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Original poster

You're a shit housewife!!

226 replies

runforyourdog · 25/03/2022 01:39

Just had a massive row with H. I know it's unforgivable but I completely lost my temper and slapped him.

He said 'you are a shit housewife' err well maybe that's because I'm not a housewife and work full time!! He think he does loads around the house which he does like he does the washing for e.g. but I do vast majority of kid ferrying / mental load.

I know I'm unreasonable but can anyone see why I got angry!?

OP posts:
Iwonder08 · 25/03/2022 07:30

You obviously don't have any genuine remorse as you immediately tried to justify it with him being white, tall and rich. The fact that you don't see the massive issue in your behavior is very concerning. At the very least you need anger management therapy

Unsureaboutit9 · 25/03/2022 07:33

@runforyourdog absolutely disgusting that you cite his race, weight and income as an excuse to say he will be fine after you hit him. You need to take a serious look at yourself and your values. Do you have a son? Are you happy with him being slapped so long as he’s a tall and wealthy enough male? If he’s well built are you happy for him to take punches from his partner too?

It’s impossible to say here that your marriage is in trouble because of him, you may not be a shit house wife but you really are acting like a shit person in this situation and with your attitude towards your mistake. I wouldn’t use the ‘oh my mental load is bigger than yours’ excuse, I’d apologise properly, acknowledge that you both do things around the house but clearly there’s unhappiness somewhere, and then work at that together. Unless he leaves of course, if you were the one who was slapped everyone here would be insisting you leave.

Turningpurple · 25/03/2022 07:34

@runforyourdog

My point was just that he's not some trapped, battered husband that's all, when some said 'I hope he has the support'.

Hopefully we can work through things. I apologised profusely immediately btw. I don't know what came over me I was just so cross.

So do you think high earning white women any be victims of DV.

You hit him. Its DV.

Papayamya · 25/03/2022 07:36

@runforyourdog

My point was just that he's not some trapped, battered husband that's all, when some said 'I hope he has the support'.

Hopefully we can work through things. I apologised profusely immediately btw. I don't know what came over me I was just so cross.

Hopefully he does leave you as he has the means to, no one should be slapped by their partner- man or woman. It doesn't make it okay just as you said sorry.
Turningpurple · 25/03/2022 07:37

Anyone else wondering what they both said to eachother leading up to this?

I am guessing he wasn't the only one slinging stupid insults about.

Enko · 25/03/2022 07:41

Op speak with him. Apologise for slapping him. Seek some counselling to deal with your anger management and likely some couples counselling too so you can work out how to communicate productively.

Right right now anything you try to put forward will be drowned in you slapping him. I understand it likely was deep rooted frustration that just boiled over but right now that means your anger frustration won and your frustration is still there with you feeling unheard and uncared for.

I hope you can find a way forward where you both feel its productive

girlmom21 · 25/03/2022 07:43

@runforyourdog

My point was just that he's not some trapped, battered husband that's all, when some said 'I hope he has the support'.

Hopefully we can work through things. I apologised profusely immediately btw. I don't know what came over me I was just so cross.

and if a woman had been hit, even once, by a man she'd be told to leave because it'll escalate.

It does escalate.

converseandjeans · 25/03/2022 07:43

I'm also unsure how the colour of his skin is relevant in this situation? 🌹

I think it's to do with white male privilege.

If he's earning that amount you need to outsource some of the house stuff.

Also could you afford a nanny to do some of the ferrying around?

It sounds like you're both working long hours & are stressed. You obviously shouldn't have hit him!

DelphiniumBlue · 25/03/2022 07:45

I'm amazed people think slapping a much bigger and stronger male is as bad as a female suffering domestic violence. Let's be clear, it's not.
OPs H is not in fear of his life, or of having bones broken. It is not the same. OP has said she knows it wa wrong, and her comments about his size, ethnicity and earning capacity flag up that he is in fact one of life's more privileged people, so his options are not limited in the same way an abused woman's are. He can afford to leave if he wants to.

Op, if he thinks your housekeeping skills are so shit, he can employ someone to do a more professional job. Or take on more of the load himself.

NETSRIK · 25/03/2022 07:47

People who make excuses as to why they slap or hit other people are still people who slap and hit other people. Excuses mean fuck all.

girlmom21 · 25/03/2022 07:47

I'm amazed people think slapping a much bigger and stronger male is as bad as a female suffering domestic violence. Let's be clear, it's not.

If she slaps him in anger at such a minor comment I wouldn't be at all surprised if she shouts and screams and throws things.

