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Original poster

Today I felt the judgement of other shoppers

132 replies

bloodywhitecat · 17/03/2022 15:50

My little one, not quite 2, had a bit of a meltdown today as we popped into a local store, he threw himself on the floor, prostrate and screaming so I picked him up and gave him a cuddle. Some fellow shoppers let me know that he was a "naughty boy" and that he would "...never learn to behave" if I dealt with him that way. I wanted to tell those shoppers that this little boy has lost the only man he knew as a father figure just two weeks ago, we are both grieving. What he needs now is love and reassurance not rejection or anger. I wanted to tell them to go away and wind their necks in but I didn't. He's not yet two and the world is a confusing place for him right now, every day he asks for my husband and every day I have to say "

OP posts:
2020in2020 · 17/03/2022 15:52

I’m so sorry for your loss. Of course you were doing the right thing giving your little boy a cuddle. Anyone who feels the need to comment on a child throwing a tantrum in a supermarket should keep their opinions to themselves - as you’ve demonstrated, it’s just a snippet of that family’s life and you quite literally don’t know what else they may have going on.

greyspottedgoose · 17/03/2022 15:52

I'm so sorry for your loss how awful for you both. However you choose to parent your son is your business, regardless of your circumstances, nobody should be commenting on it, silly busybodies

Theunamedcat · 17/03/2022 15:54

Tell them to mind there own business

I've been on the receiving end of many a judgemental tut and unwanted "advice" my reply is usually no-one asked you when I was told my son needed a smack I said you first? (They walked away fast) a friend of mine said I should say excuse me can you go away please your face is upsetting my child.....

Harvey3 · 17/03/2022 15:55

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sounds like you handled the situation perfectly despite all you've got going on.

Babyvenusplant · 17/03/2022 15:55

Im sorry is your loss ❤

Ignore the judgemental bastards, completely blank them like they're not there and focus on your little one

LaraDeSalle · 17/03/2022 15:56

Where are they of the older generation because parenting styles have changed over the years and sadly some older people think they are helping by telling mothers about what is now considered to be out of date parenting.

I say this as an older person, myself although I would never interfere in the scenario that you described.

Sorry for your loss.

Hiddenvoice · 17/03/2022 15:56

I am so sorry for your loss! I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through and how you can explain that to your little one.

Those shoppers are ignorant, rude and do not deserve your time of day! People quickly forget what it’s like to have a toddler and are far too quick to judge! They have no idea what’s going on on your life and are stupid enough to think they know best.
You sound like an amazing mum, you know your child best and if he needed a cuddle then I’m glad you gave him one!
I bet you’re wishing you could have said all that but you did the right thing and focussed on your child. He needed you, not them.
Please ignore their stupid comments, they clearly know nothing and seem very old fashioned and out dated!!

girlmom21 · 17/03/2022 15:58

Oh I am so sorry for your loss OP. You're both doing amazingly. I'm sorry people are twats 💔

Arucanafeather · 17/03/2022 16:06

I’m so sorry for your loss. Your son is very lucky to have you there supporting him through these times when they’re so tough for you too.
With regard to other people , especially in supermarkets, I had this all the time. With my eldest because I put him in the trolley and ignored him as any sympathy would escalate him. So people would come up to “comfort” him because I wasn’t and ignore my “please don’t it will only escalate him” through gritted teeth. He’d then escalate and they’d scuttle off leaving me to deal with it! I was nearly 10 years old having our youngest so no one directly interfered this time but so many comments!
Take care

FourChimneys · 17/03/2022 16:09

So sorry for your loss, that is desperately sad for both of you. Having "been there, done that" with the tantrums my automatic reaction is to give a sympathetic smile at least, a mums solidarity comment or offer a coffee. Anyone judging isn't worth the time of day.

Years ago I was in the supermarket where a very harassed mum was trying to manage a trolley load of shopping, a baby, and a toddler in total meltdown. I helped her at the checkout. An older man appeared with a big bunch of flowers for her, saying that his son had been just the same and not to worry, her toddler would grow up to be a fine young man.

