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Original poster

Today I felt the judgement of other shoppers

132 replies

bloodywhitecat · 17/03/2022 15:50

My little one, not quite 2, had a bit of a meltdown today as we popped into a local store, he threw himself on the floor, prostrate and screaming so I picked him up and gave him a cuddle. Some fellow shoppers let me know that he was a "naughty boy" and that he would "...never learn to behave" if I dealt with him that way. I wanted to tell those shoppers that this little boy has lost the only man he knew as a father figure just two weeks ago, we are both grieving. What he needs now is love and reassurance not rejection or anger. I wanted to tell them to go away and wind their necks in but I didn't. He's not yet two and the world is a confusing place for him right now, every day he asks for my husband and every day I have to say "

OP posts:
lastoneintown · 17/03/2022 20:09

Please stop with the ageism. I'm nearly 70, remember the tantrums at 2 perfectly well and don't judge others. Maybe you shouldn't either

I agree. The kindest comments I have had have been from older women. I remember being on a very hot, slow train, going to visit dying MIL 300 miles away, with my reflux baby screaming in the way only reflux babies can, and a male passenger shouting, ' GOOD GOD', and then a lovely older lady coming up, looking at my baby and saying, 'what a beautiful baby' Then turning to me and saying, ' You can't do anything with them when they are like this, can you? I should know, I had six'. I will never, ever forget her kindness at that time. It meant the world.

Yummymummy2020 · 17/03/2022 20:14

Don’t mind them op. It’s plain rude to pass comment and I can’t stand it myself . I’m really sorry for your loss.

Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 17/03/2022 20:16

Thank you all I needed a safe space to vent about this today. He has continued to have a difficult day but he is now settled in bed with his taggy, hopefully he will sleep through. He has had lots of cuddles today along with lots of very dramatic falls to the floor, crying. Winston's Wish have sent me a book about how children grieve and how to help them through, there is a long road ahead and we are taking it one step at a time at the moment.

OP posts:
dillydallydollydaydream7 · 17/03/2022 20:19

So sorry for your loss, OP

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/03/2022 20:20

Do strangers really comment on the behaviour of young children?

Two adult children and a grandchild, 4 godchildren. No one has ever said anything to me?

SingingSands · 17/03/2022 20:20

Christ, what do these people gain from being judgey arses? A sense of superiority and smugness?

Little kids find the big world overwhelming. Your little one is struggling with emotions he can't articulate on top of that.

Keep doing what you're doing OP, give your DS the biggest cuddles and I am so very, very sorry that your DH died Thanks

DuckyNoMates · 17/03/2022 20:21

@MrsSkylerWhite

Do strangers really comment on the behaviour of young children?

Two adult children and a grandchild, 4 godchildren. No one has ever said anything to me?

Oh yes, they do. It's an awful feeling when you're on the receiving end.
Fantasticfebruary · 17/03/2022 20:25

@bloodywhitecat

(((Hug)))

I'd just say to them something like 'if you think you can do better with an xx month old whose Dad has just died, be my guest, otherwise just shut up/fuck off/wind you beck in'

Shame them.

You know wee fosterling- they know fuck all!

Don't let them grind you down 🌷,

ancientgran · 17/03/2022 20:29

@lastoneintown

Please stop with the ageism. I'm nearly 70, remember the tantrums at 2 perfectly well and don't judge others. Maybe you shouldn't either

I agree. The kindest comments I have had have been from older women. I remember being on a very hot, slow train, going to visit dying MIL 300 miles away, with my reflux baby screaming in the way only reflux babies can, and a male passenger shouting, ' GOOD GOD', and then a lovely older lady coming up, looking at my baby and saying, 'what a beautiful baby' Then turning to me and saying, ' You can't do anything with them when they are like this, can you? I should know, I had six'. I will never, ever forget her kindness at that time. It meant the world.

I'm glad you found someone supportive.
Ohyesiam · 17/03/2022 20:45

You are mothering your son in exactly the way he needs and anyone who can’t see that is wrong. Your son will grow up having had good emotional needs met, so he will be resilient and able to form loving relationships.
I’m so sorry for your loss.