It is just as bad whether you're a man or a woman. It's not just the physical abuse, it's wondering what she'll fly off the handle at the next time, or whether she'll eventually realise slapping doesn't work and escalate to a knife.

The fear is worse than the violence sometimes.

WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps · 25/03/2022 07:49

I'm amazed people think slapping a much bigger and stronger male is as bad as a female suffering domestic violence. Let's be clear, it's not.

Tell that to Male DV victims...
Aside from the fact no one should be hitting anyone anyway, it's a bad idea for a woman to get into the habit of smacking a man.
He has the potential to hit you back 10 times harder than you can hit him.

Whatever00 · 25/03/2022 07:52

You can't hit people when you don't like what they are saying. It doesn't matter how angry you are.

Turningpurple · 25/03/2022 07:56

@DelphiniumBlue

I'm amazed people think slapping a much bigger and stronger male is as bad as a female suffering domestic violence. Let's be clear, it's not. OPs H is not in fear of his life, or of having bones broken. It is not the same. OP has said she knows it wa wrong, and her comments about his size, ethnicity and earning capacity flag up that he is in fact one of life's more privileged people, so his options are not limited in the same way an abused woman's are. He can afford to leave if he wants to.

Op, if he thinks your housekeeping skills are so shit, he can employ someone to do a more professional job. Or take on more of the load himself.

So there's levels of when domestic Violence is OK? We loom at the weight, strength, skin colour and earnings of the victim before deciding wether it's OK or not?

There shouldn't be a sliding scale of wether domestic violence isn't that bad because of the demographic of the victim.

What other crime do we do that in? Is mugging a wealthy white woman less of a crime than mugging a wealthy mixed race woman. Or a white woman that earns NMW. Is a WOC that earns NMW more of a victim if she is mugged than my other examples?

And not a chance did this argument consist of him walking up to her and saying "you are a short housewife" and her slapping him. The liklihood is that nothing of them were slinging shit around. But op doesn't want to share that.

Only the bit that, she believes, justifies putting her hands on her husband in a violent way.

If you think the fallout for a victim of DV is just physical then you don't understand it.

Weclome · 25/03/2022 07:57

@runforyourdog

My point was just that he's not some trapped, battered husband that's all, when some said 'I hope he has the support'.

Hopefully we can work through things. I apologised profusely immediately btw. I don't know what came over me I was just so cross.

Why, if you hit him, is he not a battered husband.
LaraDeSalle · 25/03/2022 07:58

You may have apologised profusely and he may well have accepted your apology.

However, you are now tarnished in his mind as being rough and ready and things will not be the same again as over time he will despise you.

You’ve put a crack in the relationship and small cracks lead to bigger ones until the whole thing shatters completely.

SoulOfPaddington · 25/03/2022 08:01

@runforyourdog

He's a 6'3'' 16 stone white man with a £180k income. I'm sure he will survive!
Men of all sizes can be victims of domestic abuse. Colour of skin, height and salary don't mean you can't be a victim of domestic violence.
Original poster
runforyourdog · 25/03/2022 08:03

Well I think I get the point now that I shouldn't have slapped him and now he's going to hate me and we need to get divorced.

OP posts:
MrsBerthaRochester · 25/03/2022 08:04

Meh. I will get arsed about a man getting a slap when two of them a week are being killed by their partners.

Shiteshow100 · 25/03/2022 08:08

Your an absolute bell end!!

WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps · 25/03/2022 08:14

MrsBerthaRochester

You nominating your son for that?

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 25/03/2022 08:18

@MrsBerthaRochester

Meh. I will get arsed about a man getting a slap when two of them a week are being killed by their partners.
So if your son got a smack in the face from his wife or partner, you wouldn't be arsed I assume?
Brideandprejudice · 25/03/2022 08:20

To be honest you need to get help because by the sounds of it your children are not in a safe environment

MichelleScarn · 25/03/2022 08:20

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

How bloody dare he Id have kicked him up the arse as well.
How violent and aggressive should someone be if they don't like what their partner says @shehasadiamondinthesky?
MichelleScarn · 25/03/2022 08:22

@converseandjeans

I'm also unsure how the colour of his skin is relevant in this situation? 🌹

I think it's to do with white male privilege.

If he's earning that amount you need to outsource some of the house stuff.

Also could you afford a nanny to do some of the ferrying around?

It sounds like you're both working long hours & are stressed. You obviously shouldn't have hit him!

Right so will we get MN to pin that to Relationships board?
'Come on, if you don't want to be abused in a relationship, it's on you to pay for outside help' Great advice....