Giggorata · 17/03/2022 16:12

So sorry to hear of your loss 💐, the last thing you need is thoughtless people adding to the stress.

Phlewf · 17/03/2022 16:14

I wouldn’t have judged. Even not knowing you are grieving I would have thought you were a mum dealing with a little boy. Knowing you are grieving I want to remind you how well you are doing being out thr house, carrying on with your day to day, looking after your little boy. So soon after your loss. To hell with anyone else you and your little boy are all that matters.

Roundeartheratchriatmas · 17/03/2022 16:17

I’m so sorry.

I likely would say that. Ought to shame them into shutting up. People should keep their noses out.

BlusteryLake · 17/03/2022 16:18

These people are best ignored, or you could give a small smile and say "Trust me, you have no idea what's going on in our lives" or if you have the strength, then a very simple "his father has just died" should shut them up. Strength and courage to you both during this time Flowers

Rosesareyellow · 17/03/2022 16:18

I wouldn’t judge any parent when their child is being difficult in a shop but I would certainly judge a random stranger who butts in and calls a child they don’t know ‘naughty’. Rude and incredibly inappropriate.

Sorry for your loss Flowers
Please don’t feel judged, random idiot’s opinions really don’t matter.

makinganavalon · 17/03/2022 16:22

Well done OP, I can't imagine what you are going through.
My little one has had many meltdowns. Some people tut- I just ignore them and deep breathe, hard though.
You sound like an amazing mum.

dayswithaY · 17/03/2022 16:23

What kind of dick decides to tell a stranger how to parent their child?

The nicest thing that ever happened to me was when my toddler daughter had a screaming meltdown in the supermarket. I got down to her level and calmly said:

"You're going to stop screaming right now, we will finish our shopping quietly or you will be sent straight to bed when we get home."

This approach had never worked with her before but she did stop. A lady walked past, nodded at me and said

"That was brilliant, well done".

That's the way to help people, by praise not petty judgment.

I'm very sorry for your loss, you are doing a great job with your child.

Whybirdwhy · 17/03/2022 16:26

Tbh there's nothing wrong with saying, "we're having a hard time at the mo cos my husband's just died".....nothing like a polite put down to make people regret their judgy words.

Onthetoadagain · 17/03/2022 16:28

I'm so sorry. Please don't take this to heart. Hold your head up and be proud of the good job you're doing.

Blossombouquet · 17/03/2022 16:30

I also think you handled it brilliantly op. You’ve both been through a lot & consequences probably wouldn’t have helped & would have escalated things further unnecessarily.

I’d have been seething with the people who were rude to you & probably would have said something not worth repeating.

Sorry for your loss. Flowers

Comedycook · 17/03/2022 16:30

God I can't stand people who give parents of tantrumming kids judgemental looks. My DD has sn...she had a huge meltdown outside of school last week. The cliquey bitches gave me the most vile looks....left me upset for ages.

I'm so sorry for your loss. And actually you should have turned round and said he's just lost his father. That would have shut them up

Picklerickflag · 17/03/2022 16:35

I've told many an interfering old fuck wit in Asda to piss off and mind their own business. And I haven't even been through half of what you have.

Ignore them and don't ever feel like you need to justify yourself to anyone.

SockFluffInTheBath · 17/03/2022 16:41

Anyone who judges the parent of a publicly tantruming child is a prick who should mind their own business.

I’m so sorry for your loss OP x

FavouritePi · 17/03/2022 16:42

I'm sorry for your loss OP.

Even if he hadn't have lost someone, people seem to forget that children are all like it from time to time for many reasons. You parent your child in whichever way you want to, it's no one else's business. Remember that you're doing a great job.

BurgerKingAddict · 17/03/2022 16:43

I would never judge a two year old having a tantrum. From what I remember about having a two year old they spend half the time having a tantrum and the rest of the time dropping snacks on the floor.
Don’t worry OP.
Sorry for your loss.

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