of circumstances and I don’t agree with lashing out at anyone in temper. There are a lot of assumptions on this thread that the wife must be being abused for her to lash out in this situation. It’s so sexist. Lots of people, including women just have nasty tempers or no respect for other people. There is nothing whatsoever in the OPs posts to indicate she is being abused. She even comes on here shamelessly victim blaming and shows very little remorse. Her title shows she is more concerned with what he said than her reaction. Had the title been something like ‘hit my husband and so ashamed’ or ‘scared about my violent outburst’ then I suspect replies would’ve been slightly different. But she only posts about how bad she feels when she is getting replies she doesn’t like in a bid to gather sympathy/ for us all to agree with her.

This complete lack of appreciation for the nuances of individual situations is precisely why society is going down the proverbial shitter.

Slapped your sixteen stone husband once because you lost control of your emotions in response to his goading?
You're a domestic abuser. He needs to divorce you as you will probably scald him with hot water and murder the kids in their sleep.

Didn't accept a covid vaccine because you are young, fit and healthy and the vaccine landed your mum in hospital with anaphylaxis?
You're a selfish conspiracy theorist who is responsible for the deaths of the CEV and people like you are the reason for continuing lockdowns.

Don't believe that a man can self identify as a woman with no recourse to physical modification in this respect?
You are a disgusting bigot and a transphobe. Your words are literally violence.

Ad infinitum.

I know this isn't the point of the thread but what is happening to us that we so readily seek the cachet of mindlessly parroting the current narrative to behave in this way?

Its bloody frightening tbh.

OP I'm going to go out on a limb (limp?) here and say that while, yes, you clearly need to work on anger management, one slap across the face in response to being called a 'shit housewife' is not that shockingly disproportionate a reaction.

All these excuses and explanations are so funny to me. If a wife said to their husband, 'you're a shit husband!' and he responded by slapping her in the face. No one would be saying all this. People would be saying to call Womens Aid/police and get out asap as she's unsafe and this may escalate to him killing her. What a joke

@ChelseeDagger

This complete lack of appreciation for the nuances of individual situations is precisely why society is going down the proverbial shitter.

Slapped your sixteen stone husband once because you lost control of your emotions in response to his goading?
You're a domestic abuser. He needs to divorce you as you will probably scald him with hot water and murder the kids in their sleep.

Didn't accept a covid vaccine because you are young, fit and healthy and the vaccine landed your mum in hospital with anaphylaxis?
You're a selfish conspiracy theorist who is responsible for the deaths of the CEV and people like you are the reason for continuing lockdowns.

Don't believe that a man can self identify as a woman with no recourse to physical modification in this respect?
You are a disgusting bigot and a transphobe. Your words are literally violence.

Ad infinitum.

I know this isn't the point of the thread but what is happening to us that we so readily seek the cachet of mindlessly parroting the current narrative to behave in this way?

Its bloody frightening tbh.

And here is one of those apologists…

And I’m loving the twisting of things, searching for a reason why this must be his fault… Typical of these threads and I see I was premature thinking mumsnet had totally moved on. I see now it’s a slow process

@FloydPepper

I'm quite sure that people are capable of deducing my stance on this matter in the absence of your input.

*Slapped your sixteen stone husband once because you lost control of your emotions in response to his goading??

You can't goad someone into slapping you. Slapping someone is a choice.

And how would you know he was goading anyway?

This argument wasn't him saying that and her slapping him and that's it. What if she was saying similarly shitty stuff (that also doesn't make sense because his comment didn't either).

In all liklihood an argument like this probably involved both of them slinging mud. And if so, was she goading him?

Would it have been OK for him to slapping her face, but making sure he held back so it didn't cause lasting harm. If he walked up to her and tapped her on the cheek, would it be OK?

[quote ChelseeDagger]@FloydPepper

I'm quite sure that people are capable of deducing my stance on this matter in the absence of your input.[/quote]
I was labelling you as an apologist for domestic violence, in my opinion. Others can make up their own mind I agree

There would be no excuse for your husband to slap you, and there is no excuse for you to slap your husband.

My FIL was physically assaulted by his tiny wife - although she might not be able to inflict severe damage the same as a man (without weapons), the emotional upset and fear and uncertainty were the same. And when he complained to the police they found it bloody hilarious.

You two need to seriously think, both separately and together, whether this relationship has run its course. If you decide to stay together, you need to find better ways to argue, that don't involve verbal abuse that gets escalated to physical abuse.

@Turningpurple

Well calling her a shit housewife under their domestic circumstances as she outlined them is goading.

Of course you can goad somebody to making an inappropriate and unacceptable response to your provocation.

I quite agree that this was most likely a two sided argument.

What I don't agree with is the labelling the OP as a consistent physical abuser on the basis of an isolated slap, incidentally I missed the part in the OP where she stated it was to his face.
She hasn't and most probably couldn't have caused physical harm by her actions.

Stating that she is now a risk to her husband and children is ridiculous. No other words for it.

I was labelling you as an apologist for domestic violence, in my opinion. Others can make up their own mind I agree

Well, yes you do seem quite adept at labelling people whom you do not personally know, I'll give you that.

I posted 'your poor kids' because Tosser Husband and Angry Wife do not make for a happy emotionally healthy home for the kids. If you think otherwise.... you're wrong.

@GreenFingeredNell15

Oh and you are qualified to judge the entirety of their relationship, parenting capabilities and children's happiness from the OP?

Give over.

You were being unpleasant for reasons best known to yourself.