Gandalfsthong · 17/03/2022 20:51

So sorry. People are very quick to judge. You did exactly the right thing in the circumstances, one of mine was prone to this in normal times let alone after such a huge loss, he always calmed down after a hug. Sending much love to you both xx

Dimondsareforever · 17/03/2022 20:51

Sorry for your loss op. Please don’t feel judged by others. You know your situation. They don’t. It’s none of their business. Continue to hug your little one whoever he needs it.

Original poster
bloodywhitecat · 17/03/2022 20:53

@MrsSkylerWhite

Do strangers really comment on the behaviour of young children?

Two adult children and a grandchild, 4 godchildren. No one has ever said anything to me?

Just because it hasn't happened to you makes me a liar does it?

Two kids, several foster kids, worked with children with additional needs and it has happened more than once to me but today's episode really stung.

OP posts:
Bethany7 · 17/03/2022 20:55

I'm so very sorry for you and your son's loss. Please try and forget about those stupid, ignorant and judgemental people. You did the right thing and of course your little boy needs lots of love and extra tlc at this traumatic time. And all that aside, people have no right to be so bloody judgmental. Let it go. More feel them interfering.
Wishing you happiness for the future in time.

HailAdrian · 17/03/2022 20:56

Sometimes affection and love is the BEST way to handle a tantrum, especially in your son's case. Sorry for your loss.

LostMyLastHatfulOfWords · 17/03/2022 22:54

Flowers Bear You were absolutely right - and they were absolutely wrong!

You are a rock solid ...but cuddly and safe mum.

(If it ever happens again, imagine the whole of mumsnet behind you glaring at the ignorant critics. I hope that next time you meet some of the good people instead.)

I am sorry for your loss -and for your baby's.

Toocooltoboogie · 17/03/2022 23:30

Ignore them op. You sound like a wonderful Mum. I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

Poppetlove · 17/03/2022 23:48

I don’t often notice large amounts of children in the shops. Perhaps for a reason. My 3 year old does this sometimes (all of the time) usually if it is a shop with food like M&S I go and get him a little sweetie and he holds it the whole way to the end because he knows he will get it. Or shops that have toys…can work well too.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/03/2022 09:46

Yesterday 20:53 bloodywhitecat

MrsSkylerWhite
Do strangers really comment on the behaviour of young children?

Two adult children and a grandchild, 4 godchildren. No one has ever said anything to me?
Just because it hasn't happened to you makes me a liar does it?

Two kids, several foster kids, worked with children with additional needs and it has happened more than once to me but today's episode really stung.“

No. That’s not what I meant. I was astonished that some people are so rude, that’s all 🤷‍♀️

No offence intended. I certainly don’t think you’re a liar.

neverthenot · 18/03/2022 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

MrsSkylerWhite · 18/03/2022 09:55

Again, not what I meant at all. Please see my reply above. I was expressing astonishment that people could be so rude but obviously put it very badly.

neverthenot · 18/03/2022 10:31

@MrsSkylerWhite I am sure the people who made the comments to OP did not realise they were being rude either. I suspect you have spent quite lot of your life unwittingly making upsetting comments to people as ' you were only saying' and 'that's not what I meant' .

WeeOrcadian · 18/03/2022 10:43

If I see anyone with a toddler having a tantrum or meltdown, I try to adopt my best "I've been there, I feel you, you've got this" face, I've even said it to parents before. I remember a lady in the fridge section of Asda, she simply said to me "you're doing really well love" when DS was about 2 and being an absolute and utter shit. I was already on the verge of tears and her kindness finished me off, in a good way.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP, you have got this, even if it feels like you don't. Fuck people and fuck their judgement 💜💜💜

DuckyNoMates · 18/03/2022 10:48

@MrsSkylerWhite

Again, not what I meant at all. Please see my reply above. I was expressing astonishment that people could be so rude but obviously put it very badly.
I get you @MrsSkylerWhite. Its hard sometimes with messages to get the tone but I assumed you were expressing astonishment at the rudeness rather than accusing anyone of lying.
yourestandingonmyneck · 18/03/2022 12:43

I remember your other threads and think of you often. I hope you are doing ok.

You are worth a thousand of those miserable, judgemental sods. Who gives a monkeys what they think. Judging you for cuddling an upset 2 year old Hmm

Hang on in there. You are doing great Thanks