You're a shit housewife!!

[runforyourdog]

Just had a massive row with H. I know it's unforgivable but I completely lost my temper and slapped him.

He said 'you are a shit housewife' err well maybe that's because I'm not a housewife and work full time!! He think he does loads around the house which he does like he does the washing for e.g. but I do vast majority of kid ferrying / mental load.

I know I'm unreasonable but can anyone see why I got angry!?

Wow. No excuse for slapping him. That’s really terrible behaviour. Not sure there should be any come back from that degree of line crossing.

I’d be inclined to take being called a ‘shit housewife’ as a compliment. I have no desire to be a housewife or to be thought of as a good one.

You both work ft. Why on earth do you not have a cleaner?

You should leave.

Can we just leave it now I'm feeling pretty down. I know I'm massively in the wrong.

@runforyourdog

He's a 6'3'' 16 stone white man with a £180k income. I'm sure he will survive!

Your follow up comment just shows how much you are not sorry.

Poor bloke.

If you divorce him you could take him to the cleaners financially and have a better life.

If you decide to try to make a go of it, by all means outsource more of the housework but the main thing is to focus on whether it is a viable relationship and whether it is possible for mutual respect to return.

What you did is illegal. The fact you excuse the behavior is typical of an abuser. It does not matter his height, weight or income. You put your hands on someone else and that’s not ok.

@runforyourdog

Can we just leave it now I'm feeling pretty down. I know I'm massively in the wrong.

@runforyourdog you might need to hide/ignore the thread and name change.

@PenStation

If you divorce him you could take him to the cleaners financially and have a better life.

If you decide to try to make a go of it, by all means outsource more of the housework but the main thing is to focus on whether it is a viable relationship and whether it is possible for mutual respect to return.

How can she 'take him to the cleaners'?

What in the DARVO is this?

Isn’t this a bit like the ‘breed not deed’ argument?

A man attacking a woman is a bit like a pitbull attacking a chihuahua and vice versa.

Neither one is acceptable or pleasant, but only one way is going to result in a death.

Op should never have slapped her husband, it’s abusive.

BUT to pretend (the comment about him now worrying ok would escalate and would kill him and the children is particularly galling given the facts of who is far more likely to do that) that it’s even in the same ball park as the male partner violence against women that results in around two deaths a week every year in the UK seems off to me.

wouid have slapped him too .. what a cheek! 🤣🤣

So it's OK to laugh about violence because the victim is a man?

You posted this after hitting your husband for validation. You’re not getting it from us. You shouldn’t have hit him, that was assault.

OP I'm going to go out on a limb (limp?) here and say that while, yes, you clearly need to work on anger management, one slap across the face in response to being called a 'shit housewife' is not that shockingly disproportionate a reaction.

It's wrong because physical attacks are always wrong, but it's not necessarily 'more wrong' than a vicious verbal attack, iyswim. You can clobber someone with words, and it sounds like you felt clobbered.

The point is that I don't think you should feel like you have put yourself constitutionally and permanently in the wrong by slapping him - unlike a lot of other posters here. You need to apologize, but so does he. Your wrong does not right his, so to speak.

Anyway it sounds like you two are in a bad place. I hope you can sort yourselves out.

I’m not going to condemn you off the back of one post op.

Yes, hitting your partner is wrong. I was also told during therapy that it is not uncommon for emotionally abused to sometimes lash out when they are pushed to the brink, and then have that lorded over them so that the abuser can play the victim and keep them under control.

Without knowing the power dynamics in your relationship it is hard to say.

You should have been arrested.

@ThreeLocusts if she called him a shit husband and he slapped her would that be ok too?

How about if their child called either of them shit parents? Ok to hit the child?

Or her elderly mother called her a shit daughter - would she be fair game for a slap too?

By this man?

Or are you saying men can't be victims of anything because crime is usually committed by other men?

I have no idea what violence that other men commit has to do with an individual being themselves.

What were the circumstances? It's one thing if you ran across the room and slapped him out of the blue, but if he was standing over you, ranting your domestic shortcomings in your face, that is something else entirely.

Can I ask if the posters who are giving validation and sympathy and the 'poor you/its not that bad/he's the abusive one/he made you do it' will you give that same advice if a woman comes on saying she's just been assaulted by her partner? 'It's just one slap/what did you say?/you've obviously deserved it for 'reasons'?

@runforyourdog

Can we just leave it now I'm feeling pretty down. I know I'm massively in the wrong.

It really shouldn't take anyone else to tell you that you were in the wrong

That his skin colour, size or wage has nothing to do with it.

That people who earn good money and are white and tall and heavy can still be victims.

You essentially decided that anyone who is white, or earns alot or who is bigger than their partner can not be abused.

Finding a counselor would be an idea. You can see them alone or as a couple depending on what you and your H want, but it would be good for you to talk your feelings through with a professional whether the relationship is salvageable or not. I would also look for a good divorce solicitor to explore your options.

@runforyourdog

Can we just leave it now I'm feeling pretty down. I know I'm massively in the wrong.

Do you know, though?

If the title of this thread had been “I slapped my husband”, that’d be one thing but the thread was started to discuss why he was to blame.

You came here looking for people to tell you that you were justified and, as soon as your abuser’s script was called out, you have other ridiculous justifications.

Last night, you were happy to slap your husband and tell everyone why you had to do it, and now this morning you’re playing the victim because being called out is a consequence of your behaviour and you don’t like it.

Some people have suggested you and your husband go for counseling. In most therapy settings, this isn’t possible where domestic violence is a factor. You need to go for therapy yourself first to understand why you feel you were entitled to slap another person, and more importantly, what your thought process was in blaming your husband for getting slapped in the first place.

@BeepBoopBop

What were the circumstances? It's one thing if you ran across the room and slapped him out of the blue, but if he was standing over you, ranting your domestic shortcomings in your face, that is something else entirely.

Why is that an excuse?

OP should use her words and have some anger management.

@MichelleScarn

Can I ask if the posters who are giving validation and sympathy and the 'poor you/its not that bad/he's the abusive one/he made you do it' will you give that same advice if a woman comes on saying she's just been assaulted by her partner? 'It's just one slap/what did you say?/you've obviously deserved it for 'reasons'?

Exactly this. Exactly.

I think now you’ve sufficiently and correctly had your arse handed to you on a plate OP.

I’d be hiding the thread if I were you.